CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Payton’s lips brushed my ear. “Luv, are you awake?”
I blinked, squinting at the sun shining through the thin, flimsy fabric of the tent’s roof. “Turn it off.”
Hands stopped me when I tried to roll over and bury my face in the scratchy fibers of the wool blankets we folded to act as pillows—or a spare blanket if needed.
Brock had parroted around the word “multipurpose” so much this past week that I half wondered if he’d tattooed the creed on his person somewhere. Of course, I’d dismissed the thought immediately. After all, I’d explored every delicious inch of his sculpted, muscular body.
“Yes?” I questioned after failing to fight off the steel band around my midsection.
“Are you okay?”
Apart from being sexually frustrated from picturing all the ways I’d enjoyed “exploring” Brock?
“I’m fine.”
“No headache? Are you thirsty? Do you need some aspirin? Are you sensitive to light?”
Sensing I wouldn’t get to return to the land of dreams, I cleared my throat, focusing on the face hovering above me. “No more than usual, and no, thank you.”
He flashed an uncharacteristically sheepish smile before setting aside the single packet of emergency aspirin we all carried in our packs. “Sorry for bombarding you with questions, but Bryce told us you drank some of that alcohol Aleks found. You became inebriated quite quickly, so Dr. Scott left me a list of concerns to run through when you woke.”
I sat up, accepting his canteen and taking a mouthful after verifying that it was water. He also handed me a breakfast bar, which I wolfed down right away. “Sorry, I guess I was hungry.”
“Dr. Scott said that was to be expected.”
When Duane was mentioned a second time, I paused and tuned into the camp’s silence. “Wait, where is everyone?”
“They gave themselves a mission to procure a large tub and buckets from the village. I believe it is their intention to lug said basin back here, heat some water on the fire, and put together a bath for you if you want it.”
“Why would they do that when it’s so fun to jump in the icy brook?” I pulled the blankets up around my cheeks, knowing he’d understand my sarcasm. Just the thought of the polar plunge that constituted our cleansing routine every other day sent shivers racing along my skin.
Payton flashed his enigmatic smile. “Sure, I suppose there is a certain je ne sais quoi about freezing to death while trying to maintain personal hygiene.”
I reciprocated his amusement, though it snuffed out when his expression turned decidedly serious.
“Callie, what do you recall from last night?”
“Oh.” I paused because I hadn’t thought about it. “Well, besides the rakija and drinking the rakija, I remember talking to the twins and—” My cheeks burned red. Skipping over the compromising position Payton had caught us in, I continued. “How I ended up in your tent is a mystery though.”
He seemed pleased with my assessment. “You didn’t miss much then. The twins hadn’t entered the clearing before you passed out. I carried you back here.”
I nodded and sat up, feeling the heavy tension in the air, indicating an impending discussion.
“Oh, is this the breakup speech?” a cold voice prodded, and I visibly flinched at the unexpected intrusion, hurt by both the new presence and his words.
“Are you alright, luv?”
“Look at him, calling you pet names. He doesn’t even like you,” Ivanov drawled, sitting with one arm propped across a knee on the far side of the tent. “This is him, correct? The one who won’t sleep with you?”
Since we’d been roughing it in the mountains, Ivanov hadn’t haunted my existence once. I’d hoped my mind had healed from whatever trauma caused me to torment myself.
“I-I’m fine. There’s a chill in the air today.”
Payton’s jade eyes drilled into me. “Well, you’re half right. It is chilly.”
The sun mocked me on the other side of the tent material. That explained its blinding brightness. It was too glaringly cheery for it to still be early. “What time is it?”
He checked his watch. “About two in the afternoon.”
“Oh, that’s why the others are gone.”
“That,” he agreed, “and to give us some privacy.”
Ivanov’s derisive laughter blotted out the radiant day. “Oh, I am going to enjoy this.”
“W-What for?” I asked, unable to hide the tremble in my words.
Payton leaned forward, cupping my hands in his lap. “Nothing bad, I promise.”
“That’s what they all say. Men have silver tongues when they want one thing.”
“Are you sure?”
He laughed at my prodding. “Yes, luv. I’m sure.”
