29. Chapter 29
July 7, 2011
12:37 pm
Sara was hesitant to accept Trinity’s invitation to go to the spa. Her niece had all but given her the cold shoulder since they met. But after Trey’s shooting and Ryan’s attack, the teen seemed to be coming around.
So here she was, her feet in a pedicure bowl, as she, Trinity, Genevieve, and Cecilia got pampered. It had been a long time since Sara had even thought about getting her nails done. She used to look forward to her weekly spa dates with her mother and sister. Now she felt out of place.
Plus, she was still healing from her run-in with Ryan from three days earlier.
Though Hailey had gotten the brunt of Ryan’s rage, Sara hadn’t gotten away unscathed. Her lip was still healing and the bruise on her cheek beckoned stares from everyone. Trinity and Hailey tried to help cover it with makeup but the dark purple still peeked through.
Sara tried to relax as Trinity shared her life plans, but she found it difficult. She lived in a constant state of paranoia and caution, which was now magnified. It didn’t help that she was running on fumes and was nearly depleted both emotionally and physically.
Once again, her gaze swept across the spa as she assessed the building for danger. Gavin was doing the same as he stood near the entrance.
Ryan still hadn’t been caught and now David had disappeared. According to Trey, even Lauren didn't know where he was. Sara knew it was only a matter of time before there was more bloodshed.
She prayed Gavin wouldn’t be the next body to fall. She was still coming to terms with Carter’s death and if something happened to Gavin, she’d never forgive herself. Despite her best efforts, she was quickly falling for the even-tempered man.
Even in his grief, he was aware of her in ways no one else was. His ability to understand her both terrified and thrilled Sara. He knew what she needed long before she ever voiced it to him. And when she had cried over the loss of their friend, he had given her the privacy she desperately needed. He didn’t feel the need to fix things as many men did. He was content with her emotions, however erratic or absent they may be.
Trinity’s voice brought Sara back to reality. “I want to become a doctor one day, but I don't know what kind. I just want to help people.” She shrugged. “It helps that they make a lot of money, too.”
Sara was amused by the girl. She was actually more like Sara than she was like Hailey: sarcastic, blunt, and sometimes somber. She wasn’t sure if it was simply the hormones of being a teenager, but Sara enjoyed having someone mirror the traits that many didn’t understand.
“That’s cool. So, what do you do for fun?” Sara rolled her eyes at herself. What a lame question. But truthfully, she didn’t know how to hold a conversation with an adult, let alone a teenager.
“I usually read and just hang with friends…dance. Sometimes I’ll go to the movies, but Mom doesn’t let me do a lot of stuff.”
“Your mom sounds lame,” Sara teased.
Trinity snickered as Genevieve said, “Sara, stop being ugly.”
Sara smiled and winked at Genevieve and the woman giggled alongside them. It reminded Sara of the days when she and Hailey would fight, and Genevieve would make them hold hands until they could get along.
Though Sara was still hurt by Genevieve’s choice to stay silent about David’s abuse, she couldn’t stay angry at the woman. Truthfully, she simply didn’t have the energy to hold on to that rage. So, she forgave the woman who had taken care of her as a little girl. Sara loved her too much to hate her.
The four of them finished their pedicures and headed to the pizzeria in town. Sara was hesitant to walk into the doors of the restaurant, uncomfortable knowing Nicole had been the one to rip her family apart, but the girls had wanted pizza. So, Sara pushed aside her angst, and Genevieve placed their order while Sara, Trinity, and Cecilia found a booth to sit at, Gavin following behind.
He held her hand under the table and this time, Sara didn’t pull away. It felt strange having feelings for someone after all this time. And it was laughable that it was her sister’s ex. Not to mention the fact that Sara hadn't much cared for him when they were teenagers.
“Sara,” Genevieve said as she nodded toward the front door, her brow raised.
Immediately, Sara tensed. Chase Renner stood in the doorway. The anger that had been there earlier had dissipated and was replaced with the calmness he had years ago.
He waved her over and walked out the front door.
Sara exchanged a curious glance with Gavin and excused herself, Gavin following suit.
She stopped just outside the front door and turned to Gavin, putting her hand on her forehead to shield her eyes from the sun. She motioned to her bruises and said, “You don’t need to follow me, I can take care of myself.”
He caressed the cut on her lip and her bruised cheek with his thumb. “I know, but I care about you too much to let anything happen to you again. I won’t eavesdrop, I just want to keep you safe. Plus, I have a better view of the front door if I’m standing next to it.”
She smiled and gently touched his hand that rested on her face. “No, you need to be in there watching Trinity. I guarantee if something happens to her, Trey will come after you. Go have Trinity’s eight or whatever it is you say.”
He laughed. “Six. We’ve got each other’s six.”
“Whatever.” Sara said dryly, but then smiled once she turned around.
