Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Tiredness dragged at Steff, and she leaned back against the head rest, closing her eyes.
It had been a draining day, but there had also been some fun parts.
Like talking and getting to know Cass, Teresa, and Eveline a little better.
She’d definitely seen a different side to her former colleague.
Motherhood had softened Teresa’s edges, but beneath it all was still the hard-nosed reporter she’d worked with.
“Do you mind if we drop by my place before we go to yours?” Dalton asked, as he started the car and reversed out of the bay.
Her eyes popped open. “Why?” She didn’t think Jag had any ulterior motive, but all she wanted was to go home and be around her own things.
Although was her place safe anymore?
Steff shut down that thought. She needed to believe it was, because the opposite wasn’t something she could deal with.
Why was this all happening now?
She’d taken steps to reclaim her life, like Cynthia had done. The moment she did, something bad happened.
Or was she and Dalton and everyone else making too much out of it all?
No, they weren’t.
“I need a change of clothes.” Dalton glanced over his shoulder and changed lanes.
She didn’t need to ask why, and there was no point in arguing. “That’s fine.”
“You’re not going to argue or question why?”
“Would there be any point?” And if the truth be known, she didn’t want to be home by herself.
“Probably not, but if you don’t feel comfortable with me being inside your place, I’ll stay in my car and watch the building. The other guys have already said they’d help out, too.”
This level of attention and caring from people she’d only just met was something she wasn’t used to. She’d been by herself for so long that accepting help was difficult for her.
Perhaps if she hadn’t been alone, she might not have locked herself away as much as she had after her kidnapping.
“You don’t have to stay in your car. You stayed in my apartment last night, it would awful of me to turn you away.” She curled her fingers into her palms, but there was no sting of pain. Nothing to ground her.
Her skin prickled.
Her breathing went from slow and measured, to short and rushed.
Black bubbles crept across her vision.
No, I’m not going to let it pull me down.
“Fuck.”
She heard Dalton swear, but it sounded like he was standing in a tunnel.
No! No! No!
“Breathe, Steff. Slow and steady while listening to me.” Dalton’s voice was getting fainter and fainter, but she latched onto the thread as if it was a lifeline. “You’re safe with me in the car. We’re driving. Traffic is a bitch, as always.”
He sounded a little closer now, and her breathing wasn’t quite so ragged. Her fingers were still pressing into her palms, but the absence of the sting of her nails didn’t distress her as much as it had moments ago.
“That’s it. You’re doing great. We’re almost home. I’m getting close to my building. Come back to me, hon.”
The blackness that covered her vision faded, and the gray dashboard of Dalton’s car filled her line of sight.
“There she is,” Dalton said softly.
Steff blinked back the tears that threatened to spill. She’d come so close to succumbing to her panic attack, which would’ve been disastrous because she was in a car. She had no idea if she would’ve tried to escape, but anything was possible when she was in the throes of an attack. “I’m sorry.”
“God, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. If anything, I’m the one who needs to be apologizing. I should’ve said something before we left. Dropping it on you, especially when we were driving, was the wrong thing to do.”
If they were going to continue with whatever was growing between them, then they should be able to say anything to each other.
“We can both be sorry. I don’t want you to be afraid of saying what you want because you fear I’m going to be triggered.
It could happen, but it might not as well.
I’m working on getting better. I’m determined to keep going to Donelle.
” They’d stopped, and the hum of the engine disappeared.
She took off her seatbelt and twisted so that she was facing Dalton.
It was important that he know she was speaking from the heart.
“This time it was different. I was aware of everything. I could hear you, and I could feel what my body was going through. You brought me back, like you always do, but I like to think that I helped myself out of it too.”
His face broke out into a large smile, one that reached his eyes, and she could drown in their blue depths. “You definitely did help yourself. I have no doubt that you’ll continue working toward your recovery.”
Dalton looked at her hands, and she went to hide her short nails away, but she didn’t. What she’d done to them had been her first step. “I cut them.”
The rest of what she wanted to say remained locked inside of her. Was it shame keeping the words inside? Or was it fear?
Maybe it was both.
