Chapter 12
Flint
“I can’t believe you threw that guy at me,” I complain to Jaxon as we look around for the next threat.
“To be fair, you were empty-handed,” he replies. “I thought you could handle him.”
“I did handle him, thank you very much.” I don’t try to keep the insult out of my voice. “But a little notice would have been nice. Maybe a heads-up.”
“His head was up when I threw him at you.”
Since no one else seems to be coming out of the shadows at us, I glance at Jaxon to see if he’s fucking with me. But he looks dead serious as he continues to scan the park for any new threats. Apparently, he really doesn’t know what heads-up means. How has that never come up before?
“I think that’s it,” I tell him as I step over puking arrow guy, “accidentally” kicking him in the cheek with the arrow in it as I do.
He lets out a wail, then slumps onto the ground in a dead faint.
Which, not going to lie, feels like one hell of an insult.
“Can you believe the dragon clans made a move like this and thought a dozen guys were all it was going to take to put us down?”
“To be fair, they did poison us first.” Jaxon picks up the hatchet and throws it to the edge of the park, as far away as possible from the assholes who are going to wake up.
“Please.” I snort. “That barely counted as poison.”
“We still can’t shift, so it definitely counts as something. Besides, I’m not so sure the dragon clans actually sent them.”
“What does that mean?” I ask as I pull open the now permanently unlocked gate. “Who else would be foolish enough or power hungry enough to attack the two of us?”
“That’s what I’ve been wondering.” Jaxon’s trying to be calm, but I’ve known him too long to miss the rage just below the surface. Even before he asks, “Did you see what they were wearing?”
I rack my brain, trying to figure out what these guys could possibly have had on that would make Jaxon this angry. But I draw a blank. As long as you discount the bloodlust in their eyes, they looked like normal, everyday humans to me. Or maybe even if you don’t discount it…
“They had vampire fangs around their neck. And not the plastic kind, either. Real vampire fangs from real vampires.” His voice crackles with indignation and something that sounds a lot like pain.
Not that I blame him. If these guys had been walking around with dragon heartstones in their pockets, I’d want to tear their whole world apart. “Where do you think they got them?”
“I don’t have a fucking clue. But I was talking to one of the vampires from the Council today, and he said hunters sent by the Crone have been murdering regular, everyday vampires. If that’s true, those fangs could belong to any of my people.”
I can’t help but note his use of “my people” when it was only a couple of weeks ago that he was telling me he had no interest in the vampire throne and the whole court could rot for all he cared.
But I guess there’s a big difference between hating the power structure and hating the actual people that power structure is supposed to protect.
Good or bad, easy or hard, being a member of a royal family means it’s our job to keep our people safe.
It makes me want to go back to kick a couple more of them in the face. But that’s what they would do—what the people we’ve fought so hard against would do—so I settle for wishing some really bad shit on them.
About halfway home, the poison or sedative or whatever the fuck they gave us wears off. And since we just happen to be underneath an approved dragon flight path, we take to the air.
Flying around Manhattan at night is my favorite thing. After everyone has gone home and the streets are empty, though still lit up…suddenly, this crowded little island feels limitless. Especially when the person I’m flying next to is the guy I love.
It only takes a few minutes to get to the Dragon Court from the air, but for those few minutes, everything feels like it’s okay. Peaceful. Simple.
But once we land on the roof, all the fucked-up shit comes pouring back. A quick glance at Jaxon’s face tells me he feels the same way.
Still, I’m not ready to lose it all yet and go back to trying to find solutions to impossible problems. So instead of heading directly for the stairwell, I take hold of Jaxon’s hand and gently pull him over to the roof.
He gives me the crooked smile I love so much, and he doesn’t resist even when I pull him into my arms—his back to my front—and rest my chin on his shoulder.
“It’s hard to believe all the crap that goes down in the world when it looks like this, isn’t it?” he murmurs as we stare out at the city. The Empire State Building is lit up in an array of orange and yellow lights for the fall, and the rest of the city lights sparkle like diamonds around it.
