44. Maggie
44
maggie
He steps away from me, and I feel the loss of warmth, energy and sexiness. Can you lose sexiness? Is that an ephemeral thing that can become corporal? What am I even saying? My head is thick, and my tongue is heavy with this moment. Colt heads inside the house, but I stay frozen by how much I want him. Also, I feel if I follow him inside everyone will totally know for sure what we’re about to do.
I drift toward the house casually. I don’t know what to do with my feet, so I keep pointing my toes and flexing them. Because that looks real casual. Just as I’m about to make a break for it, Mak hip checks me. “Why are your pupils so freaking large?”
“They are not.”
“Girlie, go climb that man. You deserve it. He already won the bet.” I roll my eyes.
I smack my best friend as my cheeks heat up a bit. “Shh. Stop.”
Mak lowers her voice a little. “Not kidding, Mags. Go fuck that man before you both explode. Your sex fog is hanging in the air and choking all of us.”
“There’s no fog,” I say too loudly.
Tony yells from across the lawn, “Sex Fog!”
Hayden laughs. Robbie’s holding Claire from behind and she says, “Please go take care of that. It’s the thickest I’ve seen in ages. We all feel it, and it’s pretty hard to ignore. Leave all of us married and coupled up couples to gossip about you and go clear the damn air.”
Everyone laughs and settles in around the firepit again. I’m standing there freaking out inside because I’m not sure I get to have what I want. It’s so weird to think about. My eyebrow is twitching like crazy. I hold it in place, and try to tamp down the blush. I whisper to Mak, “What if this is all taken from me again? What if I’m trusting the wrong things to be true? What if Colt doesn’t hunt or the Vice President forces him to hunt?”
Makenzie puts her arm around me and walks me toward the house. “Mags, this is for you. Whether you get to have it forever or not, this night is yours. You deserve this and so much more. That man can’t help but be pulled into your shiny sphere. You make everyone one of us more attractive by the reflection of how amazing you are. Go. It’s okay to want something that’s just for you.”
“I did that once and---”
“That woman doesn’t get to haunt you from the grave.” And everything I’ve said doesn’t matter as Mak gets to the heart of the crack in the foundation of my heart. Gemma.
I breathe in and hold it in my cheeks then push the air out quickly. Mak continues, “It wasn’t fair what went down to you or to her. It’s terrible what happened to her, and I know it hurts your good, and pure heart, but that doesn’t mean you have to deny yourself this because she died. You cannot feel guilty for her cancer. I know you and you stop that thinking.”
I hold her closer because it might be the real reason we haven’t done it yet.
“I’m so happy to see you.”
“Most people are. But don’t forget you’re the one who ran off to find yourself in the world without me.”
“And what did I find?”
She tosses her head back toward the house and her slick straight black bob swings over her face for a moment. “Yourself. You showed up here my friend from long before you met Colt or Kevin. You’re the sparkly, perfect person who befriended me in kindergarten. Before we were even real people, we were real friends and it’s good to see you.”
“I love you,” I say, trying to take in her nice words.
“And you found him. You’re the only one of us who still believes the world is totally good and God gives you grace. I try to be that person, but you just are. And him. We could have delivered him to you, but it all had to happen like this. You found him, and I have to believe it’s a much bigger and broader plan than any of your sparkly quilted planners can hold.”
Can’t stop them now, here come the damn tears. I wipe them off my cheeks with the back of my hand and I sputter out, “I’m afraid.”
I look away and Lizzie hugs me from behind. “So were we. Sorry. I overheard. No, not really. I was actually trying to listen.”
I blubber away in the arms of women who knew me when it was all simple and pure. “And what made you brave?”
Mak kisses my forehead and says, “Faith.”
I suck in a breath. Lizzie squeezes me and puts her chin on my shoulder. “And condoms.” I burst out laughing and the ladies join me. “Be afraid of everything else but having sex with that hot man who adores you, that’s nothing to be scared of. Unless his dick is super weird or something.”
“If memory serves, it’s large and perfect.” I tap my temple like I’m trying to recall his penis. I won’t let on that I’ve already seen it again.
Lizzie stands in front of me. Mak smacks my ass. “Now skedaddle. I don’t want to see you again until you’ve had at least six non solo orgasms. Go get properly screwed.”
