Chapter 35 #2
“I’m optimistic we can score high if the doctor clears Sonja for the meet.
That pneumonia has kept her on the sidelines for far too long already.
You two make a great duo.” Her attention switched to Dillon and Raoul, two of my swim mates, closing in on us.
“Hey, guys. Get set. I’ll be with you shortly.
” She clapped my shoulder. “Melinda, I’ll talk to you next week.
Get some rest this weekend. You deserve it.
Have fun tomorrow night. Don’t party too much, though. ” She winked.
“Like I’m that girl.”
Twenty minutes later, I showered and changed into a pair of Heather gray sweatpants and an oversized navy-blue sweatshirt with the white swimming team logo stamped on the front.
My choice of clothing wasn’t optimal. Sweats always covered my figure and made me look like I’d gained twenty pounds, but right now, I didn’t feel like sliding my damp legs into a pair of jeans.
I averted my eyes when I crossed the locker room and passed the row of mirrors mounted above the sinks.
With my bag slung over my shoulder, I hurried across the yard toward the football field.
A black knitted beanie covered my still damp hair that I was too much in a hurry to dry.
Mom wouldn’t be happy if she knew I’d ventured into the crisp fall air with wet locks, but right now, I had no time to blow-dry them because Paige was waiting for me. I had promised I’d make it on time.
Dizziness made my head spin, and I had to decrease my pace.
The cup of tea I’d drunk this morning and the handful of grapes I’d eaten were long digested.
I had skipped lunch earlier and had gone for training instead.
No need to ingest more calories when I already doubted I’d fit into my dress.
I fetched my bottle of water and took a big gulp, praying it would silence my grumbling stomach. This would do for now. It had to.
Sitting amongst my classmates on the bleachers, I watched the cheerleaders doing their routine, noting every detail of their anatomy. I wanted to look like them. Long legs, slim waist, glowing skin. No wonder all the guys’ attention were solely on them.
Part of me wished I could blend in so no one could see how different I looked from everyone else.
Another part of me wished I could be just like them and attract the same attention they did. Because those girls were beautiful, and I longed to be too.
After Winter Break
I spotted Mason hurrying after me and increased the pace, doing my best to evade him without looking like I was trying too hard.
Maybe he would stop chasing me if he thought I hadn’t seen him.
The truth was that I missed him. A lot. Our friendship and our almost-dating relationship had been the highlight of last semester.
Having Mason by my side and keeping me busy had helped me not to cede too much control to my thoughts.
I was afraid I would have really starved myself much more than I had if he hadn’t been around. Not that I would ever admit it to him.
“Hey, Mel. Wait up.”
I closed my eyes when I heard his voice.
The one that had been with me since the day my parents drove me away from school before the break.
I had missed Winter Formal and almost two weeks of school, plus they had also stolen my dignity that day.
They had exposed my secrets in front of the boy I loved.
Never again would he see me for who I was.
Forever, I’d be the broken girl. The one obsessed with her weight and her appearance.
And I’d seen how Mason had been staring at me since school had resumed.
He was sad for me. And I hated the feeling.
I had done my best to avoid him so far, but it was just a matter of time before he asked for the explanations I wasn’t sure I possessed.
“Talk to me. I deserve to know what’s going on.”
I had to push him away for good or else he would pursue me. Mason Pierce was tenacious and never gave up. It was my job to put a stop to it. And fast.
I halted my escape and turned to him, trying to be brave while facing him.
His gaze swept over me for a long moment.
Up close, he looked even more handsome than I recalled.
“You look…wow…you look beautiful.” I glanced down, not wanting to acknowledge him, as he continued, “Aren’t you gonna say anything?
I deserve an explanation. You’ve been avoiding me like the plague since school has resumed. ”
I snorted. “I don’t owe you anything, Mason.” I wanna talk to you, but I don’t know how, and pushing you away is the only way I’m not overwhelmed by your proximity. I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I’m broken. All I wanted was to be perfect for you, and I screwed it up big time.
He gripped my chin and lifted my head so he could stare at me.
