Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Irina
Everything feels like paradise until Nikolai leaves for work and I’m left in the house all alone when my father arrives.
He’s standing outside the door with Nik’s guard, Sergei.
I don’t want to answer the door but he is my father after all. Now that things with Nik are good, maybe I don’t have to be so angry with my dad ever again. I have blood on my hands now. I’m no longer a virgin. My innocence is long gone.
Slowly, I open the door.
“Irina,” Sergei says. “Your dad is here to see you.”
“I can see that. But Nik is at work, so Dad, you should go.”
“I’m not here to see your husband. I’m here to see you.”
My stomach squeezes itself into knots. “See me? Why?”
“Let me in and we can talk.”
My eyes find Sergei. “Let Nik know that my father is here.” With a sigh, I turn back to my dad. “You can come in.” I can’t avoid my father forever and I can’t be angry with him for the rest of my life. I have to learn to forgive him if I want a chance at happiness.
“I’ll let Mr. Volkov know,” Sergei says. “Do you want me inside with you?”
“I’m not a threat to my daughter,” Ivan snaps.
“I’m… good,” I answer. I want to talk to my dad alone. After he steps inside, I shut the door behind him. I’m safe, I remind myself. Sergei is outside and Nik will come home when he finds out my dad is here.
“What do you want?” I ask him.
“A polite hostess offers her guest a drink.”
“You’re not my guest. You came over, uninvited. So what do you want?”
“Can’t a father see his daughter?”
“Not when you sold me off for money.”
“Money I didn’t get, so we’re all even. I’m working for Nikolai now. My debts will be paid off and you got yourself a powerful husband. It all worked out in the end.”
“Except for the fact that you never wanted to marry me off to Nik in the first place since you didn’t want to work for him. What changed?”
“Nik,” he scoffs. “It sounds like you’re getting close with your husband.”
I grit my teeth. “Answer the question.”
“What changed is that I don’t want to die. I get the sense that your husband wants me dead and this is the only way to keep myself alive. So, I’ll put my pride aside and work for him as long as I get paid.”
“Fine. Why else did you come here?”
He scratches his chin, looking around the room. “See, the thing is, Irina… Nikolai is paying me but it’s only going towards my debt. But I need actual money to live. So I was wondering if you could help your father out. Give me some cash. Just to hold me over until my debts are paid off.”
I cross my arms, even though it’s not going to protect me from him. “I think this is something you should talk about with my husband. Not me.”
“But you’re my daughter. Don’t you feel some sort of loyalty to your father? Just give me some cash and then I’ll be on your way.”
I want to say no with everything inside of me but I also want my dad to leave and giving him money might be the best way. But what does that say of me that I would give money to the man who tried to sell me off?
If I want to grow into a mature woman, I have to stand my ground with my dad. I have to be better than him.
“No,” I answer. “You should go. I’m not giving you money. Now, if you had come here to apologize, then maybe I would have considered. But you’ve never apologize for hurting me.”
He frowns. “Apologize? For what?”
I blink, unsure if I heard him right, but when I see my father staring at me with confusion, like he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong, a hot intense flare of anger hits me.
“For selling me off,” I remind him.
“Oh. That. I was just doing what any father would do to get himself out of a tough situation. You’re my daughter. I owned you. It was my right. I did nothing wrong.”
“How can you actually say that to me?” I can only whisper. For some reason, the words are getting caught in my throat.
“Like I said: you’re my daughter. My property. It wasn’t personal, Irina. If I had had another kid, I would have used them too.”
“You actually think coming here and asking me for money after you refuse to apologize to me would work? How delusional are you?” It’s then that it dawns on me: my father isn’t delusional. He’s just a powerful man, used to getting his way. He truly doesn’t see what he did wrong.
But now that I know what a good powerful man looks like in Nikolai, I know just how wrong my father is. Nikolai may have a darkness to him but he’s never used it against me. Not truly. He’s shown through his actions that I can trust him.
My father, on the other hand, has shown me that he’ll never change. That I’ll never be able to trust an ounce of him.
“I am your father. You were my property before Nikolai stole you from me. You should be grateful I haven’t tried to sell you off again. I could take you away from your precious husband right this second.”
“His guard is out front.”
He shrugs. “Easy enough to kill. If you don’t give me the money I deserve, I’ll just have to take drastic action.”
“Then Nik would kill you.”
“Not if I kill him first.”
“Get out!” I scream, finally finding my voice.