He ran a finger over them. “Your hands still look beautiful, and when you’re ready, you can tell me the rest of your story.”
It was taking some getting used to, not seeing her long, pointy nails. Maybe one day she could grow them again, without needing to file them so that they caused her pain. For now, though, they were going to remain short. “I want to tell you. I wanted to do it now, but it’s harder than I thought.”
“We’ve got all the time in the world. When you do decide to tell me, know that I won’t pass any judgment.” He lifted her hands and brushed his lips across her knuckles. “How about we go inside? I’ll pack a bag, and then we can head to your place. We can order pizza and watch whatever you want.”
“Sounds good.” She had to admit she was interested in seeing how Dalton lived.
It had been a long time since she’d seen the interior of a man’s home.
The only time she’d been inside one had been when she’d spent the night with a man.
When she’d been young, and had known there was evil in the world, but believed it would never touch her.
She’d not been promiscuous; she’d been a single woman having fun. Had karma decided to punish her, was that why she’d been taken and had all those horrible things happen to her?
Her anxiety spiked at her thoughts, and she breathed through it. She couldn’t have another attack.
“Hon, what’s distressing you?” Dalton spoke softly, as if he didn’t want to spook her into a panic attack.
“I was thinking about the past. What I’d done and wondering if what happened to me was because of it.” It had been so easy to say those words, why hadn’t it been easy to tell Dalton about her fingernails?
They were still in the car facing each other. A strange place to be having a conversation like this, but perhaps it was the perfect place. They were cocooned by themselves, life going on around them.
Dalton cupped the back of her head, his touch light and comforting.
“Don’t ever think that. What happened to you wasn’t your fault.
It was the fault of the sick bastards who believe that people are a commodity.
” He smiled softly. “We’ve all got pasts.
I was no monk when I first enlisted. You did nothing wrong. ”
He said the last bit so fiercely.
“Thank you.” Then she did something she never thought she’d do. Steff leaned forward and pressed her lips against Dalton’s. A soft touch, but empowering all the same.
Steff pulled back, and loved seeing the look of surprise and delight on Dalton’s face. “Shall we go in?” She inclined her head toward his building.
“Sure. Wait there for me, please.”
She nodded, happy to wait anywhere for this man. Dalton got out of the car. Through the windshield, she watched as his head turned as though on a swivel, as he scanned the surrounding area.
Did he do that all the time? Or was he only doing it because she was with him? Considering his job and what he’d done in the past, all the things he’d seen and endured, she suspected it was automatic for him to check if danger lurked nearby.
“All good?” she queried after he opened the door. It was kind of silly to ask, because if there had been any danger, he wouldn’t be standing in front of her; he’d be doing whatever was necessary to keep her safe.
“Yep.” He held out a hand, and she placed hers in it, relishing the closeness to him when he tucked her into his side.
They didn’t say anything as they made their way to his apartment. The building was a bit older than hers, but it was well maintained. There wasn’t the same level of security that her apartment had. Although Dalton still needed a key to enter the front door, it wasn’t open for all and sundry.
“It’s not much, but it’s home,” Dalton announced as he opened his front door.
She hesitated, and he looked at her, an eyebrow raised in query. “You’re not going to check it out?” she asked hesitantly.
“I should, shouldn’t I?” His smile rueful. “Wait here.” He pointed to a spot just inside his front door. “I’ll be right back.”
As he made his way through his apartment, Steff took the time to look around.
The main living area was large, and had a couch that looked soft and perfect for curling up on to watch something on the big ass TV that hung on the wall.
She couldn’t comment, her own TV was large. It was the norm these days.
Off to the right was a round table with four seats that bled into the galley style kitchen that was present in most apartments. She didn’t know how many bedrooms he had, but guessed, from the doors she could see from her vantage points, that there must be at least two.
The place was neat and tidy, and there wasn’t a layer of dust on the surfaces she could see.
Dalton returned. “Like what you see?”
“I do. How long have you lived here?”
“Since I chaptered out and joined Alliez. My first real home after the one I grew up in. I lived on base the whole time I was in the Navy. It was easier considering I’d get called up at a moment’s notice.”