12. Beth
Beth
Johnny had surprised me. When I suggested we get up on stage, I was half joking, not expecting him to go along with it—especially since he’d scoffed when Lane told us about karaoke night.
I’d have to be careful though. He and I both knew that I was leaving in August. We had the agreement to be casual this summer, but I had never done casual, and I had no idea how to navigate it.
I could sense myself already getting attached to him just in the last few weeks.
I was in Port St. Clair for a reason. My goal was to learn some new skills, get a breather from the farm, and come back in one piece—heart included.
So, as much as I wanted to enjoy the summer and take Megan’s advice to let loose a little, I needed to be aware of keeping things separate as much as I could.
Johnny wasn’t making it easy though. After we left the bar, he asked if I wanted to come over for a bonfire.
Of course, I said yes, and as we pulled in, I was pleasantly surprised with his place.
The house itself was a small old cottage that looked like a log cabin with green shutters.
The backyard was surrounded by giant white hydrangeas and a weathered wooden fence that looked like it had been there since the house was built.
The backyard had an old swing and a big fire pit in the middle with trees surrounding the entire space, making a little backyard sanctuary.
I tried to psych myself up while he was in the house, nervous about what I knew would happen, even though I wanted it. I paced around as he joined me in the backyard, followed by his golden retriever who nudged me for a pet with his nose.
“You remember Oberon.” Johnny said, nodding his head toward his dog. He handed me a beer. “Here you go.”
I probably didn’t need alcohol, but I took the beer, leaning in to pet the pup. We both watched as Oberon laid down next to the fire pit, chewing on one of his toys.
“This is beautiful back here,” I said, taking a seat in one of the chairs he had lined up around the fire pit.
“Thanks, still needs some work though. It’s coming along.” Johnny finished stacking up the wood and lighting it, and within a couple minutes, we had a blazing fire lighting up the whole yard.
“Not sure there is much else to do.” I sipped my beer, then picked at the label.
“Always something to do.” He sat on the swing, pushing back and forth a bit. “Why are you sitting all the way over there?” he asked, turning his head to the side, with his mouth turned up at the corner.
“Oh,” I said.
He patted the swing next to him, giving me a side-eye.
My heart picked up as I met his gaze head on. I told myself I could do this. I wanted to do this, but I didn’t know how.
As if he read my mind, he said, “Stop thinking about it. Just come over here.”
I stood up and trailed along the edge of the patio before taking a seat on the swing next to him.
“See. I’m not too scary.”
And he wasn’t. He was giving me my space even though I said I wanted this. Meanwhile, my body language was all over the place. I was the definition of giving mixed signals. “Not too scary.” I shook my head. “Sorry, it’s just that it’s—it’s been a while.” My ears heated and not from the fire.
“That’s okay. I’ve got nowhere to be,” he said, smiling at me with a quirk of his lips. “So, how’s it going living with Megan?”
It was good to talk about something else instead of shining a spotlight on the constant pull of attraction I felt for him. I knew he felt it too because of all the little touches and looks, but he was treading lightly.
I cleared my throat. “It’s going really well. Surprisingly well, actually. I’ve only lived with my parents or on my own, so I’ve never had to deal with having a roommate. Megan’s been great though.”
“Never had to deal with the college roommate fiasco then? That’s not a bad thing. My freshman dorm situation was a shitshow.”
I furrowed my brow. “Really? How so?”
“All I’ll say is walking in on your roommate when he’s balls deep in the girl down the hall doesn’t help too much.” He laughed. “It wasn’t terrible, but I never looked at him the same way again—I’ll tell you that much.”
“Jeez—yeah, nothing like that. And luckily, we haven’t had to navigate that here either.”
“Yet.” He turned toward me and took a swig.
I felt his gaze everywhere. Every part of my body lit up with the energy that was between us.
The heat radiated down to my toes, all the way to the place that hadn’t had much attention recently, either.
I knew he could feel it too. His eyes didn’t leave mine, and he swung his arm to the back of the wooden swing, still not touching me, though my body prickled knowing he was so close.
I had to give it to him. He didn’t push and was letting me set the pace.
I wanted this though. I was tired of feeling like I didn’t have control of my own life.
I wanted to take what I truly wanted and make my own decisions, and maybe this is where it started.
This could be something that I did for just me.