“It really is.”
Jaxon turns his head just enough to give me a gentle kiss that turns into something deeper. Something more.
“You taste good,” he tells me when he finally pulls back.
“You feel good,” I answer. “Sometimes I wish we could stay like this forever.”
“Yeah,” he whispers. “That’d be nice.”
And just like that, he feels a million miles away again.
“So what do we do?” I ask, because I can tell he’s thinking about the phone call he told me about earlier. “If those assholes really are the hunters Reginald was talking about?”
“I don’t know,” he answers grimly. “But we sure as hell can’t let them just continue to murder vampires—or any other paranormals.”
Jaxon’s words get me thinking about everything my father told me last night.
“I need to talk to my parents about this. My dad wants us to break up because he thinks that the dragon clans will settle down and go back to normal when we do. But if they’re in league with these hunters, that’s not going to—”
I break off as Jaxon stiffens against me and it hits me what I just said.
“Wait.” My arms tighten around him even as panic turns my stomach inside out. “I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay,” he answers softly. Right before he disengages himself from my embrace and walks toward the stairs.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Panic turns to terror as I trail him down flight after flight of stairs until we get to his floor.
“It doesn’t matter,” I babble. “What he said. What he wants. It doesn’t matter—”
“Of course it matters what your father thinks. You’re the crown prince. You have to be—”
“I don’t have to be anything,” I say as I follow him through the door to his suite. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. With my mom being so out of it, he’s afraid the time for me to step up is getting closer. And he’s afraid…”
“That your people won’t accept you if you’re mated to the son of the man who was very recently responsible for the deaths of so many dragons.
Not to mention the brother of the man who killed the first crown prince.
” His eyes are steady on mine as he lists the problems I’ve been trying to run from for so long. “It’s not unreasonable.”
“But it’s also not true.” I grab his hands. They’re ice-cold, so I hold them between my own as I try to warm them up. It’s hard to do when everything inside me suddenly feels frozen. “They’ll accept you because I accept you.”
His laugh is anything but amused. “You don’t really believe that.”
“I do believe it,” I tell him as vehemently as I can. “I have to believe it, or…” I trail off, determined to shut my mouth before it gets me into even more trouble.
But this is Jaxon Vega, and he’s never let anything go in his life. “Or what?”
I shake my head. I’ve already said too much, and no matter how hard I try, none of it sounds good.
“Or you wouldn’t be able to be with me,” he fills in. “That’s what you were going to say, right?”
I don’t deny it, even as I drop his hands and try to pull him closer. “But it’s not what I mean. I love you. I want to be with you.”
“I know,” he whispers as he rubs a hand over the back of his neck. “This is a terrible idea.”
He says it so softly that I’m not even sure he means for me to hear it. But I do. “It’s always been a terrible idea,” I tell him. “From the very beginning, and it’s only gotten worse and worse. But that doesn’t matter because I love you. And I want to be with you even if—”
“Even if it hurts your people,” he supplies. “Even if it hurts you.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Maybe not, but it’s true.” Jaxon’s eyes meet mine, and there’s something in there—something dark and sad and final that has my whole body bracing for a blow. “I never wanted to hurt you, Flint.”
“Then don’t,” I tell him as desperation claws at my throat. “I can see what you’re thinking, and I’m asking you not to do it. I would walk away from the throne, walk away from the Dragon Court, walk away from everything if it means I get to be with you. Please, please don’t walk away from me.”
“You don’t mean that.” He looks shaken. “You can’t mean that.”
“Why can’t I? What are we even doing together if I don’t?”
“You love this place. It’s been your whole life—”
“You’ve been my whole life!” I shout at him as the fear slowly turns to anger.
“Everyone knows it but you. I always thought you couldn’t see how I feel about you because our relationship was colored by your own fucked-up view of yourself.
