Chapter 30
You fucking lied to my face
I sat in front of Paige, untangling her arms, taking in her bloodshot eyes and reddened cheeks. “Hey, talk to me. We’re usually pretty good at communicating, you and I, and what you are saying is gibberish right now.”
“Mase, you don’t get it? I snitched on my best friend. I hurt her because I love her. She’s been lying…to-to me. To you. To everyone. For months. Her parents had doubts, her…her coach had doubts, and I just confirmed them all.” She hid her face in her hands as a new batch of sobs escaped her.
“She lied to me?” A big knot tied my insides.
“What does that even mean? And why would she lie to you? You two are like inseparable. Care to explain?” I knew something was off.
I’d known for a while, but I never could determine what it was.
Had I been too blind to see the truth? “Is it about what you told me the other night? The day we won State?”
“I didn’t—”
The door of the office opened with a bang, and Melinda bolted out, cutting short Paige’s reply, her eyes puffy and her lips trembling. She used the sleeve of her blouse to wipe her face. I moved to my feet to block her escape. “Mel, what’s wrong? What happened in there?”
She jumped into my embrace, wrapping her arms around me, her face buried in my chest. Her entire body shook with heart-wrenching sobs. “Mase, take me away from here. Far away.” She tipped her head back to look at me, defeat painted across her features. “Please.”
I swept her hair away with a delicate touch. “Why? What is this all about? Talk to me.”
“You’re not taking her anywhere, Mason.” Mr. Shepard’s icy voice came from beside us.
I stepped back, not releasing Melinda. This whole situation was getting more confusing with every passing second. “Mr. Shepard? What are you… Can someone explain to me why everyone is here and what is happening?”
“Melinda will do that. Once she calms down. For now, we gotta drive her to the clinic. They’re waiting for her.”
“No.” Her rebuttal sounded more like a shriek. She broke free from the safety of my embrace and rushed outside, looking like an injured animal afraid to get caught.
“Mel, wait.” I jogged after her. “I’m super confused right now. Why are your parents here? What did they say to you? And why does Paige look like you kicked her puppy?”
We faced each other, Melinda hugging herself, shivering. I removed my jacket and draped it over her shoulders.
“You wanna know what happened? They all teamed up against me.” Her sadness had switched to anger. “They think I have an eating disorder. Again. I’m banned from training or competing unless I see a doctor and receive medical help.”
My blood froze in my veins, and it had nothing to do with the cold seeping through my clothes. “Do you? Have an eating disorder?”
“No. It’s not like that. They’re being paranoid. I was only controlling my calorie intake…to be in my best ever shape.”
“What did you mean when you said again?” I swept the length of her body with my eyes, taking every single detail in.
“I used to starve myself. Freshman year. Because…because some girls on the swim team were making fun of me because I-I had boobs and hips and they hadn’t blossomed yet. I’m cured, though. I-I’m over this… I’ve been for years.”
I remained silent for a whole minute, digesting that piece of information. I knew my words would break her, but I had to be honest. I loved her too much to lie to her. “Mel…I think you should listen to your parents.”
“No.” Her scream pierced my heart. “Not you too. Are you teaming up with them? You’re supposed to be on my side here.”
“I am on your side. Always. But I’m also on the side of what’s right.
” I gestured to the length of her. Even my jacket looked bigger on her than it used to.
“If I replay the last couple of months in my head, I gotta be honest. Mel, you are starving yourself. All the times we had lunch or dinner together, you barely ate anything. You toyed around with your food, never actually eating it, and you only ordered the smallest appetizers on the menu. You always came up with excuses for why you weren’t hungry.
The new training program, the diet your coach had spun on you, it was all a lie, wasn’t it? ”
“It’s not like that.”
“You’ve been lying to me. You fucking lied to my face.
The entire time. I thought we were friends, that I could trust you.
I was honest with you. I confided in you…
told you things I’ve never told anybody else.
But you never opened up to me…not really.
Even when I offered to listen and not judge and said I’d be there for you...
You kept me in the dark and avoided discussing such a vital piece of information with me.
Not just that, but you gambled with your health.
” I clenched my jaw and breathed out, trying to keep my tone even.
