14
Over the last few months, Harper had returned to that moment too many times to count. That moment of heartache when she’d whispered a promise that would become a paving stone in the road that led to where she was now. She returned to it again, to try and explain to Dalton the beautiful mess her life had become.
“My friend Ashley and I used to tell people we were sisters,” she began. “And we were, in all the ways that mattered. We’d been friends all our lives. I was the practical one and she was the romantic. Growing up with a mother like Babe, Ash was a free spirit, but she was also starved for stability. That was one of the reasons she loved Aunt Clara so much; Clara made sure our hair was washed and our homework was done. She baked cookies. We had clean clothes to wear and a homemade meal on the table every night. Ashley never got any of that at home.
“She was obsessed with the idea of big, happy families who sat around perfect dinner tables every night, with moms who took the kids to scouts and had coloring book pages taped to the fridge. She was determined to someday have that family, to be that mother. She was convinced that’s how her life would be.”
She picked a piece of lint from her dress, searching for the right words.
“Then when we were fourteen years old, Ashley got hit by a car. Her pelvis was crushed. Her uterus was ruptured, damaged beyond repair. The only way to save her life was to destroy her dream. An emergency hysterectomy among other things.”
Dalton winced.
“When Ashley came out of surgery and found out about the hysterectomy, it tore her apart.”
An image rose before Harper’s eyes, Ashley’s beautiful face twisted in pain.
“I can’t have kids now, Harper. Not ever.”
“Yes, you can, Ash. You can adopt one.”
“It won’t be the same.”
“That doesn’t mean it won’t be good.”
“It’ll be just like that movie we saw. The lady adopted a baby girl and put her whole life into raising her, and then the girl grew up and went looking for her birth mother.” A flood of tears soaked her face. ““I wanted to birth my own babies. And now I never will.”
“Then I’ll birth two. And I’ll give you one of mine…”
“I’d never planned to have children because of what happened to my mother, with Nicky. But I would have done anything, said anything to take that pain from Ashley. At fourteen, having a kid seemed like something a lifetime away.”
Dalton’s hand, warm and gentle, reached for hers.
“Ashley recovered and the years rolled past. We played sports and went to proms and graduated from high school. All the usual things. We got jobs at the diner. We’d been working there for about a year when we met Bo. We were eighteen by then and Bo was twenty-three. He’d moved here from Port Arthur, a couple towns away, when he got a job as a cook in the diner where we worked. The three of us hit it off right away. He was cute and funny, and Ashley and I had never met anyone like him. After work we’d hang out together, the three of us.
“After a while, Ashley and Bo started hanging out without me. It stung me because I loved Bo. I always had, but I understood. Growing up in foster care, he was as invested in the big family dream as she was, so it made sense that he would choose her over me. They dated for about five years. Eventually Ashley and I bought the food truck, and Bo helped us out with some of the money. By then he’d gotten a job as a chef in one of the upscale restaurants in town and had no interest in running a food truck, so he stayed a silent partner. And I was fine with that, fine with them . And then something stupid happened.” She gazed up at the clouds for a moment, and then into her lap.
“Bo and Ashley had what you’d call a complicated relationship. They fought all the time. One day they had a huge blowup, and she decided to call it quits. Bo called me that night, crying, and asked me to come by his apartment to talk. He wanted me to help him understand, since I knew her better than anyone. When I got there, I could tell he’d been drinking. He opened another bottle of wine and we talked. He said couldn’t believe he’d never seen how beautiful I was. He laid it on as thick as peanut butter, and I swallowed every bite. If Ashley didn’t want him anymore, then I sure did. He kept pouring wine. Pouring on the compliments. I’m not a drinker, and I wasn’t used to that kind of flattery and both things went to my head. He started kissing me and before I knew it, it was morning, and I was waking up next to him.”
Dalton put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed.
“I knew better than that. I was so ashamed of myself. And he seemed ashamed too. I begged God to forgive me, and I tried to forgive myself. Bo and I never talked about that night, and within a week he and Ashley were back together. I struggled for a few weeks with whether to tell her what we’d done. But by then I had a bigger problem.” She patted her tummy. “I went to Bo and told him I was pregnant. He asked me to let him be the one to tell Ashley. The next day we all met to talk. I thought Ash would give me the tongue lashing I deserved, I thought I would lose my soul sister, but she hugged me instead. She asked me to let her and Bo raise the baby. She reminded me of the promise I’d made and said this was her chance to be a mother. Ashley was happier than I’d ever seen her, and that I could make her dream come true, well, that made the sacrifice seem worth it.
