CHAPTER NINETEEN #2
“I can only manipulate fear, which means I can also soothe and create calm. I can make you feel terrified, which is what Alaric did to you last night, but I can also take that fear away. I cannot manipulate any other emotion. We are predators. It’s just a product of evolution.
” I jolted slightly as he held on to my chin, keeping my eyes within his, keeping me from turning away.
“Charlotte, I have only ever calmed you down when you were afraid.”
“What if I should have been afraid of you this entire time, and you have manipulated me so much to the point where I feel safe around you. What if that’s not real?”
“Maybe you think you should be afraid of me because you think that would make you normal. Because it’s what you have been taught. But you aren’t afraid of me. I haven’t manipulated your fear enough to also manipulate your thoughts. It doesn’t work that way.”
He was right. I remembered every time that strange sensation washed through me, and he hadn’t done it that often. I had been afraid of him at first, but that fear did dissipate rather quickly. Replaced with something I’d rather not look at right now.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“For fear of this reaction.”
I frowned. “That is no reason to keep something from someone. That is cowardly.”
“Your fear is so ... palpable. I don’t like seeing you afraid.”
Well, how could I be mad at him now?
His thumb started brushing along my bottom lip. Back and forth. Back and forth. I nearly closed my eyes at the soothing motions. Tingles erupted and fled down my back.
“You can’t do that again. I need to be in control of my emotions.”
“Okay.”
“Unless ... I ask for it.”
He smirked and nodded once.
“But thank you, for what you did last night. You saved my life.”
His smirk dissolved into the echo of malice he emanated last night. “They are fools wielding a power they do not understand. And they will never touch you again.”
* * *
When the carriage dropped us off at the inn, we went in to freshen up and eat lunch before going to the portal.
Sebastian had changed out of his Society uniform and into a black suit, though it was a bit different from the fashions I’d seen, and I wondered if it was the fashion of his world.
It was sleeker, more fitted. I frowned at the color of his waistcoat beneath his jacket.
It matched perfectly with the deep plum gown and cloak I was wearing.
How was he even able to match the colors so accurately?
I was starting to wonder if he had rifled through my wardrobe so that he could match anything I had.
Before we left our room at the inn, he stopped in front of me and paused a long moment.
“What are you doing?” I finally had to ask.
“Here.” He held up a blood red, velvet box that was open, in the center sat a ring.
The band was silver with a vibrant ruby and small diamonds surrounding it in a teardrop shape.
It was beautiful, what I never thought I’d ever receive.
A sharpness pierced through my gut at the sinking realization that this was not even real.
And it was still likely it never would be. I’d never have anything real.
“Do you not like it?” I looked up to him. He was scrutinizing my expression with a subtle confusion.
“Oh ... no, it’s beautiful.”
“Then what is it?”
“I guess I just thought when someone asked for my hand it would be more ... romantic. And with someone I loved, someone who loved me.”
He seemed to grow lost. Lost for words, lost in thought, lost in what to do next. And there was something else, a hairline fracture in his composure threatening to reveal what was deeply hidden.
“It’s alright.” My words pulled him back from wherever he went. I snatched the ring out of the box quite roughly and shoved it on my finger. I had admired it for only a short moment. I didn’t think I could ever look at it again as my throat strained against unshed tears.
After Sebastian created an illusion that drew the guards away from the portal, we stood before it. I was once again mesmerized by the writhing, shimmering rubies and the pitch-black vortex that would take me to another world.
“I’ll go first and alert the guards of our arrival.” He likely saw the fear in my eyes because he added, “You’ll be fine, killer. And if you aren’t, I have access to the best healers in Dreigo.”
“That was not the least bit comforting,” I said flatly.
“I could calm you, if you wanted.” The way he said it seemed to be laced with innuendo. I eyed him for a moment, and he held my gaze with a smirk.
I shook my head vehemently. “No. No, it’s okay.” I had a feeling I shouldn’t allow it that often. I could end up relying on it too heavily, and then I’d be a mess without him.
He shrugged and stepped up to the portal. He looked back at me over his shoulder. “If you’re not through after one minute, I’ll be back to drag you through.”
He took one step forward, and I gasped as he dissolved within the darkness.
What would it feel like? I felt the creeping pricks of panic start to rise and spread through me.
Maybe I should have let him calm me down.
The anticipation built up within me like a stack of bricks, and my body became heavier as each second passed.
My feet felt impossible to lift. I was sure he would make good on his threat to drag me through, but for some reason, I wanted to make the decision on my own.
I took a deep breath, and before I could think better of it, I stepped through.