27. Lafe
LAFE
I banged the coffee machine twice. “Fuck,” I seethed.
There were so many buttons on this thing, I wasn’t sure which one actually made the coffee. My hands trembled as I opened the top to check the water and coffee. Matías had some fancy shit you had to grind yourself. And it wasn’t that I didn’t like it.
Andre and Parker had very similar setups, and the coffee was great. But, I needed the caffeine. I needed…something to keep me going.
I’d brought a small stash of powder with me, and at first, I kept it in the room. But I couldn't do it after we left the Dirty Dog’s party. I needed it closer. Just in case.
Taking in a deep breath, I shut the top. I could do this. I didn’t need the drugs. But just in case, they were in my pocket. I snaked a hand down and gripped the small canister. It was my safety net.
My bright idea was to grab coffee instead of coke and pretend.
But this fucking thing wouldn’t work.
“What the hell!” I slammed my hand down on the top.
“Is there a reason you’re abusing my machine?” Matías asked from behind me.
I jumped two feet in the air. “Jesus Christ!” I swore. “Let someone know you’re here.”
He didn’t feel the need to respond as he shouldered me out of the way, hitting three different buttons twenty times. The machine started to gurgle, then the heavenly aroma of coffee filled the air.
I didn’t relax completely, but some of the tension did drain away.
Matías eyed me without saying a word. I glared.
It wasn’t a secret; I looked like shit. I’d seen myself in the mirror before coming down. My skin was sallow, I had dark circles under my eyes, and I was shaking like a motherfucker.
I dared him to comment on it.
He didn’t.
I cleared my throat because I couldn’t handle the silence now that he was staring at me. “How much damage did we do with the Dirty Dogs?”
One side of his mouth tipped up. It was mechanical, like he didn’t really smile unless it was for some kind of gain.
“Javier is fine. I spoke to him last night after he had his fun with Juan. He was irritated with me that I’d held onto that secret for so long, but it worked to get us out of there.”
I nodded, but this entire situation wasn’t adding up. “Why are you accepted there? They hate Vicente. And you’re his heir.”
The coffee finished dripping, and he poured me a cup before sliding it across the counter. Sugar spilled as I spooned some into the cup. Again, he didn’t comment. I grabbed a piece of ice from the freezer and dropped it in. I’d never be able to wait until it cooled, and I hated cream.
Another knot of tension released when I took my first scorching sip. I needed it so bad, I didn’t give a fuck about the burns.
“That’s none of your business,” he returned coolly.
We faced each other, him slightly taller, neither of us smiling.
“If you want to work with us, you can’t have those kinds of secrets. We’re trusting you by being here.” It was limited, but this trust was more than anyone else received outside of a select few. “If you can’t trust us, then we have no business together.”
Andre could suck dick if he didn’t like me taking this stand. He was such a control freak, but he had to let that go. Killer would push him until he broke. Or he spanked her ass.
Regardless, if we were moving toward this new plan of attack, we all needed to be more engaged.
I’d been terrified of leaving the Institution since I was a teenager. Since I had to kill the one person I wanted to save. A part of me wasn’t sure I could even do this. It was too uncertain, too dangerous.
But after the warehouse, I couldn’t let Vicente live either. He was the worst kind of monster and needed to die.
Matías glanced behind me and sighed. “Let’s go to the living room. I prefer that over this sterile environment.
He led the way, and I followed. The hot liquid only splashed my hand with a few drops.
Inside the living room, there was a loveseat and sofa.
He took the end of the loveseat and I sat opposite him.
There was a pocket door at the entrance, and he stared at it.
If he wanted them shut, he’d have to close them himself.
It wasn’t like I wouldn’t share anything he said with the others anyway.
“Well?” I prompted, cupping the coffee between my hands. Just holding it felt better.
“I went on an errand as a teenager for Vicente. It was after one of the worst beatings.”
He said this like I should know, but as far as I was aware, Vicente had never touched Matías. Still, I had barely seen him in those years. He and Andre were both a couple of years older than me.
“Javier caught me crossing Dirty Dog territory and took me under his wing as much as he could. It wasn’t much, considering he hates my father and they’re always on the verge of war.
” He leaned back and cupped his hands behind his head.
“As much as they care about family, they don’t believe they should beat their sons.
Not like that.” Nothing was showing on his face to give any clues away.
He could have just had a black eye or been riddled with bruises or broken bones.
From the mottled bruising still prominent on his face and body, I’d lean toward a more severe beating.
Then for Javier to accept him like that, it must have been bad. Right?
Everything I had heard about the man was that he was a hard ass, running a tight ship and partying harder than he worked. They were all about family, riding, fighting, and business last.
They gave fuck all about their women, in any case. Hence, the absence of their daughters and wives when we were there and the attendance of the putas .
