6. abbi
ABBI
I tug the edges of my sweater together. It’s chilly in the city once the sun goes down, but I remind myself I get to go home to a warm house and a comfortable bed.
My stomach is full with the sandwich Jase and I bought from the café earlier this afternoon, and I don’t have to line up in the street to wait for a shower and do my laundry.
I’m truly blessed.
And that thought stops me in my tracks. It has me questioning why I would want to destroy the life I have. Why would I want to leave Nix and the life we’ve built together? It’s not like he’s an abusive partner. He’s a good man. A flawed man.
Is that enough of a reason to end our thirty plus year relationship?
I mean, I have flaws too, and he hasn’t abandoned me. A voice in the back of my mind reminds me that he has abandoned me in some ways. In ways that are important to me.
But he said he’ll do better. He promised.
He’s always been a man of his word, but can I trust him to follow through when his business is so important to him? I’m not so sure.
The line is long tonight. In the current economy, people are doing it tougher than they should be. I smile warmly and add roast beef to the sub roll I’m holding, then pass it off to Jase, who adds the gravy before handing it over.
The man takes the sandwich, nodding at me and lifting it toward Jase. “Thanks, Jase.” He smiles, showing his missing teeth.
“You’re welcome, Patrick,” Jase says, while I nod. With no vacant chairs, he wanders over to the curb to sit and eat his meal, and I wonder what his story is. I’m sure there was a time when he had a warm home to go to, regular meals, and a bed to sleep in at night.
“How do you know that man?” I ask Jase.
Jase points down the road a little, just beyond Stone Tower.
“He spends a lot of time around there, so I used to see him daily on the way to work from the subway. Now that I live in the building, I make it a point to head down to see him each morning.” He looks across to where Patrick is sitting.
“I like to keep an eye on him. Make sure he gets breakfast most days.”
Ahh, that explains why he doesn’t use the internal elevator to come into work. “That’s very kind of you.”
He shrugs. “The guy went to war for our country. It’s the least I can do.”
Jase and I continue to make roast beef sub rolls with gravy for the people waiting in line. “Hot roast beef and gravy sub rolls feel like a real treat,” I remark to Jase. “Especially on a chilly night.”
“Yeah. It’s something different. A farmer donated a couple of cows, so Simon hit up a local bakery for the sub rolls.” He looks across at a small huddle enjoying their meal. “I think they’re a hit.”
“You think?” I chuckle. “It always amazes me how Simon secures these donations.” When I worked for him, he was in the early stages of planning this program.
It’s grown over the years, and the services he provides within the city every Friday night have expanded considerably.
I think he’d be happier if he could be out here every night.
“He’s definitely talented in that department.” Jase winks as he digs into his pocket, pulling something out.
“I know he has a lot of connections working in real estate.” I pile on a generous amount of beef and pass the sub roll to Jase so he can add gravy. He discreetly tucks whatever he pulled from his pocket into the napkin before handing it to the striking young woman with two different-colored eyes.
She drops her unique gaze away from Jase as her cheeks turn pink, then says, “Thanks,” and moves along the line.
He pauses to watch her for a moment, and then turns to me.
“Yeah. He collects friends and acquaintances everywhere he goes. He’s always been like that.
And he has a way about him that makes people want to help him.
” Jase chuckles. “Ever since he started CompassionAide, he’s perfected his approach to getting businesses to help him. ”
Simon steps between us, casually resting his arms around both our shoulders. “My ears are burning. Are you two talking about me again?”
I nudge him with my elbow. “We’re always talking about you.”
His laugh rings out between us as he rubs his ribs. “Nothing bad, I hope.”
“As if there’s anything bad we could say about you.” I stare at him in disbelief. I bet his family is super proud of everything he’s achieved with this venture. I know they volunteer on the Friday nights when Jase and I aren’t here.
“I’m no saint, Abs.” He rubs the scruff decorating his sharp jaw. “I’ll take over here. Can you switch places with me and monitor the showers? A young woman and her son don’t seem comfortable having me close by, and I don’t want them to miss the opportunity to wash.”
“Sure.”
He snaps on a pair of gloves and takes over my position as I head over to the shower truck. With only four compact bathrooms, it means our clients have to be patient, but Simon is raising funds to purchase a second truck, doubling the availability.