Lizzie takes on a coach’s voice. “You can do this, Tiger.”
Mak puts up two fists and takes a fighting stance then gestures forward.
I straighten my shoulders and then a look of panic crawls over my face. “But I don’t have any condoms. I’m on birth control but what do I do?”
Hayden yells from across the yard. I didn’t realize they were all listening, and now my eyebrow is in a full on jitter.
“And he hasn’t had sex in six years. I think you’re good.” Colt appears at the backdoor surveying the lawn and clearly has heard Hayden.
“What the fuck? Maggie, get in here. The rest of you. Fuck off.”
Tony jabs as I skip over to Colt. “Pretty sure that’s what you’re going to take care of soon.”
Everyone laughs, and I bury my face in his chest. His arms go around me, and he kisses the top of my head. “What the hell is happening?”
“Crisis of faith. But I’m past it now.”
He guides me into the house down the hallway and towards one of the open doors on the first floor. But Daisy’s leaning in the doorframe of the other one.
Colt drops my hand, and I struggle to keep my faith in place. “Daisy, what’s wrong?”
“It’s late, Dad. Are you coming to bed?” He sighs.
“Yes, Bug, I was just finishing up with everyone. Let’s get you tucked in. And give me your phone, please.” He outstretches her hand and groans as she surrenders it.
I eek out, “Night, Lady Daisyfeld.” She stares at me skeptically like she did mid-road trip when I touched Colt’s shoulder. I might be paranoid, but I don’t think we’re fooling the girls either. “Night, Colt.”
“Night, Mags,” he says quietly as he leads Daisy into her room.
On the other side of my door, I slide down to the ground. What am I doing? This sucks. Cockblocking kids. My hand flies to my mouth at the thought. I change and slide into bed. I gather the pillow next to me and stare. The empty side hasn’t bothered me until tonight. As I drift off, all my walls and reservations melt away, and I just want him. I want to be with him all the way and feel all of him so desperately it aches.
There are light kisses on my spine and hands running down my legs. There’s a soft cooing in my ear as I moan at the memory of his touch. My skin tickles a little as he kisses the skin just behind my ear. I’m disoriented, and it’s still very dark outside and in the room. There’s a sliver of moonlight or streetlight, not sure, but it’s peeking through the blinds.
“Meerkat, time to wake up and ride me. Wake up, my Maggie.” And with a sudden urgency, I flip over and see his amber eyes dark and wanton. I kiss him without hesitation or worrying about my breath. There’s almost no space between us as I scoot closer to his perfect body. His chest is all hard planes and angles. He nips at my bottom lip, and I open to him completely. I wrap my leg around his hip and feel how much he wants me. My tongue wildly skates between his lips with lots of gasps and gropes. As if something else has overtaken me, and I’m unable to do anything but seek his touch. He’s on my neck and his hand cups my breast through the ribbed tank top and my nipple peak and strain for him. He groans.
“Fuck, you’re so sexy. Hot. I can’t wait to be inside of you. Bare. That’s okay, right?”
“Yes. It’s been so long for me, though. What if I’m bad at it?”
“How about you? Let me worry about coming too fast and you just be languid and sexy, okay?”
I lash at his tongue with mine in a wild beast sort of way and my hips grind into him. I’m tugging at his hair. I didn’t know I was a hair puller, but here I am. He pecks at my collar bone groaning each time I do it.
“And we can always do it multiple times. Practice makes perfect.” He whispers.
“I’m very good at practice.”
He pulls himself from me completely and pushes me onto my back. Then there’s a predatory grin as he stares at my body. I want to pull the sheets up and hide but the way he’s looking at me tells me I’m being stupid. I arch my back and offer myself to him, and I see the outline of his hard dick in his gym shorts.
“How wet are you, Mags? You can clearly see how much I want you since you’re staring at my cock?” His words light me up. He only dabbled in talk like this when we were younger, but I love it.
“I am.”
“You are what?” He’s straddling me but sitting up. “Wet or staring at my weeping fat cock. It’s always hard for you. It’s painful and throbbing right now thinking about pushing into your plush and perfect pussy. Stretching you with my dick. Is that what you want, Maggie? For me to open you up and spread you wide while my cock fills you. Which is it? Are you wet for me? Or staring at my cock.”
I lick my lips and say, “Both.”