Chapter Sixteen – Thea
I sit, cross-legged, on the edge of my bed, facing the TV hanging on the wall. Max’s image takes up most of the screen, his expression one of boredom. “You know,” Max starts, “if I would’ve known that this plan would backfire in our faces like this, I never would’ve suggested we try to kidnap a mafia boss. Contrary to what you might believe, being locked up in a tiny room is only slightly better than being chained to the floor in a creepy old warehouse.”
I don’t look at Max as I mutter, “Well, if you would’ve told me we were kidnapping a freaking mafia boss, I would’ve told you how stupid the idea was.”
“Hey, it might’ve backfired, but it wasn’t a stupid idea. We just got in over our heads, that’s all.” The way he says it, like he’s talking about buying the wrong kind of cereal at the grocery store, makes me sigh. “But hey, could be worse, right? We’re both still alive. Neither one of us is getting tortured.” He pauses. “Right?”
I’m too busy thinking of said mafia boss to realize my brother’s asking me a question.
“Uh, earth to Thea. Are you in there? Silus isn’t torturing you, is he?”
Snapping back to reality, I meet my brother’s gaze in the screen and say, “No.” In fact, the man has let me have more free rein in the house. I can go to the bathroom by myself without him standing outside, among other things. My world has expanded recently, due in no short part to the sex.
Oh, the sex. I really shouldn’t think about the sex while I’m talking to Max, but once the kernel is there, it’s like it has to pop. Memories of Silus and I together fill my head, and I get distracted again.
Max is my brother, though, so he knows I’m deep in thought. “Thea, what’s going on? Talk to me—please, really, talk to me. You’re the only social interaction I get. The men who guard me aren’t exactly the most talkative bunch.”
I sigh. “It’s nothing.”
My brother frowns. “It’s obviously not nothing, otherwise you wouldn’t look like that.”
“It’s just—” I stop myself before I blurt it out. A week has passed since the night Silus and I fucked like animals. Just seven days, and yet it feels like a lifetime. As silly as it is, lately I can’t get that asshole out of my head. “It’s stupid” is what I settle on saying.
Max won’t give it up. “What’s stupid?”
“Me.” Ain’t that the truth. I am stupid, thank you very much, for all of this. For going along with my brother’s plan, for hoping Max and I will walk away unscathed at the end of this, and for letting Silus dominate both my body and my thoughts. No matter how you look at it, I’m asking for trouble.
Squinting at me, Max says, “Thea… why are you stupid?” The way he asks, the underlying tone in his voice, tells me he already suspects something is amiss.
“I need you to promise me you won’t judge me if I tell you.”
The look my brother gives me after that is enough of an indication that he will, in fact, judge me hard. He’s my brother, not my best friend. He’s not obligated to feed me lies just to make me feel better.
“A week ago, Silus got me a dress. He took me to dinner.” I pick at the comforter near my knee, unable to keep looking at Max. “It was… a date, sort of.”
“A date?” The words are practically shouted at me. “No. No way. Are you sure it was a date and not some way to—” Max gags. “—get into your pants?” When I don’t respond, he gasps the most dramatic gasp I’ve ever heard. “No. Tell me you didn’t.”
I don’t tell him I didn’t, because it’d be a lie. I did. I totally did—multiple times.
Max’s mouth falls open, and he’s slow to cover it with a hand. “I’m sorry. I just… what this sounds like is that you banged the mafia boss we tried to kidnap—you know, the one who currently has us both imprisoned for revenge. That’s insane. Tell me I’m wrong. Please, God, tell me I’m wrong.” The words come out of him in an awkward, hurried jumble.
Max isn’t stupid—stupid ideas aside. He knows that if Silus wanted to have me, he’d have me; he didn’t need to take me out on a date before fucking me if all he wanted to do was stick his dick in me. The date was unnecessary, but Silus took me out anyway.
When I still don’t respond, Max goes on, “No. No!”
I bury my face in my hands. “I did,” I mutter. It’s awkward because of the circumstances, but also because this is my brother. If there’s one thing I don’t really talk to him about, it’s who I’m sleeping with, mostly because it’s none of his damned business.
This time, however, it sort of is his business.
“Lots of times,” I add, and Max pretends like he’s going to throw up. “Come on! You should be happy that he took me on a date. He could’ve just taken what he wanted.” Like he did that first night, but Max doesn’t need to know about that.
“You’re right, you’re right. I should be happy that the man who kidnapped us both took my sister on a date before he stuck his wiener in her.”
I groan and glare at him. “Why’d you have to say it like that? No one says it like that.”
“What?” Max sounds so innocent. “His wiener? Would you prefer penis? Do you want me to tell you I’m glad Silus took you on a date before he jammed his penis in you?”
“No,” I hurriedly say, “that’s not better at all and you know it.”
“You can’t be pleased,” Max deadpans, his dramatics not at all necessary in this situation. Plus, the jerk is just making it more awkward with how he’s describing everything. “So, are you getting boned on the reg now? I’m surprised he’s not keeping you chained to his bed—”
Holding up my hands toward the TV, I plead with him, “Stop. Please, just stop.”
