15. Maggie
15
maggie
Colt: It was fantastic to see you.
Maggie: It’s been twenty minutes.
Colt: So, how’s your morning going?
I can’t stop laughing mostly because I’m so tired. I open my hotel room, and Mak is not in the bed. The sun is about to come up, and I hope she knows what she’s doing. My phone dings. I hope I know what I’m doing.
Colt: I need sleep to get up for the Brothers’ recovery brunch where I sort receipts and figure out what everyone’s evening looked like. I’m relieved you paid for the noodles. I have no desire to tell those idiots we had… noodles. Night, Meerkat.
Maggie: No cute nicknames. We’re friends.
Colt: Okay. Goodnight ugly, disgusting, not cute ogre.
Maggie: Better.
We’ve been texting for three months now. It’s mostly casual, occasionally silly. A lot of cooking together. I didn’t know he cooks for his family. I told my husband that my old boyfriend, who is married and has kids, and I are friends now. And that he knows Mak and whatnot. Kevin didn’t care at first when I would tell him something funny Colt texted. But lately I’ve gotten that glassy eyed look, or he’s annoyed by it. So, I don’t talk about it. But remind Kevin every day he can read the texts if he wants to. He never does.
Colt and I talk about stupid stuff or work troubles for both of us. I know all the coworker stories, and he helped me figure out a political project for my students to understand the three branches of the government. But there are moments where our real life interferes. And I feel totally odd texting him from bed. I won’t do it. I’ll get up and go to the living room to answer if it’s after I’m in bed reading. I have to have boundaries.
Maggie: You row. Still?
Colt: On and off over the past decade but lately more. I enjoy being on the river with just me.
Maggie: You like that no one can find you. Or get to you. How’s your dad?
Colt: Still the Colonel and pulling up in the polls. I have a fucking fundraiser for him tonight.
Maggie: I promise not to google it.
Colt: Thanks.
Maggie: You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.
Colt: My whole life is–I don’t have to if I don’t want to but I better in order to do what’s best for the country, the campaign, my daughters, etc. It’s rote by now. A pattern.
Maggie: That sounds exhausting.
He doesn’t respond for a full five minutes. I grab my bag and head to the car to get to work.
Colt: It is.
We’re currently binging a show we told everyone we’d already seen but only admitted to each other we hadn’t. We’re the last people on the planet to watch Friends . We pick four episodes and start watching at an appointed time each night. Usually, 4 pm my time. That way, I make dinner afterwards, and he’s already made dinner for his kids.
I settle in on the cozy couch. Kevin usually comes home around fiveish from the dealership.
Maggie: Ready?
Colt: Give me a moment to explain fractions.
Maggie: A moment?
Colt: Hold on.
I get more ice for my Chai tea latte and get back onto the couch. I scroll a little bit and then my phone dings.
Colt: Go.
Maggie: The One with the Embryos, right?
Colt: Yes. Supposed to be a classic. How was your day?
I push play and it begins. We don’t skip or fast forward.
Maggie: Good. Fine. Boring. Rut. Terrible. The same.
Colt: Mags, you could do so much more.
Maggie: Most days I enjoy teaching.
Colt: What does he do?
Maggie: Nope. No spouse talk. Just watch.
Colt: Quick weird question.
Maggie: Resident weirdo reporting for duty
Colt: Where does Mak live?
Shit. Little Miss liar. I don’t know what to say to Colt right now. I hate that Mak made me into a liar. She’s got to clean up her own mess, but for now I don’t tell him she lives in Henderson, Nevada. I’m going to kill her.
Maggie: West Hollywood. Why?
Colt: Tony.
Maggie: You and I need to stay out of whatever they got going on. Agreed? No Brothers’ business.
Colt: You’re right. Agreed.
Colt: Why don’t you have kids?
Maggie: This is quite the conversation today. We tried for a minute, and it didn’t take. And then we got busy. Or Kevin did. We’ll talk about it again soon. We have time. I’m thirty. Not all of us got an early early start at being a parent.
