18. Kira
KIRA
I sat on the bed sipping the awful ginger tea Anya had given me when I told her my stomach felt like rot, and I had to choke it down.
The taste was disgusting, almost enough to make me vomit just from a tiny drop, but she wasn't wrong.
The ginger did soothe my belly and help the nausea go away.
Just further proof that my deepest fear had come true.
I didn't need a test to confirm a pregnancy.
My body was doing a good enough job of screaming every symptom at me.
But I still hadn't even hinted at it when anyone was around.
I wasn't foolish enough to trust one of Nikolai's staff members with my fear.
And telling him would only go to his head probably.
He'd gloat or claim some extra control over me.
And after the past few weeks of peace I'd had, minus a few bickering matches about his wound not healing properly and him needing a doctor, things had calmed down.
I would've said I almost enjoyed being around him at times if it didn’t make me look like I was desperate.
But the days passed uneventfully. Between Vlad, Yakov, Anya, and even Nikolai's offers to get me things to help me pass the time, I had just about everything I wanted. Though I'd have killed for a phone to check my social media, but that was apparently off limits to me.
I was seated on his bed engrossed in the early evening news when he strutted through the door to the bedroom carrying a bouquet of some sort of wildflowers. His hair was disheveled and his tie was loose, but he was just as handsome as the day I'd met him.
"Well," I sighed, "look what the cat dragged in." My eyes lingered on the flowers, wondering what they were for. Nikolai wasn't the romantic type, or I hadn't figured him to be anyway. He seemed to notice me staring, but didn't alleviate my curiosity in the least.
"I'd like you to dress for dinner tonight," he said, adjusting the bouquet in his hands awkwardly. It was less of an invitation than it was an order, but it piqued my interest.
I looked at the flowers and then at his face, lifting an eyebrow. "Didn't peg you for a flowers and chocolates sort of guy."
His face cracked into a smile before he chuckled and set the flowers on the nightstand. "There's no chocolate. Just the flowers and a reservation."
"A reservation where?" I turned, adjusting myself on the bed so I was facing him more fully, then set the mug of tea on the nightstand next to the flowers. He hadn't let me out of this place in nearly six weeks, and suddenly he was taking me to dinner?
"The Tatiana. We never did have that dinner." He said it casually, like he was talking about rescheduling a dentist appointment, but it made my heart skip a beat. "I'd like to make up for it."
I was quiet for a second, not sure how to take him.
Since the day I met him, Nikolai Dragonov hadn't done a single thing that didn't benefit himself somehow.
It made me wonder what he was up to, what sort of scheming he was doing by taking me out of this house, because I wasn't so naive to think he was doing it out of kindness alone. Maybe he did want to take me out, make up for what night I lost when his stupid plan to kidnap me interrupted our first date. I just didn’t buy it.
Besides, I'd been feeling very sick to my stomach. Going out didn’t sound that fun. "I don't have anything to wear."
"I'll send Anya up with some options…" Nikolai tightened up his tie as he walked to the doorway, but paused and looked at me over his shoulder. There was kindness in his eyes, and a softness to his tone. "Take your time getting ready. We're not in a rush."
He walked out but I sat there for a few long minutes staring at those flowers wondering what I was getting myself into if I agreed to go to this dinner.
I'd been back and forth on this man for the past two weeks now but no matter how hard I tried to hate him, I couldn’t.
And when I thought I could force myself to love him, I remembered what he'd done to me.
I missed my family and my friends. I wanted to call my mother and have her whisk me off to whatever European adventure she was on, or rally my friends and see if they could hide me from this madness.
But when I thought about my father there was only distaste and distrust. He hadn't come for me, and I knew he wouldn't. Which meant I was on my own.
I did like Nikolai, but not enough to sit around his house the rest of my life mourning the life I should've had. If he wanted me to go out, I would take that opportunity, and if a situation arose where I could sneak away from him, I'd take that too.
Twenty minutes later I was showered with my hair tucked loosely into a French braid and my bra and panties in place when I walked out of the bathroom to see Anya draping a few different dresses across the mattress.