Auburndale was quiet, despite it being lunch hour. Only a few people walked the street as everyone tried to stay indoors in order to escape the sweltering heat.
She made her way to Chase who was standing on the sidewalk, a few feet away from the building.
Sara steeled herself for what he might say. She awkwardly said, “Hey.”
Chase immediately hugged her, and she stiffened as he said, “I was walking to my car and saw you go into the restaurant. I wanted to make sure you were okay… I heard about what happened.”
News of the attack had spread like wildfire along with the fact that Sara Gallagher- murderer- was the victim of said attack. Many people thought she deserved it, something she wondered as well.
He let her go and she simply said, “I’m fine.”
The two stared at each other. Sara felt vulnerable and the familiar sensation of panic began to creep in. “Are we just going to stare at each other, or do you have something to say?”
Chase raised a brow. “I see the sarcasm and attitude is still intact.”
“Yeah, well, prison will do that to you.”
“Sara-”
“Look, someone just tried to kill me and my sister, so I don't really have time for whatever this is.”
Chase shook his head. “I honestly can't imagine what you've been through.”
She shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“So, Gavin O’Dell?” he said, nodding toward the door.
She understood the inflection of his voice. His audacity pissed her off. “That’s what you wanted to talk to me about?”
Sara was about to leave when Chase quickly said, “We didn’t exactly leave things on the best terms. I was really angry at you, but I shouldn’t have shut you out.”
Sara shifted. She was irked by his need to be her knight in shining armor, as if she needed saving now. She nearly scoffed at that thought. If anything, this was the first time in her life when she didn’t need saving. His timing was awful.
He hadn’t said a word to her since they broke up that summer, and now all of a sudden, he wanted to make amends? She was the one who had cheated on him. She was the one who had told him to stay in Auburndale while she went off to New York and L.A. to pursue her stardom dreams, even though he begged to come with her and build a life together. And she was the one who had always chosen drugs over him.
And every time, he tried to save her; fix her. But she had needed a man who could handle her, who understood her. Not a knight swooping in to save her.
And if she didn’t need one then, she damn sure didn’t need one now.
But she couldn’t deny that he had been good to her. All Chase had ever done was support her hopes and dreams, even when he didn’t like them. He hadn’t wanted to leave his hometown, but he had been willing to do it in order to be with her. He had thought she would be a great wife and mother, but he had been willing to give up his dream because she didn't want to have kids and ruin her figure.
Funny, all of that sounded so ridiculous now.
Now she worried about making it through the day, not about her figure or her hair or makeup. Now she worried about surviving, not about careers or building a life with someone.
She said, “You don’t owe me an apology. Actually, I'm surprised you're talking to me…you know, being a convicted murderer and all.”
“I talked to Trey after I heard about the attack. He explained the situation.”
Sara chuckled cynically. “You didn’t even have the courtesy to ask me yourself? You’re unbelievable.” She pointed a finger at him. “I bet if Trey wouldn’t have told you, you wouldn’t be standing here right now.”
He stepped closer to her, fire in his eyes. “You’re right. I have two kids to protect. I wasn't going to open that door if you weren’t innocent.”
Annoyed, she threw her head back. “What does that even mean? Why are you talking to me, Chase?”
Chase shifted uncomfortably as he calmed himself. “Seeing you the other day took me by surprise, and I wanted to know how you were.”
“Oh, please. You could have asked me that while I was locked up. It’s not like I was going anywhere. And that answers your question: I just got out of prison after serving thirteen years for a crime I didn't commit, so how do you think I’m doing? And now, after I’m finally free, I’m being hunted down because there’s proof I’m innocent.” Sara put her hand up. “Life is freaking great.”
She couldn't help but lash out. She felt abandoned by the one person who swore to always love her and protect her. But when push came to shove, and the whole world turned against her, he had too. And she wouldn’t forgive him for it.
She was also bewildered by his nerve to ask how she was as if she hadn’t just lived a traumatic life thus far. It wasn’t as if she went off to New York to actually pursue modeling and was coming back to town. It wasn’t as if she was visiting after moving away with a wonderful man that she built a life with.
No. She was, by everyone’s account, a murderer, an ex-junkie, and a girl who had so much potential but just couldn’t live up to it.
What a joke.
She turned to leave but he gently grabbed her arm. “Sara, wait. I shouldn’t have said that. That’s not what I meant. I just…”
Sara stood with her back to him and closed her eyes. She spent years learning how to detach from her emotions, because feeling anything got you hurt or killed. But being around Chase, she didn’t think she could and that terrified her.
Yet, as much as Sara wanted to run away, she also wanted to stay with him. Even after all these years, after the betrayal and heartache, she couldn’t deny the heat that burned within her when he spoke to her.