Max blinks, acting way too innocent, given what he’s talking about. I mean, yes, it’s a big deal that I fucked our kidnapper, but it doesn’t need to be emphasized this much. “Is that what you tell Silus when he’s shoving his schlong in you?” He can’t keep a serious face after he says that, and he busts out laughing. “Sorry, that one was a little much, I admit. But seriously, what were you thinking?”
“I don’t know! Probably the same thing you were thinking when you came up with the stupid idea of kidnapping Silus in the first place—”
“That,” my brother cuts in, “I highly doubt. The last thing I was thinking about was the man’s dick—something I can’t really say about you anymore. I mean, sheesh, you fucked Silus McLean . Even if we weren’t his prisoners, it would never end well, not with who he is.”
The only thing I can do is sigh. He’s right. Of course, he’s right. A lot of the time my brother is. It’s just, for some reason, when it comes to Silus, logic gets thrown out of the window. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, and I definitely don’t know how to stop it from happening again. A part of me doesn’t want to.
My feelings must be written on my face, because Max’s light blue eyes widen on the screen. “Holy shit. Tell me you’re not in love with him. I mean, yuck . Talk about messy shit—”
“What? No! I’m not,” I say, the denial escaping me so quickly it sounds blatantly fake. I pause a moment, take a breather, and then add, “I swear, I’m not. I just… I don’t know, got caught up in the moment.”
“Right, right. You got caught up in the moment and then fell on him. Or did he fall on you ? Over and over—”
I squeeze my eyes shut and groan. “You’re lucky you’re not here, Max, because I’d slap the shit out of you for that.” What is brotherly-sisterly love if not infused with threats of violence when the other person is being dumb?
Max chuckles, but not soon after he laughs does he become serious. “All jokes aside, getting involved with him is a bad idea. You’re smart enough to know that. Even if you and I weren’t his prisoners, it’d be asking for trouble. As it is now, it’s a dangerous game. What if you do something that pisses him off and he decides it’ll be easier to kill us both?”
“I know that,” I growl out the words. “Trust me, I know. I don’t love the man, okay? He’s just… attractive. Very, very attractive.” Even as I say it, I’m aware of how lame I sound.
“Uh-huh.” My brother is clearly not convinced. “Just be careful, okay? Try not to bump uglies with him anymore. Remember what Mrs. Miller said in health class in high school? That Jesus is always in the room, watching? It’s like that, only instead of Jesus, I’m there.”
Ugh. Thinking of Max anytime Silus and I are getting too hot and heavy is a surefire way to ruin the mood—which is exactly what my brother wants.
“Although, now that I’m thinking about it, how could Mrs. Miller talk about Jesus while she was teaching in a public school?” Max mutters this question mainly to himself as he rubs his chin, lost in thought. Hey, at least he’s not thinking about Silus and I, to use his words, bumping uglies .
God, I could kill my brother sometimes, I swear.
I hate to cut our chats short—beyond Max, the only person I talk to is Silus, and we all know how that goes—but I’m still pretty freaked out over what Max said, so I tell him, “I have to go, Max.”
“What? Already? Come on, you’re the only one keeping me sane—”
“We’ll talk tomorrow.” Before Max can beg me to stay on, I grab the nearby remote and shut the TV off, also cutting our connection.
Now that silence permeates the room, I’m alone with my thoughts… and the memory of what Max suggested. It’s a ridiculous notion, isn’t it? There’s no freaking way I could possibly be falling in love with Silus McLean.
No.
Although…
Hell no.
But then how would I explain the fact that Silus has seemingly taken up permanent residence in my head lately? And the sex—God, the sex is enough to make all logic fly out of the window. The man is the opposite of greedy when it comes to pleasure; if he comes, he makes damn sure I come, too. Over and over and over.
I groan and bring my hands to my face, asking aloud, “What the hell is wrong with me? Are you stupid, Thea? Enjoying the sex is fine but falling in love? Snap out of it, girl. Your brother’s right. Nothing good can come from falling in love with Silus fucking McLean—”
The guy in question must have supernatural hearing, because the next thing I know, he’s knocking at the door, and all I can think is: oh, no. I don’t want to see his face right now, not when I’m wrestling with these particular feelings. So, before he can fully open the door, I lunge off the bed and sprint toward the door.
I don’t look at his face; I look at his chest, at the black tie around his neck. If I look at his face, I might get too weak. “I need some time alone” is what I tell him, and then I shut the door.
Yep. I shut the door right in Silus’s face before I think better of it.
“Thea,” Silus speaks from the other side. “What’s going on?”
I stand there, head leaning against the door, staring at the floor as I mutter, “I just want to be left alone right now, okay?” If I sound annoyed and exasperated, that’s because I am. Leave it to my brother to get in my head about something I never really thought of… something that, as much as I don’t want to admit it, might be true.
Fuck me. How messed up is that?
I push away from the door and collapse, face-first, down onto my bed as all the reasons why it’s a dumb idea to have any sort of feelings for Silus McLean bounce around in my head.
