chapter four
noah
When Jared called and told me Kira needed somewhere to stay, I dropped everything. There was no way I’d let her go back to her mom. I don’t know the full story of what happened between them, but I know it was bad. She’s staying with us, and that’s final.
But seeing her like that? It killed me.
Kira is one of the strongest people I know. She handles so much on her own, and I understand how exhausting that can be. So, when she blamed herself for losing the apartment, I couldn’t stand it. There has to be a law against jacking up someone ’ s rent with that little notice.
This morning, when we showed up to help her move, I expected to find the same shaken girl from last week. But she wasn’t. She had already piled all her boxes by the door, greeted us with a smile—determined, almost stubborn. But underneath that, I still saw it. That flicker of doubt.
Upstairs, her door is open. As I pass, I glance inside. She ’ s sitting on the floor next to the dresser, unpacking a box of clothes, carefully folding each item before tucking it away.
“How’re you feeling?” I ask.
“Noah, you have to stop sneaking up on me!” she yelps.
I laugh and look down at her, still waiting for a response to my question. After a moment, she seems to realize and answer.
“I’m okay, I think. It’s obviously not easy, but you guys really helped. I appreciate you letting me stay here.”
“Of course, you’re always welcome. You know that,” I tell her. I tried to get her to stay with us when she was first looking for an apartment, but she wanted to be able to find one on her own, and I understood that.
“Well, thank you anyway. I don’t know what I would have done if you had said no.”
I can’t believe that thought even crossed her mind. She looks up at me, her russet eyes speckled with gold from the sun coming from the window. There’s pain there, but something else too. Something more intense. Glancing down at her mouth, I try not to imagine how she would taste. Clearing my throat, I push away the thought.
“How do you feel about steak for dinner?” I ask.
“I would love that.”
“Medium rare?”
“You know me so well,” she says. “Do you have lemons? I could make lemonade!” she adds, smiling up at me.
“We do,” I say with a soft laugh.
Leaving her to finish organizing, I head for the kitchen. My jaw tightens. I need to get my head on straight.
I drag a hand through my hair, exhaling slowly as I grab the steaks from the fridge. Focus. Dinner. That ’ s all.
“Steak? Hell yeah!” Jared exclaims as he walks through the kitchen to the living room.
I add all the seasonings and marinade to the steaks before returning them to the fridge. The lemons on the counter draw my attention, so I grab a cutting board, a knife, and the juicer and set them right next to the fruit. It takes me a few minutes to find our pitcher, but when I do, I put it next to the cutting board right as Kira comes jogging down the stairs.
“Thank you!” she coos with a big smile, noticing the supplies.
“No problem. I thought it’d be easier than you asking me where everything is,” I answer.
She rolls her eyes at me, moving to grab a lemon and place it on the wooden board. I leave her in the kitchen and take the meat out to the patio.
Dropping the steaks on the grill, I glance at the horizon, where the sun is setting. Pinks and oranges paint the sky, and the smell of spring still lingers in the air. When I look back to the house, Kira emerges from the slider with a pitcher full of… is that pink lemonade?
“Oh my god, they look so good! When are they going to be done? I’m so hungry!” Kira whines.
“Soon, princess,” I reassure her. “What happened to the lemonade?” I gesture over to the pitcher on the table.
“You had some strawberries in the fridge, so I added them to it and made strawberry lemonade,” she says with a grin.
Of course, that’s something she would do.
I remove the steaks from the grill, place them on a platter, and do the same with the potatoes. Then, I set them both on the patio table. Kira puts out three plates and silverware, and we dig in.
“Hey, Kira,” Jared says with his mouth still half full of food. “Jake is having a party tonight. Do you wanna come with me?”
She hesitates for a moment, “Um, I don’t know. I’m tired from the move, and I would kind of just like to relax tonight.” Her eyes shift downward, and I can’t help but feel like there’s something else to that.
“Please?” Jared begs.
“Jared, she said she didn’t want to go,” I catch myself saying.
“ Fine, ” he whines as he eats another bite of his steak.
“I’m sorry, Jared, maybe another time,” she assures with a small smile.
