34. abbi #2
Nix places his phone on the side table and swivels his head in my direction. “That was a loud sigh. You okay?”
I smile at him. “Yeah. It was a satisfied sigh.” I rub the cream into my hands and arms until it disappears. It’s a constant battle to keep the dryness of my skin at bay these days. I press my knee into the mattress. “It feels good having everyone here.”
He grins as he reaches across and grips my waist, dragging me across the bed until I’m straddling his hips.
My hands land on his broad shoulders as I steady myself with a chuckle.
His warm hand slides up my spine until he reaches beneath my hair.
He grabs a handful and tilts my head to the side, then touches his mouth to my collarbone.
His hot breath coats my skin, sending a wave of goosebumps scattering across the surface. “It does feel good, but not as good as having you here with me,” he murmurs, making my heart skip and flip and flop.
It’s been a tough five months for us. For our family.
But we’re still here, and I believe Nix and I are stronger than we’ve ever been. There’s a level of honesty and appreciation that I don’t think we ever had before, which feels solid. I know that doesn’t sound sexy, but when everything’s felt so unstable for so long, solid is sexy.
I sift my fingers through the short strands of his hair as I trace my eyes over every millimeter of his handsome face.
A face I want to see every single day I’m alive.
I want to watch the silver in his hair steal more real estate, and I want to see the creases around his eyes deepen.
I want to be beside him as we welcome our first grandchild, and I want to be with him as we celebrate each and every birthday and milestone to come.
He watches me as I watch him, and he squeezes my hip. I shift a little, and he brings his legs up behind me until his feet are flat on the bed. We used to sit like this all the time when there was only us to think about.
His fingers toy with a lock of my hair, and his eyes drop to watch.
A small smile tilts his lips slightly, and he returns his eyes to mine.
“Remember when the kids were young, and they seemed to take turns waking through the night. We were both so tired that we’d be short with each other during the day, but at night when we finally crawled into bed, I’d know that everything would be okay with us when you’d lay your head on my chest.” I nod.
“Sometimes I worried we wouldn’t make it through those days. ”
I nod again, still toying with his hair. He leans back into my touch with a lopsided grin. “I remember.” I breathe deeply. “They were long days and nights. But I was always grateful when you were by my side. It was so much worse when you were away, and I had to deal with it alone.”
His expression falls as his grip on my hip tightens.
“I’m sorry. I never really gave my absence much thought back then, and I guess I never really considered the effect my more recent absence had on you and our family.
I should never have joined the military.
I should have been more present … for you.
For our kids. You were always so capable; I figured you preferred things the way they were because you had everything under control. ”
I rush to press my finger over his lips to stop his words, and shake my head adamantly.
“Joining the military was important to you, and I never would have held you back even though I was terrified of losing you. You were put on this earth to help people. To keep them safe, and I’m proud of you for following your dream to do that.
” I grin at him, and it’s so big I’m certain my dimples are on full display, but then my smile falls away.
“Were there times I was unhappy that you were away from us, even when you left the army? Absolutely. I won’t lie or hide my feelings anymore.
Not the way I used to.” He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my palm, sending a riot of butterflies cascading through my stomach.
“Our marriage hasn’t been easy, and it hasn’t been perfect.
But it’s been ours.” I cup his cheeks and press my lips to his, then pull away a fraction so I can see him clearly.
“As difficult as it’s been, and as much as I wish things had been different between us these last few years …
”—I draw a deep breath, inhaling Nix’s familiar scent—“I think we’re stronger than ever, and maybe our life together unfolded exactly how it was supposed to. ”
“Abs,” he breathes. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you the way I have.” He closes the space between us, pressing his lips to mine. “I love you,” he murmurs against my mouth.
“I’ve forgiven you,” I whisper. “And I love you, too.”
His warm breath rushes over my lips a second before his mouth covers mine.
He kisses me deeply, with passion that’s waxed and waned over the years, but has survived the trials of marriage.
Slowly, our tongues unite, brushing against each other with familiarity borne from decades of being together.
The need for oxygen becomes secondary as we fall into each other.
Deeper in love, more in tune, better aligned than we’ve ever been.