But my father only saunters over to me, completely ignoring my wants and wishes.
He doesn’t view me as a person. It’s why he kept me sheltered all my life.
He wanted to use me the first chance he could and if I had had experience, I would have known better.
I would have known I could never trust him.
He grabs my face. “I still own you, Irina. Now, give me the money owed to me and I’ll be on my way. This doesn’t have to end badly.”
“Get out.”
He only tightens his hold on me. “I’ll only go after you give me the money.”
“I said, get out!” I try pushing him off me but he’s not budging. Feeling helpless, I do the first thing that comes to my mind. Behind me is the side table and resting on it is a vase. My hands scramble for it and the next thing I know, it’s in my hands.
And the next thing I know after that is that I’m hitting it against my father’s head.
He stumbles back, finally letting me go. A deep gash is on his forehead. Blood trickles down his face. The stunned expression on his face speaks to the fact that he never expected me to do this.
When he regains his composure, he rushes right at me and acting on instinct, I swing the vase at his head again. Once more, it knocks against his temple and he falters, this time, falling to the floor.
With a scream, I bring the vase down onto his head once more, not even realizing what I’m doing.
He doesn’t get back up.
Breathing heavy, I cling to the vase with all my might, ready to strike again in case he tries hurting me once more.
But my father doesn’t move.
His eyes are open but it’s then that I realize there’s no life left in them. No expression. Nothingness.
With a gasp, I drop the vase and it shatters on the ground, sending glass shards in every direction. I don’t even care about that as I drop to my knees. I have to check my father’s pulse. My fingers shake as I do that and my worst fears come true: he’s dead.
I killed him.
I back away from him on my hands. Pain shoots up my palm but I don’t even notice it. The shock coursing its way through my body is numbing any pain from the glass I would be feeling.
My dad is dead and I’m the reason. I never told Nik to kill him as I didn’t want his blood on my hands and yet, I literally have his blood on my hands. My father is truly gone because of me.
It’s at that moment the front door opens and Nik comes striding inside. He stops when he sees the commotion. Without any hesitation, he rushes to my side.
“Irina? Are you ok? What happened?”
“He’s dead,” I whisper, barely moving my lips. “I…”
Nik nods, understanding without me having to tell him. “Ok. How did it happen?”
“He attacked me and I…” I nod at the broken vase.
“Your hands are bleeding.” He grabs my palms and inspects them. “You have glass in them. You’re hurt. I need to help you before this gets infected.”
“I don’t even care.”
“How can you say that?”
“My dad is dead. I did it. I did the very thing I stopped you from doing and now I… I don’t know how to feel. It’s just… numb.”
“Ok,” he says slowly. “I’ll take care of it. I’ll take care of you. I promise.”
“None of it matters now.”
“How can you say that? It still matters. We still matter. Don’t let this affect you. I’ll take care of you. I made that promise and I’ll keep to it.”
I pull away from Nik. “No. It was a promise you could never keep. Being with you puts me in danger. I… I’m not safe anywhere.” I curl into a ball and rest my head on my knees. Nothing makes sense anymore. I don’t feel a thing.
I can hear Nikolai move and then I feel his arms around me, picking me up bridal style. He doesn’t say a word as he brings me into the bathroom and I don’t offer anything in return. I can’t feel right now. The pain would be too much.
He sets me on the toilet lid and kneels before me, taking care of my hands. He cleans them and picks the glass out. He bandages them up. He’s taking care of me. It’s all I ever wanted from him but right now, I can’t seem to care. I can’t seem to feel.
I killed my father and I’m not sure I’ll ever come back from that.
“I never told you about my own dad,” Nik says. “He’s dead, as I’m sure you figured out. I didn’t kill him with my bare hands but… I was the reason he died.”
With a sharp inhale, I look at him. “What?”
“I hated him for how he treated me. When I saw an opportunity to gain my own power, I took it. The men I began working with agreed to kill my dad so I could come into power so I agreed. He’s dead because of me and you know what?
I only felt guilt for a moment after it happened before I moved on.
It was pointless being hurt over it. I got what I wanted and now, I’m happy with you.
I know your father’s death is going to hurt for a while but in time, you’ll move on and you won’t feel regret.
You’ll realize just how happy and free you’ll feel not being shackled by him a moment longer. ”
“I want to believe you,” I whisper. “But right now…”
“I understand.” And true to his word, Nik pulls me into his arms, resting his forehead against mine, to keep me safe. To take my pain away.
And to pull me into the darkness with him even more.