17. Willa
Chapter 17
Willa
I paced back and forth across the room for a good twenty minutes after Killian left, anxiety burning through me as I played out a hundred different scenarios of what might happen tonight, all of them with equally horrible endings.
I went to sit on the bed, but quickly hopped up, my sore ass reminding me of what we’d been doing prior to my revelation about Lily’s whereabouts. My mind reeled as it attempted to digest everything that had happened for the last week of my life.
I’d never let a man touch and see me the way Killian had. It was hard to deny the attachment all this vulnerability had created. I hated to admit it, but I liked him.
I still didn’t know him that well, but he was surprisingly funny and though he clearly didn’t relish emotional conversations, he didn’t shy away from the truth, even when it hurt. He’d conveyed sympathy for my situation with Lily, even though I knew he wanted to shove her head in a meat grinder for what she’d done to his friend.
And the sex, holy shit, the sex.
I had no idea it could be that way. It blew the well-meaning, but tepid sexual encounters of my past out of the water. It was odd for a man to know more about my anatomy than I did myself, but he unquestioningly did. My cheeks flooded with heat as I recalled all the ways he’d seen my anatomy. If it weren’t for his very enthusiastic response to everything he’d seen, I would never be able to look him in the eye again.
Unable to help myself, I allowed myself to consider what it would be like to date him. I’d never even seen him outside of this building before, so what would it be like to do mundane things like go to a movie or to the grocery store? Would he even be interested in dating a college student? Would being a part of his life be exhilarating or stressful considering the work he did? Even though he had busted in Lily’s door and abducted me, this was the first time I was confronted with how dangerous Killian’s job could be. Even though Killian seemed like a competent and capable person, I was as worried about him as I was about Lily.
Thinking about what could be happening right now, that either or both of them could be injured had me wringing my hands as anxiety hummed through my system. I couldn’t stand just sitting here and worrying. I needed to know what was happening. I needed updates. I couldn’t even contact Killian because, though we’d had sex many times, I didn’t even have his freaking phone number.
Then a thought struck me. Ian. I could go to the security office. I bet they kept Ian updated on what was going on. I hastily swung the door open and scrambled down the hallway, eager for any possible information, though it was unlikely they’d even arrived at the harbor yet.
I opened the door and Ian’s head popped up, but he quickly dismissed me. My mouth flattened in annoyance. Did everyone here hate me? More importantly, didn’t Ian ever go home?
“Don’t you ever get to leave here?” I asked, walking up behind him to see what he was working on.
“I came in late. I started at noon today.”
I frowned and glanced at the clock. It was one a.m. “That was thirteen hours ago,” I said incredulously.
His lips pressed together, either at annoyance with my presence in general or my comment, specifically. “Yeah, we’re all working a little harder lately. For Mac,” he muttered.
I felt an arrow of guilt at his words. Although I didn’t do anything to Mac, Lily’s association still made it a touchy subject. “I’m honestly sorry about Mac. Were you two close?”
Ian’s chest heaved and his lips tightened. “Mac taught me everything I know. He was the best man I ever met. I was a teenage fuck up, and Mac took me in and taught me computers, paid for me to go to school.” He spoke the words without much inflection, but his hands briefly tightened as he explained his relationship with Mac.
My eyes watered. What a loss Mac’s death was, for so many people. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that someone I know, someone in my family, probably had something to do with it.”
“Probably?” he scoffed, and I took a step back.
Why was I trying so hard to make Lily innocent when I’ve seen with my own two eyes the kind of person she was? I kept wanting to believe there was something redeemable about her, when there has been no evidence to support my instinct. “Did. Someone in my family did have something to do with it.”
“That’s more like it,” he grunted and started typing again.
This was hardly the relationship I wanted to establish with someone I was trying to get information from. I pulled up a chair and sat down, trying to get him comfortable with my continued presence, but he just acted as if I wasn’t there. It didn’t exactly put me at ease, but I suppose it was better than him kicking me out. I pulled out my phone, checking some things on my social media. I had a new text from Vanessa asking me if I’d killed my sister yet. Irony.
“So, have you had any updates yet?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
Ian turned to me, one blond brow raised as he shot me a deadpan look. He knew why I was here. “Is that why you came in here? You worried about your sister?” he asked icily.
“No. Well, a little, but I’m also a little worried about Killian.”
He barked out a laugh. “You’re worried about Killian?”
My brows puckered. Why was that funny? “Yes. It sounds like this might get dangerous, so I was worried about him.”
