Chapter 13
After burning his attempt at breakfast, Denham reluctantly decides that we should go out and eat.
I’m slightly shaken by the surprise meeting with Amy this morning, and disappointed that if I want to spend time with Denham, I’m going to have to deal with a crazy assed ex-girlfriend who’s sizing me up for a threesome.
I find myself scanning the area surrounding us for any sign of her, and it doesn’t take long for my doubtful mind to start working overtime and going downhill.
It seems so much easier to stay upbeat when all around good things are happening but the minute something happens to break my happy bubble, all the doubts and negativity come screaming toward me and I can’t makes sense of it all.
By the time breakfast arrives, I’ve lost my appetite, so I drink my coffee and push my food around my plate.
I automatically answer when Denham speaks but I can’t disguise the fact that I’m distracted.
“Out with it.”
“Sorry?” I query.
“You’re distracted. There’s clearly something on your mind and I’m sure that by keeping it all inside, you’re making everything ten times bigger. Talk it out.”
“Bigger? I’m not sure how it can be any bigger than it actually is.
” My voice rises past the acceptable volume for a restaurant, but I can’t contain it.
Denham slides his hand across the table, covering mine, but I snatch it away.
“How dare you tell me I’m exaggerating. My husband hit me, hunted me down, and then almost went up in a ball of flames.
I shouldn’t even be here because my ex fiancé beat me so bad he nearly killed me.
And to top it all off, I’m not the only one that has a psychopathic ex!
” I spit the words out, fast, furious and out of control.
“Arianna—” he speaks calmly, but I don’t let him continue.
“Don’t you fucking Arianna me. I don’t need this shit. I just—”
Denham is out of his chair before I can blink the wall of tears away.
He lifts me up and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into him, and I don’t try to fight him.
I don’t want to. He strokes my hair, letting me sob into his chest as I cry, letting it all out like a caged animal that’s been given freedom for the very first time.
The steady heartbeat I can hear through Denham’s chest and the rhythmic feeling of his fingers in my hair has the calming effect that I need and finally the sobs escaping from my chest become quieter, turning into little hiccups.
I release my arms from the tight bundle in front of me and encircle them around his waist.
The tension releases in his chest and he brings both hands up to my face, running his fingers past my temples and through my hair.
He secures his hands at the nape of my neck and dips his head to kiss my cheek.
Kissing the path of my tears, he kisses my closed eyelids with such tenderness it pulls at my heart, then his lips press softly on my bruised cheekbone, lingering there a fraction longer as if needing more of his tenderness to heal.
He continues until no part of my face has been left un-kissed.
“I’m sorry. I—” The words catch on a sob and I begin to wonder how I can balance being brave and sticking up for myself with allowing good things to happen.
“Don’t be sorry.” He nuzzles his head into mine. “You’ve been through a lot. I just … I want you to know that you don’t have to fight it all on your own. Don’t try to fight the things in your head, Arianna.”
“It’s always been that way, I don’t know any different.”
His muscles bunch at my statement. “That’s because you didn’t know me. I’m truly sorry that you have had to deal with all that shit on your own. If I could take it all away for you, I would, but I can’t. What I can do is help you now.”
“I need to see Aaron,” I blurt out of nowhere.
“I need to explain everything to him.” I don’t know why I feel I owe him an explanation, I just do.
I hate the lies. I hate living a lie. It’s taken me a while to try and get my head around things and I think I need to make sure I have closure on the things from my past before I can fully embrace the future. “I’m sorry I made a scene.”
“Arianna, look at me. Do I look like I give a fuck what these people think?” I shake my head.
“Then stop apologizing for being who you are. You need to yell? Yell. You need to cry? Cry. If I ever find the bastard that made you sorry for every goddamn breath you take, then I’m going to damage him beyond repair.
” His voice has risen considerably and his shoulders have drawn back in taut ropes of muscle that are bunching under my fingertips.
I feel a warm blanket fold around me at his words. He makes me feel protected.
“Can we please start today over?” I say hopefully.
He softens, kissing me on the forehead. “I have to do some work today. But I have someone I’d like you to meet first.” He takes my hand and starts to lead me out.
“Denham, wait. I’m not dressed to meet people. I have no makeup and … stop walking, will you?”
He stops and turns to me with amused expression.
