Chapter Eighteen
Brody
“Brody,” Maggie’s voice spoke into the darkness.
The bed rustled, and then she was beside me. I reached for her before I even opened my eyes, relieved she was finally home.
“Hi, Mags,” I mumbled sleepily, trying to pull her down beside me.
I squinted through bleary eyes when I felt her resistance to my tug.
“Get up,” she whispered, pulling at my arm. “Let’s go on a ride.”
That got my attention. I moved to a sitting position, feeling half delusional in my state of exhaustion as I stared at her, still dressed in court clothes.
“What time is it?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Past midnight.”
“Where have you been?” I asked, highly aware of the manic energy she was vibrating with.
“I was at work, then I was out driving.”
“Driving?” I asked. “Where? Why?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head. “Come on, let’s go.”
“Mags,” I said, grabbing her hand as if she might slip away if I weren’t anchoring her down. “You gotta tell me what’s going on because I’m not going to lie, you’re kind of making me nervous lately.”
She frowned, pulling back.
“Why?” she asked.
“You’ve been off lately. And I know you’ve been upset about Liam, but this feels bigger than that. You haven’t been talking about it. You’ve been out all the time. You’re constantly in motion. I’m worried, Maggie. And I miss you.”
“Then come hang out with me,” she pleaded. “Please.”
I stared at her, imagining the stormy green shade of her eyes, despite the darkness of the bedroom.
Maggie had been known to drag me into her adventures whenever the whim took her, but this felt different. This felt like she was trying to escape something. And I was scared that if I didn’t go with her, she might escape without me.
I had practice early the next morning, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was Maggie, and she needed me. I liked being needed by her. Needed to be needed by her, in fact.
So, I didn’t give her the opportunity to ask me again, because I knew she wouldn’t.
That was the thing about Maggie. She only asked for something once, and if you were too slow to act on it, then you lost it for good.
I wasn’t going to lose Maggie.
Not now, not ever.
So before she had the chance to slip away, I was already getting out of bed and putting clothes on. I didn’t need to ask where we were going or what we’d do when we got there.
Being with Maggie was enough. It had always been enough.
“Okay,” I told her, understanding that she just needed me to go along with this without question, for the sake of whatever storm was brewing inside of her. “Let’s go.”
As it turned out, Maggie didn’t know what she wanted.
A common occurrence with her—knowing she wanted something, but unable to figure out what exactly that might be.
That’s where I usually came in, content to fill in the blanks.
I knew Maggie. I knew her better than I knew anyone else in the world. I could understand her, even if she sometimes seemed like an unsolvable puzzle to everyone else around her.
She was simple when it came down to it. Her actions, seemingly impulsive, were usually triggered by something bigger.
That was usually the biggest mystery to figure out. Not trying to rationalize what she was doing, but trying to figure out the why.
Right now, Maggie wanted fresh air, freedom, to feel the expanse of the world around us without feeling like the walls were closing in on her.
I could tell that by the way she was crawling out of her skin, hell-bent on escaping whatever feelings were bottled up inside of her.
I couldn’t push her, not until she was ready to talk. I knew that. I could be patient. I always was, and she always came around.
I think it made her comfortable, knowing I was there to listen, that I never pressured her into analyzing her feelings before she was ready to come to the conclusion herself. Sometimes, like Liam, she just needed a little space to sort herself out.
“Where are we going?” she asked me expectantly, knowing I had already taken over the matter of deciding our destination, even though the whole midnight adventure had been her idea.
“I know a place,” I told her.
“I don’t want to go—”
I interjected, knowing she was going to list off a myriad of places I wouldn’t bring her, anyway.
“Babe, trust me.” Reaching out my right hand to place on her knee, I felt her relax. “I know everything about you. I’m not going to take you anywhere you don’t want to be.”
She settled, contenting herself to stare out the window as I drove to a spot I’d been waiting to take her to. A spot that might look even more beautiful in the darkness.
Plus, there was a weight in my pocket consisting of all my dreams of the future that I was desperate to make known.
And a girl sitting beside me that I was aching to make mine. Permanently. For good. Forever.
Now seemed as good a time as any.
Piers Park always felt like the edge of the world. When you stood at the overlook, staring out at the harbor and the skyline, it was easy to feel like you were finally outside the hustle and bustle of it all—far enough away to just breathe it in.
You could admire Boston from a distance without being swallowed by its noise. Just for a moment.
And tonight, under the cover of the black winter sky, the city lights in the distance and wide space around us seemed like the perfect place to bring Maggie.
“This okay?” I asked, pulling into a parking spot.
She exhaled a sigh of relief.
“Perfect.”
I jumped out of the car, digging for a coat from the backseat.
I held it out to Maggie, rolling my eyes when she shook her head in refusal.
“I don’t need it.”
I frowned.
My stubborn, obstinate girl.
“Babe,” I fixed her with a look. “I don’t care how hot you are physically, it’s February and I’m not letting you outside without a coat on.”
“Fine,” she wrinkled her nose at me, accepting the offering. “But only because I like getting compliments.”
“Good thing I like giving them.”
“To everyone?” She faked a frown.
“To you,” I told her. “Only ever to you.”
She smiled, contented so easily.
Some people thought Maggie was complicated. Hard to understand. She wasn’t. She just wanted to be loved, and reminded of it often.
It was easier than breathing to give that to her.
She slipped the coat on, swallowed by the enormity of it. I knew it wasn’t the fashion statement she hoped to make, but God, she looked gorgeous in it regardless.
“This is the perfect spot,” she sighed contentedly, looking out at the skyline. “You know why?”
“Why?” I smiled at her, following as she led me to the railing.
