Keep Dragon Me Along
Flint
“I made a total ass of myself,” I tell Eden as I pace back and forth in front of her at the edge of the Ludares field.
“You don’t know that,” she answers, holding up a cautioning hand as she sits down on a bleacher. “Why don’t you take a couple of deep breaths and try to relax.”
“Relax? Luca asked me out, and I squawked like a damn chicken. Then babbled on for a few minutes about sports—like, why?—and then backed awkwardly out of the room without saying a damn thing like, I don’t know, goodbye. How can I relax?”
“Because one of two things is going on in his head right now. One, he feels even sillier than you do because he asked out a guy he likes and the guy totally ditched him. Or two, he understands how freaked out you are and would really like the chance to talk to you about it.”
“Or he’s sitting around with the Order right now making fun of what a jackass I am.” Just the thought makes my skin itch. Not that I don’t deserve to be made fun of—I acted like a total jerk. Or a loser. Or both.
“Who runs away when a hot guy asks him out?” I ask, shoving a hand into my hair.
“Someone who’s been in love with that hot guy’s best friend for a really long time,” Eden answers quietly.
I whirl around to face her, my eyes wide and more than a little wild, I’m sure. “How did you… I mean, where did you… I never said—”
“I’m sorry, I thought we were done with the self-delusional part of the evening and figured I’d just cut to the chase,” she says.
Her brows are raised and her lips are twisted into a small smirk, but her eyes are sympathetic.
“But if that doesn’t work for you, I can go on pretending I have no idea that you’ve been in love with Jaxon Vega for a really long time. ”
“I—it’s—he—” I shut my mouth and take a deep breath to let my thoughts untangle. “That obvious, huh?”
“Not to everyone. But to me? Yeah. So of course you freaked when Luca asked you out. That’s a little too close to Jaxon for comfort.”
“Yeah, it is.” I blow out a breath and sink down onto the bench next to her. We were supposed to be practicing for Ludares this afternoon, just the two of us. But Luca really threw me for a loop. Or two loops.
Hell, I’m pretty sure he threw me for an entire three-ring circus. I just wish I knew what the hell I’m supposed to do about it.
“You know what I find interesting, though?” Eden says, stretching her long legs out in front of her now that I’m in no danger of tripping over them.
I’m almost afraid to ask. “What?”
“You didn’t tell him no.”
“I told you! I freaked out and fell all over myself trying to get out of the room—”
“Because you were flustered. And yeah, a little freaked out,” she says with a grin. “But definitely flustered.”
“I wasn’t flustered!” I growl.
“Dude, don’t pull that shit on me. You’re still flustered now. It’s written all over your face.”
“You know why I’m flustered!” I tell her.
“I know why you freaked out at first. But the rest of this?” She points at me, making a little circle with her finger to encompass all of me. “You’re intrigued.”
“No, I’m not,” I tell her even as her words hit home, deep inside me.
“You are. Otherwise you would have told him no.”
“I was too shocked—”
“That a hot guy thinks you’re hot, too?” She rolls her eyes. “Give me a break. You’ve been asked out by a lot of people through the years and you’ve never had any trouble turning them down with a wink and a smile. So what’s so different about Luca?”
“Jaxon—”
“Fuck Jaxon,” she snarls.
“Pretty sure he’s busy with Grace right now…” I tell her, trying to lighten the mood that’s suddenly gone dark.
“You know what I mean. Yes, you have feelings for him. Yes, you’ve had those feelings for a while.”
I nod, because I have. Even when I thought I hated him for what happened to my brother, I loved him. I’ve always loved him.
“But he’s mated to Grace now,” Eden continues, the words salt in my already raw wounds.
“And there’s a part of you that knows that’s it.
That whatever you had hoped would happen between the two of you isn’t going to happen now.
Which means, subconsciously, you’re in the process of moving on.
And maybe the idea of moving on with a guy as hot and smart and nice as Luca isn’t exactly repellent to you. ”
I can acknowledge that her words make sense. Since I realized Jaxon and Grace are mated, I’ve pretty much gone through the stages of grief. I haven’t gotten to acceptance yet—or at least, I didn’t think I had, but maybe that’s not true.
It still hurts thinking about Jaxon, and about giving up on the dream I’ve had for the two of us for longer than I want to admit.
But after I talked to Grace this morning before anyone else had made it to the field, it’s hard to think of Jaxon as anyone but hers.
Especially when she was so incredibly kind to me.
I felt like an asshole even thinking about being in love with her mate.
Especially after everything they’ve been through.
Then I came back to my room, clearly upset, and just blurted it all out to Eden—who seemed to have always known more about me than I realized.
And now Eden is saying the same thing Grace did, that maybe I need to start thinking about saying yes instead of no.
Because Jaxon is never going to happen, and the sooner I choose to accept that—the sooner I find a way to move on—the better off I’ll be.
I don’t know. It makes sense, but it’s hard to think rationally about a subject when your heart suddenly feels like it’s going to pound right out of your chest.
“When I asked her about this, Grace said—”
“Wait.” Eden sits up straight, and now she looks full-on incredulous. “You asked Grace’s advice about being in love with her mate?”
“It just kind of happened. And it’s not like I told her it was Jaxon.”
Eden smirks. “I kind of wish you had. Just to see what she would do.”
I shoot her an annoyed look as I stand back up. “Is this your idea of helping?”
“I didn’t know that was my job,” she shoots back. “I’m just here to practice for Ludares.”
Her words piss me off, but deep down I know she’s right. About everything. “Sorry, I’m being a jerk.” I give her a half grin, which is about the most I can manage right now. “What do you think I should do?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “You want the truth? Or for me to just feed you more of the same bullshit you’ve been feeding yourself?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want the truth.”
“Okay, then.” Eden pushes to her feet and gets right in my face.
She’s not as tall as I am, but she’s not exactly short, so the message is received.
“What I think is that you should say yes to Luca. Or, if he doesn’t float your boat, then find someone who does and ask them out.
Jaxon is off the market. He’s mated to Grace, and that shit is forever.
So it’s time for you to move on. I know it, and if you’re willing to be honest with yourself, you know it, too. ”
She claps me on the shoulder. “Now, if we’re not going to practice Ludares, I’m going to get something to eat. I’m starving.”
I turn to watch her leave, and as I do, Jaxon walks by. He’s texting on his phone, and so absorbed in what he’s doing that he doesn’t even notice me standing three feet away from him. Which, to be honest, feels like every other time I’ve wanted his attention and haven’t been able to get it.
And that’s when I know. It’s over—not just on his side, but on mine as well.
Filled with a resolve I never expected to have, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. Then I scroll until I find Luca’s number.
Flint: Sorry I was such an ass earlier
Flint: If the invite is still open, I’d love to go to dinner with you
I expect to have to wait a while to hear back from him—I did run away like my hair was on fire—but he texts back right away.
Luca: you look cute when you’re being an ass
Luca: i’d love to take you to dinner
Luca: how about tonight?
It’s exactly what I need right now. Hell, maybe he’s exactly what I need. I don’t know. But I think I’m ready to find out.