SEVEN
COLT
When Kenny leaves Maddox and Austin so she can go pine after Jameson’s best friend, Theo, I take it as my cue to broach the elephant in the mountains, also known as my brother and my… ex fuck buddy?
The log wobbles when I sit down next to Austin, and Maddox acts like I’ve shot her with how quick he is to react. I kick his turned-over beer can away and force out a barb with a happy-go-lucky laugh that pisses him off even more.
Maddie snatches my beer out of my hand and checks to make sure I haven’t been spitting in it before taking a swing. I quit dipping and moved on to cigarettes a long time ago, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of telling him that. He’d been on my ass to quit for way too long.
“Don’t get your hopes up, bro. I didn’t quit dipping, just don’t have any on me right now. Didn’t feel like stopping to replenish.”
“I don’t sit around hoping you’ll get your shit together anymore, Colt. Got better things to do with my day.”
Maddox has a way of making me feel five years old and I fucking hate it. He’s so goddamn self-righteous just because Dad left the ranch in his name, acting like he’s everyone’s daddy now. It drives me insane.
At the same time, the very thought that he might’ve given up on me guts me to the core.
I pull a cigarette out of the nearly empty pack in my jacket pocket and put it between my lips to try and stop myself from running my mouth. Bailey likes to say I start shit for no reason, but there’s always a reason.
Tonight it’s because I’m mad as hell that I drove twelve fucking hours through the night because I was so goddamn homesick, only to get home and feel just as lost as I was before.
Probably even more so, if I’m being honest, because my asshole of a brother is here all loved up and happy while I’m sitting here like a sad sack of shit.
Maybe that’s why I decide to flirt with his girl. “Got a light, babe?”
Austin narrows her eyes.
“There’s a really big one right in front of you. Be sure to get extra close.”
I snort. She doesn’t get enough credit for her wit.
Sure, she can be a bit snotty, but outside of the bedroom, it’s part of her appeal.
Maddox gets back at me by tossing my beer can back at me, and I almost feel like I’ve won until Austin starts playing with Maddie’s hair and loving on him.
His eyes go all moony and I keep hitting him with barbs that aren’t even landing because all he’s focused on is Austin.
The jealousy bubbling up inside of me feels dangerous and volatile, but it’s too late to do anything about it. “So, what? You two together now or something?”
I know they’re not. Austin isn’t built for planting roots.
She’s had one foot out of Cedar Creek for years.
The second she’s able to leave, she’s going to, and she’s not ever coming back.
Tying herself down to the largest ranching family in this area of Montana is counterproductive.
I still ask, though. Just to make her say it. To humble Maddox .
Maybe I’m a terrible person. I’m a terrible son, no question.
A terrible brother, for sure. I shouldn’t want my brother to hurt.
But at this point, I’d do damn near anything to feel just a little less shitty, and there’s got to be some sort of transitive property of pain where I can take a portion of mine and make someone else carry it for a while.
Maddie’s strong enough to carry it. I’m not.
Neither of them answers, which is answer enough. Austin tries to leave, but if they leave, I won’t have anyone else to lash out at, so I go for the jugular.
“She’s great in bed, isn’t she?”
“Shut up, Colt,” Austin hisses, like it’s a secret.
“What? He doesn’t know?” I ask, hopeful.
“Oh, he knows,” Maddox says as he cracks his knuckles.
Bingo. I grin at him. Just a little further.
“Those whimpers she makes when she gets close…”
Austin says something, but it doesn’t register. I’ve got a sniper’s eye on Maddox’s reactions, waiting to push him far enough he’ll hit me so I can hit him back.
“The way her skin dents in under your fingers when you hold her really tight to plow?—”
Maddox cuts me off by trying to stand, the log rolling just enough to send me into a reflexive stance, but Austin’s hand on his shoulder pushes him back down onto the ground. Pansy ass.
“Jesus Christ, can you please shut the fuck up before your mama hears what a heinous little boy you are?” Austin practically yells so Mama’s sure to overhear her from across the fire.
I glare at her while Mama reprimands me.
“Nah, Mama, I’m not starting anything. I was just warning Maddie that Austin’s gonna be coming to her senses and dumping his ass soon enough,” I lie, knowing that after thirty-plus years, she picks her battles when it comes to sibling rivalry and if she thinks it’s just a harmless argument, she won’t continue to harp.
“Colton, quit it,” Jameson warns and I spin toward him. I don’t even remember him walking up, but that happens a lot when I get like this, all tunnel-visioned on talking shit and hoping I can press the right buttons to entice a fight.