“You look amazing as you are.” When I open my mouth to protest, he holds up a finger to my lips. “Do. Not. Argue.”
“I’m not going to argue, I promise.” I take a deep breath before continuing as I know he’s not going to like this. “Now that I’ve made a decision, I have to see Aaron before I can do anything. This is me taking control, okay? This is something I have to do to move forward …”
The air lingers between us before he answers. “Fine, but I’m coming too.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m fine to go on my own—”
“I’m coming,” he says firmly, leaving no room for arguments. “Let’s go.”
***
We hail a cab to the main hospital. It’s a short ride, but there is a tight silence as both of us look out of opposite windows, deep in thought but with our hands still joined and resting on my lap.
I know Denham doesn’t want me to do this.
He’s protective—not overbearing or obsessive, but he actually wants to look after me.
I have to do this, though. I have to see Aaron and get some answers.
Some kind of closure in that part of my life so that I can begin to move on.
The cab pulls up and Denham pays him before exiting and taking my hand a little tighter than he did before, I’m not sure if it’s a gesture of reassurance for me or him.
He strides to the main desk and commands attention from one of the nurses there. “I’m looking for an Aaron Jamesson,” he asks sharply.
The nurse puts on a friendly face and answers confidently, “And who might you be, sir?”
Denham pauses for a moment and I take the opportunity to step in and answer.
“I’m Aaron’s wife,” I say, dropping Denham’s hand and placing both hands on the desk.
Denham narrows his eyes at me and I can see that he’s not happy about it—at all.
I stare pointedly at him, imploring him not to make a fuss here.
I know that being Aaron’s wife will get me in to see him and that’s the only reason I did it.
Holding someone else’s hand while professing to be married to someone else would not have been convincing.
I don’t miss the nurse glance toward my ring finger where, of course, she finds no wedding ring.
“If you’ll just give me a minute.” She taps on the keyboard in front of her. “I’m sorry, but it appears that Mr. Jamesson checked out early this morning. That’s all I can disclose.” She smiles a public service smile before going back to her work.
I’m disappointed. Not because I really wanted to see him, I wasn’t looking forward to it in the slightest, but I feel lighter having made the decision to come here and face him.
I feel stronger for taking control and doing something about my situation.
Now, it’s out of my hands and all I can do now is look forward.
I turn to leave and take Denham’s hand. Both of us go to speak, but neither of us knows what to say, so we leave the hospital and walk for a while, swinging our joined hands and letting the air clear, letting our thoughts become more rational before either of us speaks.
Denham breaks the silence. “I’m sorry he wasn’t there,” he says unconvincingly.
“No, you’re not,” I say with a smile.
“No, you’re right … kind of.” He smiles back at me. “I didn’t want you to see him, but I knew you wanted to, so I’m sorry you didn’t get what you wanted.”
“I just wanted to straighten things out. Explain everything to him.”
“You don’t owe him anything,” Denham says protectively.
“I owe him an explanation. I’m not who he thought I was. No matter what he’s done, I should at least explain that to him. I’m also worried that he’s in some kind of trouble. He’s not a bad person, and though I never really loved him, I care that he’s ok.”
“Well, he’s a big boy, I’m sure he can deal with his own shit.” His jaw is set hard, and he’s looking everywhere but at me.
“Hey, stop that,” I scold, swatting at his upper arm playfully. “Stop acting like a child who doesn’t want to give up his toys.”
“You’re not a toy,” he grumbles. “And I most certainly will not give you up.”
I laugh and shake my head. “You’re being cute again.”
“I’m going to ban you from saying that word,” he grumbles.
“You’re sweet.” I stop on the sidewalk and wrap myself around him.
He strokes my hair. “Try again …”
“Funny?”
“Hmmm …”
“Sexy?”
“Now you’re getting there.” He chuckles. He kisses the top of my head, then rests his cheek there. “Arianna, if you need to find him then we will, but you must promise me that you’re not going to try to do it alone.”
“Okay,” I mumble into his chest.
He strokes my hair then rests his hand gently on the back of my head. His chest rises and he releases a deep breath. “Would you like to start today over? From now?”
“Yes, I really would.” I close my eyes and breathe in the warmth and safety of Denham’s chest.
“Good because I have somewhere I’d like to take you.”