“How has this never gotten out?” I furrowed my brow. It didn’t make sense. Rumors were numerous and traveled like diseases. Barely a quarter were true, but they all started somewhere and were almost impossible to kill.
A wry smile slid over his face. “Because the Dirty Dogs are tight. They’re family. The Institution is made up of betraying bastards waiting to slit the throat of the man next to him.”
I shook my head. “Not our men. Not for the most part.”
“But you’re men didn’t grow up in the Institution, did they?” He pointed at me.
Fuck, he had me there. We’d purposely searched for our people outside of the Institution.
Matías pulled his phone out of his pocket and cursed.
“What’s wrong?”
“My fucking sister. She’s throwing a tantrum.” He typed out a message and sent it.
“How close are you with Valentina?” We’d only interacted with her when it was necessary. She was older than Andre and Matías by a year and had been Vicente’s little princess from the time I was able to recognize that she and Matías were different from us.
“Not. She’s a bitch, and she thrives on causing pain for others,” he grunted, typing out another message.
“Is that why you’re trying to weasel in with us?”
He stopped and raised his eyes to me. “Do you know what it’s like to be alone?”
I blinked. “No. I always have my brothers there, even when we hate each other.”
“Right.” He tucked his phone away. “Before I leave to take care of the shit burning down, I’ll tell you, I’m alone. My sister isn’t a sister at all, and my father isn’t capable of truly caring about anyone. I want to not be alone anymore.”
“You have people. Maybe not in the Institution, but Javier and the Dirty Dogs like you. Maybe even respect you for letting us walk out of there without a scratch after Killer stabbed that fuckwad.”
Matías tipped his head. “Killer?”
My face burned, and I blamed my Scandinavian roots. Matías was too tan to blush. “She’s got a fighting spirit. A strong one. Killer,” I said as if that explained it all. That should be good for him, seeing as he would get fuck all else from me.
He let it go. “Javier and the Dirty Dogs accept me as much as they are able, but they’re not family.
You four are my blood. The bond you have is so deep, no one would ever think you weren’t full siblings.
Even when every one of you looks different.
I want to know what that feels like.” Matías pushed up out of the chair.
“Now, excuse me. There’s been an attack on Vicente, and I need to go take care of it. ”
Alarms rang in my head. “How do you know it wasn’t us?”
Stopping next to my chair, he glanced down at me.
“That was the reason Valentina called. She was on the phone with Vicente and overheard the explosion. He’s not dead, but he’s pissed.
If you were behind it, you would have known immediately what was happening instead of sitting here asking why I’m now trying to build this brotherly bridge.
We’re not kids anymore. I have everything, but what I do have is empty.
I hate it. As much as you fight with them, you love them.
I’m not asking for that. I know trust takes time, but I’m fucking tired of being alone.
” He tapped the corner of my chair by my head and walked out.
For a few minutes, I sat there staring at nothing and thinking about everything.
Had Andre orchestrated an attack without telling us? No, that was more Parker’s speed and he’d be an idiot to try something like this. Andre wasn’t fucking around; he would kick Parker out of the compound if he did something stupid.
And the truth was, Parker was too infatuated with chasing Killer to jeopardize that.
If someone else was after Vicente, what did that mean for Matías? It wouldn’t shock me if he was working with the Dirty Dogs to take him out. He said he was not interested in taking over, but what if he did?
Then where did we fit into his plans?
My knee started bouncing and I couldn’t stop it. I chewed on my thumbnail as thoughts raced through my head. There was too much going on that we weren’t aware of. We should trade information with Matías just to make sure we weren’t blindsided by anything.
He’d already proven he had valuable contacts.
Except he couldn’t have Killer. We were enough for her. She didn’t even like him. Otherwise, she would have fucked him when she stayed with him.
Fuck, she didn’t even want me. We had become something like friends almost. Not lovers. Not like Grey and not like Andre.
I couldn’t take it if she did choose Matías while I was on the outside. Shit, why did that hurt so bad?
There was one thing I could do for her. Andre would be pissed. The others might be as well, but I was so close to saying fuck it all, anyway. The pressure was too much, and I hated it.
Didn’t I deserve to find some of my own happiness too?
Bitterness crept into my laugh. Of course not. None of us deserved any happiness. We had done too many crimes for that. It wouldn’t stop me from doing this, though.
I glanced toward the door. No one was around. I’d hear them coming. To do this, I just needed a little bit of courage.
Pulling the canister out of my pocket, I unscrewed the lid. There was a small amount of powder on the tiny spoon. It was enough to knock the nerves out.
I sniffed it up and screwed the lid back on. As soon as this was gone, I’d stop. I just needed it to get some of this shit done. Then maybe Killer would be mine.
Leaving the living room, I returned to my bedroom and locked the door. My laptop took a few minutes to fully power up. When it did, I set my half-baked plans in motion.