Chapter 69
Victor
“Peanut! Girl! How’s it hangin’?” I can hear D answer a FaceTime call while I finish up with cleaning the kitchen.
“Hey, D, I’m doing…well, I’m doing. How’s everything there? How are you feeling?” My heart squeezes at the sound of her voice. Fuck, I miss her so damn much. It’s been three weeks since the last time I held her, and every day it gets harder and harder to breathe.
“Oh, just runnin’ around here causing mass mayhem. Got strippers here every night, you know how I hang.” I’m so glad Gabbi knows how full of shit D is.
“Ooooh, wow, nice. Bet they love ridin’ around on your wheelchair with you, huh? Tell me, since Vic still has to help you to the bathroom, does that mean he’s helping you in other departments, too? Hmmm?” The corners of my mouth turn up at the smile and sass in her voice, razzing D.
I head into the living room just in time to see D deadpan, “Ha. Ha. Peanut, you’re hilarious.
” D looks over at me and smiles. “Speaking of my hero,” I can feel my eyebrows raise when I realize what he’s about to do.
I step back toward the kitchen, start shaking my head and waving my hands across my body, trying to tell him no.
D scrunches his eyebrows, but quickly puts a smile back on his face and looks at the screen.
“Uh...he…heee needs to help me take a piss.” D shrugs his shoulders as I slap my hand to my forehead.
“Umm, okay, D.” Gabbi laughs. “Just wanted to check on you.”
“Yeah, thanks, I’ll let Vic know you called.”
“Oh…no…that’s okay, D. I’ll just text him later.” D gives her a fake smile.
“Okay. I’ll holler atcha later. Love ya, Peanut.”
“Love you too, D.”
D presses his screen and drops his phone in his lap. “What the actual fuck, dude?” His eyes are boring into me. “Don’t say ‘nothing.’ Something is fucking up.” Damnit. Here we go.
“Jesus christ, bro.” D lifts his hands to his temple, massaging in slow circles. I knew he would understand. “You’re a fucking idiot.”
“Wait. What?” What the fuck did he just say?
“You’re being fucking stupid, Vic. I mean, Jesus, what do you want her to do?
Look at what the woman has done for you.
Look at what she’s gotten you through. The fact that you all are where you are now and not another divorce on the books is a goddamn miracle.
” D throws his arms out to the side with frustration.
“I know the shit with Cook messed with your head, fuck Vic, not just yours. I don’t even want to try and unpack the shit going on in mine, but damn, don’t throw away what you have.
” My forehead presses harder into my hands, driving my elbows into my knees.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. “I’m just trying to do the right thing, D.” I just don’t know what that looks like. “I still have demons, just like Cook…”
“No!” My head snaps up at the serious tone of his voice.
“No?” I huff a humorless laugh.
“You heard me, Victor. Fucking no. You are not Cookie. I’ve watched you claw yourself out of the dark.
I’ve been witness to both you and Cookie at your lowest. You’re not the fucking same.
Cook’s wife and your wife are not the fucking same.
” D rolls his wheelchair over in front of me, bumping his knees against mine.
The frustration drops from his voice, “I don’t know what’s in your head, man, but I can tell you that there’s no one who has put in more work on battling your demons than you.
” He shoves two fingers into my chest. My only response is silence.
Another moment passes, then I feel D’s hand grab me by the nape and bring his forehead against mine.
“Most of us are drowning, man.” He takes a deep breath, his grip tightening on my neck.
“Fuck-ups like me need people like you to show us there are still reasons to keep fighting for air.” The tears start to gather in my eyes as he continues.
“Gabbi is giving you a reason, but she’s also telling you that she’ll breathe for you if you need it. Don’t fuck this up, Vic.”
Sleep. All I want to do is sleep and move past today, but D’s words are pounding my brain like a fucking jackhammer. All I can think about is Gabbi and how this ache in my chest hasn’t stopped since she turned and walked away…After I pushed her to walk away.
I just want to look her in the eyes, hold her, kiss her, feel her against me.
A groan escapes me when I roll over and look at the clock. Fuck, it’s 2:00 a.m., it’s too late to call her. Isn’t it? Maybe just a text. I start to text, but think better of it.
I pull up Gabbi’s contact on my phone and stare at it.
Fuck it. I’m calling my wife.
The phone rings. Once. Twice. A voice comes through on the third ring. “How long are you planning on doing this to her, shithead?” The woman’s voice is not my wife’s.
Caught off guard, my only response is, “Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Victor.” The voice reprimands.
“Katrina?”
“None other than.” A smile spills into her voice.
“Where’s my wife, Katrina?” Zero amusement.
“Where do you think, Vic?” Sass? For real? Katrina is sassing me?
“Katrina. I want to speak to my wife, damnit!” This woman is starting to piss me off.
“You sound a bit irritated, Vic. Are you getting mad?” Is she fucking serious? “Are you? You mad, Vic?”
“Yeah, Katrina, I’m getting fucking irritated!” I snap.
“Good!” What? “Then fucking do something about it!” My anger dissipates immediately, allowing room for the guilt to creep in. “Be mad, Vic. Fucking get angry! Because if you’re angry, that means you give a shit!”
After a few calming breaths, I ask again, “Katrina, can you please tell me where Gabbi is? Can I speak to her?... Please.”
A deep sigh releases from the phone speaker, “She’s asleep, Vic.”
“What are you doing with her phone?” No contempt taints my voice. I just want to know.
“Gabbi and I met up for dinner. She had a couple of glasses of wine, and I offered to give her a ride home, where she proceeded to tell me how difficult it is for her to sleep without you.” Waves of sadness ripple across my body.
“So, I gave her a sleeping pill, Vic. Because watching my best friend pretend to hold her shit together during the day just to fall apart alone every night while you remain doing whatever it is you’re doing, is fucking killing me.
” Her words are like a dropkick to the gut and a punch to the face.
“What?” It comes out as a whisper.
“What do you mean, ‘what’, Victor? You’re not stupid. You know your wife. You know what she needs. Why is it a shock to you that she is falling apart without you?”
She continues, “Don’t get me wrong. My girl is strong as hell, aaand I know if she had to, she could take life by the balls and make it her bitch, even without you by her side.
But that’s the problem with endgame love, Vic, just because she could do it without you, doesn’t mean she wants to.
” I nod my head, even though she can’t see me.
“So, I’m telling you now, Victor, if you don’t come home and fix this shit, she’s going to figure out that she can do it without you. ”
There’s no response I can give that would negate the very real things that Katrina just stated.
“So, Vic?” Katrina’s voice is saccharine.
“Yeah.”
“Unfuck yourself.”
Beep. Beep. Beep. The tones on the phone let me know that she just hung up on me.
Well, shit.