19. Chapter 16
Chance
J J stared at me as I walked into the gym kitchen.
And stared.
And stared.
And kept on fucking staring .
“Can I help you?” I grumbled.
“Where the fuck did your hair go?” he asked, eyes so wide I could see the whites at both the top and bottom.
“I dunno, man. I just woke up like this,” I replied, rubbing my hands over my face as I walked over to the pot of coffee.
“… really?”
“No, dickhead, of course not. I shaved it last night.” After pouring milk over my Weet-Bix, I pulled the foil off of the yoghurt container and began dumping heaped spoonfuls into the bowl.
“Why? Your hair was so majestic,” he whined.
I turned back to make some snarky comment in reply, but stopped short when genuine concern rippled across JJ’s face. He ran a hand over his head of dark curls, and wrinkles creased his forehead from his raised eyebrows.
I sighed, putting the lid back on the yoghurt. “I’m okay, man. Really,” I started. “I’m just figuring things out.”
He nodded. He lightly shrugged his shoulders, telling me he wouldn’t push me on the subject, and dug back into his own breakfast. “Next time you want to shave all of your hair off, at least wake me up so I can do the honours. I always saved you from those stupid eyebrow and hair shaving pranks when we were younger.”
~
After dumping my duffle on my desk, I quickly rolled the curtains down to block out all of the goddamn wandering eyes.
“I told you all of the old birds would be disappointed,” JJ said, flopping on the couch next to Mari’s desk.
It was true. Marilyn was running some sort of morning tea for some of the oldies in town, and they’d all but gasped when I’d stopped in at the kitchen to use the fridge.
“Well, your new ’do looks lovely, dear,” she’d said.
Though I definitely hadn’t missed her analysing gaze, as if she could see straight through me. Something told me it was impossible to lie to the woman.
“Hate to disappoint the fans,” I replied, pulling the book out of my bag along with my keys to unlock the filing cabinet. My chest cramped as I forced steady breaths through it, hunkering down on the inevitable internal shake.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
It’s a fucking filing cabinet.
In.
Out.
“You lose your key?” JJ asked, the faintest trace of concern wavering his voice.
I cleared my throat. “Nah, man. Just not all there this morning.” I shoved the red key into the lock and turned. The drawer sprung open at me, along with that box in the back of my mind that I tried so fucking hard to keep closed.
The smell.
The sickeningly sweet smell of what was in here—
A hand squeezed gently on my shoulder, a black and silver ring shining on the index finger.
Seeing the book that was still in my hand, he tugged it from my grip.
Releasing my shoulder, my best friend tucked my most prized possession in the back of the filing cabinet, shut the drawer, and turned the lock.
“I dunno what happened back in Darlington Harbour, mate,” he started, running a hand through his hair. “But I know that my best friend is going through some shit right now … and I have a sneaking suspicion he’s busting his own balls to deal with it alone. Would I be correct?”
I stared at him—
My oldest friend.
The person I trusted most in this world.
The person I owed my fucking life to.
Biting on my tongue so hard I could taste blood, I shoved every instinct of denial down. Down farther, away from that box in the back of my mind. Away from me, away from JJ.
I nodded.
He let out what seemed to be a breath of relief, and something cracked inside me. He’d seen me. Of course he’d seen me. He knew me better than anyone else. He knew who I was, inside and out.
“I’m here, Chance.” He put his hand on my shoulder again. “You’re not alone.”
“I—” I scrubbed my face with my hands, not having a single fucking clue of where to start.
That box in the back of my mind had stopped rattling about, but I could still feel how fucking full it was.
That was the thing about ghosts—when you went to point one out, say ‘Look! The grim fucking reaper is chasing me!’—they vanished into thin air.
But a cold presence always lingered, an icy hand on the shoulder with a promise to return later.
JJ turned and sat back on the couch next to Sunny’s desk, splaying himself out in the most casual manner, but I caught the message from it.
Nothing is ever too big that you can’t tell me .
