26. Zeth #2
Amby looked almost offended at the question, then he shook his head as he opened the drawer again. Sighing, he took the stack of letters out and held them between us. “How did you know I wrote these?”
“Hattie told me at the tailor shop, after I tried on the jackets.”
He blinked at me before looking at the top letter. I followed Amby’s gaze to where his swirly print spelled out my name and an address in the City I didn’t recognize. For a moment, I imagined what joy I would have felt receiving such a thing.
Taking the precious package from him, I thumbed Port Winchester and inhaled deeply . “Maybe this address was where we moved, but we bounced around four times in the first year, so these never reached me. I hope you didn’t think I refused your letters.”
“Oh… well, that makes sense.”
I eyed him to judge his answer as he failed to hide a mix of emotions behind a faint smile. With the way his mind flew, Amby probably thought of every scenario under the sun.
Handing him the stack, I cupped his cheeks and kissed him with all the passion and care I would have poured into my correspondence to him for nine years, three months, and one day.
His soft moan hinted that he received my message, so I gave him a last peck before telling him, “Thank you, for trying to find me.”
He nodded. “I regretted letting you go, so there are… a lot of confessions in these letters. Perhaps some… pining.” His lips tugged up in the corner. “I wasn’t sure if you received them. When Hattie’s letter to Millie was sent back, I figured I got the address wrong.”
He kept me in his heart for far longer than I deserved. “I didn’t even write. I should have. I should have understood what you were going through.” That gave me an idea. “How many letters are there?”
He smoothed his thumb along each one quickly. “Ten.”
I tucked the letters back in the drawer and closed it. “Then I’ll write you ten letters, and when I’m done spilling out all my regrets and secrets from those years, we can exchange. Deal?”
What a ridiculous idea, but I hoped he liked it.
“Hm.” Amby put his hand to his mouth, thinking, then he cut his eyes up to me and said, “Fine. But remember, you’ll be reading from the mind of a seventeen-year-old. He was very stupid.”
I chuckled, relieved he wanted to trade letters. “That stupid kid was the best person I knew. He was caring, lively, and audacious. I can’t imagine your letters are anything different.”
Amby came close to my ear and whispered. “I wrote some rather sensual things too, things I knew I’d never send to you.”
“Damn, can we read them now?” I joked, reaching for the drawer handle.
“No, I need your attention instead.” He grabbed my wrists and pushed me back.
His hands tucked into my jacket to slip it over my shoulders.
Then he folded it over the back of a chair and looped his fingers into my belt with a grin.
When he walked backwards to lead me to the bed, my mind raced.
As much as I enjoyed our recent encounters, my main desire was to hold him tonight.
“I’m tired,” Amby said, his eyes on my night shirt still tucked into my pants. “I just want you in my bed, by my side. Is that alright?”
“That’s perfect.” I chuckled in relief, glad we were both on the same page.
While Amby sat on the side of the bed, I scooted around him to the right side, claiming my old spot.
He picked up his book and set it on the end table, along with his glasses.
I tugged off my shoes and placed them neatly on the floor, enjoying how comfortable this moment felt.
Then I shimmied out of my pants and folded them to sit on top of my shoes.
Lying on my side, I asked, “Were you doing some reading?”
His eyes shone as he settled on his side, facing me. “I couldn’t sleep. But this is much better.”
I agreed, but being this close, the faint bruise on Amby’s jaw from Damien’s abuse became visible.
I intertwined Amby’s fingers with mine and brought them up to hold between us.
“I really did have a poem to recite through your window, but more importantly, I’m here to talk about the evening, if you want to. ”
“You mean, about Damien?”
“Yes, you told him to leave, and he forcibly didn’t. I guess I’m still bothered by that.”
He moved to lay on his back, still holding my hand as he stared at the ceiling. “Damien just thinks he and his family are above everyone else, so he has a bad habit of thinking no means yes.”
My gut knotted, and I leaned up on my elbow, imagining far too much. “Has he ever hurt you?”
“No, but he’s damn pushy, and he seems to have a particular disdain for you.
When the distillery first opened, I went there every weekend and started talking to him there.
He was interested in me, but only in messing around.
One night, he got drunk, and I had to shove him off to get him to stop.
When he passed out, I left. Haven’t liked him since. ”
“We should have fucking punched him when we had the chance, then. No one touches my Rosie.”
Amby gently jabbed my ribs with a grin, and I grabbed his hand to kiss it.
“And what about these other two men you’ve been with before? Did they treat you better?”
“One of them liked me enough to want to court me, but I declined.”
