Chapter 20
Arianna
Icrack open my eyes. It’s an effort, they are heavy and don’t want to move at any speed. In the times it takes for my eyes to adjust to the light of the room, I try and analyze where I am. It’s quiet, and other than a steady bleep of a machine next to me, there’s very little sound.
I’m in a hospital. Again.
Why am I here?
How long have I been here?
This all too familiar awakening makes my stomach churn. And then I remember the events leading up to me being here. I snap my eyes shut as it dawns on me that I didn’t succeed. I didn’t want to be in this world any longer, but I couldn’t even manage to do that properly.
But as my brain awakens further, I’m aware of something else. Someone else.
I can smell him. I can feel him. And my body reacts to his presence like no one else.
Denham King.
I force my eyes open and glance to my side where he’s sitting in the chair sound asleep, with his head resting on the bed just to my side. I lift my hand, and although it feels like lead and takes every bit of strength that I have, I need to touch him. Am I dreaming?
I stroke his soft hair and trail my fingertips over his stubbled jaw.
“Stunner,” he groans, his voice rough with sleep but gentle. He lifts his head. “Are you okay? How do you feel?” His eyes search mine. He looks tired.
“I …” I blow out a breath, trying to piece everything together but making no sense of it. “I don’t really know what’s happening here. Jonny … he …” I frown.
Denham stands from his chair and cups my face with his big, strong hands.
It feels like home. “He’s gone. It’s over, Ari.
All of it. It’s over,” he whispers before tilting my head upwards gently and covering my mouth with his.
And for just this moment, that’s all I need to know.
Nothing else matters right now. He holds his lips on mine; communicating as only we can, and now I know I’m not dreaming.
This is very real. I never thought I would be back in his arms, never thought I would get to kiss his lips again.
“I love you, Arianna,” he murmurs against my lips, then pulls away and runs his thumbs over my cheekbones.
“I love you. So fucking much.” His eyes glisten with emotion and raw honesty.
And tears of my own, filled with happiness, and relief, spill uncontrollably and roll down my cheeks.
“I thought I’d lost you, too,” he says, as he rests his forehead softly against mine.
“I couldn’t bear losing you.” His tears fall and mingle with mine as we reunite.
It may have only been a small time apart, but it felt like a lifetime, and it’s a reunion I never thought to even dream of.
“I love you, too,” I whisper. “I love you, too.”
8 weeks later
Freedom.
I never thought it would come. And now that I have it, I don’t know how to deal with it.
I find it hard to relax and let go. Which makes me realize just how often I looked over my shoulder, and just how much of a burden I carried around with me.
That night changed everything.
Jonny died from a single bullet to his heart. Ironically, that fatal shot was fired by Denham, from Carter King’s gun. Karma had come full circle, and while I wasn’t happy that a life had been taken, I couldn’t help but feel this was the only way we could have ever moved on.
The only way out. For me. For Denham. For us.
Our pasts were intertwined. Connected by Jonny.
Our hearts had been broken by him. Shattered into tiny pieces, seemingly beyond repair, until our paths crossed, and fate found a way to put us back together.
But it seemed that our happiness was going to come at a price, and we were given no choice but to pay it.
That night, Denham lost his best friend. The man he thought of as a second brother.
Jack’s funeral was hard on everyone. It symbolized the end of many things, and I couldn’t help feeling heartbroken, guilty, and grateful at the same time.
He had saved my life. The life I had tried to take out of desperation and despair, just hours earlier.
And while I lay helpless in that hospital bed, unaware of the devastation unfolding around me, Jack had shielded my body, and risked his life for mine.
Tara was dealing with it in the way she knew best. With her head in the sand and a bottle of Tequila in her hand.
She, along with the rest of us, were plagued with ‘what ifs’, only she had to deal with the regret of not acknowledging the way Jack felt about her.
It was too late, and only time could heal that part of her.
Aaron took a shot to his shoulder, but it wasn’t life threatening.
He was patched up, taken in for questioning, and released on bail, pending further enquiries.
It turns out Jonny had people looking for me everywhere.
It wasn’t until Aaron’s and my engagement picture appeared in a newspaper and one of Jonny’s hired help spotted it, that all my efforts were dashed.
I don’t blame Aaron for the poor decisions he made.
We’ve all made bad choices. I don’t hate him.
I feel sorry for him, if anything. Despite everything, I know he’s not a bad person, and now he’s free from the web that was woven around me, and he can hopefully move on and start over.
Denham has been amazing, supportive, and my rock through the hardest of times.
I wouldn’t be the person I am without his unwavering support and insistence that I be my own person.
“Lotts?” I ask, turning to her as we stand in the doorway to the penthouse.
“Yes, babe?”
“Are you sure I can’t change your mind?”
She laughs softly. “Nope. I have to do this.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
Lottie drops her bags at her feet and turns to face me. “I know. But I have to do this, Ari.”
“If you’d just give him a little more time, I know he’d—”
“Don’t, Ari. I could give him weeks, months, but it wouldn’t change anything. He doesn’t want me.”
“He does want you. He’s just too proud to admit it. He’s lost the use of his legs, Lottie. How do you expect him to feel?” I can’t hide the frustration in my voice.
“Arianna,” she sighs, and I instantly feel guilty for the pain that weighs in her eyes. I’m being selfish. She needs to do this. She wants to do this for herself. As hard as it is for Spike to deal with everything that’s happened, he would be so much happier if his male pride would let her in.
“But it’s eleven hours away,” I pout, and she laughs before covering my hands with hers.
“I know. I’ll video call you all the time.”
“You’d better.” I pull my hands from hers and fling them around her neck.
Do not cry. Do not cry.
