Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kade
Bear is in my bed. Bear is in my bed and cuddled against me. Bear is in my bed, cuddled against me after we just had sex!
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
I hope if I keep repeating it to myself, my body will realize that it is in fact not a dream.
Mikayla’s breathing evened out almost immediately after I pulled her in close.
Her head is lying against my chest with my arms wrapped around her, and I swear my heart has grown three sizes from knowing she feels this safe with me.
Little snores come from her lips, as well as the occasional hum, and I think I just found the soundtrack I want to listen to for the rest of my life.
When she told me in the hall that she loved me too, it was like someone set fire to my libido.
Every limb wanted to be entangled with hers, every inch of my skin ached to feel her touch, and nothing or no one could douse the flame.
Everything about her blended seamlessly with me, a match made from rainbows and glitter.
Which makes my massive fuck up earlier, that much worse.
I know I need to explain, but something deep within me is terrified to tell her.
To confess that I’ve been so irrevocably in love with her, that I’ve never even touched another woman.
That I wasn’t even sure I could do anything.
Mikayla is my first, my only, and—with any luck and a whole lotta hope—my last. And even if I had been able to get all that out, how do I tell her that just last night after she went to bed, the four of us had decided to share her.
That’s another emotion I hadn’t expected to hit that hard.
Guilt. I’m guilty for getting physical with her after we told each other we wouldn’t.
For not finding out her reaction to the idea of her being with all of us, before anyone took anything with her to the next level.
What if I just fucked that up for my brothers, if she runs because of what we did?
What happens if she now only wants me? Or, heaven forbid, wants none of us any longer?
Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with Mikayla in every way. Mind, body, and soul. And there’s no hiding the fact that she has me simping for her every chance I get, but I never wanted to hurt my brothers in the process.
We mourned her together, grew up without her together. We’ve been to literal hell and back, and though she will always be just a little bit more, they mean just as much to me.
As I watch her sleep peacefully, my mind turns over with all the things I still need to tell her. Feelings, ideas, memories. It’s been so many years of being alone in my head, debating what I would say and how I would show her, and now that she’s here… I can’t remember a damn thing.
Whimpers sound from her lips, her chest curling in on itself like she’s being hurt.
When I bend down, moving her hair from her face, her eyes are squinted and her mouth is pursed.
Torment plagues each one of her features and it twists a knife into my already fragile heart.
She’s mumbling in her sleep, although I don’t think she realizes it.
“No, please! Please don’t hurt them, they're all I have left. Please! I’ll come, I’ll be good!” she sobs in almost a whisper.
I rub circles against her back, trying to provide not only comfort but an external source she can latch onto.
Trying to help her without rousing her from her sleep.
By the way she looked a couple of days ago when we found her at that motel, it’s clear she doesn’t get a lot of it.
Her eyes, while still a beautiful, deep green, were hollow.
Sunken in and rimmed with red, a deep-rooted kind of exhaustion.
“Shh. It’s okay, Kitten. No one is getting hurt. I’m right here.” I pull her in tighter, placing kisses to the crown of her hair.
“Please,” she begs again, talking to someone in her dream. “Please, I love them. Don’t hurt them. They are my everything. I’ll do anything you want of me, just leave my guys out of it.”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to ascertain that whatever nightmare is playing in her head right now, has something to do with the same fears she has in reality. The same reason she keeps giving us, for why she needs to leave.
She’s not herself at the moment and my head doesn’t know how to feel.
One minute she’s asleep, peaceful and warm, and in the next she’s gone.
Holding back tears she so desperately wants to cry.
While I sit here, questioning everything I’ve done so far.
The only thing I know how to do is to just keep going.
Great and now I sound like a delusional fish.
Giving her shoulder a gentle shake, I attempt to bring her out of her torment and back to me.
It takes more than I thought to pull her from the nightmare, but when she does it’s with a startle.
Her eyes open wide, glossed over with unshed tears, and brewing with a fear that’s been ingrained deep into her soul.
“Hey, Kitten. It was just a bad dream. I’m right here, we’re all fine and you’re safe,” I whisper against her cheek, wiping away the fallen drops with my lips.
She nods lazily, her eyelids already beginning to close once more.
There’s no way I’m going to let her out of my sight tonight.
Not after that. So, I use the opportunity of her being semi-awake to lay down fully and get comfortable.
It takes her no time at all to wrap around me, her legs threading through mine, her arm drooped over my chest. Latching on in every way she can, as if she’s afraid I’ll disappear.
My arm encompasses her as well, holding her close to my side, as I intertwine our fingers over top of me.
My face leans against her head, inhaling her scent with every breath, and providing her with kisses whenever I feel like.
Which is all of three times, before my own eyes become lidded and I’m drifting off with her.