Chapter 5
Marcus shifted on the sofa, sitting sideways on his knees, facing Katt. “Do you wanna try kissing?” His voice was soft, almost cottony. He seemed eager to experiment with Katt, but not without Katt’s permission. “Just one kiss. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again.”
Katt felt “on display” as the other young men watched, some amused, others curious to see how far Katt would go. Why was he dragging his feet? He had to do it all. He might as well quit stalling and get it over with—deal with the “fallout” afterward, when he was away from this place… and these men.
Mickey tittered. “No one ever stops with just one kiss from you, Marcus. Your kiss is addictive.” The onlookers chuckled and agreed.
Giggling lightly, Marcus gazed at Katt and pressed his soft, pinkish lips together, waiting for Katt’s response.
Katt thought about that day in the fort, trying to conjure the memory of how it felt to kiss his friend for the first time.
The alcohol they’d consumed beforehand blurred the memory somewhat, but Katt hadn’t been as drunk as he’d let on.
So, what did that say about him? He’d always blamed the beer for what they did.
But now, suddenly, he was admitting he wasn’t that drunk?
His heart hammered at his ribs as he was suddenly scared to kiss the boy. What if he did like it? What if he had liked everything they’d done in the fort? This wasn’t supposed to be some kind of “revelation” for him—just an initiation. Nothing more.
Calm down. There’s no revelation. You’re just freaking out. You’re not some closeted gay. You’re straight as a fucking arrow. And none of this is going to change that—just like Todd said. So, nut up and get it over with.
Staring at Marcus’s mouth, though, he still hesitated. The boy’s wet tongue darted out, sliding across his lower lip, the saliva causing the pinkish hue to deepen a fraction.
Had Todd and the others really done this?
When Franco took Katt to meet Todd, his nerves had intensified significantly. He was experiencing real cramps by the time they arrived at the fraternity house.
“Todd’s in his office,” Franco said as they climbed the curving staircase. “It’s the other part of the house that is undergoing renovations.”
Katt simply nodded, his throat too tight to speak. Why was he so fucking nervous? Even if Todd mentioned the fort—so what? It was years ago, and they were thirteen. None of that mattered now. What they’d done hadn’t made them gay.
So, what’re you afraid of?
Katt was as afraid of the question as of the answer.
Franco stopped before a polished wood door and knocked.
“It’s open.” The voice from the other side was only slightly muffled and just deep enough to…
What? Deep enough to what? “Tickle” the senses?
Katt suddenly felt lightheaded; what the fuck was wrong with him?
Franco opened the door and entered before Katt, who hesitated a beat before following him inside.
Todd emerged from behind the large desk. The boy he was at thirteen was still recognizable—mainly by his eyes and mouth—but his face had become more defined with age, and his body...
Katt tried not to stare at his athletic build, with muscles highlighted under his tight shirt and form-fitting pants.
“Thank you, Franco,” Todd said. “If you’ll excuse us…” He gestured toward the door.
Franco nodded, then cast Katt a small, encouraging smile, and left the room, closing the door.
Katt had kind of hoped he would stay. Then again, if Todd happened to mention “the fort”…
maybe it was better if no one else was there.
Katt didn’t need rumors of him being “gay” to start floating around campus.
“Katt.” Todd leaned against the front of the desk, a cool smile forming. “It’s been a long time.”
“Yeah.” Katt cleared his throat. “It has.”
“I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again.” Todd gripped the edge of the desk. “Now, here you are, at my college.”
Katt glanced toward the window, needing somewhere to look besides Todd’s chiseled face. “I didn’t know you were here.”
“If you had known,” he asked. “Would it have influenced your decision to come here?”
“I…” Katt shrugged. “Why would it?”
“No reason,” Todd murmured.
Katt finally met his stare head-on. “Why do you want me to join your fraternity? We’re not friends anymore. We haven’t been friends since…” Katt’s throat locked briefly. “… since you moved away freshman year.” He cleared his throat. “This is a big campus. We don’t even have to see each other.”
Pursing his lips, Todd looked at the floor, nodding. “Is that what you want? To never see me?”
Had he hurt Todd’s feelings? That seemed hard to believe. Even as a kid, Todd wasn’t easily offended. Why would that change over the years?
“Not… necessarily. I just meant that just because we used to be friends when we were kids, it didn’t mean we were obligated to be friends now because we ran into each other by chance.”