“Why? He can be a nagging asshole to all of us, but I can’t nag him back a little bit?”
“Maybe he wouldn’t have to be a nagging asshole all the time if he wasn’t the only one willing to do it, Colt.
Have you ever thought of that?” Austin interrupts as though anyone was talking to her.
Sure, I’d brought her into the conversation once I realized I could use her to push Maddie’s buttons, but it wasn’t anything personal, and it wasn’t really her place to get in the middle of Whittaker arguments.
“You spend most of the year off gallivanting around the country and risking your life on the back of a bull like you have an extra handful of them stored away. When you do come home, it’s just to joke around and cause fights and then fuck back off before the hard work needs doing again.
Meanwhile, your brother’s up before dawn every morning and home after dark each night, keeping this place running so you’ve got a home to come back to when your dream life gets a little too boring for you.
I’d probably be an asshole too in that case.
Shit, I’d probably be an even bigger asshole than he is.
You need to take this childish bullshit you’ve got going on and shove it up your ass because the rage-baiting is getting old and so are you. Grow the fuck up.”
I’ve seen Austin angry loads of times. I’ve even seen her angry with me on several occasions.
I can be a major douchebag when I’m trying to push people away and unfortunately, Austin’s experienced it quite a few times.
But knowing Maddox has turned her fully against me, knowing they were so fucking entwined with one another that being a dick to Maddox was something she apparently took personally… well that fucking sucked.
Because Austin was someone I always felt like was a female version of me. We had so much in common—both jaded as hell, both always down for a good time—but Maddox obviously loved Austin, even though he couldn’t fucking stand me.
Jameson laughs at me, and someone across the fire makes a snide comment and all of a sudden, there’s not a single thing on this goddamn ranch that I love enough to stay here.
I fucking hate this ranch.
And I fucking hate Montana.
And I wish I’d never come home.
I’ll be damned if I ever do again.
When Bailey comes back later, I’m already on her bed. The way she’s holding Rainy back by the collar as the cattle dog whines to get to me tells me she knew I’d be here.
“You can let her go,” I tell her, taking off my hat and tossing it onto the bed. Rainy usually knocks it off my head when she jumps into my lap anyway. I swear she thinks she’s a chihuahua or something.
It’s hard to be upset when there’s a sixty-pound cattle dog in my lap, waggling her entire ass because just wagging her tail isn’t enough to show how happy she is to see me, apparently. Never mind that she literally just saw me an hour ago at that damned bonfire.
I’m so busy petting her dog and cooing at it that I don’t see Bailey pick up my hat until I’m hearing her snort at whatever it says. I used to take pride in picking out which one I wore for the day, but now it’s more of a grab-and-go situation. I just don’t care anymore.
“These are getting too unhinged, Colt. This one doesn’t even make sense.”
I look up at it. I shaved my bush for this .
“Sure it does.”
Bailey snorts again, but doesn’t argue, tossing the hat onto her dresser and sitting down next to me.
“Rainy, crate,” she tells her dog—who doesn’t listen at first, because she’s almost never in the crate, but when my sister gets a bit sterner, she reluctantly obeys.
I hate that she did that. Without a dog in my lap to distract me, all that’s left is my twin sister and way too much tension in the air.
“What was that out there?”
“Maddox flaunting that he’s banging my ex right in front of me.”
“Your ex?” Bailey makes zero effort to hide how full of shit she thinks I am.
“Yup.”
She’s quiet for a second, but then: “Wasn’t aware we were calling random hookups our exes now.”
I nod. “Yeah, you’ve been out of the game for a while now, so it’s not really surprising you didn’t know. Glad I could bring you up to speed.”
Bailey doesn’t laugh, and she doesn’t shove me or trap me in a headlock. All of those would’ve been much more preferable than her sighing and leaning over to rest her head against my shoulder.
“You haven’t been yourself lately. Not in months. Maybe years. I’m scared you’re going to leave me,” she whispers. “You can’t leave me here by myself, Cole.”
Neither of us has ever brought it up directly before, and it’s still a pretty roundabout way of saying it, but I still know what she means.
I pull my arm out from under her to wrap it around her shoulder, tugging her closer and pressing my lips to her hair.
“I don’t go anywhere you can’t follow, remember? ”
It’s been a rule between us our whole life—whether that meant going across the creek before Bailey knew how to swim or what places I go to when I’m on the circuit. Nowhere she can’t follow.
For the first time in our life, I think I’m lying to her though.
The place I want to go more than anywhere else is the one place in the world I’d never want Bailey following me.