Squaring my shoulders and doing my best to ignore the negativity of Ivanov’s ghost, I scrambled to guess what Payton would need everyone gone to discuss. It obviously had something to do with last night, otherwise, I would have woken alone in my tent, business as usual.
A flicker of my curiosity flared to life in my sluggish brain, and my heart sped up a notch.
I licked my lips. “What did Jace mean when he implied you were worried you’d corrupt me? Everyone knew the second Corbin and I shared our virginities with each other, as awkward as that was, so Jace couldn’t have been referencing that.”
His brows rose. “Jace was correct, and to some degree, Paride as well. We do often underestimate you and try to protect you based on our insights into what we assume you can handle. You’re brilliantly perceptive.”
“Are you purposely avoiding an answer?”
He caught himself, surprised. “Perhaps. I hadn’t considered how difficult it would be to broach this topic.”
“Payton” —I placed my hand atop his— “it’s just me. I won’t judge you.”
He nodded. “Callie, for most of my childhood, I felt adrift and out of control. My father was never in the picture, forcing my mother to raise my brother and me alone. She worked several jobs, and if it wasn’t for Nan, I probably would have rebelled against such a lack of attention as a young boy in school.”
“You don’t mention your brother often,” I murmured, not wanting to interrupt his story.
“We weren’t and aren’t very close. He was jealous that Nan gave me so much more care as the younger child. I think that drove a wedge between us which turned into sporadic communications as adults. Eventually, even the birthday phone call and Merry Christmas text died out as well.” He messed with the sleeves of his coat, probably wishing he had access to his shirt or waistcoat so he could straighten them.
“Is that why you went into psychology? You were seeking answers to what went wrong?”
Both sides of his mouth tilted up. “Yes, I suppose so. My brother’s lack of affection toward me was a problem I needed to solve, so I enrolled and got my master’s. When I realized there weren’t any answers waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, I sought meaningful connections elsewhere, though I still control as much of any interaction I have as possible. Perhaps it’s my personality, but it might also be my subconscious hope that I can make my relationships better than the one my brother and I shared by driving the narrative.”
“So you direct our interactions to protect yourself and try to avoid the pitfalls you fell into with your brother?”
“Exactly, luv.”
I digested that piece of information, assimilating it with my understanding of the man.
He cleared his throat. “Since we have a finite amount of time before the others return, I don’t want to wait for you to connect the dots, because while you’re extraordinarily perceptive with people’s motivations, you fall behind on sexual matters.”
My cheeks burned, and he inched closer to cup them. Thank goodness Ivanov had vanished at some point, driven away by the lack of devastation and pain when it became clear that Payton would not break up with me.
“I don’t mean that in a negative way. Several, if not all of us, find that to be one of your most endearing qualities, in fact. We like seeing you grow into yourself.” Noting that his words mollified me, he continued, “In school, they taught us that a good foundation has to be built before engaging in sexual relations for a couple to survive.”
Light dawned for me, and pieces of the puzzle began slotting into place at an accelerated rate. Still, I waited, allowing him to voice what he’d set out to say.
“That always stuck out in my head as a goal. To the day she died, my mother never talked about my biological father. It wasn’t healthy. I didn’t want a broken household, so I studied articles about relationships, trying to uncover the secret to making the perfect marriage.”
“That’s why you wanted to wait.”
“Exactly. There’s a set amount of time that research suggests waiting before taking that next step, so to speak, and I planned to do everything by the books when I met that special someone, but then you came along.” He smiled, as if recalling the moment we met. “You blew each plan I had out of the water. Every single article, every piece of research, says that our arrangement shouldn’t work, but it does, and I thought that I could ensure we stayed together if I put enough work into our foundation, but there aren’t any guidelines for a nonuple.”
I blinked. “Nonuple?”
“A relationship of nine.”
“You have done your homework.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Yes, I wanted us to work.”
“So that’s why you turned me down repeatedly.”
“As difficult as you made it at times, yes. That was my driving force.”
I smiled. “I guess I can forgive you.”
“Forgive me? Luv, I was investing in us.”
“Sure, I understand now, but it doesn’t change the fact that you made me doubt your sincerity about being together.”
