Chapter 19
Zoya~
I knew that I sounded pathetic, but when you were surrounded by nothing but formidable criminals, it was hard not to feel a bit underqualified for this life, which I was.
Greatly.
It also didn’t matter that they didn’t expect much from me.
No one wanted to feel like the weakest link of the group.
No one wanted to feel like dead weight, dragging everyone else down.
I wanted my actions to have value, even if it was only having a job and earning my own money.
I wanted my life to have a purpose beyond just waiting around for Kasimir to pay me some attention.
So, that’s why I was reaching over to turn on the lamp on the nightstand, not caring what time it was.
My mind refused to turn off, and I knew that Kasimir didn’t care about his beauty sleep.
In fact, I could only imagine how much worse things were going to become once he was finished babysitting me. I was probably never going to see him.
I sat up as I turned to face him, and his eyes were already opened, looking over at me, probably wondering if I’d finally lost my damn mind, which was very possible. My brain was no longer thinking rationally, but since I was very aware of this, I didn’t consider myself crazy just yet.
“What is it, baby?” he asked sleepily. “What’s going on?”
“Aurora mentioned that she’s going to be the one to question Marcelle,” I said, not sure if I should be telling him so much of what she’d told me, but my guess was that he already knew.
Eyeing me carefully, Kasimir sat up in the bed, and it was hard not to get distracted by his bare chest, not going to lie. “She is,” he replied slowly.
“I want to be there,” I announced like I wasn’t speaking about the possible torture of another person.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I want to be there when Aurora questions Marcelle,” I clarified.
His back snapped as he sat up straighter. “Are you out of your mind?”
While I’d already expected this kind of reaction, I still couldn’t hide my surprise. “So, you’re okay with a woman who is eight months pregnant being involved with something like this, but I can’t be there?”
His different-colored eyes blinked at me wildly before saying, “This isn’t a Sunday afternoon barbecue that we’re talking about here, Zoya.”
“I’m aware,” I drawled out.
“Are you?” he shot back. “Because why on earth would you ask for such a thing?”
“Because I want answers,” I semi-lied.
“Answers that Aurora can easily get for you,” he pointed out.
I turned, so that I was facing him completely. “Kasimir, I don’t want Marcelle to see someone else fighting my battles.”
“Zoya, whether you’re there or not, that’s exactly what she’s going to see,” he replied. “I mean, you can’t sit there and tell me that you’re actually up to torturing someone if it’s required.”
“Well, no,” I admitted, my spunkiness waning a bit.
“Then what’s the point of you being there?”
“Aren’t you the one who said that just plain fear is enough to get a woman talking sometimes?” I reminded him. “I can’t see Marcelle holding out for very long once she realizes what she’s up against.”
“And if she does?” he challenged. “Then what?”
“Then I leave the room and let you guys do what you do,” I answered, doing my best to convince him that this wasn’t a bad idea.
“If you leave the room, then that’s us fighting your battles for you,” he said, and I didn’t appreciate the condescending look on his face. “What would be the point, Zoya?”
Because I want to face her, Kasimir,” I told him. “I want to...I want her to know that I know. I want her to know that she didn’t get away with it.”
“She’ll figure that much out once we snatch her up,” he pointed out.
“No,” I argued. “She’ll think that she’s there because of the stunt with me and Montana. She won’t know that she’s there because of what happened to me and my mother, too.”
“Oh, she’ll know,” he smirked coldly. “We’ll be sure to let her know.”
“But I want to let her know,” I told him. “I want to be the one standing in front of her, letting her know why she’s there.”
Kasimir let out a deep sigh, and that was a bad sign if ever I saw one. “Zoya, this shit isn’t like the movies. These people aren’t actors and there’s no script to read from.”
“I know that,” I snapped.
“Do you?” he shot back. “Because these are real people pleading for their lives, Zoya. These are people who will offer anything to live, and while you might think that your anger can handle it, what if it can’t? What if Marcelle’s begging makes you crack?”
“I-”
“Because here’s what’s not going to happen,” he said, cutting me off.
“Once Aurora gets a hold of her, there’s no going back.
You can’t change your mind after the fact.
Even if she hadn’t orchestrated that robbery, she crossed Aurora.
She crossed a Marchetti who also happens to be a Korolev, and there is no way that Aurora’s going to let her live after such a slight.
” His face softened a bit, his eyes full of concern.
“Do you really believe that you’re prepared for that? ”
“Yes,” I answered stubbornly.
Kasimir let out another sigh. “Lepestok, this is not some after-school fight. This is the kind of shit that changes you forever, and while you think that you can handle it, what happens if you can’t? Is that something that you really want to risk?”
“I want to hear what she has to say for herself, Kasimir,” I repeated. “I want to be there.”
He didn’t say anything for a really long time, making things uncomfortable as I tried not to squirm under that unrelenting stare of his. Even if his eyes weren’t two different colors, Kasimir’s confidence was enough to make anyone second-guess themselves.
After what felt like hours, he finally said, “That is not a decision that I can make myself. I will have to run it by Viktor and Aurora, and if Aurora says no, then that’s it. Viktor will not go against her wishes, no matter who speaks on your behalf, Zoya.”
Hope bloomed in my chest. “But if she says that it’s okay?”
Kasimir looked like he’d rather cut off his own arm than say whatever he was going to say. “If Aurora says that it’s okay, then...then I’ll allow it.”
I let out a deep sigh of relief, though I was aware that this might come back to bite me in the ass.
However, right now, it was what I wanted, and while it was true that I might not be able to stomach the torture part of it all, I did want to see Marcelle suffer.
I wanted to see her cry and beg for her life.
She deserved to go through what she had put me and my mother through, and I didn’t feel bad about that.
I didn’t feel bad about giving her a taste of her own medicine.
“I can handle it, Kasimir,” I assured him. “I promise.”
“I don’t think that you can,” he replied bluntly. “Nevertheless, since I understand the need for revenge very well, I’m not going to stand in the way of you getting yours, lepestok.”
“She deserves to suffer,” I remarked quietly.
Cocking his head, he said, “I hope you still feel that way after you’ve witness someone at their most desperate. I hope you still feel that way when her tear-stained face is looking up at you, begging you not to kill her.”
“She didn’t care when we were doing it,” I pointed out.
“She didn’t care because she hadn’t been there to witness it,” he countered. “She didn’t have to force herself to forget that you and your mother were human beings. Unlike you, she gets to go to sleep at night without the wails of desperation in her ears.”
“I don’t care,” I told him, refusing to let him talk me out of this. “If it wasn’t for her, none of this would ever have happened. If it wasn’t for her, then my mother would still be alive.”
After a few seconds he said, “Fine, but I want to make one thing very clear, Zoya.”
“What’s that?”
“No one will think less of you if you end up changing your mind,” he replied sternly. “Do not take on more than you can handle when you’ve got me to do the heavy lifting, baby.”
“While I appreciate that, I want to do this, Kasimir,” I repeated. “If I...if I’m a part of it, then maybe I’ll be able to forgive myself one day. If I get revenge for my mother, then maybe I won’t feel so goddamn sad every day.”
Kasimir reached out, then yanked me into his arms, his warmth soothing me in a way that shouldn’t be possible when you considered the topic that we were discussing. Nonetheless, I felt comfortable and safe in his arms, and I wasn’t going to overthink it like usual.
No...tonight, I was just going to enjoy it.