Chapter 7
Gl!tch.OS: You need to stop doing that. I’m used to not taking much with us when we leave.
Gl!tch.OS: You’re going to spoil me. OS is already asking if he has a fairy godmother after you got him that LEAPFROG system.
Gl!tch.OS: Don’t say that! It can mean something very different.
Gl!tch.OS: No! No! I didn’t mean that you had said something derogatory. I meant “wand”. Some people refer to a penis as a wand, especially in romance books and stuff.
WiseWave620: Seriously? I thought that was “sword”. Like sword crossing.
Gl!tch.OS: Caspian Davis! What do you know about crossing swords?
WiseWave620: I just… I hear things.
WiseWave620: Jesus. Can we change the subject please?
Gl!tch.OS: No way! I want to hear more about your WAND.
* * *
Rose laughed so hard she nearly peed her pants. “I’m sorry. You what?”
Keys grumbled into the phone as he admitted, “Called one of the biggest international clients I’ve had to date by the wrong name for the entire two hour meeting.”
Rose snickered. “And what did the name actually mean in their language?”
Keys buried his face in his pillow as he spoke.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear that. Can you speak up please?”
Keys lifted his face and shouted into the phone, “Daddy! I called a Swiss business man named Valte ‘Vati’, which is German for ‘daddy’, for nearly two hours, and I’m pretty sure at the end, he thought I was proposing marriage and not the sale of my tech! Happy now?”
Rose’s pure mirth drowned out the sounds of Keys’ humiliated groan. “I am so getting a copy of that security tape and sending it to your club.”
Keys shot up straight. “You wouldn’t dare!”
All he got back was even louder laughter that could only be described as maniacal.
* * *
WiseWave620: Ew. Why?
Gl!tch.OS: Because it’s socially the right thing to do.
WiseWave620: What do you know about being social?
Gl!tch.OS: Touché. But I read somewhere that that’s what you’re supposed to do.
WiseWave620: Just because you’re supposed to do it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
Gl!tch.OS: How is going to a 3 year old’s birthday party the WRONG thing to do?
WiseWave620: Because they won’t let me take my computer!!
Gl!tch.OS: Seriously??
WiseWave620: Seriously. Lucky banned it.
Gl!tch.OS: You’re a grown adult. He can’t ban you from doing anything.
WiseWave620: He’s the VP. Of course he can!
Gl!tch.OS: I bet you $20 that if you bring one, he’s not going to say anything. Just go in, be social, wish the kid a happy birthday, and then find a nice quiet corner.
WiseWave620: Are you trying to get me punished???
Gl!tch.OS: You need to learn to stand up for yourself, Keys!
WiseWave620: Fine, but only so I can prove you wrong. Do you think any of the Non Cras would dare go against Scissors if she ordered something?
Gl!tch.OS: Scissors would never order something so stupid.
WiseWave620: You’re on! I’ll even bring my tablet so it’s less conspicuous.
* * *
WiseWave620: You owe me $20 and a new tablet. Lucky confiscated mine.
* * *
Thornveil: [grumbles] Why are we doing this exactly?
Aelindra: [laughs] Because no one else wanted the job.
Thornveil: [looks to left] You mean no one else was stupid enough to take the job.
Aelindra: [smiles] Exactly!
Thornveil: [deadpans] And you think it logical to follow the word of a panicked goblin named Sizzwick Copperbolts who reeked of fish?
Aelindra: [spins in circles in the sunlight] Would you rather he smell like lilacs?
Thornveil: [grumbles] I would have rather he didn’t smell at all!
Aelindra: [laughs] Come on, Thornveil! What more could you ask for? He specifically said he needed a warlock and a druid.
Aelindra: [points] Warlock.
Aelindra: [points at self] Druid. We’re PERFECT for the job.
Thornveil: [crosses arms over chest] Yeah, and you don’t find that suspicious??
Aelindra: [continues spinning] Not in the slightest. Besides, you’re already dead, so what do you care?
Thornveil: [grumbles, pauses, grumbles again] I care if YOU die.
Aelindra: [stops dancing] Awww, aren’t we a cute undead warlock?
Thornveil: [turns to leave] Nope. Changed my mind. You can die. I’ll catch you in the next life.
Aelindra: [laughing, chases] I’m kidding! Kidding! It’s just so adorable when you try to get in touch with your feelings.
Thornveil: [grumbles]
Aelindra: [smiles] Okay, Sizzwick said there’s a cult on a boat doing SOMETHING with a big glowing circle and tentacles, and he wants us to get his ship back!
Thornveil: [deadpans] He also said he’d pay in gold. Then corrected to MOSTLY gold. Then added that only SOME of it is real.
Aelindra: [smiles] EXACTLY.
Thornveil: [looks down] Don’t you get seasick?
Aelindra: [shrugs] To help those in need, I’ll risk it.