“I’m so angry right now. You got mad at me, saying you had a hard time trusting me, when all along, it was you I should have been doubting.
And here I was, thinking you felt safe enough around me to open up about your struggles and that deep down, you were honest with me. ”
“We are… I-I am. None of this has anything to do with trust.”
“I agree to disagree. If all we’ll ever be is friends, then as your friend, I’m telling you that you need help.
That what you’re doing to your body is not only unhealthy, but also dangerous.
I care too much about you to turn a blind eye to your behavior.
If I had known what was going on, I would have reported you myself or helped you through it.
I feel stupid for not seeing it sooner. All the signs were there.
I’m so ashamed of myself right now. I trusted you.
I ate up every lie…every excuse…because I thought you were honest with me.
Gosh, I’m so stupid.” My voice cracked. “I feel like I’ve been played. ”
“Is this really what you think?” She pressed her fists to her hips, her eyes boring into mine.
“Yes.” I breathed in through my mouth, doing my best to keep my anger in check.
“You didn’t need to know shit because it was all under control. You’re not allowed to be upset with me right now. It’s not your problem. I am not your problem.”
“You don’t want me to be upset? Wow, are you kidding me right now?
What else am I supposed to do? Think what you’re doing is cool and watch you kill yourself slowly and forfeit all your dreams?
The ones you’ve been working so hard for?
No thanks. All this talk about control...
You duped me... All along, I-I thought you were passing some athletic wisdom to me and that we were bonding.
What a joke.” I dragged a hand over my face, not sure what to say.
This was not how I saw my morning going.
I was no shrink and wasn’t sure what the right things to say were in that moment.
“Mel…be honest with me. Here and now. Was there really a new training regimen, or was it some bullshit you made up? I need you to tell the truth to my face.”
She remained silent for a full minute. “Mase, you can’t call me out on things I did or said.”
“Sure, I can. The fasting, the extra hours at the gym, the fifty additional laps at the pool, the nausea and stomachaches, the migraines—were any of them true, or were they all ruses?”
She cocked her head to the side, looking away.
“That’s what I was thinking. You played me like a fool.
Can you imagine how fucked up this is? In case you haven’t caught up yet…
I’m infatuated with you, Mel. I would have rearranged the stars for you if you’d asked me to.
And now…now, I feel cheated.” My entire body shook from the new surge of anger building inside me.
“I would still drop everything and give it to you if you ask me, even though I know what I know now. I just feel like it’s a one-way kinda relationship.
I’m not sure I know you…the real you. Do I?
Was any of it, the times we spent together, genuine, or was it only real in my mind? ”
“I care about you, Mase. I do.”
“If you do, let me in. Let me help you.”
“No.”
I sighed. “Why not? I’m here. That’s all I’m asking.”
“Because I don’t want you to.”
“I don’t believe you.” I love you. “You need someone in your corner, someone to rely on when things get tough. I’m that guy for you.”
“You can’t be. I won’t let you.”
“But—”
“No but. We’re done. If you can’t respect my way of doing things and you believe I’m not in control, then this thing between us leads nowhere.”
“Nowhere? What are you talking about?”
“Mase, I’m setting you free. You don’t have to feel obligated to be by my side.” She glanced down for a long second before staring back at me. “I…I don’t want you in my business anymore. This is over.”
“I would actually think you were serious, had you sounded like you meant it. This situation…it’s just a bump in our road…
in your road. You’ve said it yourself. You have been doing great for a long time.
I don’t see you not being able to heal again.
Don’t say stuff, thinking you can chase me away, because it won’t work. Anyway, we’re good for each other and—”
“Nah, we’re not. Look where our relationship has gotten me.”
“Are you putting the blame on me?”
She dropped her shoulders, some of the fight leaving her. “I can deal with my own shit. Stay out of it. Leave me alone, Mase. We can’t be friends anymore.”
“Why? Because I said your parents were right and you should get help? Because I wanna help you and be there for you?”
“No. Because I don’t have a freaking problem and you think I do.
Can’t you guys see I’m okay? I’m tired of people thinking they know better than me about what’s best for me.
I’m the boss of my life and my body… Not my parents, not Coach, not you.
If you can’t accept it, then this relationship is over. Effective now.”