I spot the woman and little boy Simon was talking about and head straight to them. “Hi, I’m Abbi.” I crouch low so I’m at the same level as the little boy. “What’s your name?”
The little boy tightens his grip on his mother’s hand and burrows into her leg. His mother cups his head tenderly and offers me a tired smile. “I’m Hannah, and this is Elijah.”
I smile at Hannah, then Elijah. “You have a strong name. My son’s name is Murphy, but we call him Murph.”
The little boy smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. I can’t imagine what life is like on the streets as a single woman, let alone as a young mother with a child. “Murphy is a strong name too,” Hannah says.
“Thank you. I’m not sure why we named him Murphy, to be honest. We rarely call him that because we always shorten it.” I chuckle and then grab a children’s wash kit from the table.
“Mommy sometimes calls me Eli.”
“Really?” I smile as I look up at Hannah.
“It seems mommies are good at making short names.” I hand the kit and a towel to Elijah.
“Here are a few things for you to use in the shower. It has shampoo, conditioner, and soap. There’s also a toothbrush and toothpaste.
” I collect an adult female one with a second towel and hand it to Hannah. “Here’s one for you, too.”
She waves her hand in front of her. “We can share. I don’t want to take more than we need.”
I push it forward, my heart swelling at her consideration for others. “Please take it. We have tons of these things. Simon, the guy who started this program, hits up big companies for their sample packs. Plus, yours has stuff you might need at some point during the month.”
She reaches forward with a timid smile. “If you’re sure.”
I return her smile. “I’m sure.” I swivel and point over my shoulder. “If you’d like to give me any laundry, I’ll get it started in the washer for you.”
Hannah frowns. “Oh, I can do that when we’re finished.”
“Why not let me help you? You can enjoy your shower while your clothes are getting clean. Then you can both enjoy a meal while they dry.”
Her eyes flick between me and the laundry truck.
Simon thought of everything with this setup.
“We don’t want to be any trouble.” I’m not sure how she thinks she’s being troublesome when I’m the one offering to help.
It’s not like I’m going out of my way. I try to be helpful to everyone who comes through.
They desperately need some kindness and a momentary reprieve from what must be a traumatic time.
“I promise it’s no trouble at all.”
Her shoulders drop as she smiles at me, and I wonder how long it’s been since she’s been shown a little kindness. “Okay.” She dips into her backpack and grabs a bundle of clothes. Pink stains her cheeks, and she has trouble meeting my gaze as she hands them over. “This is all we have.”
“Do you have another change of clothes?” She shakes her head, dipping her gaze again.
“Okay. Once you get undressed, toss the clothes you’re wearing through the door and I’ll wash those too.
” I point next to the laundry truck. “I’ll grab you both a fresh set of clothes from the donations over there. ”
Hannah’s eyes fill with tears, and she presses her mouth into a thin line. “This is too much.” She swipes at the moisture tracking down her cheeks.
I shake my head. “It’s barely enough,” I whisper roughly as I reach out to squeeze her arm in reassurance. “You need a break. Let us help you for a little while.”
“Mommy, are you okay?” Elijah peers up at his mom with worry and protectiveness sweeping over his cherubic face.
She drops her gaze to her son with a shaky smile. “Yes, honey. I’m okay. I’m just looking forward to having clean clothes.”
Elijah smiles up at his mom. “Me too.”
God, I wish I could take them home. What sort of childhood could Elijah possibly have living on the streets? “All right. Time for a shower. I’ll wait for your clothes.”
“Thank you,” Hannah whispers.
“You’re welcome.”
The duo step into the portable bathroom, closing the door behind them. I lean against the metal railing of the steps and wonder what happened that they found themselves in this situation. The door opens a crack, and I grab the garments being passed out.
“Thanks, Abbi.”
I nod through the crack with a warm smile. “Take your time.”
I head over to the laundry truck and pile their clothes into a washer, then check out the donations.
Rummaging through the piles of clothes, I find some I think will fit Hannah and Elijah and take them over to their bathroom.
I hear giggles coming from inside, and I smile.
Kids amaze me. Even in dire situations, they find joy in simple things that others take for granted.
Knocking on the door, I call out. “I’ve hooked a bag of clothes on the door handle for you guys.”
They call out, “Thank you,” and I move along to help someone else while monitoring the portable bathrooms. After some incidents early on, we’ve learned it’s important to keep watch to ensure everyone has a safe environment while they’re using the facilities.
