Chapter Seventeen
GEMMA
It’s been a week since Robert and I had our big fight, and after an apology and three dozen roses, he’s back to acting the way he was before his meltdown.
Robert doesn’t like unresolved issues, and although he apologized for blowing up about Tyler and my dad, I’m not certain it was genuine.
I’m also not convinced he won’t bring it up again.
He continues to talk about moving the wedding date, and although I’m hesitant, he’s convinced I’ll change my mind.
I love Robert, and when we started dating, things felt like a fairy tale. Now it feels like we’re together for convenience, and I need to figure out why that is before I agree to marry him in three months. He’ll have to commit to spending more quality time with me before that happens.
“Gemma, darlin’, you look wonderful.” Robert walks into the bathroom as I finish getting ready for the Labor Day parade that’s in a few hours.
I’m dolled up in a 1950s A-line dress and apron.
I look absolutely ridiculous with my hair flipped out, but the costume goes with Robert’s tiny home float to promote his company.
“You don’t think it’s over the top and too flashy?” I ask self-consciously.
Robert grips my waist, pulling me closer. “No, you look perfect. Very fitting for the part.”
“And what part is that?”
“Being my wife and the mother of my children,” he states confidently. “You’re a natural.”
I scrunch my nose. “I don’t know about that.” Stepping back, he drops his hands, and I grab the hairspray off the counter. “I’ll be ready in a couple of minutes.”
Things with Robert still feel off, and I know it’s my own conflicting thoughts causing it. I’m the one who’s changed. Seeing Tyler again after all these years still affects me when I thought it wouldn’t. I believed I was ready to move on and jump headfirst into a relationship.
I don’t want to be hung up on someone who can’t reciprocate my feelings, and I’ve struggled with the battle daily since he returned. Avoiding Tyler is impossible, and it’ll only get worse as we keep tap-dancing around each other.
No matter how hard I’ve tried to forget, our history and past can’t be erased. I don’t think I ever got over him or let go of the hope that we’d end up together again.
As I finish spraying my hair, I think back to my junior year in high school when I finally found the courage to admit my feelings. I wrote the letter and was nervous for two weeks while I waited for his response.
Dear Gemma,
After reading your letter, I’ll admit it took me a few days to decide how to respond.
When I read that you were developing “more than friendship” feelings for me, I was partially caught off guard but also happy as hell.
I have to be careful about what and how I say this because you’re still under eighteen.
But since you’re probably wearing out your bedroom carpet from pacing, I’ll give you some comfort in letting you know that it’s not one-sided.
I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but I look forward to every letter you send me and always get nervous writing you one back.
I didn’t date in high school, and I’m worried I won’t be good at it.
My home life and childhood were messed up, which was a part of the reason I had to get out of town, but you’ve heard all about that already.
I’ve been gone for three years, and the only thing I look forward to when I return is seeing you again. I’m scared I’ll break your heart, but you make me want to at least try. I can’t promise anything, Gemma, so please don’t get your hopes up.
But for what it’s worth, you’re the first person I think of when I wake up and the last when I go to bed.
Love, Tyler
That letter had me happy crying for days.
Everleigh knew I had a crush on Tyler, but I didn’t tell her the feelings were mutual until a couple of months before he returned. She wasn’t surprised, considering the way I’d talked about him, and having her blessing lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.
After getting stuck in a little traffic, Robert and I arrive at the float with smiles on our faces. The parade route isn’t too long, and we’ll do a big loop downtown. I told Robert to buy ridiculous amounts of candy for the kids because it was my favorite part when I was younger.
It seems like the whole town has already started setting up lawn chairs on Main Street to watch.
Robert’s dressed in his usual suit and tie, and he slicked back his hair with gel to match my 1950s attire. On the outside, we look like the perfect happy couple, but I’m screaming on the inside. My chest is tight, and I feel like the breath has been knocked out of me.
“Darlin’, are you alright?” Robert asks as I try to suck in air.
I inhale and force out a smile. “Yeah, just nerves.”
He rubs a soothing hand down my back and brushes a few strands of hair off my face. “Don’t be nervous, honey.”
