Fifteen
Annalise
After the world's longest shower and nap, I still hadn't quite recovered from my earlier experience with Jared. I'd replayed it a million times since, despite myself, remembering Jared's confident grin and his way-too-comforting presence, how he'd somehow managed to turn what could have been a terrifying experience into something... fun. And that bothered me more than I cared to admit.
Seriously, he'd been so annoyingly smooth. The way he'd wrapped his arms around me, making me feel safe, like he actually cared if I made it across in one piece. And I couldn't even think about the way I'd laughed and leaned into him, actually enjoying myself and letting him see a side of me I usually kept hidden away. I was supposed to be tougher than this, damn it, immune to that whole knight-in-shining-armor crap.
Yet, there'd been something undeniably thrilling about the way we'd fit together during that ride. His chest was warm and oh so sturdy against my back, his breath near my ear making me shiver even now, hours later during dinner.
Fuck.
The last thing I needed was to complicate my life with some office romance. He was just a co-worker, after all. A slightly mysterious, mostly obnoxious, occasionally charming co-worker who seemed to get under my skin more and more with every passing day.
I couldn't let him distract me, though. I'd have to keep my distance and pretend like none of this had ever happened.
Dinner had been easy. I'd waited until the last possible minute to come downstairs again, hiding out in my room with Mona.
And when we'd arrived, he'd already been seated. So it'd been easy to sit all the way at the other end of the room and eat my bowl of hearty stew.
But now?
We were headed outdoors for kumbaya time. Yay.
And sure enough, as soon as I took a seat on one of the blankets strewn about the fire, Jared sat down right next to me.
"Oh, hey," he said. "Didn't see you there."
Rolling my eyes at him, the gesture was lost in the darkness.
"I don't know about you," he began, "but that was the best shower I've ever had. I take it you got all the mud out of weird places?"
Despite myself, I laughed. "Mostly. But Max Sterling still owes me for my shoes."
"They said to bring old shoes, plus an extra pair."
"I did. But still."
Before he could respond, Ranger Jim arrived and proceeded to pass out sticks and marshmallows, which meant I had to get up, my body not happy with me. I was twenty-nine, right? Because it sure felt like these bones and muscles were more like eighty.
Wincing a bit, I shifted and put my feet out in front of me to stand, but Jared must have heard my stifled moaning and groaning.
"Sore?" he asked. "Do you want me to work on your marshmallow, princess?I've got a knack for getting things hot and just the right amount of sticky."
I tried not to laugh. I really did. But it came out anyway as I handed him my stick. "Yes, please. Try not to do it too much? Some things are sensitive..."
His brows raised and his eyes widened like I'd just given him the juiciest bit of knowledge. "Sensitive... okay. Got it."
Oh, God. Why had I even said that?
Thankfully, he didn't dwell on it, instead turning to go roast our marshmallows. My eyes couldn't help following him as he stood to one side of the fire and carefully lowered our two sticks together.
I took in the broad expanse of his shoulders and how his shirt clung to him, every muscle moving beneath the fabric in a way that sent a shiver down my spine. The firelight flickered against his profile, casting shadows that highlighted his sharp jaw and cheekbones, making him look sexy as hell.
Why did he have to be so damn attractive? As much as I despised that pull I'd been feeling, there was no denying it anymore. Watching him now, I could feel my resolve slipping away.
The way he stood there, so tall, fit, and completely at ease, and the way he'd so effortlessly stepped up to take care of me earlier and again just now, I felt something stir deep inside me.
Damn it, this was going to be a problem.
Soon enough, he came back over, his movements confident and unhurried as he sat down beside me, close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating off him.
He handed me a perfectly roasted marshmallow, his fingers brushing mine for just a moment longer than necessary. The touch was electric, sending a jolt up my arm that settled somewhere low in my abdomen.
"Here you go," he said in a husky, deep tone. There was a hint of a smile on his lips, the kind that made it hard to tell if he knew exactly what he was doing to me.
