Chapter 21 #3
I took her face in my hands so we could watch each other and she could read the truth in my eyes. “Let me makkke it clear. I’ll never not want youuu to touch me.” I pushed myself up to kiss her, but she cocked her head to the side, and my lips grazed her cheek instead.
Melinda pumped my hard-as-hell erection slowly and I swore I saw stars and I hadn’t even come yet. “I’m not… I’ve never… I’m not experienced in this.”
I wrapped my hand around hers, increasing the pace of her movements. “Youuu are pretty goood at this. I swear.” I closed my eyes, so many sensations washing through my body that I had a hard time telling what was real and what was a side effect of the whiskey and shots I had drunk earlier.
Feeling cheap for touching her the first time when I wasn’t even fully conscious, I stopped her before I could jerk off.
“What?”
“Not tonight, okaaay.” Why was I doing this? I was about to burst at the seams. “I’m still drunnnk, and I don’t want our first time to be when I’mmm not quite sober. I’m not thattt guy. The one…the one taking advantage.” My arguments sounded better in my head.
“Oh.” She withdrew her hand and scooted away from me, and I had never felt so angry with myself.
Tonight, there was no excuses. I was an idiot.
“Can-can…huh…can I stilll stay here?” The last thing I wanted was to leave. My heart wouldn’t survive being rejected by this girl again.
“Sure. I’m not kicking you out…unless you choose to go.”
I tensed at her clipped tone.
A wall had risen between us, and I was the one who had complicated everything by touching her first. I sealed my eyelids, trying to stop my brain from racing so I could save the night.
Knitting our fingers, I tried to mend the emotional distance between us. I opened my eyes, fishing courage from deep inside me. “Are weee okay?”
“You tell me.”
“We arrre. I’m trying to be a goood guy here, and for some reason, you’re pissed at meee for it. If I had acted like an asshole, you wouldn’t have liked meee either. This is confusing to my…to my wasted brain.”
“I’m not mad… Not really. I’ve never let anyone…do things…touch me like that before. And then I touched you, and you pushed me away… I don’t know how to react. It’s—”
“I wanna kisss you so bad right now.” Her pink lips were like a drug I had to taste to stay alive.
She flipped to her side to face me and shook her head. “Mase, you can’t kiss me.”
“Why?”
“If you do, it means more than this is. It would be real, and I’m not ready for it to be real between us. I need a little more time, okay?”
“Huh…okay. I’m nottt sure what’s going on right now. I’m…huh…I’m confused.” My brain was clearly affected because none of her words made sense.
“I’ll tell you. One day. Just not tonight.”
“No pressure.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
“There’s a lot youuu don’t know about me either, but I want us to be able to open up and share…huh, to share those things.”
She inhaled but said nothing.
“Just so you know. I’ll wait for youuu for the rest of time because you’re worth it.”
“Whoa, that’s a pretty big statement. I would never ask you to, though.” She squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry if I overreacted earlier.”
“Nah. It’s all on meee. It won’t happen again.”
“Mase, can you hold me? I really don’t want you to leave.”
“Okay.” My heart did a victory dance in my chest. We shifted positions until Melinda’s back was molded to my front. My eyelids weighed heavy, and with the only girl I’d ever loved nestled in my arms, I drifted into a deep sleep.
The last words I thought I heard her whisper were “Soon I’m hoping to be good enough for you.” My boozy brain was now making things up. Maybe the entire night was a dream after all.
The next morning, I woke up early, the sun barely shining through the curtains we didn’t close last night. It wasn’t a dream. Melinda was spread over me, her brown hair fanned around her shoulders, and her small hand splayed across my chest.
Last night replayed in my head. Some parts were clear, while others were a bit blurry. One thing was sure, though, Melinda Shepard had ceded all power to me for a moment. That I recalled perfectly.
Easing myself from under her, I stood up by the bed and put my torn T-shirt and my jeans back on, noticing the bandage across my abdomen.
This wasn’t a dream either. I really had hurt myself last night.
Nearing Melinda’s sleepy figure, I brushed her hair back with my fingers, admiring her for an instant.
“I’ll come to knock on your door at nine for our morning run.
Thanks for taking care of me last night and letting me sleep here. ”
She stirred as I tucked the covers over her but didn’t wake up.
“I’m so gone for you. You’ll see, I’ll be worthy of you,” I whispered before I kissed her temple and made my way outside.
In the morning light with a fully functioning brain, jumping from the second-story window didn’t seem as perilous as it had been hours ago.
Hanging from the windowsill, I balanced my legs and landed on the ledge below, holding on to the trellis before jumping on the woodshed and then onto the lawn.
After I picked up my jacket, I made my way back home, desperate for a shower, a toothbrush, and some food.