Chapter 12 #3
“You mean that, contrary to Lady Malpas, you do not claim to have singlehandedly destroyed my country?” He smiled. “Worry not, I never thought you would be so arrogant—or ludicrous.”
“Don’t you resent me for being English?”
His smile widened. “Resent you? No, I don’t.
You can’t help it any more than I can help being Welsh.
And I’d like to believe I am discerning enough to understand that not all English people are accountable for what happened to my countrymen more than forty years ago.
It was the will of one greedy man and his advisors, not of blacksmiths’ daughters who asked for nothing more than to be left alone and stay with their families.
If after what happened between us you still do not see me as a brute, then I have no reason whatsoever to resent you for being born on the other side of the border. ”
“The wrong side of the border, you mean.”
“No. The other side. There are always two sides to every story.”
Katherine picked up a stone from the ground and threw it amongst the shards of moonlight, causing them to scatter. “I wanted to ask you something but…I dare not.” Another stone disappeared into the water.
“Please dare. Such coyness should not exist between us.” He walked in front of her to force her to look at him. “Throw another dozen stones into the water first if you want, but when you’ve finished, ask me your question.”
He hoped he’d not made it sound like an order.
“Did you decide to undertake this journey to give me the opportunity to see my family?” she said hurriedly, not meeting his gaze.
Ah. His little Catrin. She would not be so easily hoodwinked. He had better remember that in the future.
“Does it seem to you that I did?”
Katherine hesitated because she suddenly felt foolish.
For a moment, in the herb garden, when Siaspar had assured her that she would be able to join them, she had thought that this expedition might be for her benefit, not Lady Malpas’, since no one could have accused him of harboring any tenderness for his wife or wanting to please her.
But now, looking around at the retinue consisting of two litters and a dozen men at arms she realized how ludicrous the idea was. Why would Siaspar, or indeed anyone, have gone to all that trouble and expense for her sake?
“I thought you did for a moment,” she answered quietly. “I see now that it was absurd of me to think so.”
“Perhaps it is not as absurd as you think,” Siaspar answered with a wink.
He had started to do that more often but she could not quite make sense of it.
How could he think that she would simply take it into her stride to have her lord and master wink at her—and did he expect her to wink at him in turn?
She hoped not, as she could never do something like that.
He picked up a flat stone and threw it with a flick of the wrist. Unlike the stones she had thrown earlier, it didn’t sink with a plonk. Instead it flew across the river, skimming the surface in little jumps before sinking into the dark depths in a furry of elegant ripples..
“This is a skill only a humble brewer’s grandson would have practiced as a child,” she commented, remembering her brother doing that exact same thing every time he stopped by a river. She could not imagine mighty lords were given much leave to hone such trivial skills.
“I see that you did not really believe what I told you about my family. Or is it that you cannot forget the distance between us?”
“Of course, I cannot forget it.”
How could she? Why should she? What purpose would it serve except to hurt her?
Siaspar threw another stone across the river. Fast as an arrow, it went even further than the first one. Then he turned back to face her and said, “I have another, official reason for going to Allerby.”
Another.
Katherine’s heart skipped a beat. She had been right, then; she had influenced his decision, at least in part.
To have it confirmed made her head spin.
She did not ask what the other reason was, and he did not volunteer the information.
That he wanted to be with her was extraordinary enough.
She could not presume to behave as freely with him as he was behaving with her.
She could never presume to become his confidante.
She did not want to become his confidante anyway; she wanted much more.
She wanted impossible, inappropriate things, which was precisely why she should never forget the distance between them.
“You’re cold,” Siaspar said eventually. “Let me walk you back to the fire.”
As they walked back to the camp in silence, Katherine watched him gradually transform from the relaxed, whimsical man he was with her to the forbidding, authoritative husband he was to Lady Malpas.
It occurred to her for the first time that he might resent the role that seemed to come so naturally to him.
Mayhap he felt as out of place in it as she did in the lady’s clothes.
When they parted, he did not throw a single glance her way. It was only then that Katherine realized that a fine drizzle had started to fall.