I see them emerge from the bathroom a short while later, and I’m pleased to see the clothes I gathered for them fit well enough. I wander over to them. “You two look like a million bucks.”
“Mommy made sure I scrubbed everywhere,” Elijah announces as he scratches the back of his neck, the action reminding me of Murphy.
I chuckle. “Mommies are good at making sure our children are as clean as a whistle.” I turn my attention to his mom.
“Your clothes are in the second washer from the left. The wash cycle should finish soon, and then you can move your clothes to an available dryer. You guys must be hungry. We have roast beef and gravy sub rolls.” I crouch lower and pretend to share a secret.
“We also have pudding cups if you eat all of your dinner.” I wink at the little boy, and his eyes widen with excitement.
They both smile at me. “Sounds delicious. Thanks, Abbi.”
“No problem. Enjoy.”
I get busy ensuring everyone who wants a shower gets one. The evening flies by, and we’re close to packing things away for the night when I feel a tug on my hand. When I look down, I find Elijah’s smiling face looking up at me. “Bye, Abbi.”
“Oh, bye.” I crouch to his level. “It was so great to meet you, Elijah.”
“You, too.” He flings his little arms around my neck, and my eyes burn with tears. “Thanks, Abbi.”
I tap the end of his nose. “You’re welcome. Take care.”
I stand again, worry for the pair becoming too much. “Do you guys have somewhere safe to go tonight?”
Hannah shifts on her feet. “Yeah, I, uh, found a place that seems like it will be okay. We’ve been lucky with the shelter most nights, but we missed out today because we lost track of time at the park.
” She smiles down at her son, and I can’t imagine how difficult it is to feel you’re not giving your child the world.
She hitches the backpack higher up her shoulder. “Thanks for your kindness tonight.”
“You’re welcome. You’ll find this setup somewhere in the city every Friday night. Simon relies on word of mouth within the community to announce the location.” I lean in and hug her. “Please take care.”
She smiles softly, taking her son’s hand in hers. “We will.”
Remembering I have a blanket stashed under the serving table, I grab Hannah’s arm.
“Hold on. I have something I’d like to give you.
” I glance around, noting that only one bathroom is occupied at the moment.
I quickly race over to the table and grab the blanket I crocheted and take it back to the pair.
“Here, take this.” I hold it out, but Hannah takes a step back, shaking her head.
“It’s gorgeous, but we can’t take it. It’ll get ruined.”
“Please. I make them to give away when I come down to help. It’s only medium size, but it’ll be warm.” I smile at them. “Maybe you’ll think of me when you use it,” I say hopefully.
“Mommy, can we have it?” Elijah looks up at me. “It has Mommy’s fav’rite colors.”
Hannah reaches forward timidly, looking at me with gratitude. “Thank you so much. We’ll definitely think of you when we snuggle beneath it. Won’t we, Elijah?”
“Sure will.”
“I don’t know what to say. You’ve been so kind and generous.”
I hug her again. “You don’t need to say anything. I wish I could do more.”
“You’ve done so much for us tonight.” She squeezes me. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Take care of yourselves. Okay?”
“We will. Bye, Abbi.”
I step back and wave. “Bye.”
They turn around and walk away, chatting with each other.
I wrap my arms around my middle, guilt sitting like lead in my stomach.
I want to chase after them and take them home.
Give them somewhere safe to sleep tonight, maybe longer.
We have room, but Simon scolded me in the early days for offering my home to strangers.
He said volunteering had to be enough, and if I couldn’t leave it at that, I shouldn’t volunteer at all.
Someone moves beside me, wrapping their arm around my shoulder, and I turn to find Simon and smile up at him.
“You can’t do anything more, Abbi. So stop feeling bad.” He squeezes me and then lets go.
“I can’t help but feel like a spoiled, middle-aged white woman. I have more than I need and enough space to give them a place to stay until they get on their feet. I … I feel so guilty.”
He frowns at me. “You’re far from spoiled, and you’re not middle-aged either.
So cut that shit out. You could be at home with Nix, but you’re here helping in any way you can.
Jesus, you even gave them a warm blanket.
It’s more than most people do.” He nods to someone behind me.
“It’s late, let’s pack up so we can go home. ”