Chapter 22
Natalia
I sit with Harrison’s arm around me and try to be happy, but part of me is unable to fully relax.
He has no idea what I’m planning, but I still have to get justice for my parents.
That means I have to find out who in the FBI’s management decided to look away for eight whole months since they knew the info about who betrayed my stepfather and mother.
I haven’t spoken to Fogarty about it because, to put it plainly, I don’t trust him.
I don’t trust anyone in the FBI anymore. How can I when I know that there are people there who engineered my stepfather’s death? When the ones who knew about it later did nothing, because ‘there are bigger fish to fry’ as the saying goes.
Well, my stepfather and mother fried. Now, I want their killers to be brought to justice.
I realize there are two avenues open to me: I can go to the FBI and push them for some kind of action or see what they are planning to do. That might satisfy me if I feel they are truly serious about justice for one of their own and their family member.
I can also go to the press and let them know how corrupt the New York division of the FBI really is. Vincent wanted to write my memoir and is well-connected to the news media. I bet I could get him to tell the story.
Yes, there are bigger fish to fry than the two men who carried out the plan to kill my parents. It is a long-term goal to get those bigger fish, but these two men are killers.
They should go to prison for life.
Why can’t the FBI find some legitimate reason to at least put them in jail until real justice can be achieved? If I knew they were both in custody and would stay there until the real reckoning, I would be satisfied.
If I knew they would truly see justice along with the big cheeses who gave the orders.
I know the higher-ups in the FBI are good, decent men and women who are just doing a very hard job in a tough world. My stepfather was one of them.
But they have to act!
They have to do something…
Maybe if I go to Fogarty, or someone else in the FBI, and tell them what I know and demand to learn what their plans are for the case, I might feel some relief, but I just don’t know what to do.
Harrison, for now, feels satisfied with what’s happening, but I sit beside him and stew.
What should I do?
If I go to the press, if I do tell Vincent, I know I’ll be seen as a wild card who can’t be trusted from then on. In the FBI, I’ll be seen as the enemy, and I’ll never get a job with them in forensic psychiatry, working to convict offenders.
I turn to Harrison, determined to ask him what he thinks. He’s my soul mate, the one man who understands what I’ve gone through and am going through.
We’re two peas in a pod, as Gramps would say.
“Harrison, we have to talk.”
I spend the next half hour going over everything, all my evidence, all my doubts, all my desires, and I wait for him to speak. He pulls me into his arms and just holds me, and I find myself overcome with emotion, my eyes brimming. I get hold of myself and wipe my eyes before he can see them.
“Natalia, my love, I’m so sorry for everything,” he says and kisses me.
“I know this is so hard. I feel exactly the way you feel, part of me betrayed by the FBI and part of me also knowing that it’s the only way to go.
I can’t keep going outside the law, no matter how wronged I feel I’ve been.
I have to trust the system. I do trust it, in the long run.
Mistakes can be made; a few bad apples can exist without corrupting the whole barrel.
We have to trust them. We have to break the cycle of operating outside of the law that our families accepted too easily.
Besides, we’re going to be a family. I want all this to be over, and for both of us to be safe and living as normal a life as we can so we will be the kind of parents we want to be. ”
I nod and wipe my eyes, which stubbornly refuse to dry up. “I know, I know. You’re right. It’s just so frustrating. I want justice now, not in a year or five.”
But he’s right, and I realize it now. Yes, the baby makes everything different.
If I weren’t pregnant, if I didn’t care about working for law enforcement to put criminals away, I could go to the press and reveal what I know, forcing them to act sooner rather than later.
Instead, I’m going to be a mother. Harrison is going to be the father of my child.
I want us to have a real home for our child – our children, if we are lucky enough to have several.
He kisses me and smiles as he wipes my cheeks with a finger.
“I’m just as impatient as you are, but you know it’s the right thing to do – for all of us.
” He pats my belly with affection. “Call Fogarty once the operation is over and we’re both free once more.
Sit down with someone in the FBI and go over what you know.
They care about their own Agents and are probably working to bring those responsible to justice.
We just can’t always know the details or timeline. ”
I nod, knowing in my gut that he’s right, but it is so hard…
“Okay,” I say and force a smile. “I’ll be a good girl and obey. But I’m still mad about how long it’s taking.”
I let him put his arms around me, determined to wait it out with him. One day, this will all be behind us, and we will be living on Fire Island, raising our child and taking walks along the beach.
Together, we can see this through.
The next week is so boring that both Harrison and I are almost at our wits’ end.
I take a week off after Fogarty tells me that it will be enough. Someone in the FBI speaks with the head of the medical department and gets me some kind of special dispensation so I can take yet another week away from my current rotation.
When the week is almost up, on Friday morning, Harrison and I make a trip out to the cemetery.
He wants to visit the graves of his father and brothers.
