Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Irina
Nikolai stands before me at the altar. The priest is beside us, reciting the wedding vows. A crowd of people are here to see us.
And I’m marrying a man I just met yesterday.
Everything is happening so fast that I find myself swaying on my feet. Nikolai tightens his hands around my own to steady me. A concerned look is in his eyes. Does he actually care for me? How is that possible when we just met?
When he’s a Bratva man. When he’s not a good man.
“Do you, Nikolai Volkov, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” the priest asks.
“I do,” he responds in his clear, warm voice. It’s a voice that I feel the urge to sink in to.
The priest turns to me. “And do you, Irina Koslov, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
There’s so much I want to say. How we don’t even know each other.
How he bought me and yet didn’t technically buy me.
How he saved me from my father but do I need saving from him?
There’s way too much that needs to be answered and yet I don’t have the time.
Nikolai is a high ranking Bratva man. He wants me for himself and I have no power here. Nowhere else to go.
My only option is to move forward and hope for the best.
“I do,” I whisper.
The priest nods. “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
Nikolai takes my face between his hands and lowers his lips briefly to mine. It’s a peck, nothing more, but it makes a heat spread throughout my body.
“You are mine now,” he murmurs against my lips before pulling back. I shiver.
The rest of the guests – all the people I don’t even know – clap for us as we walk down the aisle.
“Who are all these people?” I ask as they follow us out of the church.
“People who work with me. Friends.”
“You managed to get them here this fast for our wedding? We only met last night.”
Nikolai bores his intense eyes into mine. “Because I knew you’d be mine the second I saw your picture. I had this already planned way before last night.”
I can’t help but shiver again. It’s both scary and yet strangely romantic that Nikolai had this planned from just my picture.
We get into a town car and are driven to the reception, held at The Ritz hotel.
“This is all so much,” I admit as I look up at the hotel.
“I know it’s a lot. But you made me proud today. Continue to do so.”
“And if I don’t?” I ask, even though I’m terrified to. “What happens if I disappoint you? Will you hurt me?”
His expression softens before he runs the back of his hand down my cheek.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Irina. I want you to be mine.
But I can be strict and firm when I need to be.
But you don’t have to fear me. I won’t torture you if that’s what you’re thinking.
I could have raped you last night but I didn’t. I think that earns me some trust.”
“You don’t get brownie points for not raping me,” I snap, harder than I mean to.
His eyes tighten for just a moment. “Fair enough. But am I any worse than your father? The father that sold you to pay his debts?”
I turn away from him. The memory of my father hurts too much. How he betrayed me. Cut me deep to the core.
“He’s going to come back for me,” I say. “He doesn’t want us to be married.”
“I can handle your father. I’ll get him under my thumb eventually.”
“And if you can’t?” I don’t look at him as I ask this and I can’t look at him as I wait for an answer.
“Then I’ll do what I have to do to deal with the problem.”
Nikolai doesn’t say it out loud but I know what he’s implying. He’ll kill my father.
I’ve always known men in the mob were dangerous but the only one I truly knew was my father and I trusted him until he betrayed me. I can’t fully trust Nikolai to stick to his word. Only time will tell.
He leads me into the hotel and to a large ballroom, already filled with our guests. They all cheer for us as we enter as if they’re happy for us. As if they even know who I am when all know they don’t. This is the power Nikolai wields.
Nikolai pulls me into his arms onto the dance floor. My heart is pounding as I place my hands on his chest. His heartbeat is steady – not a care in the world. I wonder how nice that is.
“You don’t have to be so tense, Irina,” he murmurs into my ear.
The sound of his voice is comforting in a strange way.
He runs his hand down my low back and I find myself leaning into his touch before I can help myself.
“I know we met through unconventional means. But you don’t have to fear me like this. ”
“But I can’t trust you either.”
“Just dance with me right now. Don’t think about anything else.”
I try to push all the fears from my mind but they’re impossible. Even as Nikolai leads me around the dance floor with ease, I can’t relax. Not when I’m in the arms of a stranger.
My breath comes out faster and my head is woozy. I can’t do this. I can’t breathe.
And before I know it, I slump to the floor, all the energy leaving me. Our guests gasp as if they care about me when I’m just as much of a stranger to them as they are to me.
Nikolai kneels down beside me. To his credit, he looks concerned. “Irina?”
I press my head to the floor, trying to breathe but I can’t. I just can’t.
