Chapter 20
Victor
Good lord, dinner smells amazing, and Gabbi looks downright edible.
I asked Ty to drop by Rich’s barber shop to hook me up before heading home today.
I just felt that with the new choices that Gabbi and I were making, the least I could do was put myself back together a bit.
Rich even gave me a shave with his straight edge.
From her reaction, plus the girls, not counting crazy Chloe, I guess the mission was a success.
Now it’s just me and Gabbi. She breaks eye contact with me and focuses back on stirring dinner.
“Smells amazing.” She eyes me out of the corner of her eye as I circle behind her and grab two glasses for the bottle of white sitting on the counter.
She tracks me with her eyes but continues fussing over the dinner we both know is already done.
Standing behind her, I lean in closely, my heart threatening to hammer out of my chest. The ginger scent from Gabbi’s hair fills my nostrils as I get closer to her. I lean in more, my mouth brushing the top of her ear, and her back stiffens.
A bit closer. Her hands stop moving as I reach down by her waist. I hear her suck in a breath.
With my chin on her shoulder and my mouth by her ear, I grab the drawer by her hip and pull it open a couple of inches.
The proximity makes her lower half shift back into me, with that perfect ass fitting snugly against my thighs.
“I just need to grab the wine opener.” I hum low next to her ear.
Grabbing the opener out of the drawer, I close it slowly, run my hand from her hip across her lower back, and eventually drop from touching her.
Well, that was intense.
I walk around the island, stand opposite her, and open the bottle.
Pouring the wine into both glasses, I see Gabbi shifting on her feet.
It looks like she might be rubbing her thighs together.
I let my smile loose from the cage it’s gotten comfortable in and slowly shake my head at her. I know what she’s doing.
“What?” Gabbi says with her signature pink blush spreading up onto her cheeks.
I keep my smile loud and proud and shrug one shoulder; she knows I know.
“Shut up and take the wine outside. I’m bringing the plates.
” A small chuckle falls out of me as she playfully calls me an ass after giving me marching orders.
It’s nice out tonight; comfortable hoodie and jeans weather, and a perfect night to enjoy dinner on the patio.
When Gabbi and the girls first moved in a few years ago, she had her mind set on making this a welcoming home as fast as possible.
She did a great job decorating the patio with whitewashed wicker furniture and a matching glass-topped table.
A variety of colorful planters and flowerpots accent the pad with solar lights illuminating the entire landscape.
Gabbi has somehow made a plain cement patio look like it belongs in a magazine, much like the rest of the house.
I don’t come out here as much as I should.
I’m not even sure I’ve told her how amazing she did out here.
With all parts of the house, actually. I should probably do that more.
Eating dinner on the patio used to be one of our favorite date nights.
Back when the kids were little, we were a family of four living on a single income.
Gabbi was still in school, and money was tight, so we made do with what we had.
Our “fancy” dinners were boxed mac and cheese served on paper plates, with Kool-Aid in Solo cups, all by candlelight.
We’d sit outside on our plastic lawn chairs, dollar store candles flickering, trying to set the mood.
There wasn’t even a cement patio back then, just some grass and a lot of packed dirt.
We kept up the tradition over the years, but we haven’t done it since before my last deployment.
Gabbi comes out in capri leggings and an off-the-shoulder oversized t-shirt.
Her dark brown hair is down and wavy, framing her make-up-free face, her naturally pink, pouty lips on display.
She looks phenomenal. Gabbi shares a small smile with me as she puts the food down in front of me, and my whole body warms as memories flood my mind.
I know this doesn’t fix everything, and I know it’s all baby steps, but sometimes hope just burns so hot in my chest, the beast inside just wants to say fuck all this baby step shit. I want her so fucking bad. She is still mine after all.
The outside air is warm, and the sun is starting to set.
The sky is all beautiful pinks and oranges, but it feels like a cloud of gloom has settled over the backyard.