But now I’m beginning to wonder if you didn’t see because you don’t want to see. ”
“Do you think I want to leave? I’m trying to do what’s best for you—”
“I think I’ve made it clear that what’s best for me is to be with you. If you really want to leave, take me with you.”
He shoves a frustrated hand through his hair as he gives me a what the fuck look.
“Those fuckers attacked us tonight because they’re hunting vampires.
I brought them to the Dragon Court and to you.
All this unrest is because of me. Your father’s right—if I leave, things will go back to normal for you. ”
Shock fills me at his words, along with the deepest, most profound disappointment. “I guess you’re right. Life without you really is normal for me.”
“That’s not what I meant!”
“Sure it is. When things are dangerous, you’re right there in the middle of it, risking your life. But when it comes to risking anything else, you’re always the first one out the door. Except for Grace, and you had to be magically spelled into that shit.”
“That’s not fair—”
“You are such a fucking coward.” I give a harsh laugh as it all becomes clear to me. “I don’t think you ever loved me at all.”
“Of course I did! I mean, I do. I love you, Flint. Why the fuck do you think I’m doing this?”
“I don’t know why you do anything. I’m beginning to think I never did.”
I start to push past him—everything inside of me is screaming for me to get out, to get away, to be anywhere else but where Jaxon is right now—but he grabs my arm on my way by.
“Don’t leave like this.”
“How the fuck do you want me to leave?” I demand. “You said you have to go. You said I can’t come with you. What else is there to say?”
There are tears in his eyes when they meet mine, and I almost relent. I almost tell him it’s okay that he’s ripping my heart out. I almost tell him that I understand.
But then I realize there are tears all over him—because he’s not the one crying. I am. Because Jaxon has to take everything. Even my pride.
“Did you ever want to be with me?” I whisper.
Because I want to know and because I have nothing left to hide.
I’ve already laid myself bare in front of him, already begged him to take me with him, only to have him slap me down again and again.
What’s the harm of giving up this one last thing?
“Or was this all just an experiment for you?”
“Stop it.” Jaxon grinds the words out, his jaw clenched and throat working. “You know that’s not true.”
“Do I? I’ve spent the last weeks—fuck, the last months—wondering why the mating bond hasn’t snapped into place between us.
I told myself it was because of everything we’ve been through, that we both needed time to heal.
Then I told myself it was because of the trauma of what happened when your mating bond with Grace broke.
Of course you’d be reticent about rushing into anything again. ”
There are so many tears in my eyes now that I can barely see him. I close my eyes, try to blink them away, but they’re coming too fast. Not even dashing a hand across my eyes, across my wet cheeks, can stop them.
So I give up trying. If Jaxon wants to leave me, if he really wants to walk away, I refuse to make it easy for him. Let him see the damage he’s doing. Let him see how he’s hurting me.
“You think it’s my fault?” he says in a voice filled with gravel. “You think I’m the reason the mating bond hasn’t snapped into place?”
A sob rises up in my chest—harsh, hot, painful—but I battle it back. I’ve cried enough over Jaxon through the years. Hell, I’ve cried enough over him tonight. But no more. Not now and not ever again.
So, I blink the last of the tears away, swallow past the lump in my throat. And finish this thing before it finishes me.
“It’s sure as hell not me. I’ve wanted to be mated to you since I was twelve years old.
I’ve been here through everything. Through my brother’s murder, through you mating someone else, through you almost losing your soul, through war, through the dragon clans coming for my mother because she gave you her heart, through them coming for me because I’m with you.
I’ve been here through everything because I love you.
Because I’d die for you. Because I choose you over and over again, even when it doesn’t make sense.
Even when it hurts the people I love. Even when it destroys the legacy that’s been entrusted to me by generations upon generations. I chose you anyway.”
My voice wants to break, but I fight it back long enough to get this out. “But you…you choose anyone but me. Over and over and over again. But I’m done with it, and I’m done with you. So go, and this time don’t ever, ever come back.”