He pulled me against his chest. “Never doubt that, Callie. I was so afraid of losing you that I nearly did anyway.” He tucked my hair back. “Now, my worry about corrupting you stemmed from my need for control, something that seeped into my love life.”
My head canted to the side. “Is that like the daddy dom stuff that Duane sometimes likes to play?”
Payton choked, and spots of color blossomed high on his cheekbones, mesmerizing me. “E-Excuse me?” He swore, low and colorful, when he caught the twinkle in my eye and realized I’d asked the question to shake him up. “That was very naughty, luv.”
A hard glint entered his jade green eyes, and my body clenched, recognizing the game we were playing. Sure, Duane might wind me up by tossing out some “good girls,” but I could definitely draw on the similarities. “Have I?”
“Mm. Yes, I think you have. Do something for me, luv.” His voice deepened. He wasn’t turning me away.
This was happening.
Heat and butterflies vied for dominance in my stomach as my core clenched in anticipation. “Anything,” I whispered.
He slid the blankets off, but the brisk morning air didn’t bother me. Nothing compared to the heat stirring up from what was finally, finally happening in this moment. Just the thought of it had me fighting to catch my breath.
Payton’s hand closed over my throat—no pressure, just the warmth of his touch and the texture of his strong palm as he searched my face. “Tell me if I do something you don’t like. Even if you’re not sure, tell me. That’s important.”
I nodded, my tongue tasting the thumb that traced over my lips.
He hissed, pressing his thumb into the plump flesh. “Sorry, luv, but I need to hear you say the words.”
I choked myself on his grip when I swallowed. “Yes, I promise, Payton.”
He shuddered, his breath tickling my hair as it rushed out. He leaned close, the bite of his stubble igniting a path across my cheeks. Air caressed the shell of my ear. “God, I need you.”
The weight of all the months he’d restrained himself fell out and shattered into a bomb of energy as the urgency climbed. Some inarticulate noise escaped my throat. I threw myself at him, but he held me at a distance, his arms notably shaking.
“No,” he croaked, and his slight rebuff was instantly eased by the knowledge that this was just as difficult for him as it was for me. “We’ve lasted this long. I won’t rush our first time together. We only get one.”
“Okay,” I whispered, adoration shining from my gaze.
“Good. Now, lie down.” His voice tapered off in a gravelly note as low as the body parts his command affected.
A shiver of anticipation climbed my spine.
He didn’t close the gap, instead content to take in the view, savoring every shaky inhale and tremble that curled through me. I returned the favor in kind. After a pregnant pause, he moved closer, undressing me piece by piece. “Callie, from our first encounter, when you were scared and seeking refuge, your hazel eyes radiated an indomitable spirit. It was easy to recognize that you were special.” Two socks came off, followed by the tug and pull of my pants. “You’d been through hell and back. For the life of me, I couldn’t piece together how you’d fought through to the other side with your soul still intact.” He helped me up to tug my shirt off, carelessly tossing the article aside.
His breath stalled when he realized I’d forgone a bra, and my nipples grew tight and heavy under his careful attention.
Half out of my mind with impulse, I almost screamed when he restrained himself, moving onto my panties, until I’d been divested and lay bare before him.
“Roll over,” he growled.
A small whine escaped me, even as I obliged. He’d barely touched me, but his words and demeanor wove me into their bindings, as effective as any restraints. “Payton.”
“I know, luv.” His fingers trailed along the curve of my hips, exasperating the goosebumps, calling them forward with the masterful skill of a snake charmer. “I know what you need.”
My thighs clenched, seeking friction to relieve the ache building there.
A sharp swat landed on my butt, sending a thrilling zing zipping straight to the inferno he’d stoked to life. Instead of soothing my ardor, it fanned the fires.
“Be still,” he warned.
Instantly, I relaxed, despite the desperation I felt to find relief.
“So good for me, luv,” he cooed, the soft praise turning me into a boneless puddle. The zipper on his pants sounded as he maneuvered around, then his hands landed on my hips. “On your knees.”
His voice was so strained, so deep, that I barely recognized it as his.
I moved up, keeping my knees wide without prompting, feeling wanton and hot. I was so far beyond my normal sense of propriety, but I failed to care. The only thing my body could focus on was getting the stimulation it sought.
“Are you ready, luv?”