Colt: Ha.
I deflect away from all the heavy questions and Mak by mocking him.
Maggie: I mean early early.
Colt: Hilarious
Maggie: You’ll be the youngest grandfather at the home.
Colt: At least I’ll be strong enough to pick up the grandkids.
Maggie: Yes indeed. Gotta get to work. Have a lovely day!
Colt: You love an exclamation point.
Maggie: I do!!!
Colt: I know you’re excited and that’s the very essence of Maggie.
Is it? I don’t remember the last time I was truly excited about something. Mak getting kind of back together with Tony. But I don’t know. Time to get excited about something.
Maggie: I have to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We’re almost done with the series and debating what to binge next. I think we should do Parks and Rec even though I’ve already seen it.
Maggie: Tick Tock. Dude. I have to go to a PTA meeting tonight. I hate being the teacher rep but someone has to suffer. Let’s get this Friends ship moving. HA! Get me?
Colt: Sorry. I just had a rough day and was trying to talk about something else.
I put the remote down. I shouldn’t ask. Mak keeps yelling at me to stop texting Colt, and I know Tony does the same to Colt. It’s not good for us. But I can’t help it. It’s just so easy.
Maggie: What happened?
Colt: Things you don’t want to discuss.
Maggie: Gemma.
Colt: Exactly. So, I’ll be fine. I like Monica’s hair in this one.
Maggie: Yeah. I’m sorry. If you need, we can talk about it.
My phone rings. In the six months of texting, we’ve never crossed that line. I go to bed thinking of things I want to tell him and get up, wondering what he’ll say to me. But we’ve never called.
My voice is worried. “Hi. Are you okay?”
“I am. Just wanted to hear your voice.” We sit on the phone listening to each other breathe and it’s already too much. This is not okay. My stomach flutters. He can’t say things like that. His voice alone makes me tremble, and this is bad.
“Colt.”
“Just sit with me, Maggie. Let’s watch our show and just sit here, okay?”
“Okay.”
I cradle the phone in my ear, and we both laugh at Joey. But his laugh isn’t the fun, sexy, throaty laugh he usually has. It’s like the volume has been turned down.
The garage door rumbles, and Kevin is early. The fact that I feel the need to immediately hang up tells me I’ve already passed the point where this is acceptable.
“I have to go. Kevin is home.”
“Text me later.”
“I’ll try.” I hang up and Kevin walks in, tossing his keys on the counter. He grabs a bottle of water and leans on the doorframe to the living room.
“ Friends again?” My phone dings.
“Is that your boyfriend?”
“Ha-Ha.”
Kevin joins me on the couch and pulls my feet into his lap. I smile at him. He says, “What if we went away this weekend?”
“I’d like that a lot.” My phone dings again, and he scowls.
“Can you silence that?” I do. “Maggie, I don’t like it.”
“What?” I know exactly what he means. I put my hand on his wrist.
“Maggie, it’s fucking strange, and I don’t like that there’s a man on the other end of your phone.”
“There’s nothing but Friends between us.” Ain’t that the truth. Mak and Tony. Hayden and Lizzie. All of our friends hooking up between us.
“I know I haven’t really been around because I’ve been so busy, but I think it’s been long enough. Okay. I want to be here for you.” My heart warms as I realize that he’s realized that Colt was filling a void for me. That’s not fair to any of us. “You know it’s emotional cheating.” He removes his hands from me. Someone fed him that term. But, dammit, he’s not wrong. I am.
I look at him as earnestly as I can. “I love you. I want to go away this weekend, and I want to spend time with you. But you’ve been so busy lately. And ever since we moved away from Nevada and Mak, I haven’t made a ton of new friends. It was nice to connect with an old one. That’s all.”
“Tell him you have to stop. If you love me, you’ll tell him no more texts. It’s all the time, Maggie.”