Thornveil: [shrugs] It’s your stomach. Let’s go.
Aelindra: [walks towards boat, starts singing sea shanty] Oh, the warlock is grumpy and the seas are wide, he’s technically dead—but at least he’s on my side!
Thornveil: [follows behind] I will feed you to the Void.
Aelindra: [sings louder]
They locate the stolen ship, named The Soggy Prophet.
It is surrounded by glowing purple water and the distant sound of chanting that occasionally stops to argue about the correct wording of a ritual.
Sneaking aboard proves immediately disastrous when Aelindra shapeshifts into her travel form, a sea lion.
Thornveil: [unimpressed] You’re a seal.
Aelindra: [smiles] Sea lion.
Thornveil: [continues to stare] You’re a large wet dog.
Aelindra: [deliberately splashes him]
They discover The Tidewrapped are genuinely incompetent.
Their leader, High Priest Murgaloth the Slightly Damp, has been reading the ritual backwards and has summoned not a terrifying Old God but a deeply confused and mildly irritated sea creature named Glrrbth who mostly wants to go back to sleep.
Now Thornveil and Aelindra must disrupt the ritual before the cult accidentally reads it correctly and summons something actually dangerous.
Thornveil: [hold out hands]
Aelindra: [steps in front] What do you think you are doing?
Thornveil: [stands, hands still raised] Summoning the Felhunter to put an end to this madness.
Aelindra: [aghast] Absolutely not! We are on a BOAT!
Thornveil: [shrugs] Demons can swim.
Aelindra: [growls] That is absolutely NOT the point!
Thornveil: [lowers hands, crossing arms over chest] Then, pray tell, what is your great plan, oh brilliant one?
Aelindra’s plan involves talking to Glrrbth directly using her nature magic to communicate with creatures. It works. Glrrbth is delighted someone finally asked how it was doing. It has been having a very stressful week.
Glrrbth: Wwwrrshhhblpp.
Aelindra: [smiling] He says the druid is very kind and he hopes she has a safe journey home.
Thornveil: [raises eyebrow] And me?
Aelindra: [pause] He says you look like something he’d find washed up on a beach.
Thornveil: [stares at the ocean]
Glrrbth: Blrp.
Aelindra: [trying not to laugh] He says he means that affectionately.
Thornveil: [grumbles] Sure he does.
Thornveil spends this time systematically terrifying the cult members one by one from the shadows, which he describes as “crowd control” and Aelindra describes as “completely unnecessary and yet admittedly effective”.
The ritual is broken when Thornveil, fed up with waiting, simply sets the ritual circle on fire with a well-placed Incinerate, which he is not technically spec’ed for but refuses to admit.
Aelindra: [unimpressed] I thought Affliction Warlocks didn’t use fire.
Thornveil: [starts walking away] I don't know what you’re talking about.
Aelindra: [points] The fire, Thornveil. Right there.
Thornveil: [continues walking away] That’s shadow magic. It’s very dark orange.
Glrrbth sinks happily back into the ocean. The cult surrenders immediately and asks if anyone wants to buy enchanted fishing lures. The Soggy Prophet is returned to Sizzwick, who (mostly) pays them in real gold.
Thornveil pockets his gold.
Aelindra: [smiles] You ole softy.
Thornveil: [starts sailing home]
Aelindra: [continues shanty song] The cult was incompetent, the goblin smelled of fish.
Thornveil: [long silence]
Aelindra: [waits]
Thornveil: [very quietly, looking away] ...and Glrrbth just wanted his beauty sleep wish.
Aelindra: [smiles]
* * *
Six Weeks to Present
Keys walked up to Thorne, who was packing up the rest of the supplies into the back of the hatchback.
Master Key Security Solutions now had six armored vehicles of various styles and models, including one that was wheelchair accessible.
Rose didn’t give them much of a heads up whenever she was ready to move, but she at least abided by their deal and gave Keys’ a big enough lead that he could send one of his men to her location.
In the almost six months since Keys had covered for her while her son was sick, their friendship had grown and morphed into…
something. And maybe it wasn’t a traditional romance, maybe no one knew about them, and maybe they’d never said certain words, but the trust, the bond, was there. Despite the distance.
And the secrets.
Keys still didn’t know her son’s name, or how old he was.
When Thorne, Goose, or Grimm went to assist her, she kept him mostly hidden.
They called him OS online, because Keys learned that the “OS” in her handle was not for “operating system” as he’d assumed for nearly two years.
It was for her son’s name, though Keys didn’t know if OS referred to his initials or the first two letters of his name.
Keys hated that he was sending his employees to assist her, rather than doing it himself.
It was…frustrating, to say the least. But Rose wouldn’t let him come.
Even with how open they were being now in their communication, Rose did not want him to be the one to escort her to her new, temporary, location.