“God, yes,” I cried, lowering my chest to bite down on my knuckle. “Payton, please!”
The warmth of his tip brushed against my soaked sex, and I shuddered from the tingle that lit my nerve endings. My eyes rounded at his size, but I should have been expecting it. He’d been the only one with condoms large enough for Aleks to borrow in a pinch.
He pushed in, the ridge of his head popping through with ease. I savored everything about this moment—the fact that it was our first time, that we were both so keyed up, and that, finally, this was Payton Oswald Emerson.
I loved each of my boyfriends equally, but so help me, if any of them interrupted this, heads would roll.
I wanted to scream, “Just do it,” but bit the impulse back. It felt like he was testing my patience, teasing me, when I knew he was likely committing this moment to memory as well.
At long last, he began his push, plunging into me inch by inch in a familiar stretch that churned the army of butterflies into fiery masses.
“Still with me, luv?” he gritted out, pausing when he bottomed out after the painfully slow intrusion.
“Yes, Payton, I…”
“What, luv? Tell me.”
“Move.”
His hands tightened, biting into my hips as he retreated and pressed forward with a punishing thrust, a physical reprimand that had me seeing stars. “You ask or beg for what you want. In bed, you don’t give the orders.”
I’d screamed with his “reprimand,” and my brain warred, stuck between obeying his order or repeating my misdeed and receiving more of the same.
In the end, my silent indecision proved to be a boon because he cooed, “Good girl,” and rewarded me.
His hips smacked into mine, pushing me across the bedroll, and I had to slap a hand down to brace myself. The apexes of his thrusts were nearly too painful. Experience warned me that there would be soreness. Anytime Aleks went more than a week without having sex, he got a little too enthusiastic, and a twinge would linger, making my stomach clench in heated memory long after we left the bed.
In this moment, my synapses had rewired, so every single stretch, pull, and sting shot pleasure straight to the bundle of nerves Payton reached around and pinched between his thumb and finger.
The buildup had been too much, and my excitement reached its climax the instant those calloused fingertips brushed the delicate skin with a firm twist. I had the presence of mind to bury my scream in the bedroll, not wanting to be teased the rest of the day if the sounds could carry the ten-minute walk to the abandoned village.
Payton didn’t appreciate that.
Another swat landed on my backside, triggering a second orgasm, this one unmuffled.
“That’s better. Bloody hell.” The force of my scream must have tripped him up, because his hips stuttered. “Fuck.”
Payton swore.
My mind snagged on that fact, and one more spank on my rosy, red cheek sent a third flash of stars chasing across my vision before the current round finished.
He emptied inside me, spent, and we collapsed to the ground, luxuriating in bliss while our breathing evened out. Payton rolled us onto our sides, staying pressed against me.
“Are you okay, luv?” he murmured, kissing my bare shoulder.
I went to answer, but a voice, Jace’s probably, said, “Yeah, are you okay? Inquiring minds are dying to know.”
My entire body flinched with embarrassment, and Payton, still mostly hard inside me, hissed and bit out, “Bloody hell.”
Since they apparently weren’t done teasing us, Corbin spoke up this time. “Holy shiitake mushrooms, that sounded intense. Who knew you had it in you, Mr. E?”
“I’m going to kill them,” Payton murmured against my ear, snaking his arm around my waist and burying his face in my hair.
Duane’s laugh, dark, seductive, and deep, rumbled free. It did things to my body. His melodic voice usually did, but Payton perked up with interest, obviously clocking my reaction considering the… front row seat he had. “Don’t shoot them, Em.”
Em was a new one. The others called him Mr. E, but Payton and Duane werecloser in age.
Payton pressed a kiss to the sensitive spot behind my ear. “Give me one bloody reason, Duane.”
Duane, either really brave or looking to flirt with death, approached the tent. I thought he’d just gotten closer for privacy, but he unzipped the flap, taking in the scene before him. A crooked, devilish grin spread across his lips.
I squirmed under the intensity of his obsidian orbs as they trailed over every inch of skin the afternoon sun caressed.
“Be still, luv,” Payton ordered, but his firm command stirred another fluttering reaction. His hips thrust reflexively in response. “Unless you’re prepared to give Duane a show.”