A complete 180 from the intriguing tension in the kitchen an hour ago.
We’ve been eating our food in silence, and now that the food is gone, we’re just sitting here.
I can’t take this anymore; she won’t even make eye contact with me. “The food was delicious, G.”
“Thanks, Vic. I just wanted to make something nice.” Her voice is small and somewhat hesitant.
Maybe this is where the communication should start, so I ask.
“Why?” Her eyes snap to mine. “Communication Gabbs. Why did you want to make something nice?” Gabbi puts her glass of wine down and looks at me. She doesn’t say anything. It actually looks like she’s put on a war face and is ready for battle. What the fuck?
“It’s as small a question as I can ask, Gabbi.
There are way bigger questions I could be asking if you would rather start in the deep end.
I’m doing my best at starting shallow, but it feels like you don’t even want to get in the pool.
” Gabbi just looks at me, crumples her napkin, and places it on the table.
Grabbing her glass of wine, she gets up and walks back into the house.
“G, come on!” I yell after her. My eyes sting, and the fireball in my chest explodes into rage. I’m fuming as I watch her walk away. Always fucking walking away. Why won’t she talk to me?
The rage grows as the thoughts rapidly leave tread marks across my brain.
I guzzle the rest of the wine in my glass and smash the glass off the patio.
The adrenaline heats my veins with fire, and the rage continues to burn.
Next to break are the plates, both shattering on the cement, one right after the other.
That’s not enough to calm my demons straining below the surface, threatening to escape.
Next, I throw the chairs and break the planters; everything is fair game until nothing is left.
My cell rings, interrupting my search for the next piece of destruction. “What?” I answer sharply, breathing heavily.
“Hey, man.” Ty’s voice is quiet and calm.
I flip one of the chairs back over and sit, head leaning against the back of the chair, and close my eyes, trying to slow my heart rate.
“So, I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you I can see into your backyard from my bedroom.” The silence hangs.
I stand up and look over at Ty’s house. He raises his hand at me from his bedroom window. Fucking great.
“So, I guess you saw all that?” Sitting back down in the chair, I continue to keep my head back and my eyes closed with no shame.
Ty has seen me at my worst. I’m not about to feel bad now.
His silence confirms that he’s seen. “What the fuck am I gonna do, Ty? Why are we even doing this bullshit? She won’t talk to me?
Why am I even still here?” The silence just became thick with darkness.
That last question lingers. What the hell did I say that for? Ty interrupts my thoughts, his voice stone cold, “Vic, I need you to be very clear about what you just said. What did you mean by Why are you still here?”
I’m quiet for an extra second to really think about what I meant.
“I meant here, as in this house, Ty. Here struggling to get the love of my life to give me the fucking time of day. Struggling to communicate my need and want for her so she feels it. Struggling to apologize to my kids for not being here for their life events.” Tears well in my eyes and start to leak out of the corners. “Just fucking here, struggling.”
Ty doesn’t even pause. “You are here going through this because you love them, Vic, and they’re in it because they love you too. You just have to figure out a way to remove the wall that’s preventing you all from seeing what everyone else already sees.”
“Vic, Gabbi said she’s open, you need to take this opportunity to step inside the door and bare all.
You’re going to have to be vulnerable, and so is she; that’s difficult for both of you since you’ve both been warriors in your own way.
You both have battle scars, Vic. It’s time to show them.
I’m here if you need to talk, but I think you know who you need to be talking to. ”
“Yeah.” Not sure of what else to say to him. Looking at the window, Ty and I both lift our phones away from our ears and hang up. I look around at the scene I’ve created. Before guilt settles in, my phone pings with a text.
Big Dawg: On a positive note, Kid, the rage you felt to destroy your backyard…that’s a far cry from the indifference you and G have been living in for the past four years...guess you all can’t say you don’t fight anymore (Winking emoji).
Big Dawg: Progress, brother. Progress.