Afterwards, we’ll travel to the graveyard where my mother and stepfather are buried and visit them for a while.
Then, I want to make a special stop at Sherri’s grave.
I want her to know that for now, some kind of justice has been meted out.
Hopefully, it’s a way to ensure we stick to the plan and let the FBI do its job.
It feels so nice to be finally free after almost seven days of near captivity in our apartment.
Just being outside feels great, and I want most of all to walk through Central Park and sit by the lake and absorb the late-afternoon sunlight before it completely disappears.
We take Harrison’s SUV and drive to the cemetery where his family is buried, and for half an hour, we walk through the graves, stopping to pay our respects to those in his family who were buried years and decades earlier.
Almost everyone is in this particular graveyard.
Finally, we arrive at the new graves, one for Liam and one for Ronan.
Ethan was supposedly brought back to New York and buried in the grave so he could be reunited with his family, but of course, I know he was always here.
Harrison stands at the base of Liam’s grave, and I know his younger brother’s death hits the hardest. It’s the one he feels most responsible for, although he also feels guilt over Ethan’s death.
“If I could have started earlier, maybe all three would be alive, but I was so stubborn, thinking I could just ignore things and be happy with my own personal success.”
“It’s not your fault, Harrison,” I say and squeeze his arm as I stand beside him.
“They were adults who made their own choices. They were bad choices, but there comes a time when people have to take responsibility for themselves and their mistakes. You did what you could when you knew, and that’s what counts. ”
He shakes his head, and I know that no matter what I say, he will always feel guilty for Liam. They grew up together, and as his older brother, Harrison felt responsible for his care.
We leave the cemetery and drive to the one where my mother is buried and where Sherri is as well. It’s not in my family’s plot in Brooklyn. She’s interred with my stepfather, who is buried in his own family’s plot nearby.
I stop at Sherri’s grave and leave a rose, hoping that if she’s watching from above, she knows I tried to get her killer justice.
Afterward, we go back to the apartment and have the rest of the weekend before we have to return to work on the following Monday.
“What do you say we take the ferry out to Fire Island and spend the weekend there? One last couple of days before it’s back to work?”
The idea sounds wonderful, and I smile and slip my arms around his neck. “Sounds perfect. Can you get hold of John and see if the cottage by the water is available on such short notice?”
“I think he’ll probably be only too happy to rent it to us, considering it’s off-season.”
“Good,” I say and kiss him, then stand in his warm embrace, letting all the cares of the past few months melt away.
I pack my bags, and before I’m finished, Harrison comes in and sighs. “The cabin we got before is being renovated, but John has another one, a bit more remote, that we can have for the weekend.”
“That’s fine. As long as the ocean is outside our door, I’ll be happy.”
“Good. It’s all settled.”
I smile and close up my suitcase, glad that we can escape everything for a few days before we return to reality.
We drive to the ferry that takes people to Fire Island’s more remote area and then take a pedicab to the cottage by the water. It’s so wonderful to be back, and I can’t wait to unpack and then go for a walk along the shore before the sun sets.
We walk hand in hand along the beach, the roar of the waves, the cry of the gulls circling overhead. It could almost make me forget the worst things that both of us have been through since we met.
Almost.
“This is nice,” Harrison says when we arrive back at the cottage, and he lights the fireplace. “We could make s’mores and watch the game if you want.”
I nod and go to the kitchen. We picked up some groceries on our way to the cottage, and I took out the ingredients for some Thai Yellow Curry and rice that I planned on making for a late supper.
The cottage is nice, larger than the one we had before, and most of all is a great view of the shore, the surf and the sky beyond. In the living room, off to one side, is a baby grand piano — something that neither of us expected.
I wonder, when I see it, whether Harrison will actually sit down and play.
It’s something he’s avoided since Liam died, and I know it will hurt to actually play the music he knows, since both he and Liam took lessons together. It will remind him of a time before their life was shattered and both were sent to foster care, and then Harrison was sent to juvenile detention.
He’s standing beside the piano, softly touching the keys. It’s one thing he hasn’t really done since I met him, except for that one time he played for me when we were first together.
He usually avoids the piano, as if playing it is too painful. I go to him and stand beside him, stroking his back. “Play something for me.”
He takes in a deep breath and sits down, like he’s been planning to but needed the extra push to actually do it.
“What should I play?”
I stand closer and think back to the time when I first heard him play and how entranced I was.
There he was — a beautiful, handsome, brave, strong man who played the piano by ear, and yet couldn’t bring himself to play one particular song.
“Play your favourite piece,” I say softly, wondering whether he’s more able to play now than he was when I first met him.
He smiles to himself and then places his hands on the keys. After a moment, his eyes close as if he’s listening to the music in his head, and he starts.
Clair de lune…
The end of Part Four.
Part Five, Empire, will be out in early 2027!