“Are you being good, babygirl?” Duane asked.
“Oh, she’s being very good,” Payton replied.
“Hm. As tempting as this is, we’ll have to schedule a rain check. We brought a peace offering.”
I perked up, recalling Payton’s earlier explanation. “You found a tub?”
“Yes, we did, and the hot water won’t last forever. We have two more buckets on a fire ready to add, so you can soak to your heart’s content. Hell, it’s big enough to fit Em in there if you want.”
“I want.” In my eagerness, I rolled away, and Payton slipped free.
Payton chuckled. “Don’t inhibit your enthusiasm for us, luv. Tell us how you really feel.”
Our serious leader was making jokes.
“I’ll round up the others and shoo them to their tents while you guys go so you don’t have to dress all the way. Grab your shoes though. It’s not far, but there’s a bit of a climb.” Duane explained how to get there.
After a treacherous trip up a slippery ledge, we reached the top. Like something out of a fantasy series, the old, steaming clawfoot tub was surrounded by a thicket of fragrant pines, supporting arms of dripping snow that sprinkled in the bright sunlight. A tame fire sent a trail of smoke curling leisurely through the trees above, with two steaming buckets of water heating on the coals as promised.
Duane said they’d chosen the spot for the small stream that ran through and down the cliff face we’d climbed. The noise of a dozen miniature waterfalls as the water fell over and splashed onto various rocks on its way down provided a sense of privacy despite being only a stone’s throw from camp. When I turned around, though, I had to assume part of their reasoning tied in with the view. Being up above the tree line on this ledge allowed for an unhindered vista of the mountain and valley below.
“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, scared to shatter the illusion of perfection in case this was a dream. To be fair, I’d imagined Payton’s and my first time together more than I’d care to admit.
Payton pulled the jacket from my shoulders and hung it on a broken pine limb. He’d already shucked his, and we both dipped into the steaming bath.
“Heaven,” I murmured, speaking louder this time since my imagination couldn’t recreate the bliss of being submerged in hot water after a week of camping in early, bitter spring.
“I agree. This gives me an idea for a nice garden bathroom. I could plant a plethora of tropical flowers. There are several varieties that grow in our zone due to our proximity to the coast. It would give total privacy, but we could be one with nature—what?”
I’d tilted my head up and reclined against his chest during the middle of his impassioned speech, watching him. At his question, I leaned down, staring out over the far-reaching view. “Nothing. I just like it here, I guess.”
“You do?” he asked, skepticism lining his voice. “You enjoy the lack of privacy? Picking a tree? Campfire smoke and reconstituted MREs? Being on the hunt for a complete psycho?”
I slipped farther under the water until my chin submerged, feeling the delicious slide of his package along my spine. “Sure, some parts aren’t that great, but it feels like we’ve gotten a new breath of life. It’s revitalizing.” He digested my words, and I eventually continued, confessing a worry that had been niggling my mind for a while. “In one of my sessions, Dr. Harper explained that dangerous situations can foster deeper connections.”
Payton’s body stiffened beneath me. “That’s what you think happened to us?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. These past months, we’ve all been doing our own things. It didn’t feel like we were even a team, let alone dating.”
“We thought you would appreciate one-on-one time.”
“I do, but I also love doing things as a group. It’s part of why I fell for you guys, and sometimes I wonder if our feelings are strong enough if there isn’t a crisis tying us together.”
“We are stronger than some adrenaline-fueled chemical reaction triggered by our brains to pass on our genes,” he murmured, shifting beneath me. “But you’re a woman who doesn’t believe words.”
“Words are cheap. I’ve been told many things by many people since I was a child.”
“Then let us show you every single day we stay together.”
It might have been part of his personality that sent him careening toward roles of leadership in all situations, but he always knew exactly what to say.
My heart clenched as the fist of fear eased off an inch. “Okay,” I murmured.
“Good. Now, are you up for a second round, so I can show you how much you mean to me, of course?”
“Well, it is your birthday.”
“Cheeky.”
“Happy birthday, by the way, Payton. We didn’t forget.”
“I figured when they gave up the first chance to try this bath out with you.”
I laughed, but it soon morphed into a groan as he brought his hand down and showed me again how masterfully he could play my body like a fiddle.