Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
Somehow, amazingly, I didn’t need to use my magic on Kole.
The rest of the day passed without him questioning my temperature further or looking at me with sideways glances.
Even though it’d nearly killed me not to bite him while we’d been pleasuring one another, I’d managed to refrain and hide that too.
And thankfully, even though Kole was my mate, he still had to follow the Imperial Council’s schedule. So, at nightfall, Kole left the palace.
But the fact that I was mentally exhausted by the end of the day, only one day into my new life, brought to light how impossible it would be to indefinitely maintain this farce. I had no idea how I was going to do it or for how long it was even possible.
Which meant I had to find a way to stop this.
Moonlight spilled into my chambers as I stood at the windows and tried to figure out a way to start researching a vampire affliction. The easiest option would be to study the history books while everyone else was sleeping. Nobody would even know what I was doing or why.
But to enter a library would require not only clearance but stealth. Mistphasing was my best bet, but that would work only if my guard never entered my chambers during the night to check on me. If they did and saw that I was gone, I would have some explaining to do.
The other option was to take my nighttime guard with me to the palace’s library and feign wanting to study something and not being able to sleep until I did so. But the palace’s libraries probably didn’t hold the wealth of information the Whiteolf Academic Library did.
Still, if I wanted to research at night, taking my guard with me would be the least suspicious option, but it also meant I couldn’t study until dawn. Suspicions would inevitably rise if night after night, I was fully awake in the library until the sun rose.
I bit my lip, mulling over the best way to tackle this, and then I debated if I should forget searching during the night and simply resume my daytime studies in the libraries with Ree and Kole.
As far as they were concerned, there was no reason to stop our studies since we were still looking for answers.
Carrying on that way meant no suspicions would arise at all as long as I didn’t make it entirely obvious that all I cared about now was ridding oneself of a vampire affliction.
My lips curved in a triumphant smile. Yes, that’s how I’ll tackle this. I’ll simply alter my research goals, something neither Ree nor Kole need to be aware of.
My thoughts shifted to Master Fistideeous.
I still didn’t know if he’d found anything in the Isle of Song’s library, but if I could discreetly ask him to begin searching for information about vampires and how to banish the affliction to return one to fae, then he could also aid me in my search.
But I would have to do so in such a way as not to alert his suspicions.
Otherwise, I would be forced to use my forbidden magic on him.
I cocked my head, a realization coming to me. Master Fistideeous was a gargoyle. He wasn’t alive. Perhaps, he would be immune to my forbidden magic.
I shook myself. There was no way to know that for certain without testing it. And considering I was doing everything in my power not to inflict my magic on anyone—gargoyle or fae—it was best not to push my luck. In other words, even with Master Fistideeous, I would have to be careful.
Plan in place, I endeavored to contact Ree in the morning to ask her if she wanted to continue looking for information about vampires and the God of Night, and of course, I knew Kole would be willing.
Feeling like all hope wasn’t lost, a smile curved my lips, and I took some comfort in the fact that despite my hardships with Kole today, the other warriors and Betsee still didn’t detect anything unusual about me.
However, that was mainly due to me avoiding them. When my lady’s attendant had stopped by to do her nightly duties, I’d been very careful not to let our skin touch. I knew sooner or later, I would likely mess up, and she, too, would comment on my cool temperature, but today that hadn’t happened.
Forcing myself to think positively, I tilted my chin toward the night sky so I could focus on the stars, but a sound reached my ears.
Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.
Across the courtyard, my nightly Imperial Warrior prowled the perimeter. I shifted my stance to hide behind the curtain to watch him. Even from here, his faint heartbeat was detectable.
His heart thumped steady and strong. I closed my eyes and listened to that sweet melody. Blood pounded through his veins. Sweet, fresh blood. Blood that I could taste, drink, consume.
Lust burned in me just as fast, and my core clenched. A hiss almost worked up my throat, but I swallowed the sound even though no one was around to hear it.
I opened my eyes, let them dilate, and watched the warrior’s purposeful movements.
He was large, as all the Imperial Warriors were.
Muscles clenched in his thighs, but my focus zeroed in on his exposed throat.
Magic flared in me, both my Ironcrest ability and my new vampiric nature activating to allow me to see clearly.
