Epilogue
Kira
I was going to kill him.
Not figuratively in the cute way women say about their partners when they leave the toilet seat up or forget to grab milk on the way home.
I meant I was going to wrap my hands around Nikolai Dragonov's throat and squeeze until his eyes popped out of his skull, and then I was going to bury him in the backyard of the house he rebuilt after his last one burned down, and nobody would ever find the body because I'd plant hydrangeas over it.
"You're doing great, baby," he said from somewhere to my left, and I wanted to rip his arm off.
"Don't talk to me."
"Okay."
"I said don't talk to me!"
"I'm not— I stopped."
Another contraction rolled through me and I bore down on it so hard, I thought my eyes might be bulging.
The nurse at my right hip was saying something encouraging, but I couldn't hear her over the pain and the guttural noise coming out of my mouth.
I didn't sound human.
I sounded like something feral you'd hear in a nature documentary or a horror film.
Nikolai's hand was in mine but I was crushing it. I could feel the bones grinding together under my grip and some distant part of my brain registered that I should probably ease up. But then the contraction peaked and that thought got obliterated along with every other thought I'd ever had.
"One more push, Kira," Dr. Abadi said from between my knees. "He's right here. One more big one."
"You said that two pushes ago," I snapped at her, and she had the decency not to argue.
Every muscle in my body locked up as I curled forward and pushed with everything I had left, which wasn't much because I'd been at this for nine hours.
My throat burned from the vocalizations I'd been making. Sweat dripped off my chin.
Nikolai's hand had gone completely white in my grip, and he hadn't said a word about it, which was probably the smartest decision he'd made in the entire eight months I'd known him.
And then pressure gave way to relief so sudden, it felt like falling, and there was a wet, slippery rush, and Dr. Abadi said, "He's here," before a thin, sharp wail filled the room.
I dropped back against the pillows gasping and shaking, and Nikolai leaned over me. He pressed his forehead to mine and I swore I saw tears in his eyes. "You did it," he murmured. "Kira, you did it."
"Get off me, you're sweating on my face." I couldn't help how grumpy I was. I had just pushed a tiny human out of a hole not nearly large enough for that.
He laughed and pulled back and his eyes were wet, which I'd never seen before. But right then, watching the nurse carry our son to the warming table across the room, Nikolai Dragonov had tears running down his face and he wasn't even trying to hide them.
The baby was screaming. It was the most beautiful, awful, ear-splitting sound I'd ever heard and I couldn't stop crying either, though mine was ugly crying with snot and blubbering. Nobody had told me I'd feel like this.
The pain, yes, but not the waves of emotion. It was like I physically felt my heart making space for this little guy already. I knew I loved him more than life itself.
"Five pounds, two ounces," the nurse announced. "He's small but he's loud."
"Gets that from his mother," Nikolai said, and I punched him in the arm.
They cleaned him up and brought him to me, laying him on my chest as Nikolai leaned over the bed, still doting. The instant my arms came around him, he stopped his wailing and calmed, but his chest still stuttered a few times, tiny hands curled into fists.
"He's perfect," I whispered, trying to see him through the tears. And my body was shaking so badly, I thought I'd vibrate off the bed. I was cold, so cold.
"He's so small."
"He's premature, Niko. He'll grow."
"I know. I just…" He reached down and touched the baby's hand with one finger, carefully, like he was afraid he'd break something.
The next hour went by so fast with Niko hovering over me while Dr. Abadi helped me finish up and stitched a small tear I had.
Nurses kept poking and prodding, doing tests and making sure I was comfortable, and finally, when everything was finished, they left us alone with him. I felt instantly panicked.
Here was this new life, a tiny human only having breathed on his own for an hour or so, and I was fully in charge of him. And Niko was a criminal who took lives for a living and sold drugs. What did he know about helping me with a baby?
"So," he said, settling into the chair beside the bed, watching me nurse the baby, "if I'd known you were that much of a badass, I would've let you fight more of my battles over the past eight months."
"You couldn't handle me, honey. You'd be too distracted." I smirked at him, but my eyes felt like they'd roll back in my head. I was so exhausted.
He grinned. "Probably true."
"Definitely true."