That is… until Nikolai touches my back, running his hand along my spine. Comforting me. Soothing me.
“You’re all right,” he murmurs. “I’ve got you. You don’t have to be afraid.”
“I can’t do this,” I whisper.
“You can. Just stand back up.”
I’m worried that Nikolai will be disappointed in me and what that will lead to so I force myself to suck in a breath and stand on my feet. Nikolai steadies me.
“There,” he says. “Are you all right?”
“No,” I answer honestly.
He doesn’t say another word to that. Instead, he only leads me off the dance floor and to our seats. Our guests move onto the dance floor, helping to diffuse the awkward tension in the air from my panic attack.
“Are those common?” Nikolai asks once we’re seated. “You had a panic attack.”
I stare at him in surprise.
He chuckles. “I know what a panic attack is. I’ve been around enough people when they’re at their most afraid. I know panic when I see it.”
When he’s murdered people, I’m assuming. I’m sitting next to a man who has blood on his hands.
At least, I think so. I don’t know for sure.
“Have you killed anyone?” I whisper.
Nikolai gazes down at me steadily, not an ounce of fear in his eyes. “Would anything change if I said yes? If I said no?”
“I could trust you more if you said you haven’t.”
He nods slowly. “Then I want to say I haven’t. But that would be lying.”
I gasp. “You’re really telling me this?”
“You’re my wife now. If I want you to trust me, then I have to trust you. I have to trust that you won’t run to the police and tell them about me.”
“Would you kill me if I did?”
“I’ll never kill you, Irina. But I would have to punish you for that.”
“Punish me?”
“Don’t tell the police about me and you won’t find out.
But we have to build trust between each other.
This is me taking that first step. I have done what I’ve had to in the past and sometimes that included getting my hands dirty.
That is all. I won’t give you details so don’t ask.
It’s better for you anyway. Think of this as an olive branch. You can begin to trust me too.”
“How can I trust a man like you?”
“I haven’t raped you. I haven’t hurt you. I will give you a good life. Better than your father ever could.”
“But you also forced me to marry you.”
He shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “You were destined to be mine anyway. I just sped up the process.”
I stare down at my plate. The food on it is getting cold but I can’t eat right now. Not when my stomach is in knots.
Nikolai makes a good point. He revealed a huge secret to me that he didn’t have to. One that puts him in danger. Maybe I should trust him. He did save me from being bought at an auction. He didn’t technically buy me.
He’s not a good man but I don’t have any other options. I have to be smart about this.
“Ok,” I finally say. “I’ll try to… trust you.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
The rest of the party goes smoothly. People dance and drink and eat. Nikolai talks to his other guests and I keep to myself. I just want this day to be over and maybe I’ll wake up from my dream eventually.
That is, until Nikolai tells me it’s time to go.
“Go where?” I ask.
“To our suite. I booked us one at this hotel. For our wedding night.”
It’s like a cold bucket of water hits me. Our wedding night. Does that mean…
“I won’t touch you tonight if you don’t want me to,” he says, putting me at ease. “Trust me, Irina. I have no desire to rape you. I want you to come to my arms willingly. But it’s still our wedding night.” His tone speaks to no disagreements.
Nikolai takes my hand in his and leads me out of the room as our guests cheer for us. I even hear a few men murmur about ‘the deflowering.’ So they all know I’m a virgin. They all know that Nikolai is going to steal my innocence away.
Maybe not today but someday. The longer I stay married to him, the better the chance becomes. I’m not sure I can do that. I’m not sure how long I can stay married to him.
Can I get away from Nikolai? Do I even want to?
My brain is full of terrified thoughts as Nikolai takes me upstairs and to our suite. It’s beautiful with white and soft brown decorations. It’s calming. Too bad it can’t calm my beating heart.
Nikolai stands behind me. His presence could never be mistaken for anything other than him. I’ve only known him less than twenty-four hours and I already can sense this.
“I want you to be comfortable tonight,” he says. “So I made sure to get you a nightgown to wear. It’s on the bed.”
The nightgown in question is a silky little number that will barely hide my body. “Nikolai…”
“I’ll take off your dress and then you change into it. No objections. I want to take off my wife’s wedding dress on our wedding night. I won’t touch you but give this to me.”
I inhale sharply, ready to deny him… when I think about this. I need to start to trust or I’m going to lose my mind.
So in this moment, I decide to trust Nikolai and say, “Ok.”