Chapter 11 #2
She moved a little restlessly, not used to public display of affection.
Yes, they were isolated, but it felt strange.
With Everton, one would not dare touch in public, and her parents had drummed it into her head.
They taught her that public displays of affection were for people who did not know better. For poor people.
The unpleasant memory clouded her thinking and intruded on the pleasant evening.
"What's the matter?"
She should have known he would pick up on her changed mood.
"Nothing." When she tried to break the hold, he just held on, a determined look on his face.
"I- it's-" She took a sip of wine to ease her dry throat. "I'm not used to this."
Puzzled, he frowned at her. "Dining in a restaurant?"
"Don't be ridiculous!" Her tone was sharp, making him raise his brows. "This, you holding my hand. It's not something I would normally do."
He heard the underlying tension and the unspoken words. And decided to push and get it out in the open. He had spent the day thinking about her and her ex and wanted to know the truth.
"You mean the guy you were involved with." He let go of her hand to take a roll and spread it with butter, his movement deliberately casual.
"What about him?" Aria felt the panic curling inside her chest at the thought of the man she had further allowed to humiliate her.
He had been a younger version of her father, and she had to admit to herself and the therapist she had consulted for a week, which had been the appeal. She had wanted someone like her father.
"You never mentioned him."
Before she could respond, their meals were brought to them, giving her a much-needed reprieve. Lucio had brought them himself and with his usual flourish and loquacious manner, insisted on them having a taste and giving their approval.
After the man had left, they ate in silence for a few minutes, before he approached the subject again. She was evading and that made him even more curious and afraid.
There could be only one reason she was reluctant to approach the subject and if that were the case, he wanted to know right now.
"Tell me about him." He prodded softly, eyes trained on her face. She had a very expressive one and he wondered if she was aware of it.
"It's not a topic I like to discuss." Lucio was right, she decided as she ate the meal. It was delicious.
"Why not?" He wasn't willing to let it go, no matter what.
Putting her utensils precisely in the center of her plate, she met his gaze. "I've already told you most if not all of my story. I want us to leave that one alone."
His eyes glittered as he put away his own utensils, in not the precise manner she did. "I want to know why."
Breaking off a sigh, she reached for her glass and took a fortifying sip.
"I just don't want to talk about it."
"I see." His tone was scrupulously pleasant as if they were discussing the weather or the movie they had just watched. But she knew better. "You're still in love with him." The pain of it threatened to tear through his insides and he discovered he was no longer hungry.
Surprise jolted her. The look on his handsome face had her heart thudding. He was trying to hide the hurt, but it was all there.
"You think I'm still in love with him?" The incredulity in her voice had the pressure easing from his chest, making him able to breathe normally again.
"I detest him." She had to lower her voice and took several deep breaths to calm herself.
"He humiliated me." Her hand was shaking when she picked up her glass and gulped instead of sipped.
It made him feel like a monster for pressing. His own damn ego had blown everything up inside his mind. He felt like a freaking monster and started to apologize for it.
Before he could open his mouth, she continued, eyes blazing.
"He was like my father. Oh, he was white, but he modeled himself after 'the great man'.
Father approved of the match and was constantly pushing us to make it permanent.
I was the fool who wanted to go ahead into marriage, thinking that now my father would love me and be proud.
"I was being groomed to be a perfect wife.
" She stabbed into her pasta viciously, enjoying the fact that she was deviating from her very rigid upbringing and displaying a lack of table manners.
"There were hints that I would not be working after the wedding.
That my place would be by his side. I would join the acceptable charities like my mother.
Everton had it all planned because he had learned from the best."
Her eyes filled, but she was determined to keep the tears from spilling.
Her throat was thick as if the food had lodged there and her blood was heated.
Reliving the humiliation all over again was giving her a panic attack.
She was not over it. Today had been a fluke, her walking around town and admiring the pretty buildings as well as scoping out somewhere she could set up practice.
The shopping, the date, even now, having a meal with a very attractive man. It was all unnatural.
"I'm sorry." She pushed away her plate and shoved her chair back. "I need some air."
Before he could react and even stop her, she was racing towards the door.
Swearing ripely and blaming himself, he quickly signaled for Lucio.
"Something came up."
"Of course. Would you like me to box these up?"
"No."
"The lovely young lady would have enjoyed the Panna Cotta we have for dessert."
"Another time. Please put it on my tab."
"Naturally." He bowed slightly before turning away to attend to someone else.
Kenneth found her sitting on a gracefully carved bench beneath an overflowing cherry blossom. And she was shivering. Cursing himself for being all kinds of fool, he shrugged out of his cashmere jacket and draped it around her shoulders.
"I needed some air." She was bent forward, her arms wrapped around her waist as if warding off an attack. Her expression was bleak. He wanted to find the son of a bitch who put that hopeless look on her lovely face and beat him to a pulp.
Hunkering in front of her, he took her hands. They were icy. Rubbing them between his palms, he did not speak for a minute, letting her get used to his presence.
"I apologize." He told her abruptly. When her gaze focused on him, he continued. "I should not have brought it up. I spoiled our night out."
Her fingers tightened on his. "I hate remembering how easily I was molded and how near I came to handing my life over to someone else.
A man." She shook her head, a derisive expression on her face.
"It's natural of course. I spent my entire life seeking approval from my father.
Of course I would want to be with someone like him. "
She ducked her head as further humiliation surfaced.
"I was inadequate in bed." Her fingers gripped his like a vice.
"He was indulgent about it, assuring me that I was not expected to perform up to par.
Blamed it on the fact that I was working a sometimes eighteen-hour job.
" A tear slid down one flawless cheek and had his heart wrenching. It was confirmed; the asshole was dead.
"You know better." He said roughly. The anger churning inside him wanted to burst free, but for now, he had to contain it. She certainly did not need him going all volatile and lashing out. It was not about him.
Lifting their joined hands, he brushed his lips over her knuckles. "I have a feeling he was just trying to blame you for his own inadequacies."
She blinked away tears and for the first time really noticed him. She had run from the restaurant like an imbecile and here he was, taking care of her. She didn't deserve a man like him. Inside she was badly damaged, and it was going to take a while to undo it. She had been molded all of her life.
How could she be any different? And what good would she be to a man like Kenneth?
"You're cold." Rising, he scooped her up and strode to the vehicle. Shifting her slightly, he pressed the handle to unlock the car. Opening the door, he put her on the seat and buckled her up.
Tears threatened to spill again, but she fought them back.
"I spoiled the date." She murmured as he backed out.
"There will be others." He glanced over and stifled a groan at the wetness on her cheeks. Reaching over, he used his thumb to wipe away the moisture before lighting out of the lot.
He didn't go straight to the cottage but drove to the park where pretty lights were twinkling on bushes. At that time of night, the place was practically empty, except for a lone guy jogging.
"What are we doing here?"
"I just wanted to walk with you." Taking her hand, he strolled towards the towering oak tree with the carpet of wild flowers rioting around the thick trunk. She was no longer cold and realized she still had on his jacket. It smelled so much like him, she just wanted to burrow.
They moved towards the pond with the water lilies floating on top. Putting her in front of him, he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his forehead on her head.
"I cannot tell you that I understand what you went through. What I can tell you, no, assure you is that you no longer have to go through anything like that. I love you." He felt when she jolted.
"I can't-"
"I love you Aria or Lydia." He turned her to face him.
"I'm not that sick screwed up asshole you were with.
I'll never tell you what to do or how to live your life.
I believe in equality in a relationship.
" His eyes were burning with sincerity. "And I'm prepared to wait until you realize we belong together. "