Fine hairs were visible on his neck. His pulse fluttered.
I could pounce on him, tear his clothes off, and sink my teeth into his neck while burying his cock inside me.
It would only take a second to reach him. In a flash, I could be on top of him. Yes. He’s mine to take. He’s an easy, unsuspecting meal and fuck.
I crouched, my muscles coiling.
Go.
My hand flew to the door. I turned the door handle, and it opened an inch.
What are you doing?
Chest still, I stopped and stared at my hand as some long-dead rendering of Primelle Hollaran reared up in revulsion.
I gagged and froze. My hand was still curled around the door’s handle, but despite my mind buzzing with disgust, my vampiric urges pounded through me.
“Oh Gods.” I shoved the door closed, then swirled away from the courtyard and flew across my room, right toward my wardrobe. I barreled into the dark space and slammed the wardrobe’s door closed behind me.
Complete blackness surrounded me. Buried in a plume of dresses, slacks, and hanging sweaters, I pushed myself as far into the corner as I could, then sank to the floor.
Inadvertently, my fangs had fully lengthened, and venom dripped into my mouth.
“Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it,” I chanted and rocked back and forth, then grabbed a dress and buried my face in it. I used the fluffy material to ground me and remind me of who I was. The real me. Not this thing I’d turned into.
Control yourself. Control yourself, Primelle. Don’t do it.
I chanted internally over and over.
It took minutes, hours—I had no idea how long—before I’d finally thoroughly wrestled my new vampiric nature into submission.
Hands shaking, I slowly released the dress and leaned my head back.
Finally, my muscles unclenched, and my fangs retracted, but I howled and beat my fist against the wall. Even though I didn’t need to sleep, even though I didn’t feel tired, I forced my eyes to close and tried to slow my mind.
My uncle had said vampires could sleep if they wanted to, even if it wasn’t needed. I just had to learn how. Then, I could wake up in the morning, venture to the library, and nobody would be any the wiser that I’d almost attacked my guard.
I forced myself to take breaths, hoping that if I used my body as it’d once functioned, I’d be able to drift into unconsciousness.
Breathe in. Breathe out. In. Out.
It was strange, though, trying to relax and fall asleep while consciously forcing breaths.
Not needing to rest felt so odd. It still amazed me that fatigue hadn’t hit me at all today, or even now, after I’d been wound so tight for who knew how long.
Even that hadn’t exhausted me, even if my mind was overwhelmed.
Yet my uncle had said sleep was possible.
“I need to learn how to do this,” I whispered to myself.
Because if I never slept, my new existence could potentially torture me for all hours of the day, for endless days and nights.
As evident by what had just happened, each night could be unbearable because I could be riddled with desire, unbidden thoughts, and unwanted needs.
Try to sleep. Keep your eyes closed and try to let it happen. Then you won’t hurt anyone.
I kept my eyes tightly closed and loosened my curled fingers around the hanging dresses. I just had to hold on for a few more hours and pass the time by sleeping. In the daytime, it hadn’t been this bad, but at night, alone, with no one watching me . . .
Sleep, go to sleep.
Because if I didn’t, nobody was safe from me.
Somehow, I managed to fall asleep and have a few hours’ reprieve, which meant that thankfully, I’d managed to go the entire night without attacking, compelling, drinking from, or killing anyone around me.
But I didn’t sleep long or deeply, and I figured it would take practice to master the new art of sleeping the entire night as a vampire.
Still . . . Score one for Primelle. Score zero for vampire nature.
I also took some hope in the fact that I’d found a way to control myself.
Sleep could be an aid. And realizing that actually caused another flare of my old, hopeful self to emerge.
I can do this. I would just need to tackle my new nature like I had everything else in my life—with forced optimism, even in the face of disaster.
I emerged from the wardrobe just as sunlight lit the horizon in an orange hue.
I smoothed my wrinkled clothes but felt a moment of pride.
I’d done it. I’d managed to sleep. I’d managed to do something that had felt impossible the night prior.
It was simply one day at a time from now on, forever and ever.
I flung my magic out to contact Ree. I had no idea if she had to work today, but if she didn’t, I had a feeling she would be more than happy to join me at the library.