Just thinking about it, I felt myself getting worked up, taking myself back to when I kissed him in the parking lot, remembering what his soft lips felt like against mine.
My beer was empty now, and I set it on the ground on the other side of the swing.
This time, when I sat back down, I sat directly next to him.
His warmth radiated through our jeans as our thighs met.
The fire roared at this point, but I knew the heat wasn’t just from that. It was coming from both of us.
The arm of his t-shirt had ridden up, and his full sleeve of swirling black ink was on display on his tanned arms. I didn’t break eye contact with him as I grabbed onto his hand and pulled it over my shoulder and around me. Again, he was letting me lead, but I knew he wanted this as much as I did.
Slowly, I leaned in. Not all the way, but enough to let him know that I was in on this and wanted to keep going.
I also wanted him to take control at some point and guide me.
I desperately wanted to trust him to take me where I wanted to go.
I just knew I needed to feel good with him on my own terms.
His eyes went down to my lips, then back to my eyes, then back to my lips again. Time moved in slow motion. I couldn’t take it anymore. Then he smiled, and I returned a goofy grin.
“There she is.” He finally closed the gap, and he kissed me hard.
He kept it sweet at first, but as the kiss deepened, I opened my mouth, letting him in. I groaned, giving in to the feeling.
He chuckled deep in his throat as his tongue swept over mine and explored. I tingled all over and felt my hand land on his chest. I wanted more. I felt his chest hair under his thin shirt, and I rubbed him from his chest to his abs and back again.
He felt amazing.
His hand was on my thigh and glided back and forth over my leg, just the slightest bit.
A moment later, he pulled back to look at me, and I felt my swollen lips cool as he rubbed the back of my neck, going in again, then kissing slowly down my neck with big open-mouth kisses, careful not to leave a mark.
I fisted his shirt, wanting more, needing to be closer before swinging one leg over his and straddling him on the now swaying swing.
“You taste so good,” he whispered in my ear.
It sent a chill up my back, making me arch into him.
“You like that, huh?”
“Mmhmm.” All I could do was hold on, and when had I started rubbing myself up on him?
“Good. I like it too,” he whispered again. And this time, the zing went straight to my core.
He was hard underneath me, and it felt like the most natural thing to push down and grind on him. We both had our jeans on, but there was something incredibly hot about knowing how turned on I got him.
I would kiss his neck, he would kiss mine.
We’d take turns running our tongues over the others’ lips, and the fire blazed on behind me.
He made my body feel things I couldn’t remember feeling with another man.
All I wanted was more. He let me take the lead on things, but I wanted to lose myself in him.
I wanted him to show me what was possible.
“Beth?”
“Yeah?” I asked, between kisses.
He pulled back, looking me in the eyes. “Are you good? I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
I shook my head. “No, no. I’m not. I just—”
“Just what?”
“I just don’t know what I’m doing. It’s been a while, and I’ve only ever been with one guy.” I swallowed before asking for what I wanted. “I want you to show me. Take control.” I didn’t know how he’d react.
His eyes darkened even with the fire glowing in them. Slowly, his mouth tipped up at the corner, and he leaned close to my ear. Just the anticipation alone made my toes curl.
“Make sure you know what you’re asking, baby,” he whispered to me, nipping at my earlobe.
I felt my nipples stiffen under my shirt. “I do.”
“Good girl.” He ran his tongue down my neck, tracing my collarbone. “Stand up.”
I followed along, doing as instructed, letting my arms rest on his shoulders. He kissed my wrist.
“You’re beautiful. You know that?”
I hummed at him, standing there, and he trailed his big hands up my arms, down my sides and to the top of my jeans.
“This okay?”
I nodded, and he ever so slowly unbuttoned my jeans, letting them hang open as he leaned in to nip at the top of my black underwear.
My skin prickled everywhere as he pushed my pants down my legs, running his calloused hands down the back of my thighs and guiding me to sit on the swing.
As soon as I sat down, his weight lifted, and he was between my legs looking up at me.
Everything in me was hot, and I was incredibly aware that my wetness was starting to soak my cotton underwear.
“Lean back,” he said gruffly.
He pulled off my jeans, and after wrapping his arms around my thighs, pulled me to the edge of the swing in one quick movement.
“That’s better.” He ran his hands over my thighs, massaging them but moving ever so slowly.