Chapter 8
The moment Shanelle returned to awareness she opened her eyes, then wished she hadn’t. It was all real, Falon, the pain—and it wasn’t over. She was still there, in his tent, naked. But at least he wasn’t still crushing her with his weight, or causing that excruciating pain with his…
He lay beside her on his side, leaning on one elbow as he watched her closely. He wasn’t touching her. Right now she’d probably scream if he did.
Oh, Stars, how could she have been such a fool to give herself to a man of completely unknown qualities?
Just because her body had demanded she do so was no excuse.
He’d hurt her. He’d allowed his passion free rein and crushed her in those powerful arms. She felt bruised all over and she wouldn’t be surprised if something was broken.
And inside her, she was probably ripped apart.
That pain had been so terrible she’d fainted to avoid it.
To think her hopes had returned, and so strongly, that he was the right man for her.
Her disappointment was almost as painful as the rest. She knew a warrior would never have hurt her like that.
A warrior was always gentle with a woman because of his size.
But Falon wasn’t a warrior. He didn’t have a warrior’s control over his emotions.
He’d claimed he did, but it had been proved otherwise.
So no matter how much he had attracted her, he wouldn’t do for anything permanent. But, oh, Stars, what a shame.
She had to get out of there and quickly, before her disappointment put tears in her eyes.
She’d been so sure of Falon to begin with, then again at the end, sure enough to want to join with him and leave the getting to know him for later.
How was she ever going to find another man who could make her feel what this one did, in the short time she had before her father made the decision for her?
And even if she did manage to find one, she’d probably be too afraid to test for compatibility again.
She could no longer trust her instincts in the matter.
With those depressing thoughts, Shanelle started to get up, groaned with the movement, and got a large hand pressed to the center of her chest until she was lying flat again. “You will lie still until the bleeding stops.”
She paled at those softly spoken words. “Bleeding?”
“A normal occurrence for a woman’s first time, yet is there some excess. You should have told me.”
Why was she now blushing? “I don’t see that it would have made any difference.”
“I am not a wild beast,” he said reproachfully.
That was debatable, but all Shanelle said was, “I have to go.”
Again she tried to get up. His hand came back to her chest and stayed there this time.
“We will talk first,” he told her.
She put some reproach in her own tone. “I think we should have talked a little more before. Now there’s nothing more to say.”
“There is much to say, and you will begin by telling me why you gifted me with your first time.”
The blush wasn’t leaving her cheeks. “It’s no big deal where I come from.”
That was only a partial lie, since she had just come from Kystran, where virginity was considered an unwanted inconvenience.
In fact, it was usually gotten rid of painlessly in a meditech before a woman started sex-sharing.
On Sha-Ka’an it was another story. Here it was prized and expected to be gifted to a woman’s lifemate.
Shanelle knew that, but she was only half Sha-Ka’ani.
She had hoped she would be giving that prized gift to her lifemate.
She’d held on to it for just that reason.
But she wasn’t devastated that it wasn’t going to turn out that way.
She had too, much of her mother’s philosophy to be upset over a piece of torn membrane—that was bleeding excessively.
“I have to go,” she reiterated firmly.
“You are welcome to try.”
The hand on her chest said Don’t bother. “You can’t keep me here, Falon.”
“I can and I will,” he stated simply. “Until the fear leaves you and you know—”
“I’m not afraid of you,” she insisted.
“That is an untruth, woman. You tremble beneath my hand.”
Shanelle closed her eyes. She tried to relax. If it was just a matter of that damn trembling, she’d will it to go away. But his hand on her was bothering her, and she was afraid of him now.
“You must let me show you that you have no reason to fear me,” he continued. “I will not shame myself again. This I swear to you.”
She glanced at him suspiciously. “What are you saying?”
“We must join again.”
“Not…on…your…life!”
Fear gave her enough strength to shove his hand off her and roll away from him. But too easily his long arm stopped her and drew her back. And now he held her against him, held her against that hard body that had hurt her, and she couldn’t get loose.
“No, please, Falon, I can’t. Not again!”
“Shh, kerima. It must be, but it will not be now. Your fear unmans me.”