Robert helps me onto the float before coming to stand next to me. One of his employees is driving the truck, and soon, we’re moving into position.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I think I ate something weird, but I’m sure it’s nothing,” I tell him with a smile. Nausea rolls through me, and I question whether I’m getting sick or if it’s something else.
We make it down the first block, handing out full-size candy bars and dollar bills. Robert makes sure his float stands out not just by the way it’s decorated but also by the extravagant things we pass out.
I start to feel better and wave to the crowd of people cheering loudly. Kids squeal over the candy. Soon, we’re in front of Everleigh’s boutique, and the parade stops so the high school cheerleaders can perform a routine.
“Gemma!” Everleigh and Katie scream my name as Owen waves at us. I wave back, then notice Tyler.
Robert wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me flush against him. He’s playing the doting husband role with expertise, and I wonder if this is what it’ll be like once we’re actually married.
“Aunt Gemma!” Owen calls out.
“Come get some candy,” Robert tells him, holding out three full-size Hershey bars.
He runs up, and Robert kneels so he can hand them over. “Thanks, Robert.”
“Wait, I got something else for you.” He reaches for his wallet, then pulls out a twenty-dollar bill. I release a tight sigh, knowing how this will look to Tyler. Of course, Katie will tell Owen to return the cash, but Robert will refuse it.
“Wow, thank you!” Owen beams as he walks back to his mom.
“You’re welcome, buddy!” Robert waves again and makes his way over to me.
“That was very nice,” I tell him. “He’s gonna talk about that for days, maybe weeks.”
“Just wanted to help the kid out. I know Katie’s not making much money at the bank.”
His rude comment catches me off guard. Katie might not be loaded with a hefty savings account, but she’s done damn well, given her situation.
“Actually, I think she makes great money, and if that’s the only reason—”
“Gemma, not now. Smile, for Christ’s sake. Everyone can see you.”
My lips move into a frown as I glare at the man in front of me with disgust. I glance over at my friends and see Tyler watching us.
His arms are crossed over his chest as he narrows his eyes with a shake of his head.
There’s no way he could’ve heard what Robert said, but he undoubtedly sees how tense I am.
Between the disastrous double date and the fight with Robert, then my talk with Tyler afterward, my mind is a fucking mess.
Robert’s true colors have always been right in front of me, and for whatever reason, I’ve turned a blind eye.
I wanted to please my dad and make him proud, but it’s not his fault I ignored the red flags.
Robert isn’t a bad man, but he might not be the man for me. His intentions have always been very clear—he wants a wife, someone who will stay home with his children and have dinner ready when he comes home.
When the parade ends, we’re out of candy and money.
All the children were so ecstatic over Robert’s gifts and how generous he was.
Right now, I’m feeling too claustrophobic, and I think I need some space from Robert.
Once we get home and I change, I’ll explain I need to do some laundry and clean before work tomorrow.
Hopefully, it will give me the ability to clear my head.
“I wish you’d stay,” he says, repeating the words he always says when I leave. “Or move in.”
My jaw tenses at his constant pushing. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I’m sure,” I deflect, not in the mood to have the same conversation again.
He tells me he loves me, and though I repeat the words to him before closing the door behind me, it’s the first time in our relationship when I’ve second-guessed if I still do.
Tyler arrives at work the next day with a mumbled good morning and barely looks in my direction as he goes into the garage instead of making small talk.
Over the past week, he’d make himself a cup of coffee or refill his tumbler and chat with me before starting with his first project.
However, today he looks at me with an annoyed or pissed-off expression, though I’m not sure why.
Last night, I had hoped taking a hot bath would help me relax, but it only allowed me to overthink everything.
For the first time in a year and a half, I cried about missing my mom.
Before that, it was when Robert proposed, and I had wished more than anything she was here to celebrate with us.
But now I’d do anything to talk to her about how I feel so she could guide and tell me what to do.
Although I don’t remember a lot about her, I feel the emptiness and ache in my chest from her not being here.
Katie and Everleigh give great advice and tell me to do what feels right, but I still need and miss my mom.
She had life experience that I’ll never learn from and stories I’ll never hear.
After years of being married, having kids and a family, Mom would know what’s best and could give me the advice I need.