Chapter 58
Gabriella
“Emma, dinner has been phenomenal! Thank you so much for cooking tonight.” Vic leans back from the table, sinking into his chair with a look of satisfaction on his face.
The smell of lemon, garlic, and some sort of spice mixture permeates the air, lingering from the scraps of roast chicken, spinach salad, and homemade rolls left on the table.
Emma decided she was going to cook tonight, I think mainly to get her mind off Trip leaving for the Army this morning.
The girls have been gone for a week now and are already enjoying themselves, from what they told us during our video chat last night.
Now it’s just us four adults in a teen-free house.
“Thanks, Vic, I appreciate that. I think I just wanted to get my mind off Trip leaving this morning.” I share a knowing smile with her across the table as she takes a sip of her wine.
“Plus, we wanted to celebrate.” Ty cuts in, looking excited.
“Celebrate?” I ask, leaning back in my chair. My jeans are feeling a bit snug with this food-baby I’ve developed. I should’ve worn stretchy pants.
Emma and Ty share a smile, then look back to me and Vic.
Emma’s the one who explains, “Gabbs, you and Vic have come so far in the past few months. You all put everything you had into this relationship, and you trusted us to help. Ty and I talked, and we think that you all are far past the point of needing us to facilitate. You’re both healing on your own and together.
You’ve become so strong together. I dare to say you might be a little stronger than you were before things became, well, you know.
Anyway, Ty and I want to tell you both that we’re always here as your friends… ”
“And bedroom play partners!” Ty interrupts with a shit-eating grin, “I mean, if you guys ever want to do that stuff again,” he shrugs.
We all chuckle, “Thanks, buddy, we’ll keep that in mind,” Vic responds light-heartedly.
Emma clears her throat, rolling her eyes at Ty with a smirk, “Ehem…like I was saying, we’re celebrating you and your marriage tonight.” She raises her glass, “Here’s to the work you’ve put in and to the bright future to show for it.” We all raise our glasses and clink them together.
After the obligatory post-cheers-sip, Ty stands.
“Why don’t we move this to the living room?
” As Emma, Vic, and I stand and push in our chairs, Ty continues, “Even though we are celebrating, there is still one thing that Emma and I want to do with you both.” Vic’s eyebrows raise, and he meets my gaze, the corner of his mouth quirking up, “Whoa there, tiger, not that.” Ty makes a face at Vic like a disciplining father, and Vic just laughs, dropping down into the love seat.
Ty continues unfazed, “We have one more hard conversation to have.” A feeling of dread is forming in my belly. “The last deployment,” Ty says with a tone of finality. My feet stop moving. Shit!
“Ty, I don’t think…” Vic starts to shut down the idea, looking up at Ty, who’s just taken a seat next to Emma on the couch.
“No.” Ty’s tone harshens, cutting Vic off. When we all look at him, Ty softens a bit. “No, Vic, you both have some shit you need to say to each other. This hurdle is the last major one, and if you leave it the way it is, who’s to say it won’t end up causing another major divide between you two?”
My breathing is starting to pick up, and goosebumps roll across my skin, triggered by the nausea threatening to call up the amazing dinner that Emma just made. We can’t do this. I can’t do this.
“Vic’s right, Ty, I don’t think that this…” I try to explain from my side. I have yet to move from where I stand. Floating in this no man’s land between the dining and living rooms.
Emma stands up from the couch and starts to approach me, “NO!” Her face is almost angry.
“You all will not do this. You will not deny yourself the freedom you’ve worked so hard for.
You both have secrets still,” Vic and I share a puzzling look.
What is she talking about? What does Vic have to hide, maybe the stuff in his letter?
“Tonight, the secrets are done. I will not let this go.”
Vic drops his head to his hands; he’s caving. Fuck! My heart is beating a million miles an hour.
“Gabbi,” my eyes snap to hers, and I can’t control the lip curl I show her.
Wow, did I just snarl at my friend? If I did, she ignores it, “You need to go first.” It’s not a request. She’s basically ordering me.
I shake my head in response. Slowly at first, but the longer the silence permeates through the room, the more irritated I get, eventually turning to anger.