His hands were soothing on her back. His heartbeat was steady beneath her cheek. She stopped trying to push away from him. She needed this comforting. She would prefer to receive it from someone else, but she still needed it.
It was a while before she tried again to leave. “Falon, I’m all right now. And I really do have to go. My friends will start to worry if I don’t show up soon.”
“You may go do you promise to return this moonrising,” he told her.
“I can’t tonight. I’ve already made other—”
“Then on the new rising.”
“All right,” she agreed, willing to say anything to get out of there.
Freedom came with that answer, his arms opening so she could move away. She did so immediately, but her aches returned to remind her to go slowly.
She’d just reached her clothing when Falon said, “I feel you do not mean to keep your word to me, woman.”
A word given under duress? Of course she wasn’t going to keep it. But she wished he hadn’t figured that out. Farden hell. Couldn’t he have waited until she’d got her clothes on to mention it? Then she could have simply run like hell.
She tried not answering, but that merely encouraged him to say, “Do you fail to come to me, then must I come to you. This I will do.”
She swung around to look at him, anxiety returning with a vengeance. “Why? You knew this was only temporary, Falon. You understood that, even complained about it. There’s no…point…”
The words trailed off when what she was looking at finally got through to her panicked senses.
The man was lying there completely naked, completely relaxed, and still so sensually appealing he took her breath away.
She simply stared at him—until she realized what she was doing and whipped around again, then had to bite her lips to hold in the gasp the sharp movement caused.
Good. She obviously needed the pain to remind her that he was now off limits.
But she was appalled that she did need reminding.
It wasn’t normal to still find him so desirable after what he’d just put her through.
What it was was dangerous. And the only way to avoid that danger was to get out of there and never cross paths with him again.
She had her skirt and blouse on in record time, despite her aches. She was bending for her belt when she was grasped and straightened and drawn back against a rock-hard chest. It did no good to pull away. The hands on her upper arms weren’t hurting her, but were nevertheless locked steel.
“I understand you are not mine to command, woman, yet must you understand my need to mend what I have wrought, which goes beyond rights. I have given you a fear of joining that you lacked before, which now must be removed. You gave me a gift beyond price. I cannot repay you by leaving you with this fear.”
His voice was soft, breathed by her ear, but there was a determination in it that increased Shanelle’s fear. Prevaricating just wasn’t going to work with a man whom only plain speaking seemed to reach.
“You’re not. I don’t fear sex-sharing,” she told him, hoping that was true.
“What I fear is you. You’re too rough for my taste, and I’m not just talking about the last of what happened, but everything.
I wasn’t feeling it all because I was so caught up in specific feelings, but I’ll damn well feel it later when the bruises start appearing. ”
“I have sworn—”
“I don’t care,” she cut in, turning to face him so she could stress her point. He allowed it, but his hands merely changed arms, and that annoyed her enough to add, “You lost control, damn it! It can happen again whether you want it to or not.”
His face darkened considerably. He really didn’t like hearing that, and too late she realized she had probably insulted him with that swearing business.
Men tended to take such things pretty seriously.
But his hold on her didn’t tighten to painful.
She’d hate to find out what he was like when he got mad, but it wasn’t going to happen now.
“A woman must frequently be shown a thing to know it is so,” he said just before drawing her closer.
He was kissing her again. She hadn’t been expecting it, wasn’t prepared for the heady taste of him, or for the careful way he gathered her in to hold her against the length of him.
A kernel of desire was actually coming to life, swiftly, so swiftly…
Shanelle mentally stomped it to death and shoved out of his arms.
“That—that isn’t the part that got out of hand, Falon.
Look, I know you mean well and I appreciate it, I really do, but there isn’t anything to mend or prove.
I wanted you, or I wouldn’t be here. I had hoped something more per—” She stopped, horrified by what she had almost told him after he himself had admitted to such frustration in not knowing of a way to have her permanently.
If he knew that all he had to do was convince her father instead of her…
“But I don’t want you anymore,” she continued quickly.
“It’s that simple. There isn’t going to be a second time. ”
“This is your final word on the matter?”