5
The next morning as she and Babe drove across town to the doctor’s office Harper did her best to hold her tongue. She hadn’t slept well the night before, and Babe’s helpful suggestions were getting on her last nerve.
“You’ll want to start eating plenty of whole grains and broccoli and leafy greens. Oh, and Greek yogurt. The article said it has twice as much protein as the regular kind. It helps the baby to develop a healthy skeleton. Salmon is also excellent for his bones and teeth. I’ll get you some recipes.”
It wasn’t as if Babe had been the perfect mother. Harper closed her eyes and tried to tune the other woman out, hoping her silence would speak louder than words. But there was no stopping Babe when she was on a mission. Overseeing Harper’s diet seemed to be her latest calling.
She drew in a breath and mentally recited her affirmations.
I am strong. I am capable. I am kind.
Breathe in, breathe out.
“And you want to avoid anything containing unpasteurized milk. Those products can lead to food borne illnesses. Cottage cheese is fine, and some mozzarella, but for heaven’s sakes stay away from pizza. Especially greasy pizza like Gigi’s.”
Harper whirled to face her, open mouthed. What gave Babe the right to judge her? Babe, who had existed on diet pills and coffee for as long as Harper could remember.
“You were you spying on me, Babe?”
Babe feigned innocence. “Spying on you?”
“At the festival on Saturday night. When I had a slice of Gigi’s pizza?”
“Well, of course I wasn’t spying on you, sweetie. Jerry and I just happened to be at the festival and there you were. Eating pizza. With that carnival worker. And then he showed up in church yesterday. I just hope you know what you’re doing, that’s all.”
“I’m not doing anything, and what if I were?”
“You’re right. It’s nobody’s business but your own. Just be careful, sweetie.” Babe pressed the brake pedal and steered her car into the office complex. “Anyway, the article was fascinating. I had no idea how food can impact a baby’s growth. I’ll screenshot it for you.”
“Babe, I’d like it if you could just let me—”
“Well, will you look at that, a parking spot right in front of the clinic. What are the odds of that?”
They entered the office building and took the elevator to the third floor without speaking. In Dr. Minford’s reception area, Harper signed in with the secretary and then headed to the waiting room and chose a seat beside a pregnant woman with a small daughter, leaving Babe to take a seat in one of the empty chairs opposite. Opening a magazine, she flipped through it, pretending to be engrossed in articles about breast pumps and something called baby led weaning.
Dr. Minford was running late, as usual. Losing interest in the magazine, she set it aside with a sigh. She noticed the little girl staring at her. She normally didn’t interact with the other people in the waiting room, her situation being different from most of theirs, but the child was adorable with white-blonde curls and big blue eyes, and Harper couldn’t help smiling at her. “Hello,” she said.
The little girl smiled back. “Hi.”
“What’s your name?”
“Sophie. Are you having a baby?”
“Yes, I am.”
“We’re having a baby, too.”
“How nice.”
“I’m having a brother. He’s gonna be called Darius but I’m gonna call him Baby D. I’m going to help mommy feed him and change his clothes and give him his baths and everything, aren’t I, Mommy?”
The woman looked up from her phone. “That’s right, baby doll. You’ll be an amazing big sister.”
Looking pleased, Sophie gently caressed the bulge beneath her mother’s shirt. “I love you, Baby D,” she whispered.
Harper turned away, remembering with a hot flash of regret the last days she’d spent with her own mother and wishing for the millionth time she could have those days back. As the months of her mother’s pregnancy slowly passed, the initial happiness Harper felt over having a baby brother gave way to extreme jealousy. She felt betrayed when her father set up the little white crib next to his and Mom’s bed, and doubly so as her mother began to stockpile things like diapers, baby wipes, and little blue onesies.
Look what I picked up for our little man today! Isn’t the baby lion just the cutest?
I don’t like it. Its mouth looks weird.
Then the next time you can go shopping with me and pick him out something you like. You’ll be such a big help with the baby, Harper. Mommy’s counting on you.
But she didn’t want to be counted on. She wanted to stay her mother’s baby, her daddy’s princess. She wanted to stay at the center of their worlds. She’d been sassy that last week, obstinate. Refusing her favorite chocolate chip pancakes and the bedtime stories she loved.
On the morning Nicky was born her father woke her from a sound sleep and told her that Aunt Clara had arrived and that her mother and he were heading to the hospital.
Come on down stairs and give Mommy a kiss goodbye.
Instead, she locked herself in her room, pressing her hands over her ears when she heard her mother call up the stairs, knowing that when her parents returned, everything would be ruined. She stubbornly held her ground, no way of knowing that in twelve hours the change in her life would be utter and irrevocable. The childish decision not to kiss her mother goodbye was one that Harper would have to live with for the rest of her life.
Finally, Dr. Minford’s nurse, Morgan Fosdick, called Harper’s name.
Babe stood.
“It won’t be necessary for you to come in Mrs. Wayland,” Morgan said cheerfully. “It’ll just be a regular prenatal checkup today.”
“But we’re scheduled for an ultrasound,” Babe said.
“Make that, you were scheduled. The doctor was called out for an emergency C-section twenty minutes ago.”
“Well for goodness sakes.” Babe reclaimed her seat, obvious irritation behind her tight smile. “All right, then. But we’ll want to be sure and reschedule the ultrasound before we leave today.”
“Of course.”
Harper followed Morgan into a hallway, breathing a sigh of relief when the outer door closed behind them.
“Let’s get your weight, honey.” Harper stepped on the scales and Morgan checked the screen. “Looks like one?hundred?thirty?one today.”
“I gained another three pounds this month.”
“It’s normal.”