Ian snorted. “You know what Killian used to do for a living? I’ve never met someone more aptly named than him. Kill ian. He was a fucking mercenary. Tonight’s mission is like taking candy from a baby, that’s how easy it is for him. Cullen, too. They’ve done shit a million times more dangerous than this.”
Mercenary? A part of me was shocked, but when I scrolled through our time together, it fit. The way he broke into my sister’s apartment, the use of sedatives, the interrogation techniques, the security background. Yes, it all made sense.
Did I want to date a guy used to kill for a living? I internally winced at my thoughts. I was assuming he’d even want to date me, which was definitely not assured at this point.
His past also explained the kind of sex he was into—dominant, aggressive, controlling.
“Oh,” I simply replied, unsure what to say as Ian cackled away at my surprised expression. “Regardless, are there any updates?”
He shook his head. “Nothing yet. I probably won’t hear anything until it’s over, unless something goes wrong.”
I nodded and buried my face back in my phone, desperate for the distraction and fearful that if I asked any more questions Ian would kick me back to Killian’s room. I suppose I could go up to the club, but that held little appeal without Killian. Lord, was I codependent already?
The door swung open, causing me to jump and stare at the doorway expectantly, even though I knew they couldn’t possibly be back yet. I was disappointed to see Martin walk in.
He frowned when he saw me. “Oh, hey, Willa. What are you doing in here?”
I shrugged, not certain how to answer. Did Martin know about what was going on? Had he been close to Mac? Would he also be pissed off at me if he knew I was Lily’s sister? “Waiting for Killian.”
He cocked his head at me strangely. “What exactly is going on with you two?”
I shrugged again, uncomfortable with the question because I didn’t know the answer, but also because it was none of his damned business. “Not sure.”
“How did you get here? Where’s Killian?” he asked, directing his second question to Ian.
“Out,” Ian murmured. I guess Martin wasn’t in the loop.
Martin’s jaw tightened. His annoyed gaze swung to me. “Why are you still here if Killian’s gone? I thought you were with him. We can’t have random guests in this area of the building. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
My eyes widened and I shot a look in Ian’s direction. His shoulders stiffened and he stopped typing, swiveling in his chair to look at Martin. That was a pretty big response from Ian. “She’s fine,” he said, his jaw thrusting mutinously.
Martin’s fists clenched, his features pinched with annoyance and frustration. He obviously hadn’t anticipated Ian sticking up for me, and to be completely honest, neither had I.
“Logan doesn’t like random hookups just wandering around the private areas of the club,” he said snidely. Was he mad because the altercation with me ended up getting Cara fired? I knew he hadn’t wanted to fire her, that he’d been forced by Killian and Logan. “If we let every woman Killian fucked to just roam around, this place would be packed.”
My eyes widened. Jesus, he was going for the jugular. Killian’s previous sexual exploits had been made pretty clear the duration of my time here, but the thought of him having sex with other women still brought an ache to my chest.
Ian stood up, making me suddenly aware that he was a pretty big guy. He loosened his shoulders as he stood in front of Martin, a clear challenge. “I said she’s fucking fine.”
All of a sudden, Ian looked exactly like the tough kid he’d claimed to be, his light brown eyes trained on Martin, as if daring him to make a move.
Martin backed up slightly, obviously not expecting Ian to care about whether I’d stayed or went, but was undeterred. Pursing his lips, he asked, “Where’s Killian? I'll tell him myself.”
“He’s out,” Ian replied, eyeing him with annoyance and exasperation. “I’ll have him find you when he gets back.”
Martin shot another infuriated look at me. “Fine. Do that,” he snapped and stormed out the door.
“What was that all about?” I asked in confusion.
Ian sat back down at his seat and resumed what he’d been doing before being interrupted. “He’s a fucking manager who thinks he owns the place. Christ, the ego.”
“I was afraid he was going to start a fight with you.”
Ian snorted, throwing his head back and laughing. “He would never start a fight with me.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s a pussy. He’s all talk. I doubt that asshole has ever been in a fight in his life.”
“Is it really okay if I stay in here?”
“Yeah. You hungry?”
My stomach rumbled at his question and he snickered.
“Let’s order a pizza. It’s going to be a while.”
Warmth burst in my chest at Ian’s sudden acceptance. He had obviously been close to Mac, but he’d still defended me with Martin and allowed me to stay in here and eat with him despite my connection to Lily. I was grateful beyond words at his kindness when I was already on edge about both Killian and Lily.
“Sounds good.”