Sara knew she should push those thoughts from her mind, but she couldn’t. After all, she quickly noticed the wedding ring on his finger. She considered living up to the Gallagher namesake and adding homewrecker to the list, but she knew that would only break her even more.
And she really liked Gavin. In the short time he’d known her, he understood her in a way Chase never had. He respected her privacy and secrets, never expecting her to give herself to him completely. He was content with her independence. And he understood that, while she was broken, he couldn’t be the one to put her back together.
Chase continued, his voice soft as he said, “I just needed to talk to you. I never wanted to admit it, but I missed you. And seeing you again brought back all of these feelings I thought no longer existed.”
Sara quickly spun around. “Ugh! I’m not doing this with you. And I'm sure your wife wouldn't approve either.” Sara eyed his ring, and he followed her gaze.
He let go of her arm. “She doesn’t have to know.”
“You have some nerve-”
“Sara, please.” Chase touched her cheek, and she instinctively leaned into his hand, her heart skipping a beat. He paused for a moment and then she pulled away, embarrassed by her reaction.
“We had something special. Even Elizabeth doesn’t compare to you.”
Sara laughed bitterly. “Do you hear yourself?”
Chase slowly stepped closer. She suddenly found it hard to breathe. She spent most of the last decade grieving their relationship after she royally screwed it up. But he was the one who put the nail in their coffin when he didn’t come to her defense while she rotted behind bars.
So much for a love so special…
She was angry at herself for wanting to kiss him in that moment. Because as angry as she was at him, she still missed what they once had. She missed their meaningful conversations, the way he made her feel safe, the way he held her and kissed her. She missed Chase Renner.
But she also knew that was a lifetime ago. And she was no longer the same person.
The fact he was married and pining for her showed that he had changed as well. The Chase she had known would have never betrayed his wife’s trust.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that Gavin had stepped closer to them, making himself known. Sara didn’t know if it was for the sake of his promise to Trey or because he was jealous and concerned. Sara looked at him and smiled gently, trying to put him at ease.
Chase saw the exchange. Gavin stood, arms crossed, glaring at Chase. After a moment, Chase looked back at Sara.
“So, you really are going to move on? We could have a second chance, like Hailey and Trey. Do you really want to throw that away?”
Sara studied his face. She had been heartbroken when their relationship ended. She had been selfish and more concerned with getting drunk and high to even notice the amazing man she had in front of her at such a young age.
But even from the beginning she somehow knew it would never work. Chase was a great man…or had been. He was willing to give up anything and everything for Sara’s happiness and, as an adult, Sara could see how toxic that was.
Even as an eighteen-year-old, she would often get annoyed with Chase for being so doting. He wouldn't fight with her or fight for what he wanted. He simply rolled over and did whatever she said. He expected her to spend every waking minute with him, giving him more than she had to offer.
But she needed someone who would challenge her when she needed it. Who would respect her privacy and secrets. She needed someone who was content with what little she had to offer.
Somehow, even then, she had known it wouldn’t have worked.
Which is why she slept with her casting director.
She was bored and wanted to spice things up. She was tired of having a yes-man and wanted someone who would make her feel alive (even if it was only for one night). She wanted to feel free, something she’d never truly felt before.
She told Chase about her affair, and he had quickly forgiven her, surprisingly to her dismay. Then he said he would follow her to New York and support her with anything she wanted. It was in that moment she couldn’t breathe, much like she couldn’t now. Chase suffocated her and she needed freedom.
Yet, she had still loved him so deeply it scared her.
Thirteen years later he was still suffocating her.
And she was still so deeply in love with him it scared her.
But this time, she wasn’t calling it quits out of selfishness. This time, she was doing it because she loved herself enough to choose what was best for her. For the first time in her life, she was making the right choice and not the selfish choice.
And maybe that meant she needed to put her revenge to rest. Her sister was right, it would only bring more heartache. Hailey deserved her second chance at having a family. Trinity deserved to have a relationship with her father. Gavin deserved happiness. And Carter…he should still be alive.
And Sara deserved better. She deserved a life of peace.
Sara sighed. “I can’t do this, Chase. I don’t want to do this. I don’t love you anymore.” She eyed Gavin. “I’m seeing someone else, and I really like him.”
Chase clenched his jaw as she continued, “Go work things out with your wife. You deserve someone who can make you happy and that’s not me.”
With that, Sara left Chase standing on the sidewalk.
She didn’t want to. Selfishly, she wanted to rekindle the fire they once had, to build a life with him, to pretend the last thirteen years had never happened. But she couldn’t.
She would always be seen as the villain, even if she was truly the princess who had been left behind in the tower. But instead of being a damsel in distress, she would save herself.
If she had learned anything over the last decade it was that you can’t depend on anyone to save you.
Either you saved yourself or you died while you waited for someone else to do it.