Chapter 3
Zoya~
Deep down, I knew that Kasimir wasn’t lying, but I didn’t have any more room in my life for this kind of heartbreak.
I didn’t want to hear how those bastards had killed my mother, the only family that I’d had left.
I didn’t want to hear how I was going to have to notify my grandparents that their only other surviving child was gone, and that they were never going to hear from her again.
I also didn’t want to think about how her death was my fault.
Logically, I knew that Uncle Armen had been one to introduce the Korolevs into our lives, but I’d been the one who had agreed to participate in that damn auction.
Had the lure of money and a new life not tempted me to agree to Marcelle’s crazy plan, my mother would still be alive.
I was the reason that my mother had been shot and killed, and how was I supposed to exist with that knowledge?
How was I supposed to accept such a huge emotional tragedy?
No matter how our relationship had taken a turn this past year, my mother hadn’t deserved being beaten, shot, and killed.
I also didn’t want to think about funeral arrangements.
While my mother had a few friends, apart from my grandparents, we had no other family to justify a funeral that I couldn’t even afford.
My mother had no life insurance, and I certainly didn’t have the money for anything formal.
Yeah, theoretically, I was supposed to have three-hundred-thousand dollars and some change to my name, but there was just something very distasteful about paying for my mother’s services with the same money that had gotten her killed.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting in silence, just staring at my lap as I tried to come to terms with the truth, but I knew that ignoring the issue wasn’t going to solve anything.
The world didn’t stop for personal grievances.
It didn’t care that I’d just lost my mother or that I was barely hanging on by a thread.
Businesses were businesses, and even if they dealt in a person’s worst moments, they still wanted their money, and they still wanted us to move along, so that they could make more.
“I...I need to...I need to make the arrangements-”
“You’ll be doing no such thing, lepestok,” Kasimir remarked firmly. “You will spend your energy on healing. I will handle the details of your mother.”
I looked over at Kasimir, and he hadn’t moved one inch from where he’d been sitting this whole time, remaining quiet while I did my best not to have a complete meltdown.
Thankfully, that white eye of his was tinged with blue again, which I was taking as a good thing.
If the eyes really were the windows into our souls, I wondered how many times evil looked back at Kasimir through the mirror.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.
“I told you that I will handle it,” he repeated.
“But I don’t know what you’re supposed to handle,” I shot back. “I don’t know...with my grandparents in Russia, I don’t know if they’ll come here for a...a funeral, or if I should cremate her since it’s just me here to...to mourn her.”
“How about you speak to them first, then decide,” he suggested. “You’ve also a couple of days before anything needs to be done.”
My eyes narrowed angrily, tears clogging my throat immediately. “Do you really think that they’re going to want to hear from the person who got their daughter killed?”
Instead of resorting to a bunch of platitudes that most people would deliver at a time like this, and that most people would be expecting, Kasimir just stared at me with those dual-colored eyes of his, knowing that nothing he could say right now would make me feel better.
While there were so many compassionate quotes about death, none of them actually made a difference.
There were no words that could make anyone feel better about losing a loved one, and so all that prattling on really was to help make the other person feel less uncomfortable.
Finally, he said, “I think that you need to get some rest. You’re going to need to save your energy for all that self-loathing and guilt that you’re going to be carrying around for the next few months.”
“It’s true,” I said, needing to feel something other than hollow. “If it wasn’t for me, my mother would still be alive.”
At that, Kasimir stood up, then leaned up against the rail of the bed.
“I’m curious, lepestok,” he drawled out quietly.
“Why would you say that your mother’s death is your fault?
How are you responsible for two men randomly breaking into your home to rob you?
By your own accounts, you didn’t recognize the two men, correct? ”
Shit.
“I didn’t save her,” I said, hoping that the explanation sounded reasonable enough. “I did nothing to save her, Kasimir.”
“Were you expected to save her?” he asked coldly.
“As one of the men was beating you unconscious, were you expected to save her? Did he take a break, giving you time to free her from the chair with your three broken fingers? Were you going to be able to carry her out with your cracked ribs and concussion?”
“Stop it,” I bit out.
Kasimir cocked his head, and he almost looked amused, though I knew that he wasn’t feeling particularly happy at all.
“While I can appreciate everything that you’ve been through, my brother and I are not stupid, lepestok.
In case you’ve forgotten, we’re the nightmares that visit regular criminals in their dreams. So, while I’ve no doubt that you’ve told us the facts of what happened at your house, I’m also very aware that you’ve left out quite a bit of details. ”
My heart started hammering in my chest, and it hurt enough to make me need to catch my breath. While I knew that Kasimir and Viktor weren’t stupid, I also hadn’t expected Kasimir to call me out on how I had purposely omitted the one thing that could help them find out who the men were.
“I...I don’t know what you’re talking...talking about,” I lied.
“I’m going to let that slide because of the physical, emotional, and mental condition you are in, but know that this will be the only time when I will allow you to lie to me, Zoya,” he replied firmly.
“We are not going to be a couple who cannot trust one another, and once we say our vows, you better believe that I will not tolerate deceit of any kind.”
I had nothing to say to that because I really was lying, and even in a normal relationship between a man and a woman, trust was a necessity and even expected. So, Kasimir wasn’t wrong for insisting that I never lie to him, and for whatever reason, I felt properly chastised.
“I’m tired,” I said, and though I was just saying it to bide myself some time, it was also true.
I felt fucking exhausted.
“While I am certain that you are, just know that this isn’t over, lepestok,” he stated evenly. “However, for now, I will go speak with a nurse and have the doctor called.”
“I can wait until-”
“You can be as polite as you want to, but I cannot wait until he makes his rounds,” he said, interrupting me. “You are not just anybody, Zoya. The staff of this hospital will make exceptions to the rules if they want to continue to breathe.”
“Jesus, Kasimir,” I rushed out. “That’s not necessary.”
He shrugged like he hadn’t just threatened the lives of many innocent people. “We’ll just have to agree to disagree on the subject.”
Letting that go, I asked, “Do you know if I’m allowed back at my house?”
Kasimir shook his head. “You will not be going back there, Zoya. Not only might it still be a crime scene, but it’s not safe.
You will be going home with me, and since you assured me that all of your belongings were already packed, I will be picking up those boxes for you.
Once you are feeling better, and once the police are done doing whatever it is that they do, we will return to your mother’s home to clean it out. ”
I didn’t say anything to that because there wasn’t anything to say. Even though Kasimir had already come into my life, upending it like I hadn’t ever expected, my life was never going to be the same again, and I wasn’t sure of who I was going to be when I came out of this on the other side.
My mother had been murdered, and I’d been left for dead, and I knew who was behind who’d done it, and how was I expected to be the same person after such a thing?
How was I expected to just go on as if my entire life hadn’t just been shattered?
A life that I couldn’t imagine could be shattered any more than it’d been when we’d found out that my uncle had been working for the Korolevs.
My life felt like a horribly scripted movie, and as much as I wanted to turn away from the screen, I just couldn’t.
Looking back down at my lap, I asked, “How am I supposed to live with this?”
“I’ll have an answer for you as soon as you tell me everything that really happened,” he replied smoothly, making my head snap up. “I cannot help you if you are not giving me all the tools to help you, lepestok.”
I hated how simple he was making everything sound, and I also hated how he could make me feel guilty with the truth when I had more important emotions to navigate right now. I’d just lost my mother, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to handle it once I had no choice but to accept it.