“Because I don’t feel as lonely here.”
“Do you feel lonely, Mags?” I asked her.
“All of the time,” she admitted, staring out at the black water of the harbor. “But here, seeing the lights from the city, it reminds me that there’s life out there. People are still awake somewhere, driving, working, loving. Even when I feel all alone, someone is awake somewhere.”
No. That was wrong. That meant I wasn’t doing enough. I wasn’t being there for her enough. How could I let Maggie feel lonely? How could I have let her feel that way and not have fixed it?
I let her work too much. I let her get too caught up in the shit with Dad and her brother. And I hadn’t been there to pull her back from the edge.
I felt the pressure on my chest—a need to assure her that I would fix it. Whatever she needed, I would do it for her. She wasn’t alone.
I would never let her be alone.
“I know you’ve been upset, Mags, but it’s going to be okay,” I told her. “I talked to Cassie and she’s going to try to talk to Liam—”
“You talked to Cassie about me?” She whipped her head around. “Why would you do that?”
“Because you’re upset. I’m trying to fix it—”
“I don’t need you to fix it,” she countered. “If my brother doesn’t want to ever speak to me again then that’s fine. I don’t care.”
Lies.
“And besides,” she added, trying so hard to keep her voice light. “Cassie is his person now, anyway. You shouldn’t have involved her.”
What?
“Cassie’s your best friend,” I stared at her dumbstruck. “You’re not going to lose her because of what’s going on between you and Liam. It won’t matter to her.”
“Oh, it’s not?” she retorted. “Just like you and Liam are fine since him and I got into all this?”
I stared at her, not quite knowing what to say. Her emotions were running high and more than anything I just wanted to be whatever she needed me to be. I didn’t want to make things worse for her. Just remind her of what she seemed to be forgetting.
“Cassie loves you, Mags.”
“They’re married, Brody. We can all pretend there aren’t sides, but you know that Cassie’s going to stand by him over me if it came down to it.”
“I think you underestimate her loyalty to you. Why do you think she can’t be there for you both?”
“Never mind,” Maggie shook her head, ripping her gaze from mine. “It doesn’t matter.”
She started walking and I panicked.
“Maggie, stop. Please.”
She didn’t. She was trying to outrun something, but I couldn’t figure out the whole picture. I kept feeling like there were pieces I was missing. Things she wasn’t telling me.
“I’m fine,” she said, and the words pierced me.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
Why wasn’t she trusting me anymore? What was happening?
The feeling of being unable to reach her made me want to crawl out of my skin. She was hurting, and I couldn’t fix it. Not without knowing what I was up against.
“I feel like I’m losing you,” I breathed out, reaching out for her arm as I tugged her close to me. “Why do you keep pulling away?”
“I’m not,” she said, feeling stiff in my grasp. “I’m sorry. I’m just overwhelmed and—”
I could pick apart in the silence the word that she was too afraid to speak.
Scared.
“I know,” I told her, cupping her face.
She was scared. Of losing Liam. Of losing Cassie. Maybe even of losing me.
And that was something that would never happen. I had to prove it to her, now more than ever.
That I was going to stand by her side, no matter who or what we faced. I needed to show her that she could finally let herself relax because I wasn’t going anywhere.
It had to be now. I couldn’t afford to wait for the perfect moment. Not when Maggie was already retreating into her shell, trying to hide somewhere I couldn’t find her.
For both of our peace of minds, it had to be now.
I slid my hand into my pocket, reassuring myself of the ring that I knew I’d find there.
My hands were sweating. What if I grabbed it and dropped it and ruined the whole moment? What if it slipped right out from my hands and into the harbor?
I pulled Maggie an inch back from the railing, just in case.
“What are you doing?” she asked, staring down at our feet, watching my hand that still had a grip on her arm.
“I, uh—” I started.
How did people do this?
How did Liam do this?
I felt like I was on the verge of blacking out.
“Brody, what’s wrong?” Her voice turned anxious. “You don’t look so good.”
“Thanks, Mags,” I attempted to joke, but my breath was quickening.
She watched me cautiously, and I figured the best way to go about it was to just start.
“You know I love you,” I said, pathetic as hell.
“I do,” she smirked, the night wind blowing back her dark hair.
Damn it, why’d she have to be so pretty?
It made me nervous. I could never think straight when I was looking at her.
“And I know you love me,” I told her, “which is why this sort of feels like it’s been a long time coming.”
She stilled. “What is?”
“But you were so busy before. We both were. And the timing just never seemed right for us.”
“What timing?”
“But you know what I realized?” I continued, before I could lose my nerve. “The timing is never going to be right. You have to make it right.”
“Brody.” Her face was pale as the moonlight, but that was normal, wasn’t it? Girls got just as nervous about this moment as guys did.
Right?
“Maggie,” I said, dropping to one knee, pulling the ring out of my pocket with a death grip around the box. “Will you marry me?”
Her breath caught. I could see it in the air in front of her. Her dark hair streaming down around her shoulders, huge black oversized coat coming down to her knees. Green eyes wide and terrified as they glanced frantically between me, the ring, and our surroundings.
I knew what she was doing. Maggie was always looking for an escape strategy. No matter where she was, she needed to know where the exit was.
But it had never been me she’d been trying to escape from.
What was happening?
Maggie and a clear February night and Boston Harbor and diamond rings and the city lights. This was supposed to be our moment. It was supposed to be the start of our forever.
I thought it was.
But Maggie wasn’t responding, just staring down at the ring in my hands as if it were a bomb about to detonate instead of a promise of forever.
And because I could read her like a fucking book, I knew before her mouth even opened that her answer was about to tear my world apart.