"Thanks," I managed to say, my voice a little too breathy for my liking.
Crap. I needed to stop this. So I quickly focused on making my s'more, sliding the marshmallow onto the chocolate and sandwiching it between the graham crackers, all while trying to ignore the fact that he was watching me.
I took a bite, focusing my attention on anything but him, grabbing onto the laughter of several co-workers as a distraction. Mona's marshmallow had caught on fire, and to the amusement of everyone else, she blew on it furiously trying to get it out.
She finally succeeded, triumphantly holding up her burnt remains for all of us to see.
My own s'more was heavenly, maybe a little messy, well, a whole lot messy, but absolutely delicious. I devoured it, trying to lick my fingers clean afterwards, Jared leaning in a little closer to my side.
"You've got a little something... right there," he said, his voice teasing as he pointed to a spot on my lip where some marshmallow had stuck.
Before I could react, he reached out, his thumb gently brushing the sticky sweetness from my lip. The touch was slow and deliberate, making my heart race.
I couldn't help but look up at him, my breath catching in my throat at the sight before me. His eyes were dark, focusing on me in a way that made me feel like I was the only thing he could see.
"Got it," he murmured, his thumb lingering just a moment longer, his gaze locked on mine.
The tension rose between us, thick and undeniable, like a live wire sparking just beneath the surface of whatever this was.
Finally, his hand fell away, and he took a bite of his s'more, clearly savoring and drawing it out, making me think of other things Jared might savor and draw out.
Oh, God.
His eyes never left my face. "Did you enjoy that?" he asked, his voice low and full of meaning.
I swallowed, the taste of chocolate and marshmallow still lingering on my tongue. "Yeah... it was really good," I answered, although I wasn't sure if we were talking about the s'mores or the way he'd touched me.
"Good," he said, his smile slow, almost predatory in this light. "I'm glad you liked it. There's s'more where that came from."
The laugh that came out of me drew the attention of my co-workers, but I didn't care. A man who could make me swoon and laugh in the space of seconds?
I was in deep now, and I didn't know if I had the strength to pull myself out. Or if I even wanted to anymore.
Leave it to Ranger Jim to break the spell.
"All right, folks." He sat across the fire from us in a camp chair and strummed a few chords on his guitar. "Who's ready to sing?"
"Oh, shit," Jared muttered beside me, making me giggle.
"Oh, give me a home... where the buffalo roam..." Jim sang out in a loud voice.
To my surprise, most of my co-workers joined in, just as loud and enthusiastic as Jim, including the man beside me, which actually wasn't that shocking. Of course, Jared would sing along. Who could forget karaoke night, after all?
And he continued to join in during the next song, "Stand by Me," singing especially loud right near my ear. And again during "Ring of Fire."
My God, how long would Ranger Jim keep this going?
Once he finished the old Johnny Cash song, which Jared knew every word to, he started in on "Let It Be."
As I sat there, still silent, Jared nudged me right before the chorus kicked in. "Come on, Dee. Don't be too cool for school. I know you have a beautiful voice."
I had to smile at that. The man was certainly learning that flattery would get him everywhere.
So I sang, and it was kind of fun. Even if a part of me hated the cheesiness of it all. The everlasting sing-along dragged on and on, Ranger Jim clearly in his element. My co-workers all loved it. Mona loved it. Jared loved it.
And I was slowly getting there. But truthfully, all I wanted to do was go to bed, and hopefully, my sore body would feel better tomorrow.
I hadn't realized how out of shape I truly was. Living in New York, I felt like I walked everywhere and stayed fit because of that. But I did sit a ton at work. And I did hire a car quite often to take me most places. So maybe I wasn't doing as well as I thought, and that was why my body hated me right now.
When Jim finally put down his blasted guitar, telling us we'd all meet up again bright and early—oh, yay—I went to stand up, Jared beating me to it and holding out his hands for me.
I debated whether or not to accept his help, but only for a split second, because I really could use it. So I grabbed onto his warm hands, his fingers gripping me with surprising strength. Rather stiffly, with his help, I pulled myself up and made it to my feet, smacking right into him and his big body.