“Gabbi,” Tyson chimes in, “it has to be you.” Vic looks over at me with a huge question mark sprawled across his face. My nose twinges, and I can feel tears starting to well in my eyes. I can’t hurt him. “Come on, girl, we have your back.” Ty’s voice is softer, but I shake my head harder.
“No,” my voice comes out on a whisper. A tear falls, and Vic jumps up to walk over to me. The feeling of flight kicks in as he steps closer. No, I’m not going to hurt him. Before I can move, Vic has his hand on my shoulder. The tears start free falling at his touch.
“G?” Vic’s voice is strained. He’s hurting because he sees me hurting. I can’t do this. I need to get out of here.
Fuck this. Shaking my head, I force out the one word that will stop all of this, “Red.” Vic’s eyes widen, and I hear a soft-spoken curse escape from Ty and a gasp from Emma. Without another word, I step back from Vic and turn, ready to bolt out of the house.
“What?” It’s a whisper that breaks the silence and freezes my movements. I don’t think he meant to say it out loud.
When I glance over my shoulder, I see that Vic is no longer on his feet, but on his knees on the hardwood floor, where I was just standing.
When I turn around and face him, it breaks me.
His face is downcast, looking at his open hands in his lap.
“I’m trying to protect you.” My voice sounds so small.
I’m pleading with Vic, but his eyebrows furrow, and he stands slowly.
“What?” Vic deadpans. His voice harsh. I can see his jaw ticking.
“I can’t hurt you, Vic, you’ve been through so much.” My hands go to my face, angrily swiping at my cheeks. I can’t stop these goddamn tears.
“Hurt me?” He takes two giant steps toward me, stopping when his toes touch mine.
His eyes are bright, like blue fire. He really looks irritated now.
“After everything I’ve done to you over the years?
You’re worried about hurting me?” My eyes squeeze at thoughts of his letter.
“I fucking left you to raise our family by yourself. I left you pregnant to have babies by yourself. Go to school by yourself. Live life by your fucking self.” His voice is raised, but I know he’s mad at himself, not me.
“Vic,” Ty tries to cut in, no doubt in an effort to shut down Vic’s self-deprecating comments.
Vic raises his hand to Ty in a stop motion, shifting his eyes to Ty, but keeping his body in my space. “No, Ty, I’m not wrong in this. I was relieved on deployment. Life was easy.” My stomach flips at Vic’s words. I know that is his perception, but it’s still hard to hear. Ty just shakes his head.
Ty steps toward us cautiously. “No, Vic, that’s not what happened. We were all just trying to survive. You knew your family was safe with the support system we had back here. You needed all of your brain power to focus on the mission.”
Vic’s face drops toward the floor. “Focusing on the mission didn’t include dodging video calls or being relieved I wasn’t there to see Gabbi scream in pain during the birth of our children.”
“Vic,” I whisper, leaning my body toward him.
He’s getting worked up and not thinking logically.
Ty’s still trying to talk him down, but I can see Vic’s body starting to tremble.
He’s breathing heavily, and his eyes are becoming glossy.
Ty and Vic’s voices escalate to yelling.
Ty’s trying to counter Vic’s delusion of being a monster, but my head is ringing from the chaos.
I didn’t even realize Emma had moved next to me and wrapped her arms around me.
I’m sobbing, but it feels like I’m outside of my body.
There’s too much going on, too much noise. Fuck, I just need a minute.
Ty and Vic are in each other’s faces. How did this get here? Can I stop this? Will he hate me for keeping it from him?
Just then, I see Vic shove Ty, and Ty falls back into the coffee table, though he doesn’t completely lose his footing, but it’s enough to get Ty pissed and quickly moving back towards him.
“Stop,” I whisper again, but no one hears me.
“Stop.” Ty is back in Vic’s face, and Vic is crying, shaking his head.
I finally get my voice back and let out a pained scream.
“STOP!” Ty and Vic immediately stop and turn toward me.
Emma squeezes her arms, leaving them around my midsection.
At this point, I think she’s staying here in case my body collapses when this comes out of my mouth.
“Vic,” I can’t stop the tears, which is fine because at this point, all I can see is the blurry shape of Vic’s body.
If I look him in the eye, this’ll break me.
