36. Chapter 33
Mari
“ H e’s not usually so grouchy,” JJ said to Beau as we passed by the old church on the way to Rusty’s. “Someone just burnt his toast this morning.”
His eyes flicked over to me; I narrowed my own on his.
“What are you suggesting?”
“I did not say nor imply a thing,” he stated, turning his nose up and refusing to make eye contact.
“Ignore him,” I told Beau. “He has nothing going on in his life at the moment, so he feels the need to psychoanalyse others.”
“Not true! I have things happening!” JJ whined, while Beau choked on his own laughter.
“Such as?”
“Lynnie and Chance slept together!” he rushed out, eager to change the subject.
“I knew it! I knew you were behind some little stunt when you dragged me onto the dance floor last night!” Beau pumped his fist in the victory of putting two and two together.
“What stunt?” JJ asked.
“Trevvy here dragged my ass onto Moonies’ d-floor last night and a certain someone did not seem very happy about it.” He smirked at me, sage green eyes alight with amusement.
I stiffened my face, hoping that I wasn’t wearing the sudden panic that rushed up my spine.
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Did he know? Did he see Chance follow me into the bathroom?
“ Did she now?!” JJ practically launched himself onto Beau’s shoulders in excitement. “No wonder he was a cranky bastard this morning.”
“Oh, great. Nice going, Trevvy. Now one of the top UFL stars hates me,” Beau whined.
“What?!” I gaped. “Why would he hate you? He doesn’t even know you!”
“Doesn’t matter, Mari!” he groaned, giving a ‘silently cursing the world’ look to the sky. “I touched what’s his. I’m lucky he didn’t rip my hands off this morning!”
“I am not his!!” I screeched.
“Yeah, you’re lucky he just threw his little temper tantrum and went to hit the bag,” JJ said at the same time.
“Yeah, I could tell,” Beau replied. “That dude is seriously shitting-my-own-pants terrifying. There’s something in his eyes, I’m telling you. Like … like he looks straight through to your soul or something.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I’d drowned in those eyes numerous times already, and that was exactly what it felt like. When Chance’s eyes were on me, he wasn’t just looking at me. He was looking through me, straight into who I really was.
“You’ll be right, mate. He’s a big softie at heart. Besides, he wouldn’t do anything to get into Lynnie’s bad books.”
JJ winced at the glare I shot him.
“What?” he defended. “Trust me—whether you like it or not, you mean something to him. Stop being uptight. We all know he means something to you too.”
“I—”
“Nah-nah-nah-nah, don’t even try and deny it. I’ve been back for less than twenty-four hours and even I can tell there’s something happening there.” Beau waggled his thick eyebrows at me.
“It doesn’t matter how much or how little he means to me. I don’t do fighters.”
“Anymore?”
This time my glare moved to Beau. He’d been gone for so long, he didn’t even flinch.
“Last I was here, Trevvy, you’d had a few fighters under your sheets.”
“She’s just got these metaphorical ten-foot-tall fences around her since Jayden allegedly fucked her around.” JJ shrugged.
Jeez, again with the psychoanalysing?
“Allegedly?” I raised a questioning eyebrow.
“Yeah, allegedly . You haven’t spoken a word about it since you two split. I’m literally just running on best-friend fumes here.”
“Best-friend fumes?”
“Yeah. You know? She hates him, so I hate him too. No questions asked.”
Shame flamed my cheeks as Beau and JJ continued walking together.
He was right—I hadn’t told anyone about what had happened between Jayden and me.
How could I? It was beyond embarrassing.
But I watched my best friend, the one person in this world who was unconditionally on my side — the person who had seen my anger and hurt towards an ex-boyfriend and taken it upon himself to stand at my side without once even asking , it occurred to me—
“You never asked
“What?”
I’d lost where their conversation was up to, spinning in the past.
“You never asked me what happened with Jayden.”
JJ shrugged, stopping ahead to wait for me. “I knew you would tell me when you were ready. You’d already forgiven him for being, well, him. I figured it had to be something pretty bad for you to slice it clean.”
Beau gave a half nod. “It’s what good friends do, Trevvy.”
~
“Righto, I’ve gotta head off.” Beau stacked his now empty plate and oversized coffee mug in a neat pile, ready for service staff to come and grab it. “Mum needs a hand on the farm today.”
“Your dad still crook?”
“Eh, I think he’s just leaning into it a little. It’s not often Ma waits on him hand and foot.” With a wink, he tucked a red twenty dollar note under JJ’s heart-attack-in-a-glass drink.
“I can’t believe you still drink those things,” I told him, gulping down the last of my gigantic long black.
“Ugh, not you too! Rio already gave me his big diabetes speech—”
“Did he mention heart health?”
“Lynnieee!” he whined.
“Your body,” I replied, holding my hands up in surrender.
We sat in silence together for a long while, taking in all of the people around us at Rusty’s.
Surprisingly, I was the one to break it first. “Do you want to know about Jayden?”
His head whipped towards me so fast, I was half expecting it to tear off his head from the momentum. “Lynnie, you don’t have to—”
“You’re my best friend. It’s not about ‘having to’.”
“True, but this is also the past . We don’t need to relive it if it’s not affecting the present.”
I loosed a slightly shaking breath. “Jayden and I were together for a long while. Long enough that he started to … want things from me. He started to expect things from me.”
JJ narrowed his eyes.
“Things I wasn’t ready for. He tried the nice way, with kindness and patience. But then his patience wore thin—”
“Did he try to force you to—”
“Relax, JJ. Words were exchanged. Outside of Knock’s, Jayden’s never put hands on me.
” The mention of Jayden laying a strike on me in Knock’s seemed to only fuel JJ’s anger, so I continued, “He tried to manipulate me, make me feel as if I was the issue in our relationship. As if not being ready to spread my legs made me frigid and soft.”
An involuntary shiver ran down my bones at the word Jayden had used too often.
Soft.
“I broke up with him after all his theatrics. Dad may not have been around much after Mum passed, but I still remembered them together. He never raised a hand or voice to her, and vice versa. I knew I deserved better and that both of them would be devastated to find out I’d stayed with someone who could speak so little of me. ”
“They would be proud of you, Lynnie.” His warm, dark hand grabbed mine and squeezed. “Leaving the comfort of reality … it’s never an easy thing to do. No matter how many lines are crossed.”
I nodded, a small and appreciative smile on my lips.
JJ’s acceptance, his belief in me, made that silly nagging voice of Jayden’s in my head die off.
It was like the volume had been turned down, cut in half, well and truly on its way to muted.
I could barely hear the taunts anymore, just quiet aggressive mumbling.
As if that little ghost in my head was fighting to stay, fighting to sit on my shoulder some more.
There was no room on my shoulders anymore, not with JJ standing so close to my side.
This time, he was the one to break the silence.
“You know, not all fighters are like him?” he said gently, squeezing my hand again before standing and heading to the counter.
Patty, the sweet, rounded German lady, stood behind the counter. Her rosy cheeks darkened when JJ said something to make her laugh, the two wearing matching grins as they bantered.
JJ was right. Not all fighters were like Jayden. JJ was proof of that. The love, the dedication, and the loyalty my friend had for his people—I saw it. He defied the stereotype I’d created in my head every damned day. The least I could do was show him I believed him too.