Chapter Fifty #2
While they’re arguing with each other, Millie is trying to drag me from the alleyway and towards the road.
There are bushes on either side, so unfortunately for me, I’m covered from the oncoming traffic.
Eric's grip on my hair tightens as he wraps my hair around his hand. It’s like a tug of war between them despite the fact that their end goal is apparently the same. To kill me.
Kinky. This really isn’t the time for your dark humour, Quinny. Get a grip.
You have fucking issues.
I’m struggling with her, trying to free myself, to no avail, wondering if it’s possible to tear every strand of hair from my head with one final tug, but the sharpness of the pain in my ribs takes my breath away.
It’s survival of the fittest. I mean, I’m not exactly the fittest. The fattest?
Yes. But I couldn’t run to save my life. Ironic, huh?
The back and forth between them deludes me into thinking I have a chance at getting away, but then clearly I’ve never been in touch with reality, because who knew my best friend was a two-faced, back-stabbing bitch? Not me, that’s for sure.
“WAIT!” I scream. “I promise, I won’t tell. I’ll never talk to any of you again. I’ll leave town, I’ll leave the country if I have to, but, please, just let me live. Think of Mum and Dad. They’ll be devastated.”
Eric chuckles. It’s a dark chuckle. Like, there’s something I’m not privy to.
“I’m doing you a favour. It’s not like you’ve appreciated your life so far, is it?
My poor big sister. You really do have no idea, do you?
They know all about it; they want you gone, too.
Nothing but a drain on society and their bank accounts, according to them. Any last words?”
I mean, they’re not wrong. You are a bit of a drain. Well, as much of a drain on society as someone as big as you can be.
“They know you both raped me?” Disbelief floods my brain. My mum, I can almost believe it, but my dad, never.
“It’s not rape if you enjoy yourself, you little fucking slut,” Millie seethes.
“They know you had a wild night with Dane, that you woke up the next morning and regretted it, and that while I was consoling you, you made a pass at me, too. They said the books you read have clearly corrupted your mind.”
Panic crawls up my throat; the taste of bile bubbles along with it.
Millie’s nails are digging into my skin so hard, I’m sure they’ll be embedded in my arms forever, the sting adding to the overwhelming feelings drowning my body.
Cars speed past, horns beeping, and I don’t know how they can’t fucking see me at this point.
We’re out of the bushes and on the corner of the road.
I know it’s dark, but they have fucking headlights.
Are they blind? Or just selective with their morals?
Dane stalks towards me, reaching for my other arm, almost as if to pull
me back in.
HA, SUCKKERRRRRR!!!!
“Bro, you’re not actually going to do this, are you?” Dane panics. “Having sex with her is one—”
“I think you mean rape…” I interrupt, determined not to let them get the last word in before they kill me off, but wishing for once my mouth could just shut up with its comebacks and let someone else have the last word.
“Do you know what, you silly little cunt…” Anger spreads over Dane’s face, and as he pushes me back to Eric, I realise my mistake. “I’m not a fucking rapist. You came. Your body enjoyed it. You were dripping for my cock.”
“It’s called an autonomic response. I’m not in control of it. If someone raped you, you’d get hard and maybe come, too.” I scream so loud my voice breaks.
“I’M A FUCKING MAN! No one could ever rape me.” The world stops turning.
I’m delirious at this point. My brain hurts.
My mind is tired. Every cell in my body is on fire.
But I can’t stop myself from letting out what I can only describe as a sadistic, almost inhumane, chuckle.
One of those that I would imagine a murderer elicits over his victim before that final blow.
Ironic, really, because in this situation, I’m not the murderer; I’m the murderee, and the only thing I can think is that if I live past the next few minutes, one day, you’ll know just how it feels to be in this moment. Watch this space.
“Maybe you would be doing me a favour. At least I wouldn’t have to look at your faces knowing what you’ve done to me. Go on, do it. KILL. ME.” I spit the words at them like they’re laced with venom.
“I’m going to fuck you up, you fat cunt!
” Millie takes my hair from Eric, yanking my head to the side so my neck is at a ninety-degree angle; pain ricochets through the nerve endings, turning me around so that my back is towards the road.
I look to my left, and the headlights of a car come hurtling around the roundabout, clearly accelerating in speed as it comes onto the dual carriageway, and for a split-second, I consider flinging my body in front of it and taking away the satisfaction from them, but before my brain can make sense of what happens, her hands meet my chest, and she pushes me, hard, into the road.
My feet lift off of the ground, my arms wailing around me, and the feeling of nothing envelops my body.
The pain is gone, the voices are gone. The silence is stunning, serene, almost.
And then the sounds of horns beeping, tyres squealing, and the feeling of the shattering of my bones overwhelm me. My body convulses in every direction, like a ragdoll hurtling through the air until I crash to the ground.
And then there’s silence. Darkness. And then there’s nothing.
I bolt upright, scaring the shit out of Ted and Bones; they both jump up beside me.
I look over at the clock and see it’s time to get up.
It’s supposed to be the fourth day of therapy, but something about last night has the flashbacks destroying my soul.
Over and over, a never-ending nightmare, like I’m a new pawn in a game of chess that no one can win.
My breathing is erratic, and I scramble from the bed looking for the smallest, darkest space I can find to keep myself safe. There’s a small space between the bed and the wall, and I drop down there with my legs bent up in front of me, my head bent forward to make myself as small as possible.
“Magpie.” I hear his voice, but it sounds so far away. It’s distorted, like it’s not him.
“Magpie, I need you to breathe.” Like it’s that fucking easy.
“I’m- try–ing…” I gasp out.
I hear the door open as he runs from the room, and Lulu comes rushing in.
I don’t even care that I’m fucking naked right now.
“Give me a blanket, H,” she says. My breathing continues to get out of hand, and pain in my chest from lack of oxygen makes me gasp even more, but I feel the softness of the blanket cover me, and Lulu climbs into the space behind me.
She straddles me and starts whispering in my ear.
“Come on, girly, you know what we need to do. In through your nose. One, two, three, four. Out through your mouth. One, two, three, four.” I follow her instructions, mindlessly.
“That’s it, babe, come on, you’ve got this.
” She rubs her hands up my arms, and I feel Bones sit in front of me.
“Don’t touch her yet. Wait for her to touch you.
Whatever has triggered her has had her running from your bed, so just for a moment, wait. ”
“Quinn, babe, I need you to tell me five things you can see. Don’t worry about how long it takes, but every time you breathe in and out, I need you to list them. Do you hear me? Can you do that for me?” I nod in response.
Breathe in, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. “Ted. Bones. The windows. The bed. The TV.”
“Good girl. Four things you can feel. You’ve got this, keep going.”
Breathe in, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. “The blanket. Your hands. My skin. The floor.”
“Smashing it. Almost done. Keep breathing. Three things you can hear.”