Even if I ignore the fact that he’s at least ten years older than me—maybe even more like twelve or thirteen—he’s a goddamned mafia boss, and I’m just a normal girl with visions of grandeur. How we met aside, his world is way different than mine. People know his face, know his name; people want to kill him. It’d be a constant battle of wondering if he’s going to get tired of me and kill me or if someone in the city will do it instead.
And all that says nothing about the whole falling in love with your kidnapper thing. I mean, jeez, talk about stupid and cliché. How much more pathetic could I be?
Silus, being the man he is, doesn’t give me time alone. He slowly pushes inside the room, and he must spot me on the bed—face-down, my calves and feet hanging off the side of the mattress thanks to the angle I fell. He walks over to the bed, measured in sitting down beside me. I can hear him breathing, and I know his black gaze is on me, but I refuse to roll over and look at him. I won’t do it. Not when I’m currently wrestling with this crap.
“Is everything okay?” Silus asks me. “Did something happen between you and your brother?”
“No,” I speak into the bed, my voice muffled. “Everything is fine. Why do you ask?” In addition to the muffled state of my voice, I also sound incredibly monotone, like I’m trying my hardest to be impenetrable.
“Maybe I’m wrong, but something feels off.”
If I wasn’t so lost in my own feelings, I might’ve laughed at his delivery, but as it is, I’m really not in the mood. My face is getting hot against the comforter, not to mention the fact that my nose is starting to hurt from the position, but until the man next to me leaves, I will not move.
Silus is silent for a while. I don’t know what he’s thinking or where he’s looking; if he’s watching me, if he’s looking at my ass, or if he’s suddenly deciding that he’s grown tired of me and wants to get rid of me.
He told me he’s a man of his word, but how can I trust him with my life? How can I believe him? Red, blaring sirens go off anytime I’m with him, reminding me how stupid I am for letting the man dominate my thoughts.
What Silus says catches me so off-guard that I have to roll onto my back and sit up just to process it: “Would you like to see your brother?”
When I prop myself up, I’m slow in looking at him. “What?”
“In person,” Silus adds. “Would you like to see Max in person?”
The question rings in my head, echoing over and over, like I’m caught in a rewind. Did I hear him right? Is Silus asking me if I want to see Max in person? What… “Why?” It’s the only question I can muster up.
He studies me. “You’ve been good. I could arrange a little something for you two. If it would make you happy, I don’t mind it. Of course, it would be at a tertiary location, but—”
I literally can’t believe what I’m hearing, and unlike most of the time when I use the word literally , I mean it, well, literally. My mind can’t comprehend what he’s saying. Am I imagining this? Is this some kind of weird dream that’s digging down deep into my subconscious?
“I would do it for you, if you want,” Silus carries on. “As much as I’d like to keep you to myself, I do not want you going mad here. You and your brother are all the other has, so it must be difficult to be away from each other for so long.”
He leans closer to me, caressing my cheek with the back of his hand. The slight, tender touch sends ripples through me, and it’s only due to my incredulousness at his offer that I don’t immediately melt into him. “You are mine, love, but I suppose,” Silus whispers, “I wouldn’t mind sharing your time with your brother, occasionally.”
Am I a possession to Silus? Is that what this is? Yet another reason why falling in love with him is a bad idea. A man like him can get whoever and whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. Can someone like him ever truly return the kind of emotions love demands? I know I’m not the poster girl for love, but I’m more likely to be better at it than this jerk.
Silus’s hand falls away from my face, and the way his black eyes nail me in place, he must know I’m wrestling with something I don’t want to share with him. “Tell me what you want, Thea, and I’ll give it to you—other than your freedom, of course.”
I drop my stare to my lap as I fiddle with my fingers. A ghostlike sensation lingers on my cheek, where he touched me, and unless I’m mistaken, my heart beats faster than it did before, too. There’s nothing else I can say besides, “Seeing Max would be nice.”
I mean, who knows? Silus might be blowing smoke. He might not really set up a meeting between me and my brother, so why not test it out and see? I won’t be disappointed if it never materializes, and I’ll be pleasantly surprised if it does.
“All right. It might be a little while until I find a good location and can set something up, but I’ll work on it.” He stands and tugs at his suit jacket, smoothing out any wrinkles that might’ve formed when he sat down next to me. “What would you like for dinner? I realize I’ve chosen every single meal so far. Maybe you—”
“Pizza.” The word leaves me with no hesitation whatsoever. I don’t know what game Silus is playing right now, but if he’s letting me pick dinner, then I want pizza. “The thick, crunchy kind. No extra toppings.”
Silus cocks a single brow down at me. “Just cheese? Thick, crunchy, cheesy pizza?”
That sounds like heaven, honestly. “Yes.”
“Very well. Then thick, crunchy, cheesy pizza it is.” He lets his stare linger on me a few moments more, and then he leaves me to my thoughts.
Shit. I’m glad I might see Max, but at the same time, I’m kind of pissed at my brother for putting the idea of love into my head. Don’t get me wrong: I knew I had a crush on the guy before, but a crush and love are two very different things. I’ve had countless crushes in my life, but love? I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know what it feels like, but I’ve heard it makes people crazy, makes them do things they wouldn’t normally do.
Goddamn it. I’m going to kill my brother.