“I didn’t think I was ready for a baby, and they were so desperate. It seemed like the best course of action, so I agreed to the plan.” She fell silent for a long moment. “I didn’t catch on until later, and I didn’t want it to be true, but I know it is. Ashley wasn’t mad at me because she and Bo had planned the whole thing.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. She was my best friend, but she was also Babe’s daughter. She’d learned to stop at nothing to get what she wanted.”
Dalton rested his forehead on his hand and shook his head.
She was quiet for another moment, and then continued. “Ashley and Bo wanted to get married right away. They wanted a quiet, simple ceremony. Of course, Babe took over and started planning the wedding of the century. She wanted Ashley to have all the bells and whistles, but Ash didn’t want that at all. One day Babe and Ashley got in a huge fight over the wedding flowers, of all things. Ashley wanted daisies and Babe said that would be tacky and insisted they get roses instead. The next night Ashley and Bo flew to Las Vegas and got married.”
A memory she’d suppressed fought its way forward. It caused her throat to ache, and her eyes to burn. A giddy, late-night drive to the airport. Hugs and kisses and happy tears. A radiant Ashley waving goodbye as she and Bo headed toward the terminal, their whole, married lives ahead of them. Their whole married life, which turned out to be precisely four days.
She drew a sharp, painful breath. “They never came back. Their return flight crashed an hour after takeoff. There were no survivors.”
“Good Lord.”
“Losing Ashley and Bo just about destroyed me. I didn’t want to go on. Some days I still don’t. But then I think of Clara and Nicky, and the baby, so many people counting on me and I know I’ve got to try. No one except Nicky knows who my baby’s father is and I’d like to keep it that way. To preserve Bo’s reputation around town.”
“No one except Nicky knows?”
“Babe knows, too. She knew all of it. She was ecstatic at the thought of being a grandmother. “
He blew out his breath. “That explains a few things.”
“I’m afraid Babe won’t let this go without a fight. She’s tried from the start to convince me to let her adopt the baby, giving me a million reasons: my struggling catering business, Aunt Clara’s cognitive decline. I started to think maybe she was right. But then I heard the baby’s heartbeat and I…I just can’t give her up. But I’m afraid Babe might try to find some legal loophole; try to prove I’m not fit. I wouldn’t put it past her to do something like that. She gets what she wants.”
“Why, though? She doesn’t strike me as the maternal type.”
“She’s not, believe me. But I think losing Ashley changed her. I think she sees this baby as a second chance to be a mother, to do it right this time. Or maybe it’s about all the attention having a new baby would give her. Who knows? It’s hard to tell with Babe.”
“She doesn’t have any legal standing in the matter. It’ll be all right.”
“I don’t know if it will be, Dalton. I don’t know anything anymore. I prayed so hard about it, and I was so sure letting Ashley be the baby’s mother was the right thing to do. I thought it would all be OK. And now look where I am. How could God let this happen to me?”
“That was a question I asked myself many times in the past year. But you know God didn’t take Ashley’s life to punish you, any more than he took Tasha’s life to punish me.” He paused, then added softly, “Something happened while I was in Cleveland.” He told her about the cemetery, the father cardinal caring for its young. “God filled my heart with peace that day. With forgiveness. And after all this time, I finally get it about His love, His sacrifice of his Son. For us, Harper. Because He loves us. And now I hold on to the hope that He has a plan. That He’ll take all this ugliness and somehow make something beautiful out of it.”
She placed her hand on her bulging tummy. “Maybe He already has.”
“I’ll help you in any way I can, Harper. In any way you want me to.” He traced his fingers along her cheek. “Because in all this crazy mess, there’s only one thing I am sure of. I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you.”
For a moment, the words stopped her heart, and then it sang with joy. The relief of letting go of her secrets and her fears and trusting him with the truth filled her soul. Her new truth was unfathomable, but sometimes life was unfathomable. She loved him, this beautiful, broken man.
And he loved her.
And from this point forward, they would walk life’s road together. There would be no more secrets between them and no more fear.