“Hey.” Todd pushed off the desk and splayed his hands. “If you have no interest in reviving our friendship, that’s cool. Like you said, you’re not obligated. It’s just…” he sighed, but didn’t continue.
“It’s just what?”
“Well…” Todd shrugged. “I just thought maybe we’d never really stopped being friends. Deep down, you know? Maybe I was wrong.”
Katt’s brow pinched. Was he serious? Todd was the one who ended the friendship.
He hadn’t come right out and said it, but he’d distanced himself from Katt until it was clear he no longer wanted them to be friends.
Katt thought about pointing that out, but didn’t want to risk reviving other memories Todd might have forgotten.
“No,” Katt mumbled. “You’re not.” It was true; deep down, hadn’t he always thought of Todd as his best friend, even after Todd was gone? Hadn’t a part of him wished for the chance to see him again, to be friends again? Hadn’t he missed Todd all these years?
Yes.
Honestly? He’d been a little afraid to see Todd again, fearing he would pretend not to know Katt. Even worse—actually not remember him.
“Great.” Relief flickered across his face. “When I found out you were here, I wanted to invite you to join my fraternity. Maybe give us a chance to… reconnect.”
Katt fidgeted. “I’d like that. But I never really saw myself as a frat guy. I don’t know if I’d fit in.”
“Of course, you would.” Todd flashed a confident smile. Even as kids, Todd had been cool. It was no surprise he’d ended up as president of a college fraternity.
In high school, Katt had been cool in his own circles, leaning into the badass bad-boy persona, but he was pretty sure now that most of it was an act. Standing before frat-boy Todd Jacoby, he didn’t feel like a badass. He felt… nervous.
“It’ll be great,” Todd said. “Best friends back together again, having the time of our lives.” He sobered.
“Like it was supposed to be all along.” He shook his head.
“If my family hadn’t moved away… we would’ve gone through high school together, and then college.
We wouldn’t have lost touch.” He released a short, humorless laugh. “Seems like so much time wasted.”
Katt hadn’t believed for a minute that Todd missed him these past years. He didn’t think that Todd had even given him a second thought. But all this time…
Todd stared at him until Katt shifted anxiously. Something in the silence put him on edge… unearthed memories he’d painstakingly buried.
“Look,” Todd said, breaking the heavy silence. “If you don’t want to join, it’s okay. No pressure. I just thought it might be a good way to get reacquainted. But it’s up to you.”
The thing was—Katt did want to be part of the fraternity, part of a brotherhood.
Despite his circle of friends in high school, he’d still felt as if he were standing on the outside of everything and everyone.
His plans to share the high school experience with his best friend had fallen through on the day they found the magazine and decided to “goof off.” By the end of summer and the beginning of school, he had lost his best friend… or thought he had.
“I do,” Katt rasped. “I… I do want to be part of it.”
“Awesome.” Todd smiled, and something flip-flopped in Katt’s gut. “Of course, I can’t just induct you into the brotherhood. Each would-be brother must earn their place.”
Katt swallowed. “How?”
“An initiation. I can get away with bypassing all the other stuff for you, but you still have to go through the initiation.”
“What is it?”
Todd’s smile stretched as he motioned to a chair. “Have a seat, and I’ll explain.”
His “explanation” had caught Katt off guard, big time.
The cool, casual way Todd spoke about it—insisting they had all done it—had Katt reeling.
There was no mention of their past activities, not even a hint of remembrance in the guy.
Had he forgotten? Had he actually forgotten it had happened?
Maybe the alcohol in his system had erased it from his memory completely.
Katt thought he had forgotten, too. But the instant Franco said Todd’s name, it all came rushing back. He couldn’t decide whether he felt relieved that Todd might not remember—or abandoned to live with the memory alone.
Why would you want him to remember? You don’t even want to remember.
The memory flash had taken only seconds as Marcus held his stare, awaiting his answer: Do you wanna try kissing?
There was only one answer. Katt swallowed hard—and nodded.
Marcus shifted excitedly. “I think you’ll like it.” He squinted. “It’s fun to kiss boys.” He inched closer. “You said you liked it back then.”
Katt had lied. Hadn’t he? So why had he felt so strange being alone with Todd again after all those years? Had he been afraid Todd would bring up the past? Or was he afraid Todd wouldn’t?