Denham comes to join us in the doorway, and he encases us both in a big group hug.
As he pulls away, I’m finding it harder to retain my composure.
I’m losing my best friend. She’s moving halfway around the world, and I feel like a part of me will be missing.
We’ve been through so much together, especially in the last couple of months, and although I will miss her like crazy, I know she needs to do this.
The selfish part of me hopes she will hate it in London and get on the first plane back.
Of course, I don’t mean that. I want her to be happy, wherever she goes.
“Okay, Lotts. You ready to go?” Denham asks, grabbing up her bags for her.
She takes a deep breath and when she brings her head up; her eyes are brimming with tears.
“I love you, Ari,” she whispers, as the tears roll down her cheeks. She flings her arms around my neck, and that snaps the last bit of restraint that I have. I cry into her shoulder, hard. She’s more like a sister to me than a friend, and I already feel incomplete without her.
“Okay,” she sobs. “I can’t do this with you standing at the door and crying like a baby.
” She swipes the back of her hand across her cheeks and blows out a breath.
“Take care of her D- man,” she instructs, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.
He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her tight into him.
“Don’t you worry about that. Take care of you, okay?”
“Yep.”
“Call me if you need anything. I mean, anything at all, day or night,” he orders.
“Yes, sir.” she sobs loudly, and takes her bags from him.
“You sure I can’t drive you to the airport?” he asks.
“Nope. Cab’s waiting,” she says, jabbing the elevator button.
She’s so damn stubborn.
“Now please take my girl inside, shut the door, then screw her brains out to keep her from thinking about me, okay?” Lottie demands.
Denham laughs from deep down in his chest. “Okay,” he says, stepping back from the threshold. “Take it easy, Lotts.”
“You too, D.”
“Love ya,” Denham says quietly, which somehow makes me cry even harder.
“Uh huh,” she replies, swallowing hard and finding herself unable to form any more words, as she steps back into the elevator, and the doors start to close.
“I love you, Lottie!” I call out.
“I love you, babe,” she calls, her words just making it through the gap in the doors as they shut.
Then she’s gone.
I know it’s what she needs to do. It’s what she wants to do. But it hurts to know she’s going to be so far away.
“She’ll be back,” Denham soothes, pulling me into his chest and stroking my hair.
“She’s going to be so far away,” I sob, rubbing my nose into his shirt.
“London isn’t that far. We will go and visit her once she gets settled, okay?”
“Why couldn’t she have ventured to New York or something? Why so far?”
“She’s hurting, Stunner. She needs to find a way to heal her heart.” He shrugs with me still tight in his arms, and I know he’s right. When Spike found out he had lost the use of his legs, he was angry at the world. He still is. He pushed Lottie away, which cut her deep.
“For fuck’s sake.” We hear yelling from across the hall, in the other penthouse.
“I’ll go,” Denham sighs.
“No, let me,” I say, tiptoeing to kiss him on the cheek.
Spike was only allowed home from the hospital on the proviso that he had someone to care for him.
This didn’t go down too well with him. He’s a grown man, who’s lived on his own for years, so he didn’t want to move back in with Dana, much to her disappointment.
So, Denham had the other penthouse converted to suit Spike’s wheelchair.
That way we could be just across the hall, but he could be independent too.
“Spike,” I call out as I push the door open.
“I’m fine,” he snaps.
I can’t see him but his voice is close. He’s in the kitchen, and as I approach, I see that he’s knocked his mug off the countertop, and there’s hot coffee everywhere.
“Shit. Spike. Let me help you.”
“NO,” he shouts. “Please, Ari. I can do it, okay?” he pleads.
It’s hard to stand here and watch him struggle, but I respect his wishes. Although we’ve adapted everything in this apartment for his needs, and he has a custom made wheelchair, he’s struggling, physically, and emotionally.
He wipes over the countertop and drops the mug in the sink. He drops his head back and looks up to the ceiling with a huge sigh. I stand next to him quietly for a moment and put my hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Spike,” I whisper. This is all my fault.
“Ari … Just stop, okay?”
“But—”
“No. It’s not your fault. That crazy motherfucker would have done something sooner or later. It was always in the cards, we just didn’t know it. So enough with the apologies.”
I nod. Trying to accept the truth in his words, but it’s so hard.
“Lottie just left,” I say quietly.
He blows out a breath and rakes a hand over his face. “I know.”
“You could have—”
“Don’t even say it, Arianna,” he warns. “It’s bad enough that I have to live with this shitty existence day to day. I won’t do that to her too.”
“Spike.”
“It’s not up for discussion. She’s free to live her life now, with a man that can be a man. With someone that can treat her how she deserves to be treated.”
“What if someone treats her like dirt?”
“Then I’ll find that person and make them wish they were never born.”
“But she’s leaving for London, Spike. London!”
“Don’t you think I know that, Ari?” His voice starts to rise.
“Don’t you think it’s going to kill me not to see her beautiful face every day?
Not to hear her voice … Fuck. I love her.
I fucking love her more than life itself.
Which is why I have to let her go. She deserves more than I can give her.
I’m no use to her like this,” he says angrily.
I wrap both of my arms around him from behind the wheelchair and squeeze him tight.
I hate that he feels this way. I hate everything that has happened.
I hate that I can’t do a damn thing to make this better for Spike, or Lottie.
It hurts to see them so miserable. I just hope and pray that Lottie will come back soon, and Spike will see that she loves him no matter what.
Everyone has been affected by Jonny. Everyone has been tainted by his cruel obsessions. But he’s not here anymore, and life goes on. The more we dwell on the past, the harder it is to move forward, and the stubborn girl in me will most certainly not let him win from beyond the grave.