CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
He stared at me for a long time. Too long.
He was so still, I wasn’t even sure if he was breathing.
I didn’t dare look away from his eyes for a single moment.
I needed to see every bit of his reaction.
But so far, he was completely unmoving. I was half-tempted to poke him to get something out of him.
Life came back to his features as he tilted his head slightly. His eyes narrowed—no—they squinted as if he couldn't see me properly. “What?”
“Alaric has threatened to turn me.” His jaw clenched.
I failed to mention the date I was supposed to go on with him.
“And after what he did to Edward, to my sister, I wouldn’t put anything past him.
He does not make empty threats. He told me so, and his actions have proved it.
” I took a step forward. My hands shook so much I wrung them together to distract from the uncontrollable tremors.
“I don’t want him to be the one to turn me.
If this is going to happen, I want it to be with someone I .
.. trust.” I nearly whispered the last word.
He seemed taken aback before he quickly schooled his expression. “You trust me?”
“Yes.”
He shook his head slightly in disbelief, or maybe he wanted to protest, to tell me I was wrong.
“Sebastian, you’ve given me no reason not to trust you. You have always been there for me. You accepted me without question. You’ve seen me, truly seen me, without searching for what I should be. I want you to do it.” My conviction grew with each word. “I want it to be you.”
He reached out, taking both of my shaking hands in his, stilling them.
He took a moment to absorb my words before he finally spoke. “Do you realize what you would be giving up? Since the moment we met, you wanted nothing but to be normal. After this, you wouldn’t just be an outcast from society, they will hunt you down to remove you from this world.”
I sighed. Finally voicing what I had always feared. “Clearly, I was never meant to be normal. But maybe I could create my own sense of normalcy.”
“If we manage to close the portal, you’d be the only vampire in your world. You’d need to feed, and you’d be quickly found out.”
“I could go to Dreigo.” It came out like a question.
He closed the distance between us, cupping my face in his hands. His eyes burned with an intensity I couldn’t look away from. “You’d be giving up your whole life, Charlotte.”
“Maybe I’m finally standing up for myself, taking what I want. Maybe I’m finally living. I was never meant for this world anyway.”
“What about your family?” His thumbs began caressing my cheekbones. A weightlessness rocked through me.
“I’ve had to hide so much from them. I don’t want to hide who I am anymore.
I want to live without this weight over me, without the constant wondering of when it will finally crush me.
We have been taught to kill vampires with no remorse.
I couldn’t bear to have them see me that way.
I don’t want to see that shift in their eyes.
” I’d miss Mother and Father, of course.
Though Father’s time was mostly consumed by the Society, and Mother had always despised me.
Maybe I just felt obligated to miss her.
But Olivia, the thought of being without her killed me.
It’s taken everything in me to keep those thoughts hidden.
I knew I had to face them eventually, but it wouldn’t be now, maybe not anytime soon.
And Pari. I wouldn’t put it past her to strap me down and lock me away if I even mentioned moving away.
My throat ached with unshed tears at the thought that I likely wouldn’t even be able to tell her I was leaving.
I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone. One last secret I had to keep before I disappeared.
He spoke slowly, cautiously. His eyes became even more intense with scrutiny. Searching for any bit of hesitation like a hawk searching for its next meal. “And you’re absolutely sure, this is what you want?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
He looked at me for a long moment, as if he was memorizing every feature several times over. It should have scared me that he thought I would vanish. Perhaps I would. But I trusted him to keep me here.
“Are you ready, mannyenska?”
“What does that mean?”
“Moonlight.”
Tears burned my eyes as I blinked them away. “I’m ready.”
I was ready to entrust my life to the man who truly looked at me and saw moonlight, to the man who told me to stare back at critical eyes and to not wait for the world to change.
I had never felt safer than I did with him.
With the man I was supposed to fear. And it told me everything. It told me my world was wrong.
* * *
It was a bit ridiculous that I was blushing being in his bedroom.
He was about to turn me into a completely different being.
And it was even more ridiculous that my heated skin grew hotter as I laid down on his bed.
He had already been between my legs. Though I supposed not in that way.
I hadn’t felt him in that way. And now the heat was traveling to my center.
His eyes narrowed on me as he stood over me, and I blushed harder at what he must have sensed just then. The hopeful thought that he would be a gentleman and ignore it was quickly shattered at his next words.
“What has you so aroused, mannyenska?” He smirked.
“When I become a newborn, will I be able to punch you in the face?” I reveled in the quick, minute bit of shock that crossed his eyes.
He chuckled. “That is unlikely,” he paused. “But with your apparent determination, I’m sure you’ll get there someday.”
My smile quickly fell as my impulsive action gave way to thought. “With the newborns I’ve encountered, they have all seemed ... feral. Like they’re not in control. Will that happen to me?”
He sat down on the bed beside me. “Creating a newborn is somewhat like raising a child. They require the right care, Alaric’s newborns have had no such thing.
If anything, he’s raising them to be chaotic and bend to his every command.
” His perpetually stone-like, blank face softened.
“You will have me, and I will take care of you, mannyenska.”
I nodded, unable to speak through my shrinking throat. The fear was settling in.
“Will it hurt?”
I winced at his grim expression.
My heart rate picked up at the finality of it all, at what I’d be giving up.
Though I told myself I wasn’t meant for this world anyway, I couldn’t ignore the hurt.
The scars permanently embedded within me from being cast aside by those around me.
It was a life I was laying to rest. A life I’d grieve. A life I’d never be able to get back.
And the truth was that I was cornered into this decision, but I would choose how it ensued. I would take that away from Alaric as he had taken my life, my humanity. I would create a new life for myself after being forced out of my old one, by my own community, my world.
I only hoped I could see Olivia and Pari again. A sick part of me wanted to see Mother and Father again, to stand before them dripping in treason, to watch their unknowing eyes look upon me as I had always been, feeling what it was like to be one of the demons they had always feared.
If all we had dealt with had been Alaric’s newborns, who had been trained to incite chaos, their idea of vampires was all wrong.
But I had an all-consuming feeling that Father would never listen to reason, and sympathizing was treason, which meant we had to get this portal closed.
Father never spoke of crossing the portal himself, but I wouldn’t put it past him to attempt to eradicate the source.
I always thought we needed to close the portal to protect the humans from the demons. But maybe we also needed to protect the demons from the humans.
“I’m scared,” I whispered.
He leaned down, cupping my cheek with one of his hands, his thumb softly caressing my cheekbone.
“I think I’d like you to calm me down.”
“You think or you know?”
I smiled through the nerves. “I know. I need you to calm me.”
That strange wave washed through me. My body knew it wasn’t natural, but it succumbed all the same. I melted into the plush duvet. Warm waters doused every nerve. The riot of thoughts in my head quieted.
My skin pricked. He had suggested I change into my nightdress as the turning process could take a few days. His eyes drifted to my arm, then down to my legs. He placed a hand atop my bare thigh, rubbing it up and down to warm me.
And that was why I trusted him. He saw me. He paid attention. He anticipated my needs before I could utter a single word. When everyone else was content to look the other way hoping for my absence, he looked to me.
“Are you absolutely sure you want this, mannyenska?”
I nodded.
“I’m going to need verbal consent.”
I smiled at his flatness. “Yes. I want this.”
Alaric’s blood was already in my system, but it was Sebastian’s venom that would turn me.
My thigh grew cold as he removed his hand, placing it at the side of my neck, his thumb beneath my jaw, his fingers wrapped around my nape.
His velvet lips trailed up the other side.
Warmth coursed through me as his teeth sank in, but the beginnings of pleasure quickly burned up as my body was set on fire.