“On the last deployment,” I take another breath.
“I…I found out I was pregnant two months after you left.” I choke on the sobs threatening to break free.
“What?” Vic whispers as he backs away into the loveseat behind him. “Why didn’t you…” I see his body stiffen as he realizes what I’m about to say, “Oh god...” Vic closes his eyes and shakes his head, like he can erase the thought.
“The doctor told me to wa…wait another month to… to tell you.” My breath is rapidly pumping in and out. “He said since I wa…was older that I needed to, well…that I should wait to be clear of…of…of…complications before…before…I t-told you.”
“Gabbi?” Vic’s hands are in his hair. I can’t tell if he’s mad or hurt, or sad, I don’t fucking know, I can’t see him through the blur.
“The night I was supposed to talk to you. You know, the…the night I told you I had a surprise for you?” I quickly wipe my eyes to try and see him. As I wipe, I see realization hit him and the color drain from his face.
“No.” Vic’s plea escapes his lips on a breath. His hands are grasping hard against the seat on either side of his legs.
Just get it out, Gabriella. “I didn’t answer your video call that night, remember?” Vic nods his head slowly, tears still slipping from his eyes. “Vic, I…I lost the baby that morning.” I finally get it out, and Vic sinks further into himself, letting his head hang down, elbows on his knees.
We all stay where we are, frozen in silence. My body is shaking from sobs, and I’m pretty sure Emma’s arms around my waist are the only thing holding me up. “Vic,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
Vic’s head snaps up, and he strides toward me, releasing me from Emma’s hold and swallowing me with his body.
With one arm around my waist and one hand cupping my face, he holds his forehead against mine.
We stand there breathing each other’s air for a few moments.
“Gabriella.” His voice is calm and soothing, like aloe on a burn.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby. I’m the one who’s sorry.
I should’ve been there for you. I should have… fuck I don’t know…I should’ve known.”
I shake my head, moving his at the same time, our foreheads still connected.
“The doctor said it could’ve been stress, or activity, or I don’t know, I should’ve taken better care of myself.
I should’ve asked for help…” The sobs are rising back out of my chest, breaths hiccupping out of my mouth.
I can’t hold it in anymore. “I lost our baby, Vic…I…me…I lost OUR baby!” I wail, losing all control.
“Oh, baby, no…” Vic bends down, gripping the back of my thighs and lifting me. My body naturally wraps around him like a koala, and he walks me over to the couch, sitting us down. I burrow my face in his neck and continue to let my body release the agony and despair I’ve felt since that day.
When my cries start to subside and I eventually lean away from Vic’s chest, I meet his red, puffy eyes.
I guess we both needed that release. I hear a buzzing from behind me, but ignore it.
Vic lifts his hands from my waist and cups both sides of my face, pushing the tips of his fingers into my hairline at the nape of my neck.
“None of this was your fault, Gabbi.” His eyes are willing me to feel the truth in his words.
I vaguely hear a deep voice in the background, but ignore it and try to reassure my hurting husband, “Vic, it’s not your fault either.
” He breaks eye contact, shifting his eyes to the side.
We had to go through my shit, so here’s my time to address his letter.
He needs to know that none of this is his fault either.
“Vic,” I start, but am interrupted by a glass shattering in the background and a sound I’ve never heard before in my life.
It sounds like someone’s heart is being ripped from their chest.
Vic and I stand abruptly, running toward the sound. We swing around the corner of the dining room into the kitchen to see Emma on the floor. That sound…That sound of agony tearing from her vocal chords. What the hell?
I slide to the floor, wrapping my arms around her on instinct. Emma’s body is shaking so hard with sobs, she’s causing my body to move with hers.
“Ty?” Vic asks, prompting me to look across the kitchen at Ty. Why is he just standing there? Ty’s staring at the floor, phone in his hand hanging down by his side. Is he crying?
Vic approaches him slowly, “Tyson?” Ty finally looks up at Vic, his eyes wide with tears. “Talk to me, brother.”
Ty opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He clears his throat and tries again, “Kid,” Ty shakes his head. “Kid, it’s Cookie.” Vic starts to back up, shaking his head as Ty delivers the next blow, “He’s gone.”