“Because of your dad?”
He nodded. “Yes, but… It would have never worked out. He’s married now, to a man and a woman.”
“Hm, and number three?”
“Another jerk,” Amby said. He stared at the ceiling, maybe picking his words carefully, so I shifted closer to lend him my support.
He tilted his head against my shoulder and shrugged.
“Some drifter I met at the pub. He came to town every few months, only interested in sex. The last time he was here, I turned him down, and he gave me a black eye. He’d even offered to pay me. Kind of pathetic, isn’t it?” he teased.
“Oh, darling, no.” Pained by his words, I moved to lay half over him.
I wanted to block out whatever he saw as he spoke of that absolute prick who hurt him.
When his eyes flew to me, they were filled with approval as they searched my face.
Maybe he needed to know that I didn’t take this personally, or that I still wanted to be with him, so I told him, “Nothing you’ve said changes a damn thing about how I feel about you.
” I grabbed his chin to hold his gaze. “You’re mine. ”
His eyes lit up, and a tear escaped the corner to roll down the side of his face.
I thumbed the wetness away as Amby reached up to smooth my hair behind my ear.
I leaned into his touch, and he said, “I felt like a ghost wandering through Everdeen for so long, trying to find my heart with all these other men, even though I knew I couldn’t be with any of them.
Just like I thought I couldn’t be with you. ”
His hand slid down to touch my chest. “But my heart was hundreds of miles away from me for so long. You’re the only man who’s visited me in my dreams, and I dreamed of your visits so often that I never stopped longing for you.
I beat myself up for letting you go, for not reaching you with letters to fix us .
” Amby leaned up on his elbow and brushed his lips against mine.
“You know me inside and out, Zeth. My fears, my strengths. That day I saw you at the picnic, it felt as if we’d never been apart. I’m safe with you. I’m wanted. Needed.”
His words melted me inside and out, but it was the way he looked at me that held me captive. I pressed my lips against his to kiss him deeply, marveling at how beautifully he responded to my touch, as if our souls were connected.
When Amby shifted under me, asking for more, I moved to peck his nose, and Amby sighed with pleasure.
His need for attention called to me. I gave his lovely freckles my adoration before worshiping the sharp edges of his jaw, a testament of his strength.
I didn’t know why he had trouble believing in himself.
Maybe if I kissed him enough, he would see how wonderful he was.
I would kiss him all night, if that’s what he needed.
Amby’s arms surrounded me, pulling me in tighter, his hand in my hair once again. “Zeth,” he breathed, “Is this how you plan to kiss me goodnight all the time?”
“Yes,” I muttered against him, content to spoil him.
His angelic voice was like a smooth melody in my ears.
After showing Amby some affection, we settled into the bed, and warmth surrounded me as he pulled the covers over us.
He laid his head on my arm and curled against my side as I held him.
My fingers skimmed the bare skin of his back under the blanket while his arm wrapped around my middle.
“Mm, I’m glad you came to see me tonight,” he said, snuggling his face against my cotton shirt. “I’ve waited so long for you to come through my window again.”
“So have I,” I admitted. “Are you okay with your dad inviting me to dinner? You seemed anxious about that when we were leaving.”
Amby was quiet for a moment. “I’m happy my father invited you.
I just didn’t know it would be so soon. Only a few days.
I’m having a hard time grasping it all, because I’m terrified that no matter what, my father will reject our plan.
He truly thinks our family is special enough that it must continue on through blood. ”
“I hate the idea of getting between you and your dad, but if he can’t accept our courtship because of the illusion he’s built in his own mind, then that’s his fucking problem. We’ll find a way to move on.”
Amby squeezed me affectionately.
His silence tugged at my heart because we both had shit to work through, but we were doing that now, together. I wrapped my hand into his curls, stroking his soft hair to tell him without words that I had faith we could figure this all out.
“Unfortunately, we can’t count on selling the laundry yet. Your dad’s offer was too low.”
“Maybe it’s a sign for us to stay there,” Amby said sweetly.
I liked his point of view, seeing the positive. Maybe the low offer wasn’t bad luck, or life trying to ruin me. Maybe it was a nudge toward a new direction, one I failed to see without Amby’s help. “What a nice thought.”
Amby’s reply was a soft snore. I leaned away carefully until I could see his lashes already fluttering in slumber.
He’d fallen asleep so fast. Damn, if he wasn’t the most precious thing I’d ever seen in my life.
I couldn’t help but give him one last gentle kiss, this time against his forehead, before settling down myself.