She has been through a lot this past week and deserves time to rest. If I were Jared, I wouldn’t even go to the party, let alone try to get Kira to go.
When everyone finishes their food, I grab the dishes to bring them to the sink, but Kira slaps my hand away.
“No, you cooked everything. I can handle the dishes.”
“You don’t have to do that. You did a lot today. Go sit down,” I say.
“No, I want to help, especially because I know Jared won’t,” she demands. I hadn’t even noticed that he had already left the room.
“Okay, you win this time. Let me at least help you carry everything to the sink?” I suggest.
“Deal,” she says as she nods.
Setting the dishes in the sink, I grab the sponge, scrubbing the first plate before she sees me.
“ No! ” she screams. “Unhand that dish!” She runs up to me and tries to wrestle the sponge out of my hand. I’ll give her credit. She’s putting in a great effort, but she’s no match for my strength or height. I dangle it in the air above her head, and she tries to reach it.
Looking down at her, I notice a smear of bubbles on her cheek from the sponge, and I laugh.
“What?” she asks.
“You’ve got something right…” moving my hand toward her face, I add, “...here,” wiping the suds off with my thumb. Her gaze lingers on mine for a moment. Without warning, she takes advantage of my distraction and snags the sponge, hiding it behind her back.
“I’m doing the dishes. Go sit down,” she orders.
I raise my hands in the air, “Alright, I surrender.”
“Good.” She stares at me, probably making sure I won’t try anything else, as she scrubs the next plate and loads it into the dishwasher.
Pouring myself some lemonade, I take a sip.
“Do you like it?” she asks quietly.
“I do, actually, it’s delicious.”
She beams at me before turning back to the dishes. She is so gorgeous without even trying. I don’t understand why Jared hasn’t ever made a move on her. They’ve been close for years. I’m honestly surprised that they’ve never dated.
Speaking of the devil, Jared emerges from the hallway.
“You sure you don’t want to come, Kira? It’s gonna be a lot of fun!” Jared asks.
“I think I’m good. Thank you, though,” she answers with a forced smile.
“Alright, I’m gonna head out then.”
“Drive safe!” she calls.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” I add.
After Jared leaves, we settle into the living room, planting ourselves on opposite ends of the couch. The soft hum of the TV fills the space as Kira grabs the remote, flicking through channels before landing on some kind of reality show. The screen flashes with over-the-top arguments—two women in cocktail dresses gesturing wildly at each other over a candlelit dinner.
I steal a glance at Kira. She ’ s completely absorbed, her brow furrowed in concentration.
“You know this is fake, right?” I tease.
“Of course I do,” she says without looking away.
A little impressed, I ask, “Then why do you watch it?”
“Because it’s an escape.”
“What do you mean?”
She repositions herself, facing me, our legs almost touching. Her gaze meets mine, steady and sincere. “Their lives are so exaggerated and unrealistic, their problems so minuscule, that it takes me out of my reality for a bit. It’s nice.”
I hadn’t thought about it like that, but it makes sense. She’s already been through more than most thirty-year-olds. I can see why she would want to forget about life for a while.
“I have a question, but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” she says, looking over at me.
I tilt my head. What could she ask that I wouldn’t want to answer?
“Of course, anything.”
“What happened with Jared’ s mom? I ’ve always wondered, but I didn’t want to push him,” she explains.
Oh. That’s her question. I sigh, readjusting in my seat. I haven’t talked about Angie to anyone in years, and I’m not sure I want to start now.
“That’s a long story,” I tell her, silently hoping she drops it.
“I have time. Unless you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay,” she says, her eyes soft.
I could tell her it’s not her business, that I don’t want to talk about it, but something in her gaze begs me to be honest with her.
“We were young when Angie got pregnant with Jared. We had only been together a couple of months, but her parents were very traditional. They pretty much forced us to get married when they found out.
I wanted it to work so bad. I had always wanted a family, and this was my opportunity to have one. We tried, or at least I did, but she was never truly happy with us. She wanted more.
It wasn’t long before I found out that while I was at the station, she was sleeping around with other guys. When I confronted her, she blamed it on my work schedule and left. Jared was only two.”