That made no sense; the last thing he’d wanted was for Todd to acknowledge what had happened between them in the fort, right?
Katt sat in numb silence, his eyes bulging in their sockets. “Wh-What?”
Leaning against the front of his desk, Todd loosely folded his arms across his chest and flashed a relaxed smile. “I told you, we all did it. Maybe not with porn stars, but still with guys.”
Katt pursed his lips. “You…?”
Todd nodded. “It’s no big deal.” He chuckled. “Not like it’s going to make you gay. It’s just sex. It doesn’t really hurt. And a porn star would know how to make it not hurt at all, probably.”
“Why…” Katt cleared his throat, shifting in the chair. “Why is this… the method of initiation… or whatever?”
Todd lowered his arms and gripped the edge of the desk, leaning forward a fraction.
“Because any straight guy who would fuck another guy to be part of the brotherhood… it proves how badly they want to be a brother, and how loyal they’ll be to the brotherhood.
And it provides a shared secret among us.
Secrets like that forge unbreakable bonds.
Our fraternity is the strongest, with the most loyal members because of it. ”
Katt supposed he understood. The frat guys surely had their reputation among the college girls. No way in hell they’d want it known that they had fucked men to get into the fraternity.
Franco suddenly jumped to mind; he had fucked a guy, too? A sudden graphic image invaded Katt’s mind, and his stomach made that weird jump again. Only harder this time, which greatly disturbed him.
“If you change your mind,” Todd said. “You have to promise not to breathe a word of this to anyone.”
“I wouldn’t…” Katt shook his head. “I wouldn’t say anything.”
Nodding slowly, Todd smiled. “I know you wouldn’t.”
Was there an “undertone” behind his words? Or just Katt’s own paranoia?
“So… you in or out?”
Why had he opted in? Was it really that important to belong to a fraternity?
Apparently so, he thought, taking note of where he was and the blond boy with the big, blue eyes gazing lustfully at him, waiting for them to kiss.
“Ready?” Marcus whispered.
Katt cleared his throat, swallowed thickly, and nodded. He wasn’t ready, not even kind of.
Marcus smiled and touched Katt’s face, his fingertips brushing lightly against Katt’s cheeks as he leaned closer. A hush fell over the room as everyone seemed to be holding their breath.
“Close your eyes,” Marcus breathed softly as his lips closed in on Katt’s mouth.
Katt swallowed again and closed his eyes.
He felt the stiffness in his body, resisting the kiss, as the boy’s lips touched his—soft, warm, with a hint of strawberry.
The tension briefly spiked, his own lips unresponsive.
But Marcus didn’t retreat. His warm palms flattened against Katt’s face, his fingers slipping into his hair, as his soft lips massaged Katt’s mouth, gently sucking his lips.
Before Katt knew it, the tension was leaving his body—and he was responding to the boy’s kiss.
He heard a quiet moan, thought it came from Marcus, then realized it was rising from his own throat.
Marcus pushed deeper into the kiss, his fingers gently twisting Katt’s strands.
When the boy’s tongue slipped into Katt’s mouth, Katt abruptly pulled away, snapped back to the reality that he was kissing a man.
“Sorry,” Marcus blushed, a sheepish smile on his face. “You just tasted so good. I wanted to… taste more.”
Katt nodded nervously and absently rubbed his mouth. “Can I, uh…” He cleared his throat. “… use your restroom?” he asked, not to anyone in particular.
“Yeah, sure,” Garrett said. “I’ll show you where it is.”
Standing on trembling legs, Katt followed Garrett out of the rec room.
“Listen,” Garrett said once they were alone. “You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. You can just hang out, play pool, whatever. Gideon doesn’t expect anything of you. If you’ve changed your mind about wanting to… try stuff… it’s okay.”
“Thanks,” Katt whispered. “But I’m… I’m okay. I just…” He released a deep, shaky breath, but didn’t continue his thought.
“All right.” Garrett stopped at a door. “This is the bathroom.”
Katt opened the door and paused. “Garrett…”
“Yeah?”
What had he meant to say? Tell him the truth? “Nothing,” he mumbled and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Once inside, Katt gripped the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were wide as his heart pounded in his chest.
You liked it—you fucking liked kissing him!
Katt grabbed his phone with shaky hands, his throat tightening and cutting off his breath. After a slight hesitation, he made the call.