Chapter 40
DANNY
Pip decided that it would be helpful to have the entertainment news on 24/7. I think it’s akin to torture.
Trevor and our lawyers have been trying to get in touch. I should turn my phone off but I keep it on, in the futile wish that Anya will call. Instead, I meticulously scroll. The official channels will report on updates regarding him so instead I’m desperately searching for her name.
Dread has been a constant companion in my chest ever since those first pictures came out. That dread has increasingly spread, tightening around my throat like a snake cutting off air. It’s not eased even though I haven’t found any evidence anyone has linked Anya to me. It grows and grows each time I don’t find anything. If no one knows about her, did I even have to lose her in the first place?
A knock sounds at the front door. Only people with the access code to the front gate would be able to get this far. I peek out the window.
My jaw clenches and blood rushes to my ears. The knocking resumes.
“Will you open the goddamn door?” My father booms.
Thankful Pip is in the shower on the other side of the house, I swing the door open. I stand like granite, resting my hand on the door frame.
“Finally,” Charles huffs, attempting to walk past me. My arm strains with how tight I’m clutching the frame, blocking him from entering. Fortunately I’ve been making the most of Pip’s home gym since I arrived.
“What are you doing here?” My jaw hurts from how tightly it’s clenched.
Redness creeps up his cheeks. “I’m here to see my children.” His chest puffs out as if he said a proud statement. He’s never been proud to be my father before.
“The people in this house don’t have fathers.”
I expect him to go for the arm extended in front of his purpling face, so I don’t expect him to put his weight against the door. The door bounces against the wall. I step in front of him.
“Don’t tell me you believe the bullshit that’s being spread about me.”
“You’re saying it’s not true?” Maybe when I first heard the news, I needed to know whether it was real or not. Whether I could believe that my father would be capable of something like this. But now, I don’t even need to ask. I know it’s true. I know the man in front of me like a nightmare I can’t forget. There is no doubt in my mind he’s the monster everyone says he is. He’s been that same monster for my entire life.
“Of course it’s not true. She has some real problems, that one, I tell you. I just wanted to help her, give her some friendly career advice. The whole thing has been blown well out of proportion.”
My fingers curl in my hand, disgusted at the filth pouring out of his mouth.
“I need you to leave.”
“Last I checked, this was my daughter’s house, not yours.”
“She doesn’t want you here. I don’t want you here.”
“You are so ungrateful, Daniel. It’s not like you haven’t done exactly what I have. Your pretty little assistant will turn around one day and do the exact same thing to you.”
My blood turns to ice in my veins. The paralyzing fear that made me walk out of Anya’s life. That I would be just like my father…
I pursued her, once I’d been with her once, I didn’t give up. Was I too pushy? Did I come on too strong?
I remember the way she laughed at me on our first date, the way she would run her fingers through my hair and stand up for me even when there would be consequences for her, the way she would stress clean like she was covering up a crime scene and force her aunt’s guitar into my arms. I felt her love in every action. I didn’t even need the words. I didn’t need her to tell me that what we had was real. I felt it every day.
I raise my head to look down into my fathers eyes. His face is blotchy with anger and his suit jacket rumpled.
“I’m not anything like you.” My words don’t wobble. They don’t waver. With each word I aim at the man that has controlled me for my entire life, I feel myself grow taller. “I never have been and I never will. I will never threaten. I will never be cruel. I will never be anything like you. I’m ashamed to call you my father. And I never will again.”
His eyes twitch and he sucks in a deep breath. Before he can say a final word I usher him backwards until he has no choice left to stand on the front door step, the LA sun streaming through the doorway, bathing him in shadow and me in warmth.
“Who do you think you are?” he splutters, “I can ruin you.”
I laugh. “There’s nothing you could do to me that is worse than what you’ve done to yourself. Have a nice life. Whatever’s left of it.”
I close the door in his face. It crosses my mind to collapse against the wood but I don’t need the support. My own two feet have got me.
I brush my hand across my face and choke on a laugh. I want to tell Anya. I want to tell her that I stood up to him, that I cut him out of my life. For good.
But I’ve already cut her out too.