Chapter 11
“G i r l , y o u d i d what?” Sia’s voice was loud enough through the speaker that Kassim stirred in my arms.
“I left,” I said quietly, pacing the hotel. “I told him I needed space and I left.”
“Damn, Ny. Where are you at?” Mikki asked.
“I’m at a hotel.” There was a long pause on the phone. Then both of them started talking at the same time.
“You at a hotel with the baby?”
“What hotel?”
“Did he follow you?”
“Is he texting?”
I sighed as Kassim let out a soft whine just as my breasts started leaking. “Hold on,” I murmured, getting him situated on my chest so I could feed him. I sat down slowly on the edge of the bed while nursing him, his little fingers clutching the fabric of my sweater dress.
“Ny,” Sia said, her voice softer now. “Talk to us. What happened exactly?”
“He embarrassed me.”
“How?” Mikki asked.
I rubbed my forehead. “First off, my original wedding planner lady had to handle something, so she sent her partner. His name is Iman and…”
“Is he fine?” Mikki questioned, and Sia huffed.
“That’s not the point, bitch. Listen.”
“Exactly,” I rolled my eyes and continued. “So, I’m sitting there with the wedding planner, right? We’re talking venues, lighting, and reception ideas. Kassim is chilling. Food is bomb. Everything is normal.”
“And then?” Sia said.
“And then Knuck comes storming in like he’s about to body the nigga on sight in front of everybody.” They both groaned.
“Oh God,” Mikki muttered.
“Yup,” I said. “He walks up to the table, talking about booking a funeral home for the man like I’m on a date or something.”
“What did the planner say?” Sia asked.
“He stayed calm, thank God. But Knuck just kept going. I had to run out so fast. It was crazy as fuck. Typical Knuck.”
Sia sucked her teeth. “That man be crashing out behind you, boo.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “And I’m so fucking tired.” Kassim finished being greedy, made little satisfied noises, and giggled as I smiled down and kissed his forehead. Slowly, I stood, patting his back as I walked to the window until he burped. “Y’all, I don’t know what to do.”
“You know he’s probably outside somewhere losing his mind,” Mikki said.
“I know.”
“And you’re still not gonna answer him?”
I shook my head even though they could not see me. “No.” Kassim started fussing again, so I laid him carefully on the bed and began changing his diaper while balancing the phone against my shoulder.
“Girl,” Sia said, “you sure you’re okay? Do we need to catch the next flight out?”
“I’m overwhelmed,” I admitted. The diaper bag was open beside me, wipes scattered everywhere, while Kassim kicked his little legs.
“Is he blowing your phone up?” Mikki asked.
“I don’t care.” I snapped the fresh diaper closed and picked Kassim back up, settling him against the pillows. “He always does this shit,” I said quietly. “He acts first and thinks later.”
“But he loves you,” Mikki said.
“I know he loves me.”
“Then what’s the issue?” Sia asked.
“The issue is he scares people sometimes,” I said. “Today, he scared me.”
Sia spoke first. “You scared of him?”
“No,” I said quickly. “Not like that.”
“Then what?”
I sat down slowly on the edge of the bed again. “I’m scared that he doesn’t realize how far he takes shit.”
Mikki groaned. “That man is a nut.”
“A big one.” I shook my head. Kassim started drifting off to sleep, his breathing soft and steady.
Sia cleared her throat. “So… what’s the plan?”
“I don’t know.”
“You staying there just for tonight?”
“I don’t know. I just want peace for a minute,” I said softly.
“Knuck probably outside punching walls right now,” Mikki muttered.
I almost laughed. “Probably.”
Sia sighed. “You know he’s gonna find you eventually.”
“I know.”
“And when he does?”
I looked toward the window, watching cars moving slowly down the street below—life going on. I had no clue what would happen next. This wasn’t an urban fiction book. Shit, this was my life, but running from Knuck forever was impossible.
An hour later, I walked over to the crib the hotel had brought up and carefully laid Kassim inside. He stirred for a second, his tiny mouth making a soft sucking motion before settling again. I pulled the blanket up gently and stepped back.
For a minute, I just stood there watching him—the peaceful rise and fall of his chest, the tiny curls on the top of his head. My heart felt so full. Then, all at once, everything felt heavy. I walked back to the bed, sat down, and the tears came before I could stop them.
They slipped down my cheeks softly at first, then harder as everything from the day finally hit me.
I covered my mouth with my hand and cried softly so I wouldn’t wake the baby.
Looking down at my phone, I saw a silenced notification from social media.
I wiped my face and picked it up to see someone liked a picture on my page.
I tapped the notification and pulled up the photo. It was one of my favorite pictures.
It was the day Kassim was born and Knuck was feeling on top of the world, telling everybody his son was going to be one of the illest niggas alive. Looking at the photo, I found myself scrolling to a couple of other pictures of my boys.
I stared at the pictures for a long time, just crying. All that love. That was my man, and no, we weren’t perfect. Not even close. But damn, I was tired of the crazy bullshit. Just then, a memory popped into my head from a conversation when I decided to take Knuck seriously.
“Keon.” He looked over at me, that high smirk already creeping like he knew I was about to say some shit. “If I gave you a real chance…” I paused, playing with the edge of the blanket. “Would you stop acting crazy over me?”
He took a slow drag, let it sit in his chest, then blew it out without breaking eye contact. “Nah,” he said with a slight grin. “If you really fuck wit’ a nigga, it’s only gon’ get worse.”
I blinked, lips parting. “Worse?”
He chuckled, low and deep, putting the blunt in the ashtray in the nightstand before leaning over to kiss my cheek.
“Worse,” he repeated, lips brushing my skin.
“Like… now I pull up when I feel like it. But if you mine? I’m already there.
I’m on your line all day. Poppin’ up on your lunch break.
Fuckin’ you stupid before your clients. Sleepin’ in your bed every night.
Buyin’ you gifts just ‘cause. Nuttin’ in you every single time. ”
My stomach flipped.
“And if a nigga even look at you too long, I’m on go,” he added, real calm. “Not ‘cause I’m insecure. That’s just the type of nigga I am, baby.”
A soft knock interrupted my thoughts, and I froze. Another knock came a second later, and my stomach tightened. Then I heard Knuck’s voice.
“Ny. Open this fuckin’ door.”
My heart started pounding. How the hell did he find me?