I stand up and put my hands on his shoulders. He looks down at me, and I go up on my tiptoes and kiss him. He yields and puts his arms around my waist. “I’ll tell him.” Maybe it’s so easy to talk to Colt because he’s not here. We don’t have to work on our relationship because it’s all fantasy, really. I love Kevin. He’s always been good to me. And I just need to find other ways to reconnect with him.
“Maggie, I’m serious. You have to stop texting him.”
“You’re right, I’m so sorry. And you should know that it really wasn’t emotional cheating. It was me being lonely here in Oregon. Can we talk about that? You’re off hunting or whatever and that’s great. I just don’t have friends here like I have there. I can only hike so much. And if you want to be my friend, I’m all in. Let’s do things, all the things together.”
He smiles. “What if we look into Tahoe?”
“What?! Really? Yes.” I jump up and down. I’ve missed home so much. My parents are living in Tahoe full time now. And it’s close enough to Reno where Mak wants to go to medical school.
“I believe you, but I don’t like you being friends with a man I don’t know.”
“You don’t know the people I work with.” He’s never attended any school function.
“You didn’t date them.” I put my hand up finally getting it.
“He called me today,” I blurt out. “And I’m telling you because I don’t want to lie to you ever. Honestly, I have nothing to hide so you can ask me anything. I’ve never lied to you, and I never will. If it’s a lie by omission or something I couldn’t deal with that. I once didn’t tell Mak about the sandwich I made because I only had enough to make one specific kind, and I felt terrible at school the next day knowing she loved that sandwich. But I---” Kevin leans down and kisses me, and I realize I’m babbling. I have to make my marriage work because Colt’s making his work.
Kevin heads to the shower like he does every day, and I pick up my phone doing something I never thought I’d ever do in my life. I’m kind of breaking up with him.
Colt: Everything alright?
Maggie: Yes. Are you okay?
I run to the bathroom and knock on the door.
“What?” Kevin grumbles.
“Can I tell him tomorrow? I think he’s having a shitty day and I want to be there for him as a friend.”
“I had a shitty day too. Be here for me. And you don’t have to tell him shit. Just stop texting.”
“I will tell him now. I’m not a disappearing kind of friend. You should know that. Where are we going this weekend?”
“Maggie, I’m trying to do something in here.” I put my hand on the bathroom door.
“What are you doing? I just want to know what to pack.”
“Are you serious right now? What do you think I’m doing in here, fixing the leaky sink?”
“Thank you. That’s been driving me crazy.” I wait for an answer.
“ Maggie ! I’m not fixing anything. Go away, please. Let me have a moment in the bathroom doing what I do in here privately.”
I think for a second and then I get it. But I don’t see what the big deal is.
“Okay. Enjoy your time.”
He yells after me as I turn down the hallway. “Maggie. Hold up. We’ve got to go away the weekend after. I’m going to the cabin this weekend before we put it on the market.”
“Okay. Thank you. I’m so excited we’re moving.”
“Later, Maggie.”
“Right.” I continue down the hallway and find myself excited by our marriage plans, moving and sad to say goodbye to Colt.
Maggie: I’m so sorry. But we have to stop texting.
Colt: Why?
Maggie: I know I don’t always get things at first but come on—even you can see that this might upset Kevin.
Colt: Not a Friends fan?
Maggie: Ha! Not even a little bit.
Maggie: I’m so sorry. I’ll miss you. A lot.
Colt: I understand. And I’m sorry for crossing that line. Not that we’ve ever known where that was.
I stare at the little dots waiting to see if that’s it. I run my fingers over the space where he should be writing to me and making me laugh. I hear the shower run, and it’s the sound of my real life. But what’s strange is no matter what all this texting was, now Colt’s actually my friend and I’ll get to miss him in a whole different way.
Colt: Thank you.
Maggie: You’re welcome.
I know what he means instantly, and that’s the thing about that damn man. He’s always made sense.