Her brows knit together as her russet eyes meet mine, understanding swirling in them.
“I’m sorry, Noah. You didn’t deserve that.”
I shake my head, shrugging. “ We ’re better off, but it has always been a soft spot for Jared.”
I ignore that it’s a soft spot for me, too. I wasn’t enough. We weren’t enough. I haven’t had a serious relationship since, and I tell myself that’s because I needed to prioritize Jared, but I think deep down, I couldn’t handle that rejection again.
We sit there in mutual silence for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say. That answer was heavy and probably more than she was bargaining for.
“I’ve also been meaning to ask,” she almost whispers, “How much would you like me to pay for rent? Or maybe I can take on some of the utility payments?”
“No,” I reply abruptly. “You’re not paying me to stay here.”
“Noah, I’m not going to stay here and not contribute. I can’t do that.”
“You can and you will,” I insist.
“I’m going to pay you,” she says, eyeing me.
Sighing, I drop the subject for now. She can try all she wants. I am not taking any money from her. While I admire her desire to help, that money would be better spent elsewhere. She can use it to help cover college expenses in the fall.
When I look back at Kira, she has her eyebrows scrunched together, and she’s chewing on her bottom lip.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask.
Snapping out of her thoughts, she shakes her head, her eyes shooting up to mine.
“It’s nothing. I’ m fine, ” she shrugs, looking away from me.
“Don’t do that. You can talk to me,” I say.
Her eyes soften as she lets out a shaky breath. “I just feel like my mom was right. I failed like she said I would,” she admits, her voice breaking at the end.
Tears gather in her eyes, and she bites down on her lip, trying to hold them back. But I see the way her jaw tightens, the way her shoulders tense. She ’ s fighting it—fighting the hurt, the weight of everything pressing down on her.
Fuck. I can ’ t just sit here.
Without thinking, I reach for her, pulling her into me. She doesn’t hesitate. She climbs onto my lap, curling into my chest as though she belongs there. My arms fold around her, holding her tight, and I swear I feel her finally let go. A quiet sob escapes her, muffled against my shoulder, and I stroke my hand down her back, letting her know I ’ m here—that I ’ ve always been here.
“ Hey,” I murmur, my lips near her hair. “ It ’ s okay. This is not your fault. The landlord was an asshole for giving you barely any notice.” I squeeze her just a little. “ You ’ re doing so damn well, Kira. You have your shit together way more than I did when I was 18.”
She pulls back just enough to look at me, her lashes damp, her cheeks flushed. “ You ’ re lying,” she sniffs. “ There ’ s no way. In case you haven ’ t noticed, I ’ m a hot mess .”
I reach up, brushing a strand of hair from her face, trying to ignore how soft her skin looks, how close her lips are.
“I was an even hotter mess, I promise you that.”
A small laugh breaks through her tears. It ’ s quiet, but it ’ s there. Progress. I keep rubbing slow, steady circles on her back, feeling the way her breathing evens out, the way her body relaxes against mine.
She rests her head against my chest, and I exhale, setting my chin gently on top of her head. I shouldn ’ t hold her like this. Not this long. Not like I don ’ t want to let go.
But I don’t want to let go.
She smells like warm vanilla, something sweet and soft, and it ’ s messing with my head. My entire body is burning with the awareness of her. I need to shut this down before—
She shifts just a little, trying to get comfortable.
And her ass presses right against me.
I go rigid, sucking in a sharp breath. Shit.
She immediately pulls back, eyes wide. “ I ’ m sorry!” she squeaks, scrambling to lift off me. “ Did I hurt you?”
Jesus Christ.
“ No, princess, ” I say, my voice rougher than I ’ d like. “ You ’ re fine. ”
She looks at me, really looks at me, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted like she ’ s about to say something. And that stare—fuck, she needs to stop looking at me like that. Like I ’ m something safe. Like I ’ m something more.
I clear my throat, desperate for an escape. “ Do you want to get ice cream?” I ask, grasping at anything. “ If we leave now, we can make it before they close.”
Her face brightens just a little, and relief sweeps through me.
Good. We need to not be alone right now.