“Take your time. I’ve got plenty.” He smiled, dipping his chin in a gesture for me to sit.
I paced in front of him before finally joining him on the couch.
We sat in silence for a long minute while I sorted through the bowl of fucking spaghetti in my brain. Tangled and knotted, no beginning or end. JJ, to his credit, didn’t make any jokes or try to urge me on. He waited, patient and calm, as if he didn’t have anywhere else in the world he’d rather be.
“Shit got pretty bad before I left Darlington Harbour, man,” I started … and finished.
All the words cluttered up in my throat.
“Everything had kind of reached its tipping point the day you called me,” I croaked.
His eyes flared, and I let out a self-pitying laugh.
“I mean, for fuck sake, I was sitting up at Fuller’s Point when you called, about ten seconds away from ending it—”
“Morning team,” Mari’s voice sounded from outside.
A cluster of responses followed before the office door opened.
That woman—that fucking beautiful woman—stopped dead in her tracks.
A light shimmer of sweat coated her skin, slightly tugging parts of her white singlet closer to her hips; she must have walked here.
Torn up denim shorts sat at the tops of those legs that ran a mile long.
Alluring lines wrapped themselves around the slender curves of her thighs, showcasing just how beautifully capable she was.
And she was staring at me.
“Mornin’, Sunny.” I lifted a smirk onto my face, catching the flare in her honey brown eyes when they met mine.
“Riordan.” She nodded at me, eyes flickering over my newly buzzed head, before moving over to her desk. “Aren’t you supposed to be working today, JJ?”
A sudden wave of coolness swept over me when her gaze left mine. No fucking clue why, but I didn’t like it.
“Nah, they’re just getting ready for the big dance tonight. Apparently my services aren’t required later on.”
“Shit,” she cursed. “I forgot about that.”
She padded over to the couch JJ was on and signalled for him to shuffle aside.
“I have to make an appearance, don’t I?” She folded her hands over her face and sighed, her elbows pressing together her alarmingly noticeable cleavage.
Fuck sake.
“To one of the gym’s biggest sponsors? Yeah, Lynnie, you should probably make an appearance,” JJ replied. “You can join Cassie and I.”
“Cassie?” I asked.
“My date for the evening,” He waggled his eyebrows. “Or maybe it’s Casey. I should probably figure that out.”
“Sorry, JJ, there’s about a million other people I would rather go with than you and your hook up for the night. One of which includes a wasp nest.”
“Rude.” He gaped, placing a hand over his chest.
“I’ve done it before,” she groaned. “Never again.”
“Do I bother asking?” I interrupted.
“No—” Sunny started.
“Yes,” JJ finished.
I looked to Sunny—a scowl scrunching up her pretty face—trying to plant innocence over the top of my burning curiosity. She rolled her eyes.
“She’s just mad because I got some that night and she didn’t,” JJ tried.
“Yeah, you got some! When you were supposed to be driving me home!” she shrieked. “We stopped for fuel for five minutes, JJ. Five minutes! I went in to pay for the fuel in your car—I come out, and you guys are getting it on! In the car!”
“You didn’t.” I couldn’t hold in the laugh that burst out.
“Sure did, Chancey boy. I saw an opportunity, and I took it.” He shrugged.
“We were thirty minutes out of town. You couldn’t have waited thirty minutes?!” Sunny yelled. “ I had to wait outside for nearly an hour!”
“An hour? That’s a long while for you, J,” I said. I could practically see the steam coming out of Sunny’s ears as she glared at me.
“She was a nice girl. I was just trying to look after her,” he replied.
“Ugh!” Mari threw her arms up and stomped out.
“You seriously do that?” I asked.
“Hah, yeah. Not one of my prouder moments, but I bought her breakfast the next day.” He waved it off.
“Mari? Or the chick?”
“Mari, of course. One of the three women I’d ever buy food for willingly.”
“Who’re the other two?”
“Marilyn and your sister,” he teased, smiling like a Cheshire cat.
“Jackass.”