The baby unlatched and I shifted him to my shoulder and patted his back gently. He made a small gurgling sound and tucked his face into my neck.
When I turned my head to look at him, his eyes still sparkled with emotion.
It was a side of him I knew his men would never see, which made it special for me that he would allow me to see his tender heart.
"Nikolai Jasper Dragonov," I said.
He raised an eyebrow. "You're sure about Jasper?"
"After my brother. He's the reason I survived growing up in that house. And he'll be here in a few weeks to meet his nephew, so yes. I'm sure."
Other than naming the baby after Nikolai, we hadn't talked about it much, but Jasper was the perfect middle name for my little guy.
"Nikolai Jasper Dragonov," he repeated, and then he grinned at me.
"May I?" he asked, reaching for Baby Niko.
I nodded and he picked the baby up, cradling him against his chest. He looked so tiny in Nikolai's large arms as he cooed, "Welcome to the family, Jasper. "
An hour later, there was a knock on the hospital room door and my mother stepped in. I knew she was flying back to town for a visit, but when I left word with her people, I wasn't sure she'd even get the message that I was in labor.
She looked different from the last time I'd seen her.
The tension she'd carried in her shoulders and around her mouth for as long as I could remember was gone, or at least loosened, and she was wearing her hair down instead of pulled back in the tight, low bun my father had always preferred. She looked ten years younger.
"Oh, Kira." She crossed the room and leaned down to wrap her arms around me, careful not to crush the baby between us, whom Nikolai had given back the instant he started fussing. "Oh, my God, look at him."
"Mom, meet Nikolai Jasper Dragonov." I tilted him so she could see his face, and she made the exact sound every grandmother in history has made upon seeing their first grandchild, a high, soft gasp followed by tears.
"He's absolutely beautiful." She traced his cheek with one finger and looked up at me. "How are you feeling?" Mom hovered at my bedside with one hand resting on the guardrail, but her eyes swept over me like she couldn't believe I was all grown up. It felt like decades since I'd seen her.
"Like I got hit by a truck. But happy."
She laughed at me and her cheeks flushed.
"Isn't that how it always goes? The darkest night before the dawn?
" I knew her words had a double meaning.
When she learned I was pregnant with Niko's baby, she'd filed for divorce and with my father running like a coward, he hadn’t even contested it.
He had to cough up half of his fortune, too.
Nikolai stood from the chair and extended his hand to her. "Elena. It's good to see you."
Mom ignored his extended hand and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him joyfully. His eyebrows rose at me and I snickered at the show of affection.
"Thank you for taking care of my daughter," she said, backing away but still holding him by the arms. "I am eternally grateful for you, Mr. Dragonov.
" What a strange world we lived in to know my mother approved of me marrying the head of a criminal organization.
But I was happy with Niko, and I believed with all my heart, he was happy with me.
"She takes care of me," Nikolai said. "I just try to keep up."
Mom sat on the edge of the bed and I handed her the baby.
It was like twenty-plus years of parenting hadn't faded a bit.
She knew exactly how to cradle his head and tuck him into her chest. "Jasper's going to lose his mind," she said, grinning.
"He told me to call the second the baby was born.
He'll be in town within a few weeks to visit. "
"He's welcome anytime," Nikolai said, and he meant it.
Over the past few months, he and Jasper had talked on the phone a handful of times, and each conversation had gone better than the last.
They weren't close yet, but they were building a rapport, and Nikolai respected my brother.
Jasper was the only person in my family who'd stood by me without condition. And though he'd chosen legitimate business for his career and shunned the criminal activities, he was loyal, which meant Niko and I were safe.
"This one's going to be trouble," my mother said, looking down at the baby with a smirk. "I can already tell. Look at those fists."
"Like his mother," Nikolai said.
"Like his father," I countered, and we both knew we were right.
When Nikolai shocked me by locking me in that room, I thought he was going to kill me.
That first night was so terrifying, I had no idea it was going to peel back the layers of my life like an onion and show me who my father really was.
I had been happy, or at least at peace with my family. But it was never a healthy place for me.
Nikolai helped me see that, and because of him and his catfishing ways, my mother was here to see my baby born.
Life felt like it was falling into place, and I was the happiest I'd ever been.