She hummed as she smiled and fidgeted with the fabric, splaying the skirts out, but there was no way I could choose which one to wear.
"Anya," I said softly, looking up at her. "What's his favorite color?"
When she smiled she was a beautiful woman. Then she looked thoughtful before answering, like she was remembering fondly some memory of Nikolai. "Blue," she said. "He's always liked blue."
"Are you sure?" I touched the soft fabric and sighed. I hated blue, but he was being kind enough to invite me out.
"Positive, and you'll look lovely in it. Should I stay to help you zip up?"
I picked up the thin dress and held it against myself. "No…" I sighed, "I think I can manage."
"Good then… I'll be in the hall if you need me. And I can bring you some jewelry if you want?" Her eyebrows rose and I nodded, shooing her out the door so I could dress.
It was simple enough, well-made from the looks of it, and when I pulled it on it fit better than I expected. A little loose in the waist from all the weight I'd lost but the cut was forgiving enough that it looked intentional.
I found a tube of lip balm in my clutch—returned to me without my phone in it—that gave my mouth a touch of color, and then powdered my cheeks and forehead before Anya returned with pinch-on earrings and a simple diamond pendant necklace.
Both looked like paste, but for all I knew they were the most expensive things she had.
"Thank you," I told her, watching her reflection in the mirror as she clasped the necklace around my neck.
"You look lovely."
When I looked in the mirror I didn't see the captive who'd been staring at walls for five and a half weeks.
I saw a sadder and more tired version of myself.
But I felt a little more like me. The anxious energy I'd been living in for weeks now thinking about how I'd handle being pregnant with Nikolai's child had really done a toll on me.
This night out was something I actually needed, though I wouldn't admit that to him.
"Come on… let's go," Anya beckoned, gesturing for me to follow and she walked me downstairs where Nikolai was waiting by the front door.
He hadn't changed but his tie hung straight now and his hair had been brushed back.
His eyes raked over me as I walked down the stairs and the desire I saw in them made heat creep up my neck.
"Blue…" he said, as his eyes darkened and landed on my very exposed chest. The way this bodice pushed my chest up seemed to give me more cleavage than normal, or maybe it was that my bra barely fit now.
"I like blue," I said curtly, suddenly aware of what I might've started by wearing his favorite color. My cheeks felt hot, but I wouldn't tell him I'd worn this for him.
Nikolai opened the door and I walked out with his hand riding the small of my back. When the crisp evening air hit my face it felt different than normal. I'd spent every morning for the past few weeks having coffee outside on the back patio, but this felt fresher, more freeing.
It wasn’t clear to me why Vlad and Yakov had both come.
We only needed one driver. But from the minute we got into the car the two of them chattered quietly about risk assessment.
I tuned them out, thinking conversation with Nikolai would be okay, but he focused on his phone the whole time so I watched the city pass by until the car came to a stop outside the restaurant.
The Tatiana looked the same as it had that first night. I had never been to this particular restaurant. I assumed it was why Nikolai had chosen it for our first date. God had I been horribly wrong on that. But I did want to check it out.
Niko got out first and came around to open my door, which felt absurdly formal but not unwelcome, and I took his hand when he offered it and let him help me out of the car.
He had finally put his phone away, and now his eyes were locked on me, ogling me like I was on the menu.
It was a bit flattering but also a bit unnerving.
He'd gone from completely ignoring me to addicted in less than ten seconds.
"You look ravishing," he whispered against my ear, pressing a kiss to my cheek.
I said nothing as he led me to the door.
Inside, the hostess led us to a table near the back.
Vlad took a seat at the bar where he could see the front door and the hallway that led to the restrooms, while Yakov parked the car.
He would probably cover the back entrance or something.
And I noticed at least two other men I recognized from the house seated at separate tables, eating alone, watching the room.
So much for my thoughts about slipping away from him.
Nikolai pulled my chair out and I sat down and picked up the menu, poring over it as my stomach growled.
"What's good here?" I asked, suddenly stricken by the faint swirl of nausea. I swallowed it back and smiled at him, but something smelled off, and it was making it worse.