“Ugh. Babe informed me I need to stay away from pizza. Maybe for once she’s right.”
Smiling, Morgan ushered her into an exam room. When Harper was seated, the nurse checked her blood pressure. “Your BP’s good.” She made a note in Harper’s chart. “Any spotting or bleeding this month?”
“None.”
“Beautiful.” She made another note. “How are you feeling, overall? Still having the morning sickness?”
“Not at all. I feel good. Physically.”
Morgan looked up from her notes. “And emotionally?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Most days I feel like I’m on a merry?go?round. Up one minute and down the next. I’m all over the place.”
“That’s normal, too. There are a lot of changes going on inside of you. You’re making a baby, and that’s a big job! Try to get plenty of sleep. And I’ll give you some materials on ways to de-stress.”
“Can you give me some materials on how to make Babe stop driving me crazy?”
Morgan gave her a sympathetic smile.
Harper sighed. “You get pregnant and suddenly everyone’s an expert on your life.”
“I get it. But you must do what’s right for you.” After a brief pause, she said, “There would be absolutely nothing wrong with you deciding on adoption, Harper. Especially given the circumstances. But if you decide to keep the baby, there are a lot of resources available to single mothers through the county. You have choices, and they are one?hundred per cent your choices. You want to carefully consider all your options without letting anyone pressure you either way.”
Morgan’s words, meant to reassure her, had the opposite effect. She took a breath, fighting a rising sense of panic. She hadn’t allowed herself to think beyond the next day, or even the next moment, where the baby was concerned. But soon she would have to.
“There’s plenty of time. Just leave your options open for a while. We women have been known to change our minds a time or two.” Morgan patted her knee. “Now, have you got any questions for me?”
“Last month Dr. Minford said the baby was the size of a plum. I was just wondering…”
“How big it is now?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Well, at seventeen weeks your baby has graduated to the size of an avocado.”
“An avocado? Then why do I look as though I swallowed a cantaloupe?”
Morgan laughed. “The extra padding is your body’s way of protecting the baby. There’s a lot going on in there right now. There are tiny bones developing in its ears and by now it can recognize the sound of your voice.”
“Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. The baby is also starting to grow eyelashes and eyebrows now, and its taste buds are forming. It’s getting stronger, too. By now you’re probably starting to feel baby kicks, little flutters.”
Harper’s hand went to her stomach. “Is that what that is?”
“M?hmm.”
“And here I thought…” Thought it was just a physical reaction to a good-looking man.
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“We should be able to find a heartbeat today. Dr. Minford would like me to try, to make sure the fetus is growing healthy. Is that all right?”
Harper hesitated. A heartbeat would make it real. “I guess so,” she whispered.
Morgan retrieved a tube of gel and a hand-held device from a drawer, explaining, “This is called a Doppler. It’s an external fetal heart monitor, so we can hear what’s going on in there. Just a heads up, the gel is cold.”
Harper winced at the shock of the icy cold gel as Morgan worked it across her tummy. Up until now, that there was a child growing inside her had been an abstract idea. Something to think about later. Hearing an actual heartbeat would make it real. Was she ready for that?
Morgan began to move the device around Harper’s stomach. After several moments, the Doppler picked up the sound of a tiny drumbeat and Harper’s world stood still. The sound represented a million hopes and dreams she’d though dead and buried. Tears sprang to her eyes and Morgan handed her a tissue.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.”
“You’re crying because this is a very emotional moment. A sacred moment.”
“Does it sound OK? The heartbeat?”
“It’s the most beautiful sound in the world.” She held the Doppler steady for a few long moments before turning it off. “One?hundred?fifty-two beats per minute. Now don’t hold me to this, but I’m pretty sure that’s a little girl in there.”
A little girl.
Her breath caught. “Really? How can you tell?”
“Some would say it’s an old wives’ tale, but I firmly believe a baby girl’s heart beats faster than a baby boy’s. In any case, I haven’t been wrong yet.”
Harper’s hand unconsciously cradled the bulge. A little girl.
“I’m sure the doctor will want to get you back in for an ultrasound next week, and then we’ll know for sure. If you want to know, that is.”
A little girl…
Back out in the waiting room, Babe pounced on her. “How did it go? Tell me everything, every single thing the nurse said.”
“She said the baby is the size of an avocado. And my blood pressure is good.”
“Do you know what its gender is?”
She hesitated. “No.”
“I’m just dying to know,” Babe pouted. “I want to buy it some clothes and toys, oh, and a crib mobile. Have you decided on a nursery theme yet?”
“I haven’t decided anything yet, Babe.”
In the car, Babe reapplied her lipstick, blotted it with a tissue, and shoved it in her purse. “I know you have a lot to think through right now, Harper, about the baby and, well, everything. If you decide you can’t do it, what with the food truck and poor Clara and all, well, my offer stands. Jerry and I have plenty of money. We could easily adopt the baby if you need us to.”
“Babe.”
“Just think about it, that’s all I’m saying.”
She didn’t have to think about it. She knew Babe’s track record, had witnessed it first-hand. Jerry Wayland was Babe’s fourth husband, and like the previous three, the marriage probably wouldn’t last a year. And besides…
“But in any case, I’ll be here to help you out with it every step of the way. It’ll be fun!”
Fun, Harper thought, until the novelty wore off. Until things got hard and messy and inconvenient. And then Babe would start making excuses, making her exit from the baby’s life. Just as she had with Ashley.
“Anyway, give some thought to what I said about the diet. We want our baby to get off to the very best start.”
Not our baby. Mine.
The thought struck Harper with a shocking vehemence. She turned the words over in her mind again, savoring the sweetness of them, filled with wonder at how right they suddenly sounded.
My baby.
My little girl.