In a flash, I stepped back and dropped his hands. The last thing I needed was for my co-workers to think anything was going on between us.
I muttered my thanks, then cleared my throat. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Good night, Dee," he said, a smirk across his smug face.
Hurrying away, I hightailed it upstairs to my room, seeking an escape, anything to get away from these damn feelings, this want, this need taking shape inside me.
I scrubbed my face clean in the bathroom then brushed my teeth, and when I came out, Mona sat on her bed, legs crossed and a big smile on her face, staring at me, almost like she'd been waiting for me.
"So..." she started. "What's going on with you and Jared Jawline, huh?"
"What? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
"That's not what it looked like today. And certainly not tonight."
I rummaged through my bag to find my nightshirt. "I have no idea what you mean."
She laughed, bouncing up and down on her bed. "Uh-huh. Okay. The ladydoth protest too much,methinks."
"Well,methinks thou art mistaken."
"Out, out, damn spot."
Rolling my eyes, I pulled my nightshirt over my head. "What does that even mean in this context?"
"I don't know," she admitted with a shrug. "I just like that line."
I shook my head, laughing. "But that's not even from the same play. I'm starting to think you just like Shakespeare for the drama."
She bounced again, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "You know I do love the drama. But seriously, you can't keep dodging the question. What's really going on with you and Jared?"
I let out a sigh as I flopped onto my bed. "There's nothing to tell. He's just... sometimes kind of charming and confusing. And a bit too good-looking for his own good."
A triumphant grin on her face, she smacked the bed. "So you do think he's hot."
"Maybe a little."
"So you like him now? Like like him like him? You don't think he has cooties anymore?"
"What are we in third grade?"
Laughing, she fell back on her bed. "You want third grade? Jared and Dee... sitting in a tree..."
I threw a pillow her way, but that still didn't shut her up.
"K-i-s-s-i-n-g."
"We've never kissed, and we're not going to."
"Oh, okay."
"But you do like him."
"No. Not really."
She arched a brow at me. "But you blush every time he looks your way. Or any time he's near you. Or—"
I interrupted her with a groan. "He does not make me blush."
"Uh-huh. Sure. I think you're just in denial about how smitten you are."
"Oh, please. I'm not smitten in the least."
"Whatever you say, smitten kitten."
With an exaggerated huff, I shoved my pillow around, trying to fluff it up a bit. "I'm not a smitten kitten."
"Mm-hmm. Well, whenever you're ready to talk about whatever is not going on, just let me know."
"Don't worry. You'll be the first to know about whatever is not happening between me and Jared. Which is nothing. Absolutely nothing," I repeated.
Snorting, she began to stretch out her back, soon letting out a moan. "Oh, my God, I've never been so exhausted in my life."
I grabbed onto the change of subject with relief. "Right?"
"This retreat is torture. But fun torture? Does that make sense?"
"I couldn't agree more."
She flicked off the bedside lamp between us and turned on a white noise app on her phone. "I hope you don't mind this. I can't sleep without it."
"No. I like it." And maybe it'd drown out my supposed snoring that Jared had mentioned. Did I snore? What an ass for putting that in my head.
"Oh," Mona turned down the white noise, interrupting my mental rant, "and by the way, no one at Insight Ink would think any less of you if you did indeed have a thing for Jared. As a matter of fact, we're all rooting for the two of you."
People were rooting for us? That was wild."What? You are?"
"Heck, yeah."
"Why?"
She shuffled in her bed, and I strained to see her, but it was pitch black. And after a minute, she finally spoke. "I don't know honestly. But I know for me, and maybe others, we could all use a little happiness in this fucked up world, you know? And nothing encapsulates happiness more than love."
Love? Holy fuck. Love?
Why did she even mention that word? I nearly sat up in my bed to argue. But I was too exhausted. And she'd already turned up the white noise.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to stop my mind from reeling. Because this was most certainly not love. And it never would be.