I lost myself in his eyes. I had forgotten how it felt to be on the receiving end of Mason Pierce’s attention. The contact of his skin on mine felt familiar, and it calmed the throbbing of my heart. Then I remembered I had decided to cut him loose, and I jumped back, looking away.
“I-I missed you.”
Those were the words I had waited years to hear. Despite myself, my gaze snapped back to him. I felt exposed under his stare. I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, determined not to show any weakness.
Mason laced our fingers, and I was unable to jerk my hand away this time.
“We haven’t seen or talked to each other in over six weeks. I was worried about you. I tried to give you your space like you asked, but I can’t do it anymore. I need to know where we stand and if we can salvage what we had.”
“Mason, we had nothing.” We had everything. Why couldn’t I say it like I meant it?
He neared me, almost erasing the space between our bodies. “Wrong answer. Please say it like you mean it this time.”
That stupid expression. Could he read my inner thoughts? I couldn’t look him in the eye, just in case.
“I won’t play games with you.” There, I said it.
“I’m done playing games too. I truly believe we belong together. I’m just waiting for you to catch up with the fact.”
“Sorry, but it won’t happen. You better find someone else to be with.” I had to force iciness into my laughter to keep myself from shattering.
“Stop feeding me bullshit. What we had was real. Why won’t you recognize it?”
“I’m dating someone else. I’m with Jayden now.” Why did speaking this fact out loud feel wrong? I liked Jayden, and we got along great, but he wasn’t Mason. It was supposed to be a good thing. Why did it feel nothing like that right now? Why did I still miss Mason?
“Yeah, right. Clarke. Like you had to run away and fall for my number one enemy.”
“Jayden is not the bad guy here, Mason. He’s nice to me and doesn’t expect anything from me.
He treats me well and makes me smile. There are no groupies after him everywhere we go.
We have fun together and he was there when my world crumbled around me and I was all alone because everyone had turned their backs on me.
It’s simple with him. He listens to me and…
I don’t have to explain him to you.” I’m aware you must see me as a traitor right now, but it was never my intention to hurt or disappoint you any more than I’ve already done. I’m so sorry.
“You’re kidding, right? I have never turned my back on you. Not once. I know you’ve been through something hard and recovery is a long road ahead and it won’t always be easy, but dating Clarke is not what you need right now.”
“Like you know better what I need. Yeah, right.” I do need you. I was just too ashamed to admit it, and now it’s too late. I’ve moved on. You should move on too. Why does the idea of being away from you and of your dating someone else hurt so much?
“As a matter of fact, I think I do. Whether you wanna admit it or not, I know you. The real you, not the one you are pretending to be right now.”
I snorted, trying to hide how I truly felt inside. “You know me so well that you didn’t notice when I was struggling.” I barely recognized myself as the words passed my lips.
Mason flinched like I had punched him. “Why are you so mean?” I’m asking myself the same question right now. “You know it’s nothing like that. Jayden Clarke is bad news. You don’t need more complications in your life. You need someone who really cares about you.”
“Like you?”
“Yeah. Like me. I’ve always been there for you. You can’t deny it. You and I, we’re great together. We’re much more alike than you think. We have history, and we can make it work. I’ll give you your space and wait until you’re ready to be with me. In the meantime, we can resume our friendship.”
“Here’s the thing, Mason. I don’t wanna be with you. Not anymore. Not even as a friend.” Lies. Lies. Lies. “I’m with Jayden.” Maybe if I said it often enough, it wouldn’t sound so weird anymore. Jayden was a safe choice. My heart wasn’t at risk with him. “You gotta respect that.”
“Is this a new thing of yours? Part of your therapy?”
“What?”
“Hurting the ones who care about you?”
His words stung. I deserved his hatred. Hatred was good. It was safer—for me. “That’s not what I’m doing.” Yes, it is.
“Isn’t it? Because from where I’m standing, that is exactly what is happening. Why won’t you give me a chance? Why won’t you give us a chance? What is so wrong about me that you won’t even consider dating me?”